| Nightmare I wake to total darkness My skin cold and clammy My heart thundering out of control And my breath coming in harsh gasps Still completely engulfed in terror Held tightly in the grasp of the nightmare My screams still echoing through the room I try to remember the dream's content But can recall only vague images Horrors tugging at the edge of my memory Thank God it was only a dream It was only a dream, wasn't it? Yet it seemed so real I fumble with the light And as it comes on I realize my nightmare has only begun 1/20/2001 Nightmare Part II As the light brightens the room It is not my room it reveals Nothing here is familiar to me And I mean that in the truest sense Yes, this is obviously a bed; that, a chair But like none I have seen before The very air seems different, alive almost I slowly rise from the bed My heart still pounding rapidly The nightmare still very much with me The terror still very real Compounded now by the reality I'd woken to I look down, and realize these are not the clothes I'd worn to bed Everything was different than it had been just a few hours before A thought occurred to me, and I rushed to the nearest mirror But no, it was still my face that looked back at me I opened the closet, and it was full of clothes Though they appeared strange to me They seemed to be the right size I grabbed the first thing I could, and hurriedly dressed Then I walked to the door Certain that it would be locked But the knob turned easily in my hand And gathering my courage, I stepped out into the hallway And determined to discover where I was..... What had happened... I walked toward the stairs 5/13/2001Nightmare Part III As I cautiously descend the stairs I hear voices, though their words are indistinct I hesitate on my descent and wonder Will their language be the same as my own Will they look as I do, for nothing else in this place is familiar Bolstering my courage, I continue on As I reach the bottom of the stairs The voices are louder, and I do understand their words I follow the sound of the voices, and enter a dining room Which goes silent upon my entry Startled looks are exchanged, and the silence lengthens Just at the point where I was about to turn around and leave Quite a handsome man approached me And bowed!! 5/15/2001 Nightmare Part VI "The fact that we're on Earth bothers you?" he asked, puzzled "The fact that this isn't the Earth I'm used to, bothers me!" "I don't understand." "Well, Kalen, welcome to the club. OK, go on with your story. Maybe we'll make some sense out of this." I told him "All right. As I said, I recognized that you were not Queen Taryn, and I positioned myself outside your door so that I might speak with you first thing, but I was called away to attend to some business. When I returned, you had already gone. I immediately went in search of you, and the rest you know." "No, the rest I do NOT know! Tell me about this Wilfred and his priest. Tell me about your queen. Tell me why I'm here!!!" 5/17/2001 Nightmare Part V "My name is Kalen. I am Champion to our queen, Taryn." "For some time now she has been plagued by nightmares, brought on, we believe, by the High Priest of her greatest enemy, King Wilfred." "Why is he her enemy?" I interruptted "She refused his offer of marriage, and in so doing made an enemy for life." "And the nightmares, has she been having them for the last year?" I asked "Yes, just about that." he said "So have I, and they were getting progressively worse. More terrifying." "As were hers, and the last few mornings, she has woken with injuries sustained in the dreams, and filled with terror." "She said she felt as if someone were trying to steal her very soul." "Yes, that's it exactly! I've felt the same. I would fight sleep for as long as I could, dreading the moment when it would come." I said "As would she. She told me to be prepared for anything, so I was. I would check on her several times each night, and the last time I checked last night, I knew it was not her in the bed. Oh, don't get me wrong.... um, forgive me, but what is your name?" I blushed with embarrassment, "I'm so sorry, I didn't even think to introduce myself. This has been such a disturbing morning." "No need to apologize, it is easy to see how waking up as someone else would be a little unsettling, but, um, you still haven't told me your name." I blushed even deeper, "Tara," I mumbled "Tara. So very close to the queen's name. I doubt, somehow, that is a coincidence. As I was saying, Tara, you look exactly like my queen, but I could tell you were not her." "Your queen?" I asked "Well, yes, of course, she's my queen," he said, then it dawned on him what I truly meant. "Oh! No, not in that way. I am but her Champion and Protector, and I've done a poor job of it, at that." "You can hardly blame yourself for this," I said, "Where exactly am I, though, because I'm sure not in Kansas anymore." "Kansas?" "Um, nevermind, just a bad joke, but seriously, where am I?" "This is the Kingdom of Angelus." "The Kingdom of Angels?! I'm in heaven?!" "Heaven? Nooooooooo, the Kingdom of Angelus." "Angelus. Oh, sorry, my mistake, um...but I've never heard of it. What country is it in?" "Country? We have no countries, only kingdoms, and Angelus is the greatest of them all. How could you not have heard of it?" "Um, well, Kalen, I've got the feeling that your queen, wherever she is, is having the same problem. I've never believed in that hocus pocus, other dimension stuff, but I may have to change that. Everything here is the same, yet different