July 11, 2004
Room 111 Edition 4
News * New News * Top Ten* Updates * Shout Outs * My Writing * End Notes
What’s up? *scratches head* I know, I mad late and I’ve been slacking and I’m sorry. I swear I got excuses and such. Anyway, life has been a little nicer than usual to me and besides being broker than field mice it’s been good. I spent a good week and a half it seems with Ebony. I survived getting my hair trimmed and looking like a Baltimorean. Right now it’s still short and I’m trying to do the white girl thing and let it be. Now it does all kinds of interesting things while I’m sleep and I wake up looking like something out of anime. The hairstyle, was really something you had to see in person, I would have taken a picture but I left my camera at home. Ebony liked it, hell even parts of it I liked, but I’m not sure if I ever want to see myself with fingerwaves again (shudders). We went out to Fridays with DEL and his friend. It was fun and I even got a drink spilled on me (the guy was actually sorry too). The next day we went to this all you can eat joint where I pigged out on ribs and nice rolls. Finally, we went to the movies on Sunday and I saw Sherk 2 (Puss is so sexy). I wrote in the quiet walls of Ebony’s room a few days, basically most of chapter two, which I’m not happy with really. Most of that time, I wasn’t on-line really, but I did have time for a update or two.
Since, I didn’t manage to finish this thing more than
a week ago; I have new news to add to it. Anyway, lately I’ve been catching
up on a lot of my writing and a lot of sleep since the 4th of July. On the
4th I spent an interesting evening with my boyfriend getting to know him better.
He wanted to meet my parents but didn’t because I didn’t tell
them before they drove off. Anyway, he’s not the serial killer I fantasized
about. He’s actually a normal sweet person. Seeing me seem to fuel his
obsession with me, but he’ll live somehow.
I also went to my father’s best friend’s burial. Usually, I find
those things to be an upbeat thing, but even through the service very upbeat,
I could feel the twisted irony in the air. It wasn’t that he died of
natural causes as much as he was pretty much murdered. The sad thing was everyone
saw it coming, but no one could stop it. He loved his wife to death and that
is what killed him. A lot of the people mentioned that he loved her, but not
once did anyone say she loved him back. She and her kids were there in full
attendance, but since it was at their church, I wasn’t surprised. There
was a lot of show boating and I think he was recalled to be someone, I knew
he wasn’t. I wish my father could have spoken, but all the church people
took up the talking time (mind you this was my church). Most of the people
I disliked was still there looking the same, but acting a bit different towards
me now that I was all grown up. I was in a very somber mood and I tried not
to cry (you know tears catch like a cold there). His family (except his real
children and niece) seemed unaffected by the whole thing, but none of them
liked or respected him anyway. Besides all that, I was thinking about something
Frederick told me about wanting to have a girl that’s right with God.
I knew I’m not right with him and I was trying to make my peace without
getting resaved (which would have happened if I spoke up about it). Anyway,
I guess it’s something I will have to work on.
On a time wasting note, I’m trying to change my main page on my website.
I took a whole night making buttons and such only to create a cute, but time
consuming page. I’m still fine tuning it and even thinking of changing
the name of it (from Whispers of the Soul to Whispers of an Angel). I’ve
gotten a hell of a lot better with using Photoshop and for that I’m
happy. I’m trying to think of ways of making the e-zine look better
also. Speaking of self-improvement, Monday, I’m starting an on-line
writing course (a free one thank god) and hopefully I will get into the habit
of writing more and not less.
1.Sanguine- adj. –1 Of the color of blood: red: ruddy 2 Cheerfully confident: optimistic.
I used it in my first note to Frederick and he replied with he was confident. Whip this word out to leave others utterly clueless.
2. Ill Advised- v. -- it means simply “You were wrong.” I word I adopted from DEL because Ebony keeps saying it. Example: Kobe was ill advised when he decided to fuck with that white girl.
