Disclaimer: All Pretender related ideas and characters belong to NBC. Others are mine.
Author's Note: This starts off after season 3 ending.
Staring blankly up at the white ceiling, he exhaled slowly, his tired eyes threatening to shut. Empty, he was completely empty. Everything that mattered to him, everyone he loved is gone. He’s all alone. Nothing left but the eerie silence, with occasional hum of the camera on the corner of the far wall and four white walls surrounding him, playing as his imprisonment from the outside world.
The outside world... the sun, the moon, the stars. Dear god, did he wish to see those things, to feel their power, their heat, and to see their beauty, their sparkle. Oh, how he wished to lay under the sky and study the pattern of the stars, so graciously laying out designs for him. And the moon, smiling down at him.
Sighing, Jarod closed his eyes, his imagination taking him to that place. The two days of utter futility in this hell gone, now laying out a dream. A smile lingers on his lips, as he lays there in the grass, the green blades cold from the crisp night air. The stars sparkle above him, cuddling the moon in the wide black paper of the sky. The night plays its song, the crickets humming, the owl cooing and the night air whispering softly. Oh what a night, what a perfect night.
One cricket, to his notice, has the most irritating sound. Its shrill hum pierced the air like a needle. Jarod opened his eyes, searching for the annoying little cricket responsible for that noise, when he looked up and found what he was looking for. Instead of an insect, he saw a maggot, a tall, lengthy creepy-crawler staring down at him with beady, lifeless eyes, pulling a tank of life with that irritating squeak. And that creature... was Dr. William Raines.
"Time to begin reeducation," the devil wheezed.
Jarod winced, turning his back to the man and curling in a tighter ball on his cot. "I’d rather die than have you exploit me again."
"I assure you, Jarod-" he wheezed- "That there are worse things then death. And if you refuse, you will regret your words."
"Go to hell," Jarod spat out, knowing the man behind him has already been there.
"Not wise," Raines replied. "Not wise at all."
Turning, the squeak of the man’s tank left with him, and Jarod was left alone again.
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Broots tiptoed into the room, his eyes locked onto the still figure under the white sheets of the bed. Sighing, he lowered himself into the chair, reaching over and fixing her blanket. Closing his eyes, he recalled when he had seen her in a room just like this before, when she had her perforated ulcer.
"God," he whispered, looking up towards the monitor that was beeping steadily. "You should have been there, Miss Parker," he whispered. "The look on his face, the fear was so evident in his eyes. You’d kill me, well at least slap me, for what I am about to say-" he smiled- "He cares, Parker. Always have. I know it isn’t any of my business, but I watched him, helping your father carry you away from the shooting, laying you down gently and barking orders to everyone. And he stayed, sacrificing his freedom to stay with you."
Pausing, he reached down and lifted her hand up, holding it. "He’s in bad shape. Sydney said that he got to see him once after he was brought back two days ago. He’s pale, thin and weak... won’t eat, won’t sleep."
Smiling down at her sadly, unshed tears made his small eyes sparkle. "He’s worried about you Parker. Sydney said he asked to see you three times during his visit. He cares."
Her hand in his twitched slightly, and he gasped, looking down at it. Smiling, he gave her hand a squeeze, looking back up at her face.
"Excuse me," someone whispered, breaking the silence. Broots snapped his attention to the nurse that stood in the doorway. "Miss Parker needs her rest now."
Broots nodded, slowly rising to his feet and stepping aside. He stared down at her for a long moment, before turning and leaving the room and Renewal Wing.
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Jarod looked up through the darkness to the red light on the camera, his brown gaze staring intensely at it. The red light blinked and then shut off suddenly. A smile tugged at Jarod’s mouth, as he slid off his bed and made his way to the door, softly thanking Angelo for his brilliant work.
Opening the door slowly, he tiptoed down the corridor and made his way towards the elevator. Quickly entering, he jabbed his finger on the correct button that would lead to Renewal Wing.
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Taking a deep breath, he entered the room, sitting down in the chair next to the bed. His brown eyes danced over her face, studying each facial detail like a painting. Tears stung his eyes as he realized how beautiful she was, even if she was unconscious. The burning in his throat increased as the realization hit him hard of how much he loved her, of how much he cared. It scared him so much.
When he was free, when the outside was his, he would find himself wondering, no cross that out, hoping she’d be around the next corner. But, she was his enemy. She was the one that would take his sun, his moon, his stars... his freedom away, yet he awaited to see her beautiful face. God, that scared him. He found himself running towards her, not from her, and that scared him. He’d lay awake almost every night and think, ‘Parker, you will be the death of me.’
