Throughout my life I've lost so many
All the people that I was sure that I loved.
Anyone who I remotely cared for...
Has at the wrong moment...left me
My mother emotionally left me a ferw years back
My father has shifted his choice of love
Most recently Todd, has left me too.
The factor that I dare not to understand
Is why they would choose to leave me.
Where as it's not like death stole them away
But it's thier arbitrary decision to abandon
During my life I've loved only a handfull of people
And I always think it a great travisty when I'm left
Though time and time again
I have been lost and forgotten
The pain never subsides or easens.
My soul winces more when such an event occurs.
And the problem seems wrose every time after that.

With my Anxiety near It's ultimate peak.
I guess I'm left giving the choice to those others
It's not quite that I fear for the normal reasons,
Maybe I do,
Possibly those feelings have been set aside for my current disposition.
But I know at this point that I don't yet love you
Still the choice is yours wether you're apprehensive or not.
Yet I am confident otherwise of my actions

I was never given this chance before
This chance of a new life.
It's a relief that I've heard this story before.
I walked my best friend through it.

We started things off, going a little too quick But I dont know what I'm doing.
In her end though, it all worked out
Hopefull in ours, we will too.

I guess this is informing you about what I want
I want you to stay
But if you wish not to, I have no reasons you should
Other then I'm probably the best catch in a while...
And hopefully you realize that too

But none the less I want you to know that I will try my hardest to be myself,
whoever that is...
I want you to stay with me
Because I dont think I could handle a departure so soon...

You've found a way to get me hooked, yet I'm feeling that I'm loosing you.
Please find a way to reassure me.
But whatever it is, the gesture will have to be grand,
for my fears are right on edge
I feel unstable though I know I shouldnt...
It's my worst fear.

***********************************************************************************************

Just this morning I had woken up twice, the first time in restlessness and the second in tears. When I opened my eyes, deep down I felt a hurt. I got to the point where I was in the fetal position, like how little children get when petrified. I layed curled in my bed afraid of everything. That everyone was out to hurt me. As tears ran down my cheecks and onto my pillow, I hoped with every ounce I had that I would be alright. That everything would settle, and that I could...get back on my pedistal. I am in such discontent I wish you could find a way Just to tell me that everything would be ok.

Written by: Stephanie J.

Dedicated to: Blake Low on April 17th, 2001

Back to my poems page
Back to the page of my interests
Back to my home page