"Excuse me, but can you spare a dime?"
The words broke me out of my self-pitying seclusion. My eyes strained to adjust to the dim light as I blinked rapidly to try to wash away the tears of my life. Across the table, distorted by the empty mug in front of me, stood a haggard man, his hair tangled in knots that hid his well-worn face. In the flickering light of the solitary candle, I saw the creases and folds of a life of ups and downs covering his thin features. "You look as good as I feel," I mumbled, forcing my mouth to work after hours of abuse by the house liqueur.
"Yeah, I guess," he smiled, an expression that seemed both in and out of place, and sat down. "You don't happen to have any change on you, by any chance?"
I forced my hand down to my pocket and fumbled around to check. My fingers grasped for something, for anything, anything that I might still have in my life. They finally clamped around a small, cold coin. I withdrew it carefully, as if I was removing something of great value. Slowly, I brought it in front of my eyes and stared at it as if I was seeing my very soul in my hands. All I could see was a tiny silver circle with an engraving of a brave sea boat fighting against all odds, but now covered with the scars and scratches of life that last forever. With a sudden movement, I tossed the thing at the man. "Here, take it. What use is something like that to me? It obviously hasn't helped. They aren't any use today."
"They can be."
"Listen, buddy, I'm not in a philosophising mood right now, okay? Just leave me alone and let me get back to my depression, alright?"
"Hey, sorry man. What's your story?"
"You got a while?"
"Ain't got nowhere else to be."
"Obviously."
Actually, my story starts right here. Looks like life came around to a full circle. Heh. Anyway, you ever heard of TRex Software? You must have, it was in all the news. I owned that business. Heck, I started it and made it the best damn software company ever. I had every corner of the market, word processors, spreadsheets, operating systems, entertainment, everything. And I did all the programming. Yeah, sure there were others who did some of the work, but it was all based on my concepts. In a few years, I would have owned the computer market, been rich beyond my dreams. Dreams. Yeah, that's what they were alright. Just dreams. They would have come true though, if I hadn't have stopped in here one night.
I can't remember when it was. Sometime last year. But anyway, I was walking home and thought I'd grab a quick drink. Great idea. I came in and sat down at this very table, ordered myself something to pass the time. So, I was sitting here sipping away, and I thought I saw a familiar face. "Don?" I said, comparing the image I saw before me to someone I knew a long time ago. He turned, looked at me, looked again, and said "Terry? Is that you? Geeze, man, long time no see! How the heck are you? And what brings you here?"
"Not bad, and nothing in particular," I replied. "How's life been treating you? I haven't heard from you since high- school."
"Don't ask. Just don't ask. Half the time I'm on top of the world, and the other half, well, you know how lucky I am in life. I don't know what's happening. Remember how we use to talk about what we would do in the future, well it ain't happening. Right now, I'm in here trying to run away from two bounced cheques that weren't my fault. The bank screwed me around again, and all the money I'd been saving went bye-bye. Heck, I haven't even got next month's rent, and I can't think of any way to get it. You don't happen to know of any unused street benches, do you?"
"Don, are you serious?"
"Yeah. Terry, I really don't know what to do. I've got no direction in my life any more, after . . ." He stopped, his eyes glazing over as he looked back to what he remembered of the past. Then, he shook himself, remembering who he was with. "But, enough about my troubles. As I said, why are you here? You down and out too?"
"Actually, not really. I just stopped in on my way home from work. I'm doing pretty well for myself. You're really in trouble aren't you?"
"Yeah, I guess so. That's probably why I'm here."
"You know, um, if you need a job, just temporarily, then, well, I think I know of a place. You interested?"
"Doing what?"
"You still good at accounting?"
"Yeah."
"Well, have you ever heard of TRex Software?"
"Of course, who hasn't? Started last year, blew the market on end. But what does that have to do with me?" Then the light of comprehension seemed to appear in his eyes. "Wait a second, you don't mean . . . No, that couldn't stand for . . . You mean you own that? TRex Software stands for Terrence Rex?"