But, he wouldn’t have it any other way.
Sighing, Jarod leaned down and laid his head on her pillow, his face level with hers. His brown gaze studied her beautiful face, her eyes closed, the hardness and icy expression gone from her face. She looked like the little girl he used to know. That sweet, caring little girl he loved that let the animals free in the Centre lab. That little girl who gave him his first kiss, who would visit him. That little girl that was his only light, his shelter from the evil demons of this place.
He closed his eyes, a single tear sneaking out from under his long eyelashes to slide down his cheek softly and to disappear into the soft fabric of the pillow.
"I’m sorry," he whispers. "I’m so sorry, Miss Parker. I should have done more."
His words do not have affect on the unconscious form, her eyes still closed, her face relaxed. Sighing, he lifted his hand slowly to her cheek and brushes her soft skin gently. The soft sob escapes his lips, as he closes his eyes again, fighting the burning in his throat and the lump in his stomach.
"Please don’t leave me," he whispers softly, his voice cracking. His eyes look upwards, their watery gaze staring up at the white ceiling of the room. "Oh god, don’t take her away from me. Not her. Please not her. I lost too much in my life and I won’t be able to live without her."
And he wouldn’t be able to. That was a true fact. It almost cut him in two to see the pain this place has caused her, to see how much pain her father has caused her. Her father.
Her father almost was the cause of the death of her spirit, and the almost the death of her. He still might be. She risked her life for a man she barely knew at the heart- only at the mind. She knew the man only to whom she called ‘daddy’. She didn’t know his dreams, his love, his compassion- she didn’t know how to trust him. But, oh how she tried. She forced and packed down that mistrust deep within her and opened up her mind and heart to the man, only to have him add more to that mistrust, and to hurt her deeper than a deep wound to the flesh. He wounded her heart.
And Jarod hated the man for that. He hated the man for what he is and what his daughter became, of what he did to her. Jarod hated him. But, because she believed, somewhere deep within, that that man was still the man her mother married, Jarod kept alive the thought that maybe his hatred is mislead. Maybe he’s protecting her, letting her gather this ‘mistrust’ so she wouldn’t be able to trust the wrong people. Maybe.
"I will stay with you hours at end," he whispered, pressing his lips gently against her soft cheek.
Laying his head back down on the pillow, Jarod closed his eyes, letting his mind and body relax for the first time he’s been back at the Centre, allowing sleep to consume him. And as he drifts off to sleep, he can almost see the demons leaving, and the smell of her, the sight of her beautiful face spread about his subconscious mind.
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Sirens blared, retching him out of his dreams. Blinking, Jarod sat up, briefly looking down at Miss Parker’s sleeping form. Looking around the room, the piercing cry stung his ears, as he heard shouting in the hall. The urge to care wasn’t his, as he laid his head back down upon the pillow, his face inches from hers.
The loud blaring sound stirred the sleeping form, and Jarod sat upright suddenly, staring down at her intensely, as those beautiful sharp blue eyes began to flutter open. There was no awareness in those eyes, yet she stared up at him with such curiosity that Jarod felt that little girl’s presence he knew in the room. Smiling gently at her, Jarod lifted her hand to his mouth and kissed it.
"Jarod?" she whispered weakly.
Jarod blinked in surprise, leaning back slightly, before awareness kicked in and he nodded, giving her the response she needed. He watched her perfect lips form a smile he didn’t know he missed so much until he saw it then. Returning that smile, he leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead.
"I’m here for you, Parker," he whispers against her skin. "If you ever need a friend, you just close your eyes, and I will be there. Whenever, where ever- holding your hand." Leaning back, he looked into her glazed eyes. "Even if you won’t admit it."
Her beautiful smile rises a notch, before falling, her brow lowering in confusion. "What? what is that awful noise?" she whispers, her sharp tone now hoarse.
Jarod looks around the room briefly, before looking down at her to reply. "It’s the security system."
As if understanding, she doesn’t say anything else. Maybe she does understand, or maybe she is too weak to say anything else. Either way, she lets the subject drop.
Sliding a weak hand across the sheets, she grabs his hand that is lying on the bed next to her, grasping it in a weak grip and holding it, squeezing slightly. Jarod looks into her eyes for any awareness of what she is doing and sees none. The lump that is in his empty stomach seemed to grow larger and stronger as reality slaps him in his face. She’s here, afraid, alone- unaware of what she is doing, yet she knows who he is. She said his name.
The [real] Ice Queen would have never let him come near her, hold her hand and have sympathy for her. The [real] Ice Queen wouldn’t have smiled at his presence, or whispered his name so sweetly that the word sounded so bitter sweet to his ears. She wouldn’t be like this if she were aware.
