TITLE: Eulogies

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PART 1
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The rain fell down on the mourners, soaking them to the bone. But the atmosphere wasn't dreary. It was...lighthearted.

Buffy had wanted a New Orleans type funeral. She was tired of her friends being depressed. And the funerals being so dour, so...death like.

And so we'd done it. Joyce had wanted her cremated but her new husband wouldn't let her. Giles was smart in doing that.

Xander and Willow came back from their new college. Amazingly, both of them had gotten into the same graduate school. Even though my heart still loved Willow, I'd loved Buffy more.

Still love her, too.

The eulogies before ours were all short. Not many people knew Buffy the way we did.

Only one other person loved her the way I do.

He's sitting in the back, and I'm also glad Giles had this planned at night. It wouldn't be right if two...people...had to miss her funeral on account of a sunny day.

Xander stepped up, the first of us to deliver his eulogy.

"She was a great friend. Most of the time. There were times when I was left out of the loop, or just plain berated. But we went through things that no one else did. Shared things she could tell so few people."

He paused for a moment. "She knew she'd die young, so she lived her life to the fullest. Every day. She took pleasure in all of the high points, and comfort in the lows. She tried her best at being normal. Didn't always work, but she tried."

"I liked her since the first time I saw her. And, for a long time, I flirted with her to no avail. Sure, there was that one dance at the Bronze...and the Valentine's Day incident, but her heart always belonged to someone else." He was looking directly at Angel as he said this.

"I think the fact that she could love someone the way she did was the greatest gift she had to give. And though I may not have liked him, he was the luckiest of us all. Him and Oz, actually."

Xander took a deep breath and looked at me as he finished. "They are the luckiest men on Earth."

Xander stepped down and walked back to the pew next to Willow. Angel stood up and walked down, from the very back. I wondered how much pain he was in, not just from losing Buffy, but from being in the church as well.

Just by looking at him, one could tell he was on the verge of tears. He kept looking at Cordy, who I recently found out is his girlfriend. She would nod slowly, knowing he needed to do this.

She's a pretty smart woman sometimes.

"Buffy...was probably the first woman I ever loved. Ever. And I've been around a long time."

He looked down at his hands, which were folded on the pulpit. "We went through a lot in our brief relationship. A lot of fighting off how we felt about each other, then defending us from other people's opinions..."

The door opened and another figure came in and sat down away from everyone else. Angel gave him a mildly annoyed look. "And then everything changed when I changed. If it hadn't been for someone else wanting their true love back, then life may have been different. She might have died six years ago."

He shook his head. "When I came back, she had changed. Some of them were good, others weren't. But we could never be together, and we both knew it. So I moved to Los Angeles. But we still kept in touch."

"She would tell me she was happy, but I never really believed it. Until she started talking about Oz. Then I knew she was truly happy. Things had been going well...it shouldn't have been taken away."

The tears he'd held back for so long spilled down his face. He left the pulpit, unable to say anymore.

Surprisingly, Cordelia went up next.

"I didn't really like her when I first met her. But...she grew on me, I guess. The same way I grew on her."

She looked back at Angel, knowing she should be there with him and waiting to speak, but wanting to get it out now.

"I'd make catty remarks at her while she was off defending the innocent. I even tried to steal Angel away from her," she said, smiling sadly. "But she never hated me. Never."

"Most people did, or at least they envied me. She didn't do either. She had the type of friends I wanted, the type of boyfriend I wanted...so I envied her." She loved away for a few moments.

"I hope...she's peaceful, wherever she is now. She deserves it." And with that, she left the podium quietly, with all the dignity she had left. But I could see the slightly shaking shoulders.

Cordy had looked on Buffy as a friend, really. And now she wanted it to be known to the world, not just Buffy.

Buffy would have liked that.

I watched Willow walk up to the podium next. She looked...different. Older, in a good sense. But incredibly sad.

All of us were, really. But she was worse, it seemed. She stopped at the picture of Buffy near the podium. I remember taking the picture when I was a freshman in college, for a photography course. She'd always loved it, the way the wind had whipped her hair around and her skirt around her legs as she stood at the beach at sunset.

And it was at that moment I'd fallen in love with her.

"Wow. I...I've never had to do this before."

Willow twisted the ring on her finger. It was an engagement ring, we all knew it. In fact the day Buffy had died, she'd called and told her how Xander had proposed. It was the last time I saw her smile...

"I miss her already. Even though I don't live here anymore, we were still close. And I miss her a lot. We were friends when I needed one the most. Someone I could talk to about girl stuff, and someone who understood what it was like to be an outsider looking in."

