[FunFic] Going Dutch.

Chapter One: Wings Over War, Dutch Guys Over Beer

On top of a large moutain, in the twilight of the everglowing night, a lone cabin is standing
admist the cold, desolate atmosphere. And inside that cabin...

Jax is masturbating.

BUT, on the hill right next to it, there lies a large metal dome. Surely on the inside evil
schemes are being planned. So evil, that the schemers have placed the deceased bodies of Hitler
and Kurt Cobain inside their base, just for inspiration.

The schemers, dressed in their ceremonial clothes, drinking their ritual drink, and gathered
around their machine of doom, prepare an evil plan.

Devvi: ::Dressed in a Trekkie outfit with wooden shoes, drinking beer and seated around the
personal computer:: Eh, what do you intend on doing?

Paul: I dunno. I think iut's time those ATTers learn a lesson.

Argus: wasnt sending TigerMegatron after them a good enough lesson?

Paul: Nah, it wasn't. They ended up forgetting about him..This time we will teach them the
biggest example by being the most annoying: We will start posting to the newsgroups ourselves!

Argus: *gasp*!

Devi: *gasp* *hiccup*!

Paul: That right, those stupid ATTers will soon wish they never met the menace knwon as Paul
Vromen! Mwahaha!

Devi: But they haven't met you yet, it's only the beginning of the story.

Paul: I'll save THat line for laterz then ;P *belch*

Devvi: Are you sure it's wise to attack with no motive, Sir? Maybe if we sent someone far more
annoying to ATT first, then we could retaliate after she leaves and then kill the ATTers in the
midst of confusion?

Paul: ...

Devvi: I'm suggesting that we send Sanrah to ATT for a few months.

Paul: Whatever you thinkll work :/

Argus: Brilliant idea Devi!

Paul: yah, Now I knower why I recruited you fer MY TAEM :p

Devvi: I recruited you for this team, you asshole.

Paul: But i was drunk at the time so I don't remember amd THREfore I am the leader cause I'm
dont remember nd am amnesia drunbk ;D

Argus: He's got a point there.

Devvi: Whatever.
***

Several months pass by. Sanrah is sent to the newsgroup, and widespread cringing induces. In
the process, feminists are given a black eye. Men have their eyes scratched out. And blind men
have their testicles blown off.

Eventually, however, the tyrant departs from the group, her mission done. In the vast landscape
known only as "ATT", the tired posters finally have a reason to celebrate.

SHE'S GONE!

ATT: Yay! She's finally gone :D !

N-Bomb: Who's gone? That bitch Blue-Jackal left monthts ago

Prowlus: *sniff*

ATT: No, Sanrah. She's finally gone!

The ATTers rejoice and watch episodes of Transformers. Nightbird scratches her neck and
Outsyder dies of asphyxiation.

Meanwhile, deep in the Dutchian country side, inside their metalic base, the three evil men look
at each other with a grin.

And bloodshot, dizzied eyes.

Paul: well the plan worked! "operation: Attack the ATters and then will kill them later after
theyre done being confused" was a success!

Devvi: I still don't know why we just didn't call the mission "Operation: Sanrah".

Argus: in anee event, they wouldn't know what's coming if we attacked them right now, sir.

Paul: excellence. we shall hgo to ATT and retake what is ours: the newsgroup! or spray beer
into their eyes, which ever sounds most amusing once we get there.

::Devvi, Paul and Argus march out of their base and onward towards ATT to the tune of
"Never Surrender"::

::Devvi runs back, inserts a different audio tape, and they march out to the tune of
"Pabst Blue Ribbon"::

---

Chapter2: Title Deemed Off-Topic by Brian Kirby

Paul: ::drops luggage onto the ground:: Ah my friends, I believe we are here!

Argus: ::slowly looks up at the gigantic building:: THAT's ATT Land??

Paul: why of course! It even says so on the door! ::taps on the "AT&T" emblem on the front door::

::The three enter the large complex::

Paul: ::wearing an "I killed Optimus Prime" t-shirt and carrying a Superman doll, he walks up to
a service desk client:: Excuse me...

ServiceWoman: ::talking on phone:: Excuse me for a second...::places hand over reciever:: *sigh*
Gentlemen, you don't belong here. The place you want to go is several blocks east from here.
You'll know you're there once you hear the sound of all female voices fade off.

Paul: Wow, thanks miss! :D and I see you work at this phone company...want my number, so you can
work on my telephone and then fix me up a bit too?? :)

ServiceWoman:...
***

Paul: ::drops luggage, places arm back in his sling:: Well, we're finally here(again ): ATT Land!
Now, time to embark on killing the stupid ATTers stupiud Atters...

::Paul, Devvi and Argus push the giant gates to ATT Land open, and admist blazing light seats
Steve-O on top of a golden pedestal::

Steve-O: Welcome, gentlemen. Will you be staying here long?

Paul: as long as it takes..

Steve-O: Should I mark you down for a week?

Paul: What's with all the questions?

Steve-O: Sorry, sorry. Go right in. We invite all peoples here, despite their race, color,
religion, or intelligence...

Jax: Does that mean I'm allowed back in?

Steve-O: No. Now please move so the neo-Nazi and KKK member behind you can come in.
***

Paul: Let's find some guyz to bug...

