I don't know yet how I'm to deal with this
Because I've never dealt with such a thing
Because I've never cared so much about somebody who has left me.
But maybe this is another experience so it will possibly help me with another loss in the future.
But I do know that I'll remember everything you've told me
The quirks people have
And how to relate.

I don't like this.
It's painful to talk
Annoying to be at school
Confused about my future.
To me, this blow down is worse then you dying
Because you don't have much control of death.
But this!
This, is your choice
Sometimes I feel greatly distressed
Because I thin k that this has something to do with me.
And it does.
In a way, you're leaving me too.
Do you know how that feels?
You're the only thing that I can truly hold on to
When everybody in your surroundings
Really isn't there anymore,
How else can I feel but lonely?
I get the feeling that I was given up on,
Somehow though, that's not the case.

I am disinclined to accept this position that I am going to be in.
It seems like such a gloomy and fictitious role I am expected to play.
My unstable condition is threatening my actions
I've been absent from reality, as so it seems.
Distant and numb.
I don't know where to go next
And I cant speculate that I won't be distant.
But I can try otherwise.

Written by: Stephanie J.

Dedicated to Todd 3-5-01

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