She wiped away some tears. "She was the most special girl in the world, and we knew it. When I got the call...that she had died, I half hoped she'd be brought back to life again. But..." She stopped for a few moments to wipe the tears away again.

"I feel like I'm missing a piece of my heart. She was one of my best friends, and she knew everything about me. And I'll always remember how she kept prodding me to 'Seize the Day.' That's something I'm thankful she did."

"Without Buffy around, I'd still be shy little Willow, lost and lonely and afraid of life. But I'm not...not anymore. And so I hope to be able to have that much of an impact in someone else's life. Like she was in mine."

I was about to stand up and speak when someone else did first. As I watched him walk up there, I was surprised. He'd been there when she died...and I knew he'd be here, but I didn't think he'd speak.

He stopped and turned around, looking at me, almost as though to ask if I wanted him to speak. I nodded, as did he, and then he continued up to the podium.

"I didn't think it'd end like that. Not in the entire bloody time I'd known her."

Spike ran his hand through his hair and looked down. "Never been good at eulogies. So I normally avoid them. Avoid funerals too. But I made an exception in this case."

He paused. "I came her late because I was looking at where she'll be buried. It's a beautiful place, really. She'd have enjoyed it. What most of you don't know is we fought in that exact spot. Many times. Some of my best memories..."

"Yes, I know I was her enemy for a long time. Not even a truce changed that. But then, I came back, depressed...and she didn't take advantage of it. She didn't hurt me, berate or belittle me." He laughed a little. "She actually let me cry on her shoulder as she muttered how pathetic I was."

"Unlike most of you, my memories of her are different. I never loved her, not like any of you. I tolerated her for the longest time because it was a challenge. But, now, I respect her and I even admire her. Which is a bloody miracle, considering."

"I remember her fighting, her true nature emerging as she tried to save the world. I remember her puns and such when she was fighting. I actually liked some of them. I remember her wiseass nature and her sharp wit. And most of all, I remember her trying her damnedness trying to be normal and failing most of the time."

"But...she was happy. I was with her when she died, and she knew it was coming. She told me things to tell the others, and then she finished off the demon. She was good at her job, even when she was dying. She died doing her destiny, she died with some semblance of a normal life, and she died knowing all of you loved her."

Spike stepped away and came back down the aisle. As he walked past me, I could see he had been crying earlier. I never thought he would.

It was finally my turn. The moment I'd been dreading, and the moment I'd been waiting for.

I walked up slowly, stopping at the picture for a moment. For someone damned at birth, she'd been so full of life... I walk up and look at my hands. Specifically my left ring finger. The simple gold wedding ring shines in the light.

"This is hard for me, because I don't often speak. I...I loved my wife, very much. And I miss her so much. But I know, wherever she is, she's listening to us and smiling...even at you, Spike." A nervous laugh came in response.

"I know we all want to sob, and it's our right. But I don't think that's what she'd have wanted. I think, knowing her, she'd want us to do as she did and take comfort in the low points of life, as someone said already."

"She was special to us in different ways. As a daughter and a wife, a friend and an opponent, a giver and receiver of love. She still is special, I think. And I hope we all can make her proud."

I hear a baby cry and look over to Joyce, who's holding her granddaughter and grandson quietly. "She left another legacy, too. She had the chance to be a mother, even if it was for a brief time. And I hope all of you will show them how special their mother is as they grow up."

I step away for a moment then look back. "And I hope that Buffy will watch over them for all their lives."

"Oz...that was beautiful," Joyce told me as I took William Alexander from her. She continued to hold Anne Willow in her arms.

Giles put a hand on my shoulder. "Yes, it was. Will you be okay?"

Nodding, I look to my son. "Yeah, I think so. Spike's going to help out with some stuff. Says he'll get to be a quasi-parent. Besides, I think he really likes Will and Anne. They sure like him."

"I remember the look on his face when Buffy told them his name. It was utter shock," Giles said with a smile.

"How are you two doing?" I asked.

"Fine, I think," Joyce said. "We knew it would happen...it was just a matter of when."

I nodded and was about to say something when Spike interrupted. "Can I borrow the babies to show off, mate?"

Smiling, I look around. "Want to introduce your...godchildren to some people?" I ask, knowing he hates that term.

"I prefer the term 'adopted niece and nephew,' Oz," he said with a slight grimace. "Actually, Xander, Willow, Cordelia and the poof want to see them."

The four adults laughed a little. "Well, you carry Anne. She likes you more. Let's go introduce them to their mom's friends."

Giles and Joyce were watching as we walked away and I heard her ask, "Do you really think he'll be fine?"