Grand Prix

	Footage of Formula One cars getting the chequered flag. A sweaty Hugh,
	as a racing driver, is being interviewed by Stephen. Distant sounds of 
	engines and crowds.


Stephen		Michael, you must be thrilled with that result. Take us through
		the race.

Hugh		Yes, well, I was not very happy with the car ... we had a lot
		of problems, the car was not so good, I think, and ...

Stephen		But you won, it's a great result, you must be very happy.

Hugh		Well, we had a lot of problems with the car, and I was not so
		happy, it was very hard ...

Stephen		Yes but you won ...

Hugh		I won, yes, but there were many, many problems, and it was very
		hard, and difficult, and I was not happy at all with the car...

Stephen		But you did actually, can I get this straight, you did actually
		win the race?

Hugh		With a lot of problems, yes, I won the race, but it was very
		hard ...

Stephen		Leaving aside how hard it was, are you happy to have won the
		race?

Hugh		Well, it was very difficult, you know ...

Stephen		Yes, presumably it was. Presumably, that's why you get paid
		half a million pounds per race and get as much sex as you can
		eat. My point is, that HAVING won it ... you must be very
		HAPPY. Pleased. Excited. Enchante. Over the frigging moon.

Hugh		Well, we had a lot of problems ...

Stephen		ARE ... YOU ... HAPPY?

Hugh		Many problems ...

Stephen		ARE ... YOU ... HAPPY?

Hugh		It was very hard ...

Stephen		ARE ... YOU ... HAPPY?

Hugh		Difficult ...

Stephen		ARE ... YOU ... HAPPY?

Hugh		Proble ...

Stephen		ARE ... YOU ... ARSING WELL HAPPY, YOU DISMAL, MOANING, FRENCH
		TWAT?

Hugh		What?

Stephen		You do a job that half of mankind would kill to be able to do,
		you can go to bed with the other half any time you like, you
		are richer than Croesus, I just need to know if this makes you
		HAPPY ?

	Pause.

Hugh		We had a lot of problems ...

	Stephen lunges forward and punches Hugh full in the face.