"Well, kinda, yeah. As I said, I've been doing pretty well for myself."
"Pretty well? Pretty well? Terry, you've gotta be rich!"
"I wouldn't say that . . ."
"You are! Or at least you will be faster than I can loose a job! Man, I would be honoured to work at a place like that. I just can't believe it! Terry, you never cease to amaze me."
"Now there's a switch . . ."
That's how it happened. That's what started the whole thing. I brought Don into TRex, put him in charge of accounting. Amanda, my girl friend, was getting tired of doing both that and the graphics design for TRex. See, TRex was a major company, but there was just me, Amanda, Jay, a couple other guys and now Don who were involved. Computer software's great that way, you can get a core group of people and you can create stuff that outshines the opposition in every way possible, and make major money doing stuff that no one else can. Now, mind you, we really weren't making all that much money. The reason we sold so well is that we had reasonable prices so that people could afford to buy our programs instead of pirating them. Unfortunately, with the cost of printing being what it is, we didn't make much profit. However, it kept Don busy sorting out all our expenses and figuring out just how much money we were actually making. You know, it was good to see him again. I'd sort of lost track of him when I went off to University, as he dropped out of school and ran off with some girl. We parted on reasonable terms, ie: we were still speaking with each other. We'd been through a lot in the short time we'd known each other, and we understood one another almost perfectly. I think. Well, at least we fit together well. Don and I had had our differences, but we always worked them out and stayed friends. I don't know how or why, but we did. Actually, I think I was the only friend he had, for a while. He seemed to rub a lot of people the wrong way, for some reason. Most people couldn't see the side of him that I knew after helping him get over a girlfriend of his. He was a very deep person, with so many layers that it seemed the more you found out about him, the more you knew was missing. To some it up, a strange character, but I liked him.
Anyway, he started working for TRex and recovering from his hard times. Unfortunately, not everyone was completely happy with this arrangement. Jay also knew Don from school.
"Terry," Jay told me one morning, "I'm just saying it's not a great idea. I don't trust him. I remember what he was like, and he still rubs me the wrong way."
"Look, Jay, I know him, okay? He and I have been through a lot. We've both done some pretty nasty things to each other, and we've always had our differences, but we understand each other. I know what he would and would not do, okay? I'll take full responsibility."
"I want that in writing."
"You got it. And don't worry, I am keeping an eye on him."
"I hope so."
Things settled down pretty quickly after that, which was good because it was a pretty hard month. Don really was exaggerating when he said that TRex was rich. We weren't. A quick look at our income showed that sales were levelling off earlier than we had hoped, perhaps too early. Some of the major companies had seen what we were doing and were doubling their efforts to beat our technology. It was quite a hectic time, all of us running around doing everything at once, trying to use our ingenuity to outproduce major companies. Man, it was rough. Plus, with perfect timing, Amanda chose that month to break up our relationship.
"I'm sorry, Terry," she told me, "but it's just not working. We were great friends before and we talked about everything, but now, I don't know, something's changed. We aren't as open as we were. Look, I know it's a bad time for both of us, but do you think we could go back to just being friends?"
What did I do about it? I did what I always do. Nothing. I just agreed with her, and said that we could just separate a little and see how things go. God, that was hard. She meant well, but if she only knew how that affected me. She was the only girl I'd gone out with since high school, and that, well, that was an episode of my life I'd rather forget. I just hoped it wouldn't repeat itself. But, I wasn't going to get upset at her and make a bad situation worse, so I simply left. We never brought it up again. I wish I could have told her how much that hurt, but I just couldn't. I never could.
After that, things started really going downhill. Business dropped off drastically, until we weren't even making enough to pay the rent. That, I couldn't believe. A month before, it looked like we were going to own the entire market. Now, well, it looked like TRex would be ex-Rex unless something really drastic happened. Wouldn't you know it, but something drastic did happen. The wrong way.
