My Curiosities are flourishing
THriving by the thoughts of you
There's something that I'm just not letting go of.
Memories that keep resurfacing
Confuse my right mind...
Lost in reminiscence.
They make me think of those dredful thoughts
Of trying it just one more time
Being with you one more time.
Giving in just a little bit.
I'm consumed with thoughts of you throughout my day.
the feelings aren't strong, but they linger nevertheless
Something's going on in my head
And I think I know what it wants.
It wants to be loved, maybe again.
Recquiring all of my waking day to be tied up in thoughts
It's been forever since I've felt htis curiosity
And a day too many.

I almost feel aweful for these things that I think.
I know you're involved, but, what about me?
My intensions were not to steal you away,
Not to be scandalous
But this feeling jsut came into play
How am I even to communicate to you what I feel?

Telling you this much,
It's not love
Confiding in you, that ther is a great interest
But I don't know how far I'll allow myself to let go
T loosen my grip on my promises to myself.
To allow myself to experiene love once more time.

Sometimes these thoughts are just too much.
I then think of the past.
How time and time again you were unfaithful
Making me wonder if you'd hurt me one more.

Everyone I know would kill me twice over if I did let go.
If I loosened my grip...What would become of me?
I'd feel like a traitor to myself
But then again...
When I souly think of you
Hate no longer is found
Heartache lingers no more.
A sense of closure has come in replacing that much,
But with my hat lost,
I now have something else fitting that hole.
I'm not too sure of what it is
Not quite confident enough.

The joy you now bring me
Hasnt' totally replaced the pain.
And there isnt a thing in the world that I'd accept
As your token of love
for me ever to forgive or forget.

Apparently, I've ust solved my own problem,
It's a lost cause for any future concerning "us"
Yet, why is it then,
That in the back of my mind...
Through all the doubt
Lies a spark of hope?

A vaguely shining star in the otherwise black void
Knowing though that this sparkle is not like a star.
Figuring this much, because stars in the sky, fade
Meaning only that time can decide what happens now.
I'm no longer in control of my feelings.
They're free from my minds restrictions.
Left to daydream.

Written by: Stephanie J.

Dedicated to: Jason Frey on 5-31-01

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