TITLE: Unequivocal (1/1)

AUTHOR: Chrissie

RATING: PG

CLASSIFICATION: O/B

DISTRIBUTION: Anywhere, just ask please;~)

DISCLAIMER: Joss, WB and all those other people own them. I'm just borrowing

FEEDBACK: Pretty Please...;-)

SPOILERS: Wild at Heart.

N.B This was supposed to be in response to Grace's Challenge, it satisfies a couple of them.I'm working on the other part which should take care of the rest. Hope that's acceptable;-)

~*~

I don't know why I felt like I had to see her. It was more of an automatic reaction than a conscious decision because when I started to drive away from my house, I just ended up making my way to the dorm where she and Willow share a room.

Then suddenly, before I knew it, I was lightly rapping on the door, not comfortable to just walk in as I'd done so often before. I waited for what could have been hours, but was most probably a few seconds, no more than minute for sure. When she opened the door with a smile on her face I could almost believe she was glad to see me.

Then she realized it was me, betrayer of her best friend, and her face fell, her features hardening icily, her eyes wary, as opposed to the one moment of sun that was there mere moments before.

"Oz, Willow isn't here, and I don't think?"

I had to stop her from sending me away without getting a word in edgewise.

"Buffy, I know where she is. I just saw her a few minutes ago. She's probably on her way back here. I just need to talk to you for a minute." I told her, my voice uncharacteristically pleading.

After a moment's hesitation, she moved from door to let me in. Closing the door behind her after a quick glance down the hall, she settled leaning back against the door, crossed her arms in front of her and waited.

And for some reason, having her glare at me like that as if I was just some annoyance, it made me realize that somewhere, somehow, everything had gone wrong. Veruca had been nothing more than a…No. I can't justify her. I shouldn't even try.

"Well?"

Right, I wanted to say something to her. Should probably get to that before she kicks my ass from here to Sunday.

"I realize how wrong it was for me not to come to you when I found out about Veruca being a werewolf. Or that I should have told you when you asked me, but by then the damage had already been done. I couldn't take it back." I told her, not really wanting to into the whole waking up in the park thing. There was no need for that. "I just thought I could handle it, handle her, really."

Looking her straight in the eye, I can see a bolt of sympathy run through them, and she tries to cover it back up completely but the image is set there. She understands. She probably understands so much more about me than anyone else.

"I know it doesn't excuse anything though, me apologizing and that you probably hate me for what I've done to Willow. Having sex with Ver…" I trail off when I see her head shake vigorously.

"Oz, the fact that you had sex with Veruca isn’t really an issue. Ok, it is to Willow, but she hasn’t let it sink in that you weren’t you when that happened. I get that. But the not telling the truth, it wasn’t right. We all deserved to be told. Especially Willow. Not to mention Giles and Myself. What almost happened to Willow with Veruca, it wouldn’t have if we had known. And then you turning…Not that I think you would have hurt her, but…" I knew what she was saying. The wild animal in me probably wouldn’t have known the difference between my Willow and some other unsuspecting victim.

"Given all that. While I don’t like the way you handled it, I can’t exactly throw stones in that area given my past dealings with lying. I remember you didn’t hold it against me – what happened with Angel – how I handled his coming back." She's shaking her head, probably remembering the time as if it were yesterday.

In that moment, I realized exactly what had led me here. I knew she would understand what I had done, why I had done it, and offer sympathy and forgiveness even when I couldn't possibly give it to myself. Giving her a half smile, which she answers with one of her own for a fleeting second, before her face sobers and the slightly disapprovingly look comes back.

I know this is probably as hard for her as it is for Willow. In a different way, of course, since instead of being the one who's been betrayed she's the one who's left in between the two parties, betrayer, and betrayee, both roles she's had extensive experience playing. So it'll be a tug of war for her, which should make what I tell her next, before making a hasty retreat, easier on her.

"I'm…uh…On my way out of town." I nod, waiting for a yelp of joy, perhaps.

As always, she baffles me with her reaction. A punch in the gut catches me off guard. Looking up at her from my crunched state, I see a ball of fury settling in her eyes.

"You're leaving?? Running away?? God…Is that all men know how to do. Can you not just deal with what you've done here??" she asks, glaring at me.

Other than that one time when she had send Angel to Hell on the tip of sword, she's never run away. Not from bastards like Parker, or hurt like when Angel left. Angel leaving. Leaving makes her mad.

How do I explain I'm not running away? Especially when it feels like I am. But I'm also trying to run to. Run to understanding of both my personalities, me the guy who lied, and the wolf, whom I've never gotten a hold of. If nothing else, Veruca gave me one thing.

She knew what, and who her wolf was. She remembered what happened in her state of wolfiness, something, I don't think I can get from being locked in a cage. I need to run free before I can understand that.

"I'm not running away. It looks like that, I know, but I'm trying to run towards something." I tell her, not in the least bit ashamed.

I can't help but smile at her slitted eyes that survey my demeanor for any regret, or falsehood of my statement.

"Willow will get over this, you know. If she…you forgave her Xander. She can't not forgive you." She says quietly.

I know she's right, and for that I'm glad. Unfortunately, my leaving doesn't really have as much to do with Willow as it does with me.

I told Willow, but she didn't get. I think she may have said she understood, but she doesn't. She can't.

"My leaving, it's not like Angel." I say, hoping that didn't hurt too much. "I'm not leaving because I can't be with her or anything. I need to find out who I am, who the wolf is. And how we can live together in the same body."

There's that acceptance of truth in her eyes again, and I reaffirm silently the rightness of coming here.

Her eyes are downcast and she's nibbling on her bottom lip, something she does when she's thing of what to say. That or she has something wants to say but she's not sure she should. Then her eyes move upward to clash with mine and hold me gaze, a pout having formed on her lips.

