The first chance of mine
I decided to go have some fun
When we kissed it was majic
From then on it was bliss.
I didn't understand the next act you performed
Because it was so contradicting to your body language
You asked if we could stop it all
And through that one questions you ruined me
I was in shck for a lenght of time
Then the hate began to slowly seep in
The next time you talked to me I pretended you weren't there
But as I kept listening I grew weak.
I fell back for you.
Your lies I thought were true.
From then on I thougth I understood.
I forfave you for shattering my hopes
And even let you back into my heart.
Not a second later it seems that we were back where we started.
A moment of chance
A bit of fun.
But what did that do?

My mind was unclear
I had no fears
I wanted to go through with it just because you were there
Not for any other reason in the world
For myself
I was selfish and my mind was hazy
And as impossible as it sounds
all it did was hurt me more.
I told you that I didn't want us.
I told you I knew I wasn't ready
But we went though with it
And I feel cheap.
Detestable,
Defiled.
That's hardly the beginning though,
That night I was relentless
I sold myself short
I gave you what I promised no one.
I did what I told myself not to.

Now I'm here without you
Becuase you have some emergency
With you out of my picture now I can't stand you
Because I didn't even scantily love you.
I'm desperatly weak
And it was merely lust.
That four letter word that follows me around like a dark cloud.
Now you have to admit that
Because I know you think that.
Lust was on our minds.
This is just utterly fecund irrationality.
It wouldnt be so bad if I had you still
But you decided it was more important for you to be a prick.
And I was told to believe that you were unique.
But you ended up being just like all the others.

Written by: Stephanie J.

Dedicated to: Blake L. on 4-19-01

Back to my poems page
Back to the page of my interests
Back to my home page