by Tyra

Jax sees the hurt and disappointed in Brenda's eyes as he tells he we wants to wait before starting a family.

"No, I do want to have a child Brenda. I do, I mean I imagine tousling the head of a little boy who's just caught his first fish and teaching him how to fillet it, like my father taught me."

"And I imagine my daughter beating all the boys at school at high jump, and then taking her on a shopping spree and buying her something really cool, like a charm for her bracelet that says, 'I'm proud of you! Love Dad.' "

"And I see the two of us holding each other for dear life, as our son or daughter tells us 'Guess what folks, I've found the person I want to marry! And I hope that one day we can be as happy as the two of you.'"

"My desire to parent is strong and it's growing stronger every day that I love you. And I've never doubted it, I hardly examined it, it's simply there waiting for us, and it's not going anywhere."

Brenda asks tentatively, "So you're just saying you want to wait as little bit?"

"Yeah. It's something to consider. At least until after we're married!"

They both laugh as the reality sinks in that they have plenty of time and it would be wise to follow the traditional path of marriage, before baby.

"Look, I have a couple of things I need to do in my office. It will only take a few minutes. Why don't you finish your health shake and I'll join you in bed shortly."

Brenda smiles broadly as she answers, "And that's another reason to be happy that I'm not pregnant yet. I don't have to drink the rest of your delicious dried date shake. As yummy as it was, I can wait until I'm really pregnant."

Jax is laughing as he tries to hand the glass back to Brenda, "But pregnancy isn't a requirement, it's good for you regardless!"

Brenda is laughing as well as she pushes the glass back towards Jax with both hands, "I realize that honey, but if I start drinking them now, they won't be as special to me when I really do need all the nutrients and vitamins that are in there. I'll just be brave and deny myself the pleasure, until I've earned the right to drink them."

Jax stands grinning down at his lovely fiancée, shaking his head. "All right sweetie, I'll take this down to the kitchen. I'll meet you back in the bedroom in ten, OK?"

"It's a date!"

Jax heads down to the kitchen absently taking a sip from the glass himself. His eyes squint as the grainy, thick liquid seeps into his taste buds. God! This taste awful. Good thing I have time to work on the recipe. If I expect Brenda to drink this on a regular basis, I'm going to have to create a more tasty concoction that this. Knowing Brenda she'll just come up with creative ways to get rid of this, so I'll think that she drinking them. And when she's carrying our child someday, I want to make sure that she eats and drinks only the most healthy of foods.

He dumps the rest of the shake down the drain and heads to his office. He grabs his mail off the front desk picking up the jacket that he had left on the back of the couch as he passed. A package falls out of his pocket. He smiles at the tiny box and heads to his study. He tossed the box on his desk, and turned the radio on softly as he sat down with his paperwork.

He just needed to study this contract for tomorrow's phone call and then he could join Brenda in bed. His eyes scan down the page seeing nothing, as thoughts of a son or daughter fought for dominance in his mind. A child! He had nearly been a father-to-be! He had been so excited, and now he was so disappointed. He had tried to be upbeat for Brenda's sake, but he was sick when he overheard the doctor inform Brenda that she wasn't pregnant. This was quite a surprise to him. He hadn't really been thinking of children, he had been enjoying every minute of being with Brenda again. He couldn't say he never thought of having children with her, he did, but it was always off in the near future, not now. So why was his heart so heavy, why did he feel such a loss for something they hadn't even planned for?

He threw the contract on the desk as it became obvious that he wouldn't be able to concentrate on business tonight. He poured a small Brandy and relaxed on the couch, resting his head on a couple of pillows on one end and his feet on the opposite end. He knew that he needed to return to Brenda soon. She would be waiting for his return. He knew this situation had hit her hard. She was again slightly insecure of his feelings for her, and he needed to be supportive when he returned to her side. They had both lost something precious but he had to let her know there was time. They were so young and they had so many years ahead of them. This was not a loss, it was something found. They had discovered how much they wanted children, how much he wanted children .. .. .. He just needed to compose himself before he went to bed. He swirled the brandy in the snifter and studied the pattern that coated the sides of his glass. Her eyes would have been that shade of amber. She would have had Brenda's eyes and hair, and my smile. My world would have revolved around her dimpled smiles. He grinned to himself as his mind floated off to thoughts of the future.. .. ..

Listen to Real Audio of 'Butterfly Kisses' Click Here

As the song ended Jax finished his drink and wiped the single tear that he had allowed himself to shed for his daughter that almost was. He placed the glass gently on the table and stood. The box on the desk caught his eye as he was about to head up to bed. Sighing he walked slowly back to his desk and picked up the tiny box. It was so delicate and pretty. The red velvet box felt smooth under his finger tips. He closed his eyes briefly before he carefully open the box. The hinge creaked softly as it opened to reveal .. .. .. a tiny gold heart shaped charm engraved with the words .. .. ..

He touched it carefully with one finger as he shed one more tear for his little girl. Jax inhaled on a shuddered breath and closed the box with a snap. He didn't want Brenda to find this box yet. If she did she would know how really devastated he was that she wasn't truly pregnant. He had run out and bought a multitude of things. He had been so excited so sure, he had bought out half the stores he entered yesterday. They all would be returned now, except for this. He would give it to the daughter that he and Brenda brought into this world someday. She would be a gorgeous spitfire just like her mother! He knew that as sure as he knew Brenda and he would love each other forever. With that happy thought warming his body and mind, he made his way back up the stairs to their bedroom. So there wasn't a baby now, but there would be one some day. And until that time, they would enjoy each other, until all their practice made perfect, a child he could hold in his arms and call their own.. .. ..

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

people have read this episode. Thanks for your interest.