The door swings open. "Hey! What the hell do you think you are doing in here?" someone’s deep voice booms at him from the doorway, the sweeper springing into the room.
Jarod looks away from Miss Parker just in time to see the large man coming up to him, reaching a strong hand down and gripping Jarod forearm so tightly he thought the bone would shatter.
"Leave me!" Jarod spat out at the man, slapping at the arm that held him with his free hand.
"Don’t think so, Freak!" The man shouted, just as two more sweepers entered the room. "Your disappearance has caused way too much trouble!"
Another sweeper walked to the other side of Jarod, taking a grip just as tightly as the other, both retching Jarod to his feet, all the while he and Parker still holding each other’s hand.
"No!" Miss Parker screeched, her voice cracking weakly. "No...you can’t...leave him alone!" her sentence was interrupted as she became to cough forcefully, moaning and hissing in pain. The monitor began to beep faster and faster.
"Parker?" Jarod whispered in horror as he watched her become worse. The sweepers tore the two hands apart, yanking Jarod backwards so forcefully that he stumbled and slammed into the wall behind him. Not giving any time to recover from the stun the impact gave him, they dragged him towards the door.
"Jarod!" Miss Parker managed to screech one more time before she began to gasp desperately for air, the nurse soon entering the room as the three sweepers and the struggling Jarod leave.
"Oh dear," the nurse whispers, wearing an expression of concern on her thin face as she reaches the bedside. Looking over her shoulder she screams at a passing nurse to get a doctor.
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"You wanted something, Sydney?" Mr. Parker asked, briefly looking up from his papers to the man that stood in his office doorway.
"Yes, I want your permission to be in charge of Jarod again. I am the only one that can-"
"Wait, wait," Parker interrupted. "Raines has him."
"Right, and I think that Raines will not be able to stretch Jarod’s ability like I would."
Mr. Parker nodded softly, his small eyes never straying from the other man’s face. "I understand your need to see the pretender, but I had told Raines that he has Jarod for as long as he needs for his experiments. When he is finished, you may take over."
"But he’ll be ruined by then," Sydney said softly.
Mr. Parker gaze turned narrower, the threatening expression played out clearly. "When he is finished, you may take over," he repeated firmly.
Sydney inhaled deeply, before reluctantly nodding and leaving the office.
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Can’t breathe, his mind screamed. I can’t breathe! His brown eyes stared up expressionless, his pale face having the lack of recognition towards the tall, dark man that circled the table at which he lay like a vulture. The man’s beady, black eyes stared down at the pretender like a lion ready to leap. Jarod could almost see the man sprout fangs.
"Where are the DSA’s?" he asked in his deep, powerful voice for the hundredth time. After no response, the man leaned over Jarod, his face inches away. Jarod pulled at the restraints, making fists so tightly his bloody knuckles turned white. "Where are they?"
Jarod closed his eyes, feeling the hot breath of the man over him, burning the abused flesh of his face. "When you go to hell," the bound pretender replied hoarsely. "You’ll find them."
Jarod winced as he felt the rough fingers grip the tender skin of his neck, squeezing. Jarod’s eyes snapped open and gasped as the man smiled devilishly. "I assure you, dear boy, that you [will] tell us where they are, or [you] won’t be so lucky to even see hell."
"At least-" Jarod gasped- "the place is better than the Centre."
There came a deep chuckle from the man’s throat, as his dark eyes stared down at the pretender. Nodding softly, the man replied, "Indeed, the Centre is worse." Releasing Jarod’s neck, the man straightened, his eyes still locked onto Jarod’s. "Beat the snot out of him," the man said. Even though his eyes were on Jarod, Jarod knew it was directed to the guards by the door. "Then, maybe he’ll be more...cooperative."
"Not even the threaten of death will get me to talk," Jarod hissed at him. The man didn’t even blink once as he stared down at Jarod, his face holding no expression of concern or pity for the bruised and battered man that was strapped to the table before him.
As a thought hit him, the man smiled, leaning down slightly towards the pretender. "Oh, did you know that your little Miss Parker died yesterday? Died because of too much excitement-" he smiled at Jarod’s horror-stricken face- "Too much excitement you caused." He leaned down farther, his breath once more on Jarod’s face. "You killed her, you son-of-a-bitch," he whispered. "No reason to get out of your cage now, huh?"
Not another word was uttered, as the man straightened, turned and left the room, the doors giving a haunting squeak as they shut after him.
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"She’s resting now, but you may go in and see her," the nurse said, flashing a brief smile. Sydney nodded, following Broots into the room, and coming to stand by the bed.