Use this when you know someone did something they knew damn better not to do.
3. Machiavellianism-n. – The principle of Machiavelli that denies the relevance of morality in political affairs
This word will be hard to use in a sentence unless you use the B- word. Example: Bush is on some Machiavellianism shit. Anyway, use it if you can cause Bush supporters will have to look it up to understand.
4. Fisticuffs-n –1.a fight involving the use of fists 2.Boxing
This is a word I got from Ebony’s nephew. He got it from Dave Chappell, and surprisingly it’s really a word. It’s a word Fatman understands. Example: Fatman fisticuffed Ebony.
5. Kosher- adj. 1. fit to eat according to Jewish laws. 2. Slang Permissible: proper.
I got respect for Jewish people and Yiddish because it’s very expressive. If black people had “kosher laws” we might get sick less. Then again if we had universal kosher laws (not exactly the same, but laws for clean food) a lot less people would get food poisoning and fast food would taste better. You know Jewish restaurants have a rabbi overseeing food preparation, if only a food inspector could oversee our happy meals everyday…
Anyway, use this word when something ain’t Kosher, or when it is Kosher. If it’s ill advised, believe me it’s not kosher.
6. Feign- v 1. To give false appearance. 2. To dissemble: pretend. 3. To act fake
To use when you are tired of calling people fake. Say it so they think you are giving a compliment or not. Example: Jay- Z and them were feigning when they sat in different rows at the BET awards.
7. Lackadaisical-adj. -Lacking spirit, life or interest.
Such a colorful word with a very uncolorful meaning. How ironic and cute. Example: Alan sounded so lackadaisical that I fell asleep on the phone. Use freely if you can. Try to say it 5 times fast and see if you don’t bite your tongue or the side of your mouth.
8. Parvenu-n.- Someone who has suddenly or recently become wealthy or powerful but lacks the background, culture, or common sense customarily associated with his or her new status.
Where is this word when a first draft pick or lottery winner needs it? Yes, this describes all kinds of people like Kobe Bryant, rappers, pop stars, drug dealers, and movie stars. Like Anne Nicole, you can take the trash out the trailer park, but not the trail park out the trash. Use this word whenever you feel like it, but every time I think of it I hear “ghetto” somewhere in there.
9.Regime-n. The government in power: administration.
Hmmmm….Everyone say it together “Regime!” Now, where did we hear this word from kiddies? It couldn’t be Bush could it? Now lets put on our thinking caps…we got rid of Saddam because he was the evil regime and all we did was replace the regime with another one. This word was just a word for thought.
10. Stiletto-n. 1. A small dagger with a slender blade that tapers to a sharp point. 2. Shoe with heels that are like stiletto in shape.
A throwback word is case anyone wondered where the word came from. In 15th century Europe, stilettos were as common as cell phones are today. Guys had to have them just in case and well I guess a female or two had one strapped somewhere.
Bonus words (since I’m so late with this thing)
11. Asinine-adj.- Stupid or silly: foolish.
This was my older brother’s favorite word it seemed when he wrote poems. Everything was asinine especial people since they always do or say asinine things in front of him (or to him). Use it to tell that airhead you know, how much you care…lol.
12. Irate-adj. –Very angry: enraged. Other related words: irk (to piss off) ,ire (to be mad), irascible (Easy to be angered. Hot tempered)
Just another word for when you are mad enough to kill someone (or to think about it deeply). I just get tired with saying I’m mad, sad, happy all the time…Use it whenever it fits.
13. Masochistic -adj. –Pleasure in being mistreated or abused.
It’s not exact definition, but close. I used it a lot because I believe as humans, we are naturally masochistic for many reasons= money, love, or just because we are used to it. For example: Mike must be masochistic for volunteering his weekend to his mother to take her shopping because you know she’ll have him helping her picking out clothes when we all know how much he hates malls and shopping. The literal meaning would be: Peggy is masochistic; she likes her boyfriend to whip her during sex. However, I still like to use it in a light way because I wonder myself why I put myself though shit I could have avoided somehow (like living with my nutty family).