I was going over to Amanda's to see how she was getting along with some of the graphics work that I desperately needed. She hadn't been able to get into work that week, so I figured I'd stop by and check in. Smart idea. Anyway, I knocked on the door, didn't get an answer, and opened it. I called her name, listened carefully, and heard a mumbling noise from her bedroom. Like any concerned friend, I opened the door and saw . . . well, let me put it this way. My face went bright red, I closed the door, and let her and Don get back to whatever it was they were quite obviously doing.
You have no idea how utterly devastated I felt right then. How does that poem go? 'Nothing brings so much to mind / As when love is lost, / And loneliness is all you find / After you've been double-crossed.' That just about sums up how I felt. I simply could not believe it. You know what makes it even worse? He did the exact same thing to me in high-school. We both like this girl Adriana, but a week after I started going out with her, she dumped me for him, and then he would call me every night and tell me exactly what they had done that day. Oh, he didn't mean to rub my nose in it, though. At the time, I was his only male friend, and he had to talk about it to someone. It was just bad luck that I was that someone. But, back to my point, that hurt. The tension between everyone at TRex started increasing from then on. No one was talking to anyone, everyone was blaming me, and, well, the tension suddenly broke.
Everybody knows what happened. It was in every single paper in every country with any technology at all. Hailed as the biggest computer scandal since the IBM-Microsoft wars. "Virulent Virus Kills Computers." "Virus Wipes Out 80% of Computers World- Wide." Those headlines summed it up perfectly. Everyone was hit, from IBM to the home user, from Canada to Australia, and there was only one thing in common. Every single one of the computers infected had programs written by TRex Software. "Catastrophic Virus Traced to TRex Software." Oh, that did great things for business. I was just jumping for joy to hear that we were suspected for it. Fortunately, I guess, there wasn't enough proof to take TRex to trial, but it killed any hope that we had for a successful company. However, it raised one interesting question. How did TRex programs get on 80% of the computers world-wide? I thought we were barely selling anything! Piracy isn't that rampant. I thought about that, and finally things started coming together. Remember who I put in charge of the books? Books that everyone else was too busy to check over because of the "lack of sales?" The only person with both the access to TRex software and the know-how to write a virus that deadly? The person I said I was keeping an eye on? The guy who stole my girl friend? The lying, self-centred, worthless, two- timing, double-crossing snake I helped out during hard times? I had to confront him.
"Don, we've been through so much together, now why the hell did you have to do this?
"Why Terry, I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't even think about playing innocent about this, buddy. Have you seen the newspapers? They place TRex's sales at millions, compared to this 'barely selling anything' garbage that you've been feeding me. We're going to have a great time in court you . . . you . . . slime!"
"Number one, if that's the best insult you can think of, then you'd better start thinking harder. Number two, do you think I'd be stupid enough to leave any evidence at all pointing to me? You put me in charge of Accounting, in your infinite wisdom, and everything I did I am allowed to under that title! I didn't overstep my boundaries one little bit, you stupid, blind, trusting fool!"
"What?!?"
"That's right, and let me go on, now that you've got me started. Do you have any idea how long I've waited to get revenge of this scale on you? You ruined my life, now I'm ruining yours."
"Now don't get back on her again - "
"And why the hell not? My one true love, and you had to ruin that didn't you? I was going out with her, you still wanted her, and when her parents came asking you for information about me, you went right along with them!"
"I didn't tell them anything!"
"And you didn't even tell me that they were having concerns about me. Any other friend would have, but you, you just stood back and laughed as they forced her to break up with me. You couldn't even frigging warn me!"
"But, but . . ."
He was right, of course. Everything happened just like he said. They were going out and I was jealous. So when her parents started expressing their concerns to me, I didn't try to help Don. I didn't give any misleading information, but I couldn't warn him. I was just incapable of it. I couldn't simply logically ask myself what is more important: high-school teenage lusting or a long friendship that added more into my life than I'd ever had before. And because I couldn't ask that, I lost both. Of course he was upset at me! I had ruined his life by helping along his break-up with Adriana, and so he was perfectly justified in ruining mine both with the virus and with Amanda. Heck, he was even nice about it and didn't leave enough clues for a direct link to me. He could have done it easily enough. I guess he didn't think I should go to jail, ruining me was enough, and there was nothing I could do about it. Don didn't leave a single shred of evidence pointing to him, just my word against his.
