[Funfic] Azi's Exciting Never Ending Obsession
By TFG14VR

::Azi walks into the house, down-trodden and bearing a long, sad face.::

Aziaphale: *sigh* Hi dad.

Fred: Hey there, my boy. Something wrong?

Aziaphale: Yeah...:*(

Fred: Well, all you need to do is lighten up! Take it easy, be in good spirtis! Then you'll feel better!

Aziaphale: Wow, I do feel better! Thanks pa! :D

Fred:...'Sides, there ain't nothing you can do if you got a hideous face like
yours, so no reason to mope around, right? Err...what's the matter now, my boy?

Aziaphale: I was sad because I lost my StarScream! >:( !!

Fred: Oh, well then I was just kidding yeah, I was just joking around.
You've got a handsome face Az...Az...um, what was your name again?

Aziaphale: You're my father! You should know my name!
Fred: Hey, don't tell me what to do. That's why I joined the Teamster's Union.
::Fred beats Azi with his missing StarScream.::
::He stops::

Aziaphale: Why'd you stop?

Fred: I quit the Teamster's yesterday
Aziaphale: :D

***
TigerMegatron: Later, up-----> stairs....

Aziaphale: Well, time to start cracking on my homework, I supose...

::Azi begins to take his books out, when the bible falls on his toe::

Aziaphale: Ouch! Hey, what the...?

::The Bible flaps quickly to a page. Written on the page in bold, italic
16-size font: "THOUGH SHALT NOT COMMIT SUICIDE"::

::A bolt of thunder strikes outside::

Aziaphale: Hmm...that's odd. Usually when the Bible hits my big toe, it opens
up to the beginning of Revelations. Judge it off of wind velocity, I supose.

Bible: ;D

Aziaphale: *sigh* I assume nothing will go right for me today...

Poochie: Ruff ruff!

Aziaphale: Well, hello there doggy! I'm glad you still love me!

Poochie: ::eats Azi's homework::

Aziaphale: *sigh* I wish I had my video camera to tape that...but the majority
was used for my sex job with Jax.

Jax: }}}}}}}>

Aziaphale: This world of mine just seems to be getting worse by the minute...I
want to rid myself of all the stress in my life, to just get it all over
with...to clean myself of these hardships...I guess there is only one way to do
that, and I was hoping it wouldn't come to this...*sigh*

::Aziaphale takes a shower.::

::While bathing himself, Azi spots a razor blade::

Aziaphale: Hmm...I'll use that when things get unbearably bad...or when I need
a shave, which ever comes first.

::Azi suddenly realizes he still hasn't grown any hair in his "private" areas
yet::

Aziaphale: Guess I know what'll be coming first :D...or wait, I mean :*(,
that's better.

***

TigerMegatron: Later that day...

Aziaphale: ::looking up posts on ATT:: Hmm...this place seems to subtley
suggest that I should end my life...

ATT: KILL YOURSELF NOW, YOU f*ckING IDIOT!

TMJD: Yeah ye mother-f*cker, before I have to get my punk ass rappers on ya' fat ass.

TrypticonX: Yes you maternal-f*cking mom, I have to before you get my punk
asshole rappers on your heavy ass.

TMJD: Hey, I like your style :)

TrypticonX: Leave me be.

::Aziaphale departs from the newsgroup, upset and disgusted.::

Aziaphale: Maybe tv will solve my problems, wonder what's on any of these
channels...channels....channels....by golly, that gives me an idea!

::Azi hops back on the computer and posts a new message to ATT::

Jax: As oposed to an old message ;D

Azi's post:

"Hi all, Aziaphale here. I realize the newsgroup is starting to merge apart,
the two ATT squadrons now consisting of those who love me and those who don't
love me.

For the former, there is a new channel to fit your needs: #CYBERFUN, on the
DALnet IRC provider. For the latter, just go to #wiigii! Haha, I'm funny, see?

But I made that harmless comment in jest. No need to start a flame war (But you
guys suck. Kidding!*). So see ya around! Hope you decide to stop by #CYBERFUN,
the coolest place in hardware, men's ware and underwear! And it's operated by
me :) ! *BTW, you wiigii guys, and Rakashaka, really are scum- but don't flame me, cause
I'm only joking! :P"

Darwinian Killed: Hmm...I like his style :>

::Azi sits back in his seat, proud of his post.::

Aziaphale: Yep, they just don't make them like that anymore...Now, on to IRC!

::Azi hops on IRC::

---Aziaphale has entered #CYBERFUN---

OldHomo81: And then the vagina startd to blead worser than usual
RedAsphalt: i know, it happens
Aziaphale: Hi guys.
OldHomo81: And then the bitch croaked.
TheFly: When that shit hapens, it's best to dump her by your enemie's house. or her ex boyfriend
RedAsphalt: LOL
Aziaphale: Hey hey HEY! I don't mind it if you want to stay in my channel, but if you decide you do, then you'll have to mind your manners!
RedAsphalt: ?
(::--Aziaphale has been kicked by RedAsphalt("Beat it, kid. go reg your own
damn channel."))

Aziaphale: I don't understand...were those guys from ATT?
I guess I'll have to create another channel...*sigh*...I'll change my nick, too, since I want to become a brand new person. This new nick will reveal my passion for Transformers, yet my courage to stand up for what is right. No more hanging around in the past! New identities must spring forth! f*ck the past, kiss the future! For me, personally, it never ends!!!

::Aziaphale changes his nick to Zoid Gator.::

ZoidGator: Now, to embark on a new channel with my old friends...