She stirred and opened her eyes, staring blankly up at the two men that stood over her.
"Hi," Broots muttered.
"We heard you were awake yesterday," Sydney said. He watched the confusion flash beyond her blue eyes, and sat down in the chair next to the bed to ask- "Do you remember?"
"No," she whispered hoarsely.
Sydney nodded, changing the subject wisely. "You need anything? Water..?"
"Yes," she replied.
Sydney gave a brief look up at Broots, before the tech walked over to the tray that stood by the bed and lifted up the cup of ice water, handing it to the older man. Sydney put the rim of the cup to her lips and allowed her to take a sizeable drink, before handing the cup back to the tech, in which he put it back on the tray.
"Better?" he asked. She nodded. "Good."
Silence stretched through out the room, before finally Miss Parker gathered her voice. "How is....everything?" Sydney caught the quiver in her voice and knew exactly what she meant behind the question.
"Not good," he replied softly. "Jarod is-" he watched her eyes light up- "He’s...Yesterday he..." trailing off, Sydney’s eyes skipped down to the floor.
"He what?" she asked.
Sydney looked back up at her, his lips forming that reassuring smile she knew so well. "Your father was worried about you."
Confusion flashed into her eyes at the change of subject, but soon the confusion died away to anger. "Really? I wouldn’t know." A quick look around the room proved her theory true. "Why isn’t he here, if he was so [worried]?"
"Mr. Parker is dealing with a crisis with Raines. Finding out that that bullet was meant for him caused many conflicts with the board."
"Oh the shame. And [that] bullet gotten his daughter instead. Am I not as important as his [conflicts] with the board?"
Sydney’s face grew more lines of concern, before his gaze returned to the floor. "I’m sorry Parker." She ignored him.
"Was he down here at all?" she asked, her voice now almost fully recovered.
Exhaling slowly, Sydney shrugged. "I am not sure."
Miss Parker nodded, swallowing hard and looking away from his face, the burn in her throat increasing. Slowly, she replied, "I risk my ass for that man... and he what...? He doesn’t give a flying rat’s ass." Other than her father’s absence...there was something else, something she could feel deep within that burned at her stomach. "Tell me about Jarod."
Sydney looked up at her with surprise. "What do you want to know?" Syd drew out.
"What do I want to...?" she began bitterly, winced and then inhaled sharply. With a calmer voice, she replied, "How’s he doing?"
"He’s..." Sydney trailed off.
"Sydney if you don’t give me an answer no..." she trailed off, growling her threat at him.
"He was here," Sydney spat out. "He was here yesterday with you. He had broke out of his room to come down here to see you and they didn’t know that. They thought he had escaped again. So the search was on."
Miss Parker stared in amazement.
"When they had found him, three hours after he was reported missing, he was down here. From what I heard, you were awake and you two were...you were holding his hand. They grabbed him, dragged him out of your room and took him back to his room, where they.." Sydney closed his eyes, looking away from her.
"Did they...did they kill him?" Miss Parker whispered, looking between the two men frantically for an answer.
"No," Sydney whimpered finally. "But they were damn close. I wasn’t near his room when they had beaten him, but I still could hear his screams." He gasped, forcing the emotion back from his face and voice. "They’ll haunt me forever."
"He got out to come down here?" Miss Parker whispered. Sydney nodded. "He could have gotten away, why did he come down here?"
"He cares," Broots whispered.
Miss Parker looked up at him with sharp eyes and stared. Broots readied himself for a snide remark, but there was none, in its place was only silence.
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Again, he’s left alone, in this room, in this hell he is unfamiliar with. His wrists and ankles burn from the restraints, pulled tightly over his abused limbs. Staring up at the dark ceiling, his eyes, again, hold their expressionless gaze, his mind racing towards another place entirely.
The hole in his chest grows wider at every image of her face his mind cruelly places just beyond his reach. She’s dead. She’s gone. She has past away.
Oh God, his mind screams, closing his eyes, what have you done? Is your goal, God, to place a man on this earth to put him through torture, to eat away at his heart slowly? Is it your goal to destroy someone from the inside out? Have you no compassion, God? Have you no respect for someone’s heart and soul? Have you no heart yourself? God, why? Why take away those who mean the most? Why give someone the miracle of life, only for them to discover at the end it was only a curse? Why God? Why?
If you goal is to destroy man’s peace in life, you have succeeded with this one. Dear Lord you have! You not only took my peace, compassion, innocence! you took a part of me! You took the best part of me. You took her!
People put their faith in you! Why you look the other way? Why do you send bolts of lightening down to their hearts? Why?