from where I come from. Where, exactly, are we, Kalen?" "I've told you, the Kingdom of Angelus." he said "Yes, yes, I've got that, but what planet are we on?" He looked at me as if I'd lost my mind, and I wondered myself "Why....Earth, of course." "I was afraid of that." I said dejectedly 5/16/2001 Nightmare Part VI "The fact that we're on Earth bothers you?" he asked, puzzled "The fact that this isn't the Earth I'm used to, bothers me!" "I don't understand." "Well, Kalen, welcome to the club. OK, go on with your story. Maybe we'll make some sense out of this." I told him "All right. As I said, I recognized that you were not Queen Taryn, and I positioned myself outside your door so that I might speak with you first thing, but I was called away to attend to some business. When I returned, you had already gone. I immediately went in search of you, and the rest you know." "No, the rest I do NOT know! Tell me about this Wilfred and his priest. Tell me about your queen. Tell me why I'm here!!!" 5/17/2001 Nightmare Part VII Kalen looked at me as if I were mad Perhaps I am, maybe this whole thing is just part of my nightmare Perhaps I'm still asleep, and this is all a dream But no, this is real; surreal, actually How could something like this happen? It's fantastical....unbelievable Yet, here I am, in a reality other than my own I don't know how I got here And worse, I have no idea how to get home Then again, no one waits for me there No one will even know I'm missing Or am I missing? Perhaps Taryn is living my life As I, apparently, am to live hers 5/17/2001 Nightmare Part VIII Well, enough of introspection Time for disclosure So I settle myself into the nearest chair Focus all my attention on Kalen Not at all difficult to do, mind you And say, "All right, Kalen. Start at the beginning." "Very well then. Let me give you a bit of history. Taryn is our queen as I've told you. She has been on the throne for five years now. She is the sole surviving member of the royal family." "What happened to the rest of them?" I asked "Taryn was a twin, but her sister died in infancy, there were no more siblings. Her parents died within a few years of each other. Her mother of illness, her father in a riding accident. She became queen at the age of sixteen." "Is she a good queen?" I asked "She's an excellent queen." I merely nodded, and he continued. "However, King Wilfred of Mikodos has long made it known that he wanted the queen for his bride. Her father would never acquiesce, and since his death, the queen herself has refused him." "Why the refusals? Is he such a horrible man?" "He's a tyrant! A cruel, selfish ruler and an even worse man." "OK, I can see where he wouldn't be the best choice for marriage. Go on." I said "Well, he's never taken the refusals well, but in the last year he's been quite threatening." "Just won't take no for an answer, huh?" "No, he will not." "OK, but just what does he have to do with the dreams?" "I can't answer that, but the queen was certain he was behind them. When she began suffering injury via the dreams, she was certain it was the work of Wilfred's High Priest." "And the reason for that was....?" "Other than his being the king's faithful minion, and being rather evil himself, I do not know. Queen Taryn refused to tell me." "That's it?! That's all you can tell me?!" "I'm afraid so, Tara." "It makes no sense! What has any of this to do with me?" 5/18/2001 Nightmare Part IX I spent hours more questioning Kalen But, although he is the queen's Champion Apparently, she felt it necessary to keep certain things from him And nothing more he told me made my situation any clearer Although I did discover that the queen and I had much in common Eerily so, our lives practically mirrored each other's And I saw her picture, it was like looking at myself Oh, there were small differences But they were small indeed As the day drew to a close, I returned to the queen's chambers My chambers, until I could figure this thing out I lay on her bed.....and tossed and turned Finally giving up on sleep Not a huge sacrifice really, considering what happened to me the last time I slept I looked around the room for a book of some kind to read, and found none So I started to search her drawers And with the third drawer I opened, I found a book I looked for a title on the cover, but there wasn't one Upon opening the book, I discovered it was her journal And now, here I sit, with her writings in my hands Debating with myself as to whether or not to read it After all, these are her private thoughts And the book is kept here in the sanctity of her room Normally, I would never even consider invading someone's privacy in such a way But......I need answers, I must have them And so, with a great deal of trepidation, I begin to read 5/19/2001 Nightmare Part X The journal started about six years ago And from the way it read, it was not the first volume I wondered where the others were From the thickness of this one, I guessed there could be at most, two more This one should suffice for my needs however So, feeling like the worst kind of intruder, I began to read As the journal began, her mother had already died She and her father still mourned the loss I skimmed over much of it Wanting not to invade her privacy any more than absolutely necessary There were mentions of Wilfred almost from the first page He must truly have been pursuing her all of her life Not one entry was favorable to him But she did not seem to fear him either As I read her words, I had the strangest feeling