** Now Talking in #AZZI
ZoidGator: :)
ZoidGator: Hmm...nobody here yet, that gives me ample time to change the
topic...
***ZoidGator changes topic to 'Hi.'
ZoidGator: I like it :p
*** Prowl has joined #AZZI
Prowl: Hey Azi.
ZoidGator: Hey Prowl.
Prowl: Woah dude, are you related to that Aziaphale guy in any way, cuase your names sound alike? ;P
ZoidGator: LOL
Prowl: That's my little joke.
ZoidGator: LOL
** Jax has entered "AZZI"
Jax: Hi you guys!
ZoidGator: Hey Jax!
Prowl: ditto!
ZoidGator: LOL
Jax: LOL
Jax: So anyway how are you guys doing?
::Jax changes nick to "MartyIsenberg"::
MartyIsenberg: Greetings.
Prowl: OMG!!!! I've got so many questions to ask you!
MartyIsenberg: I know :)
ZoidGator: Hey, wait a sec...You're Jax.
MartyIsenberg: No, my name is Marty Isenberg. I work at Hasbro. I'm married
and have two beautiful kids.
ZoidGator: No, you dillhole, you're Jax, it says so in the chat log. And you
work at a pizza hut. And you're engaged to a horse.
::MartyIsenberg changes nick to "Jax"::
Jax: Well, you sure got my number ;D
Prowl: My mom said he would say that!! LOL

::Jax has been kicked by ZoidGator(So long, buddy!)::
** Jax has entered #AZZI

ZoidGator: Don't piss me off, man.
Jax: All I was doing was kidding around, don't be so serious :/
ZoidGator: Sorry, I'm just not in the mood.

**NickServ-The nick "Prowl" is owned by someone else. Please choose another. If
you do not comply, your nick will be changed in 60 seconds.
Prowl: Oh no...what do I do? Capture the rings of Saturn and harness their
power into a pickel jar?
Jax: Yeah.

**NickServ-You have 30 seconds to choose a different nick.
Prowl: !!! Azi, help me!
ZoidGator: Just do what the Nickserv operator is telling you, Prowl.

**Nickserv-You have 10 seconds to change your nick. If you do not comply, we
will rape you with a mayonaisse jar.
Prowl: There's no time...this is it, guys...I'll miss you...
Jax: ?

**Prowl's nick has been changed to "Guest145643".
Guest145643: Oh, um, I guess all that happens is my nick gets changed.
ZoidGator: LOL, yup that's it :)
Jax: Hey AziZoid, look! Prowl changed his name and is impersonating someone
with the name "Guest145643"! You might have to kick him...:/
ZoidGator: This is totally different, Jax.
Jax: I don't see how it is. Kick him, Azzi. Or don't you have the gonads to
kick Prowl out of yer chan? ;D
::Jax has been banned.::
Guest145643: Guess you put him in is place, huh? ;)
::Guest145643 has been banned::
ZoidGator: I guess this channel idea of mine just would have never
worked...Maybe taking my life, a life so few seem to care for, wouldn't be such
a bad idea...

At home, Azzi brings the razor blade ever closer to his wrist. But suddenly,
right before the edge reaches his skin...

::Sally47 has entered #AZZI::
Sally47: Umm...hi :)
ZoidGator: Who are you?
Sally47: I lurk on ATT some of the time, I saw your message and decided to stop by :)
ZoidGator: So you're not a raging idiot or anything?
Sally47: Well, no, I'd don't think I am. But then again, I'm biased :)
ZoidGator: LOL :)
Sally47: I've been feeling kind of bad lately...I have a feeling you have, too.
ZoidGator: You're right, I have.
Sally47: Well, we can be friends if you want...
ZoidGator: Oh Sally, I know we just met, but it seems like already we are
destined to be together. To be much more than friends.
Sally47: That's strange, I ...I feel the same way, too.
ZoidGator: Your words are like whispers from an angel to me, Sally. You may be
the only reason why I stay on this planet.
Sally47: I love you, Aziaphale.
ZoidGator: Oh Sally, I love you too...
Sally47: Your love is lik- Oh no Aziaphale, BRB. I'll be back shortly.
ZoidGator: Please, don't take too long, Sally. My life is in an utter state of
turmoil. If you don't come back within thirty minutes, I can't guarantee that
I'll still be around. I'll reserve a half-hour of my time just for you, since
you mean that much to me Sally. Please, don't take longer than that.
Sally47: I'll be back in a minute, my love.
ZoidGator: Oh please be back soon. I can't possibly hold out longer than
thirty minutes.
Sally47: I'll be back much sooner than that, don't worry.

At "Sally"'s house...

"JAX! For the last time, get your ass down here!"

Jax: Alright mom, hold on a second! I'm doing some, er homework on the
computer!

Homework my ass! You're probably engaging in transexual discussion again!

Jax: If only you knew, ma ;D

Epilogue: It took Jax fourty five minutes to eat dinner.

God: Well Azi, I decided all my creations have a place up here, including
yourself, even if you did commit suicide, which I strongly discourage.

Aziaphale: :D !!!

God: You'll have to share a divine room with Billy, though. Apparently he
commited suicide after searching up some ATT-RPG's. "Sharing in one another's
sins", you know the old saying. Now I've put an ironic twist to it.

Billy: We're gonna have so much fun! Better yet, we'll have fun for ETERNITY,
Azzi! :)

Aziaphale: NOOOOOOOOO!!!

::God farts.::

God: It's funny, 'cause I'm not supposed to act like this :)

The End