Shame on you!
Jarod drew out a sob, shutting his eyes off from the small, dark room, only to lay in his own darkness.
Oh, Parker! I want to be with you. Take me with you.
The best thing you could do for me, God, is to take me to her. Allow me to live with her in that place people say is the best place ever. What do they call it again...? Heaven? But....but I’ve already seen Heaven...I’ve already seen it, God. I’ve seen it in her eyes when she smiles. I have seen it glow bright in the blue sky of her eyes. And you took that away. At least give it back to me. At least.
Closing his eyes tightly, he allowed his imagination to take him to that place, allowing his mind to shape out the beautiful, warm sun smiling down at them, the puffy clouds rolling by, the air smelling so sweetly, and the wind like a caress. She’s holding his hand as they walk quietly down the pathway, not another soul in sight.
"I like it here," she whispers in a child-like voice.
He flashes her a smile and replies, "Me too."
"[Will] you stay with me hours at end?" she suddenly asked, turning towards him, her intense eyes boring into his. "Will you, like you promised?"
"Of course," he whispers. "Forever."
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"I want to see him," Miss Parker declared, gesturing towards the wheelchair in the corner of the room.
"Parker, you shouldn’t-"
"Sydney, are you going to help me out or not?" she hissed.
"They won’t even let [me] see him."
"They can’t say no to the Ice Queen," she snapped, her eyebrows lifting smugly. Sydney cocked his head slightly, staring at her intensely.
"I was never able to talk you out of things, was I?" he asked, with a sigh of defeat.
"Nope, so don’t start now."
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Her soft fingertips gently caressed his face, running patterns along his jaw line, brow and lips. A smile lingers on his mouth as she hums softly to him, his eyes closed. They lie in the soft grass, the sky perfectly painted with puffy clouds slowly rolling by.
"Jarod?" she whispers.
"Hmm?" he murmurs, his eyes still closed.
"I love you so much."
His eyes flutter open and stare at her face, his face filled with emotion. "I love you too, Parker."
"Jarod!" he wheezed.
Jarod’s eyes snapped open, looking up into the face of the thin monster of Dr. Raines. His beady eyes stared down at him, the feel of disgust creeping into Jarod’s senses as the man breathed noisily from his tank of life.
"Catching some shut eye?" he hissed. Jarod didn’t waste his breath to respond, closing his eyes once more and fighting with his mind to block out the sound of the man’s breathing and to take him back to that place he longed for so much. But, his imagination was lost upon the irritation and disgust of the man leaning over him.
"What the hell do you want from me, old man," Jarod hissed through his battered lips, slowly opening his eyes to the man. Raines smiled, no humor in it, just a gesture from the mouth.
"You know what I want, Jarod," he wheezed.
"Right-" Jarod licked his lips, wincing in pain- "but I’d rather die in the flames of hell instead of working for you again."
"That could be arranged."
No doubt. The devil is a personal friend of Raines.
Jarod’s eyes bore into the man, staring just beyond the evil and hatred in his eyes and desperately searched for that compassion and love he knew he couldn’t find. He didn’t find.
"What was it that you did that made the devil take your soul?" Jarod whispered.
Raines smiled once more, letting the crackle of laughter escape his wrinkled throat. At least, he thought it was laughter. "Too much beatings, I see," he began. "Someone must have hit you over the head way too many times."
Jarod stared at him, his face expressionless once more. Too much- all gone- it’s just too much.
Why would someone do this to another? What drives a man to pray to the devil instead of the Lord?
The pain, the suffering- everything is just too much. Jarod clenched his teeth, the burning in his throat increasing dramatically.
"Maybe another beaten would do you good," he heard Raines say, from far away.
Good? The hell with you! You’ve broken me! You’ve won! Take what you have and leave me alone. You killed me. My pulse may still be there, but my heart is gone. It died when she died. So did my soul. Can’t you see?
"Guards!" Raines’ voice is just a blur, the furious anger building up inside Jarod like water flooding a dam.
Straining, his knuckles turned white. "Damn you!" Jarod suddenly screamed, struggling against the restraints. "Damn you, all!" The dark room began to flash with red, the anger allowing Jarod extra strength. Through different eyes, Jarod watched the guards circle above him, the complete hatred that consumed his soul and mind unabling him to feel the first punches the men’s fists endured on his already battered body.
Jarod thrashed his body around on the table, not knowing if it was on his part or the beating that threw him everywhere. Still, Jarod struggled with that last little strength he had, unable to feel the blood trickling down his arms from the ropes cutting into the sensitive flesh and the men’s punches and slaps.