of kinship I can't quite explain it Not as if I too had experienced these things But almost as if it was I who had written them The "voice" of her writing was my own Though the experiences written of were hers I reached the part where her father died I intended to just skip it, as it really had no bearing on my situation But a word caught my eye The word murdered 5/20/2001 Nightmare Part XI It seemed that Taryn suspected her father had been murdered, though she had no proof Several things had been out of the ordinary on the day of his death One of them alone was hardly noteworthy But the sum of them certainly did seem suspicious Here she also posed the question that perhaps her mother's illness had not been of natural causes Though it had not been questioned at the time Immediately following her father's death, Wilfred had arrived Ostensibly to offer his condolences, but she had no doubt of his ulterior motive She refused to see him, and sent him away Somehow I think that might not have been the wisest course of action Though I'd probably have done the same She took full advantage of her ninety days of official mourning Remaining secluded in her chambers Refusing all visitors And from the quantity of writing in the journal, doing little else but that She poured out her pain and her anger over the loss of her parents And made quite the case that they had indeed been murdered She also wrote of plans to bring about the downfall of Wilfred If I had had any doubt as to her feelings for him They were dispelled by her writing She truly despised him I could literally feel her hatred of him running up and down my spine And somehow, I knew that I was experiencing the exact same thing as she had as she wrote the words But I experienced something different as well A feeling of foreboding so strong it stopped the very beating of my heart 5/20/2001 Nightmare Part XII I sat here for long moments overwhelmed with the feelings I was experiencing Nothing like this has ever happened to me before Why now? What sort of connection did I have with this person whom I've never met? For though, I'd like to deny it, a connection does exist Finally having gotten my emotions under control, somewhat I sit here pondering these things And I have no answers But I KNOW this person, this queen I know her feelings, her thoughts And although I cannot explain how I know I know she is all right Wherever she is And that she's depending on me to help her 5/21/2001Nightmare Part XIII Wait just a minute!!!!! She is depending on me to help her! That means she knew about me! How is that possible?! Did she plan all of this?!! Is this her doing?!!! Whoa!! Deep breath, Tara, calm down, girl OK now, she must have known about me She had to have, so let's just take that as a given But how did she know about me? And just what did she know? She kept Kalen in the dark, I'm certain of that And if she didn't tell him, the person closest to her Then she didn't tell anyone So how am I supposed to know what to do? The connection I feel with her seems to be getting stronger But I don't think she would have depended on that No, I'm sure she wouldn't have I suppose I should just see what she has to say Back to the journal 5/21/2001 Nightmare Part XIV The next couple of years were just concerning her duties as queen For the most part A few entries about her private activities, and certain people Quite a few concerning her ongoing battle of wills with Wilfred He was relentless in his pursuit of her As was she in her refusal of him I was perhaps two thirds through the book when something caught my eye as I was flipping through the pages I turned back to it, sure that I had been mistaken But I was not, there, in her journal, was my name 5/21/2001Nightmare Part XV OK, by this time I'm fully expecting to hear the Twilight Zone theme song Or see Mulder and Scully come busting through the door It would have been a relief really But, as unreal as it is, this is my reality More afraid than I care to admit, I read on This passage was concerning her nemesis, Wilfred Apparently, he'd stepped up his campaign And with each refusal, was making threats that became less and less veiled It was at this point that I came into it She had written, "I begin to fear for Tara. Although I cannot imagine how, I suspect Wilfred has discovered her existence. It terrifies me to even think what he and that despicable priest of his have discovered, or what they are capable of." Have you ever had an out of body experience? That's as close as I can come to explaining what I'm feeling at the moment That must be someone else she is speaking of Some other Tara, surely it can't be me If it is me, how could she know about me, but I not know about her? And we live on different Earths At least in different dimensions How could she be talking about me? And yet, I knew she was As I resume my reading, I feel the book fall from my nerveless fingers after I finish her next entry "Perhaps, in the end, I will fall to Wilfred, but he will not harm Tara. I will protect my sister at all costs!" 