"So, that's my story. He got his revenge for me causing him to loose Adriana by not only framing me but also by taking Amanda. Jay and the rest of the TRex crew left and joined other businesses. Me, well, I'm here. I really don't know what to do now. I'm living off my parent's money now, but for the future? Who knows. I guess things have to start getting better 'cause they're just about rock bottom now."
The stranger thought silently for a moment. "Now that is quite a story," the he said, "but there's one thing you should ask yourself. Did you learn anything?"
"Did I learn anything? Did I learn anything? How about things like never trust your best friend, or anyone for that matter? How about don't be nice to someone who's down on their luck? How about don't even think about getting into a relationship because someone's going to break it apart? How about knowing that there's someone up there who's setting everything up in the worst way possible for me? Yeah, I'd say I learned a thing or two."
He smiled. "Is it that absolute?"
"Of course it is! Well, kinda. No, you're right. So I'm over-reacting a little. I think I'm entitled to. But I don't know how I'll be able to trust anyone from now on. It never works out."
"You're still over-reacting. It's not trust that got you in trouble. It's blind trust. There's a very distinct difference. Blind trust is about as productive and useful as blind faith or blind love. Don't just assume that everyone is as trustworthy as you are. Some people do try to live up to your expectations, but fail for one reason or another. Others are like your friend Don. Trust got you to the high point that you were at, but it was your blindness that knocked you down. Life isn't perfect, but it's not totally evil either. Look for a compromise in the middle, where you trust people, but not blindly. Check up on them now and then until you're sure, remember that people change as time goes by, and a person you know from your youth is not necessarily the same person you know now. Think about it, okay? Don't give up because of this, you've still got another shot at success, and don't feel that Don was right in what he did. I'm sure his facts are wildly different from yours, and revenge is never the best way to solve things. Here, take this." He threw something at me. "I gotta go." He headed for the exit of the bar. "Oh, one more thing, about that comment about 'someone up there' messing things up for you, just remember this. Destiny is what you choose to do with fate." He smiled, and was gone.
I looked down at the package he gave to me just before he left. It was a small computer disk labelled "TRex Software" and, below that, in Don's handwriting "Important: Destroy before virus trigger date." Almost in shock, I ran out of the bar to find the man, to thank him however I could, but when I got outside, the street was completely empty. I rushed back in and ran over to the bartender.
"That guy I was talking to a moment ago, do you know him? Does he come here often? Where can I find him?"
"Slow down, there bud, one question at a time."
"That guy who was sitting with me over at that table there, with tangled hair and a really weathered face, do you know were I could find him?"
"Um, buddy, I hate to tell you this, but you've been sitting there by yourself for the last hour, mumbling to yourself. I was beginning to wonder if you'd totally lost it."
"But, no, there was someone there, I swear it! He just left and - "
"Look, you've just finished more drinks than I've ever seen you drink before. They do affect the mind, you know."
"But . . ." I fingered the disk in my pocket. I knew it was real, but I was beginning to recognize some limits. "Oh, never mind. I'll just go home now."
"You want me to call a cab?"
I smiled. "No, I don't think I'll need one tonight. A little fresh air might do me some good. Thanks anyway."
I paid my bill and stepped out into the fresh, early-morning air. I looked around me with a new outlook on life that I certainly hadn't had when I went in. I turned and started towards home when I spotted a small shiny object on the pavement. I picked up the silver disc and looked at its surface, where a powerful vessel forced its way through the waters, but not alone. The crew worked together, trusting each other with good reason, to defeat anything that stood in their way. For some reason, a smile broke out on my face, and I laughed all the way home, enjoying the glint of the rising sun off the dime, and listening to the ringing bells heralding a new day.