"Don't go. I need you here." She tells me softly, a glow of moisture clinging to her eyes. "Who's gonna help me slay the shifty looking benches and trees?" A small hiccup of a laugh escapes her, which she tries to hide but a building up of giggles gets hold of her.

And the laughter is contagious. This is how I wanted to remember her, laughing. Not mad at me. Wanting to stake me or shoot me with a silver bullet.

I walk towards her, and the door, which she moves away from. Inches apart, she cocks her head to the side and sighs. I give her a brave look. You know, that one five-year-olds give to their parents when they go off to their first day of school.

"Good Luck." She offers, taking my hand and squeezing it lightly. After a moments pause I give her a nod and move towards the door, even though she still has a hold on my hand. Looking back at her I see just in the nick of time as she places her lips against the back of my hand. A lingering moment, then she drops my hand, and gives me a little tiny wave. "Becareful." She adds as I walk through the door and turn to look back at her before the door follows me, closing shut between us.

~~~

Oz looked up from the book in front of him, focusing his eyes on the clock in front of him. Thirty minutes until he landed in Sunnydale, California.

Thirty minutes until he was home.

Leafing through the word filled pages, he stopped at the last page in the hard-covered writing book, and smoothed over it with his hand.

~~~

In the past year, many things have changed in the town I call home. While I haven't been there to witness them, I've been held apprised of the events, situations, and popular comings and goings. Some were funny, others sad, some heartbreaking to me, but all have created a changed atmosphere in this town which I'll no doubt feel.

I've done many things this past year. Most recently I've been in Los Angeles, helping in the fight against evil, as I had before I left Sunnydale, with some familiar people, and some not familiar. The nights of my transformation, I was lucky enough to be close enough to find wide open spaces where I couldn't get myself into much trouble other than with other wild animals.

The weirdest thing to have come from my time away was that I managed to form an unbreakable friendship with someone from back home. A long distance budding friendship with someone who had every right never to talk to me again, yet she did.

So while there are many reasons for my returning this place which I left in much turmoil, one of the greatest reasons I have for going back is her. My best-friend, whom from afar, I've slowly but unequivocally fallen for.

Of course, she doesn't know that. Seriously, what would I have said.

"Hi, nice to hear from you. Did you know I was in love with you? Yeah, ok talk to you soon."

Not exactly the perfect time for a declaration, on the phone. I do know that she's open to the idea. Well partly atleast. She's open to a relationship. With me, it remains to be seen. Probably be some weirdness, my ex-girlfriend being a best friend, the fact that I've spent a better of my year away working with her first and greatest love. All these things could pose a problem. But I know she's over him, and that my ex isn't pining away for me, nor I for her.

I know she dates, which is always a plus, but that she hasn't had anyone serious in a few months. Her one big relationship in the past year ended amicably, but over loyalties to a cause, or to an individual. She chose the individual, and the guy chose the cause. Idiot.

If anyone had told her that she'd stick for Spike of all people, a year ago, she would have staked them, human or not. Yet…

I've wondered occasionally if they had a deeper connection. I've asked her, and him for that matter, but while both proclaim ignorance, I know that they have a bond that won't be broken by any man.

Much like the fact that she will never love someone the way she loved Angel, which doesn't mean she can't love completely.

Everything she does, she does with her entire being. If its defending people she should normally being going up against.

I guess that might be a reason we've become so close from far away. Even though she should have, could have hated me and never wanted to talk to me again, she did, because no matter what, I was still her friend.

She was right, by the way, Willow forgave me, but it wasn't the same. We'd both hurt each other deeply, and we couldn't go back.

She's found someone who makes her happy, and they left to go to school in the east. I'm happy for her. So is the wolf.

I remember what happens now, when I'm in a transformed state. It's amazing too, since I've managed to be me inside the wolf also.

There was one time when I came close to hurting someone, but didn't, and I like to think its because I managed to control the wolf even though I'm told its pretty much impossible.

Only a couple of minutes 'til we land. No one is meeting me at the airport since I didn't bother to tell anyone I was coming today. Wanted to make it a surprise. Hopefully a good one.

I don't know if I'll continue writing, this being the end of the book, I guess it depends on how things go. Maybe I'll buy a new one. Or use the one Angel, Cordy & Doyle gave me before I left as a going away present. I guess they respected my need to write things out, despite the constant torment I got from Doyle and Cordelia about it. I miss them already, but hopefully not for too long.

The End…of a Journey.

~~~

Snapping the book shut, he stuffed it in the backpack he had in the seat beside him and got the baggage from the overhead compartment as others around bustled to do the same. Sending a friendly smile to the stewardesses, he took one big step that brought him into a long curvy hallway.

The sea of faces waiting for loved ones flooded before him as he reached the exit of the tunnel, and he almost expected to be waited upon by someone, despite the fact that his trip back hadn't been announced. The people before him parted wanting to push him through to get to their own arrivers. Once he through the mob, he turned back longingly at them for a moment when he felt a slight poke on his shoulder. A wide smile spread as he turned back around to find a smiling Buffy standing there, pretty as a picture, waiting for him.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hi." She returned easily before spreading her arms out to enfold him in a big hug. His arms went around her, accepting the welcome with warm feeling in his heart. They stayed for a minute not speaking, or moving, until the crowd behind them began to disperse.

Breaking away from her, he arched an eyebrow in askance. "How did you…"

"Cordelia." Interrupting him, she took his arm and looped it with hers. "She didn't think it was right that you come back and have no one waiting for you. C'mon, let's go get your bags." She added, pulling him along with her towards the baggage claim area.

Falling in step with her, he snuck a peak at her, smiling.

~~~~~