5/21/2001 Nightmare Part XVI I don't know how long I've sat here Frozen in shock, and something else Betrayal, I think Why was I deemed unworthy to be a part of this family? All my life I'd dreamed of having a family I'd grown up in a boarding school, an orphan My expenses supposedly payed for by a kindly philanthropist I'd never questioned it because I wasn't the only girl there under such circumstances But I had no family, and no memory of one And I'd always felt as if a vital part of me was missing I wonder now if that was the psychic connection I've heard of between twins Just since reading Taryn's words, I feel more complete than I ever have in my life And more empty...and more angry I hear a pounding in my head, and as I focus on the possible cause of it The door bursts open, and Kalen rushes in He falls to his knees in front of me, and begins to gently shake me "Tara, Tara what's wrong? Talk to me, Tara." I stare blankly at him for a moment, then say the first thing that comes to my mind "That's Princess Tara to you." 5/22/2001**** Nightmare, Part XXVII Immediately the terrors begin Nameless, faceless….horrifying The same as always, yet different Taryn is there, sharing in her terror They cling to each other as the nightmare gains strength Then, it's as if the terrors of the dream are stonewalled The dream is unable to intensify Blocked by the combined strength of the two women It rams into them, trying to grow Trying to consume them But together, they hold strong They can feel the fury of the dream master growing Becoming a force unto itself Trying to tear them apart And then the horror is there, manifest as a creation beyond description It takes hold of Taryn, and though Tara tries desperately to help her To maintain their connection Taryn's grip loosens, and she is dragged away And Tara awakes screaming Kalen bursts into the room, to find Tara covered in blood, and sobbing uncontrollably 5/26/2001 Nightmare Part XXVIII Kalen rushed in and gathered Tara in his arms He just held and rocked her until she was quiet When she was finally calm again, he questioned her "Tell me what happened, Tara." "Another nightmare, but Taryn was there this time." "You dreamt of Taryn? That's not unusal considering you've been absorbed in her journal." She pulled away from him so that she could look into his eyes "No, Kalen, I didn't dream of Taryn. She was there. I held her in my arms!" "You mean you dreamt you did." he said, trying to understand "No, it wasn't a dream, well it was, but it was real. I held my sister in my arms, Kalen! I did!" "All right. If you're that convinced, I believe you. Tell me what happened." "The nightmare started out as usual, except for Taryn's presence. Then it grew in intensity up to a point. Taryn and I managed to hold it at bay. For a while. Then this horrible....thing, appeared, and grabbed Taryn. I tried to hold onto her, but she released me, and let the thing take her. That's when I woke up." "I don't understand any of this." Kalen said, though I could tell he believed me I don't know what I would have done if he hadn't "Come on, Tara, let's you you cleaned up, and tend to your wounds." And for the first time, I noticed that I was covered in blood 5/27/2001Nightmare Part XIX I pick up the journal and begin reading again For a while it was just more of the same Nothing of particular interest to me Then the dreams started Like mine, at first, they were just unsettling But they grew progressively more terrifying and violent As they did so, she began to grow more and more suspicious that, somehow, they were caused by Wilfred Shortly after they began, he started making remarks with double meanings And she was sure she knew which one was intended About this time, another name began appearing regularly, Agatha But not enough was written to tell me who she actually was Whoever she was, Taryn looked to her for guidance, and I think, protection, against Wilfred Suddenly I am struck with a feeling of such urgency, it takes my breath away Whoever this Agatha is, I must find her, and soon 5/23/2001 Nightmare Part XX I went to the door and called Kalen inside "Who is Agatha?" I asked "Agatha? She was Taryn's governess. Why do you ask?" "She was more than that to Taryn. I must speak with her as soon as possible. Where is she?" "She lives in a cottage a ways from here. Why do you need to see her?" "I think she may have the answers I need. I only know that it's imperative that I speak with her. I must go to her immediately." "Absolutely not, Princess!" "I told you not to call me that, and what do you mean, absolutely not?" "It's too dangerous. You cannot expose yourself like that. Whoever has the queen will know you're an imposter...well, not exactly an imposter, but still they'll know you're not the queen." "I have to go, Kalen. Taryn is depending on me." "Yes, she is, and you cannot place yourself in danger unnecessarily. I will have Agatha brought to you." "All right, I'll stay here, but you must go get her yourself." "No, I won't leave you to someone else's care." He saw that I was about to argue, and spoke first "This is not debatable, Princess. Tara. I will send several of my most trusted men, but I will not leave you. This is not up for discussion. She will be safe with them." "She'll be safe with them, but I'll only be safe with you?" "There is no one else who cares for your safety as I do." And then, this gorgeous man blushed! "And why is that Kalen?" I couldn't help but ask "I'm really not at liberty to say." "Why not?" "I am in no position to speak of such things to you, My Princess." "Would you stop calling me that?! I'm just Tara! That's who I was when we first met, it's who I am now." "Whether you, or I, like it or not, Tara. You are a princess. My princess, and there are protocols that must be followed." "I wish I'd never told you." "But you did. We must focus on rescuing Taryn now anyway. I'll send my men at once." And with that, he left, and a whole other set of emotions washed over me. 5/24/2001 |