Joey: Hey. Remember that guy who went on the killing spree and was found innocent after claiming sleep deprivation?
Dawson: Yeah, he went postal. Took out like half of that fast food restaurant.
Joey: Well, I think I need to call his lawyer.
 

Pacey: You know, this town is the absolute embodiment of dull. Apart from the occasional sex scandal provided by yours truly, nothing happens here.

Jen: Billy, what the hell are you doing here?
Billy: Is that how you greet the love of your love?
Jen: Look, I'm sorry. Ah, hello Billy, please leave.
 

Dawson: Of course. He's treated you with nothing but respect. But you know what, Jen, last time I checked, so did I. And how do I get repaid? By having the guy who's had you everywhere from Battery Park to your parents' bed dumped on me as my new bunkmate.

Joey: Look, I need to rent The English Patient.
Pacey: May I suggest to you a movie that does not completely blow?
Joey: No, because it was on cable last night and it put the baby to sleep. In fact, it's the only thing that's put the baby to sleep, because baby never sleeps. And if baby doesn't sleep, I don't sleep. And if I don't sleep, I get angry. I get irritable. I no longer maintain my sunny deposition. So, Pacey, if you have even the slightest bit of human decency, you'll rent this movie to me immediately and bring 181 minutes of peace into my otherwise wretched life.

Pacey: See, the three of us have been friends too long and up until now, I've just kind of stood idly by and watched this all go down. But it's time to lay this on the line, okay? You have some raging hormonal obsession for our friend Dawson and you just can't wait to get your hooks into him but good, can you? Huh?
Joey: Bite me, Pacey.

Joey: After I serve the one hundredth million seafood platter, finish cleaning the broken glass out of the ice machine, scrape the mung out of the fry-o-laters, I was thinking maybe of taking my tip money and flying to the Canary Islands and opening an offshore account. What do you think of that?

Billy: So, this is really it. You are leaving me for a guy who has a ET doll on his bed.
Jen: It's a collector's item.
 

Billy: She was with me long before she ever even entered into your fantasies.
Dawson: You and everyone else.
 

Pacey: All right, Joe. Say good-bye to the nice serial rapist man.

Pacey: Hey little man. Why don't you just play like you're drunken Aunt Joey and go back to sleep?

Pacey: Wait, wait. She kissed you?
Dawson: Yeah.
Pacey: She kissed you like an aunt on Thanksgiving kiss or she kissed you?

Dawson: It meant nothing. She was completely wasted. Obliviously mistook me for Brad Pitt, which is understandable.

Pacey: Ah, Dawson, my fine oblivious friend. One of these days, you're gonna have to take a gigantic fact check, my friend, all right? She didn't mistake you for anybody, okay? This girl is head-in-the-clouds, 100% ass-backwards in love with you, all right?

Dawson: But trust me, there's a difference between friendship and love.
Pacey: Right and you're so sure that you know the difference?

Jen: Dawson, I'm sixteen. I've never stayed home on a Saturday night. I've never gone stag to a school dance. I mean, I'm pretty, I'm lucky, I'm fortunate and I am still way too unhappy most of the time.

Jen: I told Billy today that it was over with us.
Dawson: I know. He told me.
Jen: And now I have to say the same thing to you.
 

Jen: I'll be sleeping 80 feet away from you and it will feel like a thousand miles. I'll regret my decision constantly. I'll kick myself to no end and when I come crawling back to you, you'll have every right to say 'Take a hike, Jen, I'm with somebody else now.'

Dawson: Somebody who appreciates me. Somebody who doesn't blow into town with her dysfunctional past and play mind games with the boy next door. Somebody who is capable of a healthy, committed relationship and unfortunately, somebody nothing like you.

Lines of the Week:
Joey was so good this week that she gets two lines of the week:
 

Joey: I swear to God, Dawson, my sister gave birth to Rosemary's baby.

Joey: Oh thank you, Satan, for completing this night of horrors by sending one of your disciples to finish me off.