14. Sociopath-n. A person manifesting antisocial behavior patterns or character traits. Related word: anti-social- adj. -1. Not so sociable. 2. Harmful or contrary to the welfare of society.
I use it all the time to describe myself. Now that you have a definition of it you can decide for yourself, either way I still like the word a lot. If I’m not a sociopath at least one or more of my characters are (and I love them that way) and they are all reflections of my inner-self on level or another. Just know that I’m using it (but thank god I’m not naming a child it).
15. Axiom-n. 1. A statement universally recognized as the true: Maxim. 2. A proposition assumed to be true without proof. Example: In God we trust.
I’m not knocking “In God we trust” at all that was just my example. Usually saying with God in them are Axioms of some sort. Also: Fire burns or A child won’t learn fire will burn them until it burns them, and so on. Another good one is: I will kill you. I mean I’ve not buried any bodies “yet”, but I don’t think anyone wants proof that I would neither. Anyway, use it if you can or at least remember the word.
Updates
A week or so ago, I uploaded more pages to add to the e-zine. I’ve finished chapters two, three, and this story about Jell-o (or at least that’s what I’m calling it). Since I have so much I’ve wrote that’s new, I will put the links to the pages in here so you won’t have to scroll your life away. I wrote my boyfriend a poem (which he put up somewhere). I think it sucks, but I think a lot of my poems suck, so that’s nothing new. It takes time to let the poem grow on me. Sadly, he hasn’t led me to be more poetic or anything (usually a side effect of having a boyfriend). Like I said, I updated my site some, wrote and etc…
This time I wanted to say things a little differently I think. First, I want to tell everyone to put Ebony’s brother “Black” (cause I don’t know how to spell his name) in their collective prayers. He was in an accident of sorts where he got burned very badly and will spend a good deal in the hospital getting better. Also, I would like to include her whole family because those kinds of things affect everyone especially those close to the injured. I spent a good deal of a week with Ebony helping her indirectly. Her mother and she spend a lot of time going back and forth to the hospital because being in the hospital alone is a very lonely thing. His baby mama was also hurt, but she’s out of the hospital and doing better. On a small note, don’t deal with psychos, who know what they will do when they are mad. Anyway, I would also like to extend my prayers and concern for our girl Doe who is doing her thing over in Russia. I think she’s roughing it, but hopefully she copes well and learns from the whole experience. Bp and all of us will miss her. Shout Outs to IPI of course and Antoinette because I have been thinking a lot about her lately (I guess it means I need to contact her). Happy birthdays (belatedly) to Macy and Darrell. Macy is Ebony’s now one year old niece and Darrell is Kendra’s two year old little brother (I wish I had scanned pictures to share they really are cute. Also happy birthday to Wazzie, who doesn’t really read this, but I remembered fully anyway. Finally, RIP to Robert Gaskins and my heart “really” goes out to those who miss the tenderhearted stubborn man.
This edition is packed really. I will include Chapters 2&3 of my “untitled” novel and this story I call Jell-o. Also, I will stick my newest poem in for review. Only the poem is inserted in here while I’ve made links to the other things.With Closed EyesWith closed eyes I plunge
Into the dark unknown
Fingers intertwined
In your sanguine grip
As your eyes caress
My exposed heart
I tremble under the rustic tenderness
Of your promises of amor
With closed eyes I clutch
Onto your supple hips
Like a line holding me on a cliff
My fingers trying to communicate
Because you got me speechless
Back arched in pain of pleasure
I growl in frustration
In my unsatisfied addiction to you.
With closed eyes I hide
My hazel lights
Like curtained windows
Afraid that you’ll see into my soul
With the brilliance glow
Of your love
Keeping myself shut in darkness
So I’ll never see the fading of your heart.