HooperX: ::bumps into Devvi:: Who are you?

Devvi: Buh-boom :p

HooperX: Oh, it's Devvi, hur hur, but I don't recognize the two morons next to you.
What do you want?

Devvi: Haha, stupid moonman. Hoopsie-woopsie ;D

HooperX: Huh? Oh, right, you're Dutch.

Devvi: Better than Americon!

Paul: LOL!

Azi: LOL

Jasper: LOL, we all think it's funny :)

Paul: you fucking idiot, don't speak on behalf of the dutch! it's this kind of discrimination
that pisses us off most.

Jasper: :/

Devvi: Hehe, look it's Sugar Lee Hooper! :D

HooperX: YOU'RE A FUCKING LOSER.

Devvi: Takes one to know him!

HooperX:...

Zephirmus: You can't even recite the simple preschool joke correctly? Didn't
think you could, loser.

Paul: Don't be answering my questions's for me, pal!!

Zeph: Well, can you?

::Devvi, Paul and Argus gather in a huddle. They deliberate.::

Paul: No.

Nightwind: What are you Dutch doing? You're upsetting all of us! You're making me really mad!

Outsyder:...aw, she's so cute when shes mad.
::Outsyder ejaculates until he fills up eighty jars of "Horsey-Sauce"
containers.::

Worker#1: Ship 'em out to Arby's, boys.

Prowlus: memories *sniff*

CoolSlider: Shutup, dillhole. Paul, Azi and Devvi are big enough losers. We don't need you
showing your sad case to all us, too.

Prowlus: do you mean that litrally, dude? acuss my hands were in my pockets, i
aint showing noone my business.

::Prowlus sobs uncontrollably.::

MadderMax: ...

Prowlus: please put the flowers by algernon's grave for me.

Argus: anyway, we plan on capturing this newsgroup, ATTers. With full
force, if need be Or if not need be.

Spamiticon: look you punk, i've been posting to ATT for ten years now, in fact I created this
group. so I'd like to know what you intend on doing?

Devvi: Maybe we have a plan...

Fred: I'd like to see that.

TTFreak: me too.

TheFly: yeah.

ATTer#4: Me too.

OldHomo81: i as well.

Argus: ::whispering to Paul:: Sir, the ATTers are growing restless...we may need
to attack as soon as possible.

Paul: ::grappling a screwdriver, pounding nails into his home made bombs::
well, hold them off amigo. distract them virshwa. I gots toa get this bomb done! i'm
getting really pissed off!! :) :)

Jax: He loks like a mad Dutch person when he's pissed ;P

Prowl: LOL!!

Chris McFeely: LAUGHING OUT LO-

::Billy backhands Jax::

Billy: Get your damn hands off my keyboard!
***

The next day, back at the Dutch base...

Argus: what do we intend on doing today, Paul?

Paul: Argus my friend, the time has come: it's time to launch our mission into orbit.

Argus: we're going into outer space?

Paul: Yes-

Devvi: No Argus, you idiot. It's a figure of speech.

Paul: ::thinks for a moment:: A figure of speech, yeah i like that...anyway, I gues we should
drop the bombs on ATT Land now. they never expect it.

Argus: yays!

::The three push their homegrown H-Bombs into a "Safe-Traveling" airplane::

Soon, the plane takes off.

Paul: hmm...tis isn't so hard, flying the plane

::Paul swerves and the right engine gets torn off by a cliff::

Argus: do you even know how to fly an aeroplane?

Paul: is it anything like flying a jet?

Argus: Yeah

Paul: well, then sorry, I don't. But one thing I *DO* know how to do is
detonate bombs...

::Paul presses the "Detonation" button::

::The right wing of the carrier gets blown off.::

Paul: Hmm...maybe we should just roll the H-bombs out of this plane...

Paul, drunker than a Democratic senator, attempts to roll the oversized bomb out
of the side. But his shoe-lace gets stuck underneath...

Paul: oh no, I'm going to die! :) ::hanging on to the torn plane for dear life::

Argus: hey Pauly, do you ever watch Will & Grace?

Paul: Nah, why watch when you can do the real thing? ;P

::Paul regains his control, and shoves the bomb out of the carrier::

Paul: Hahaha...this is the time. those little sons of bastards will pay!

::Paul watches the bomb fall slowly to the ground...::

::...getting ever closer to ATT Land...::

::The bomb drops into a canyon.::

Paul: aww, Damnit...*sigh* I'm runnin out of ideas...

Devvi: I think I got one...
***

'KNOCK KNOCK'!

HooperX: ::opens the door:: Err...can I help you?

Paul: ::wearing a fake mustache:: greetings moonman. Would you like a present?

HooperX: What kind of present?

Paul: ::watching as Devvi and Argus manually roll the megaton bomb up to his door:: Oh, it's
a great doozy of a present. it's our way of saying we forgive you. the present weighs about
tons and can be a fun weapon to use on those nosy kids

HooperX: Like on yourself, asswipe?

Argus: haha

::The door gets slammed.::

Paul: Damnit...when will we be able to detonate this bomb? I wanna see some
killings!

Devi: Let's play baseball until we can think of an idea.

::Devi pitches the ball to Paul, and he misses. Or does he?::

::He does miss, but in doing so he hits the bomb that was seated next to him,
and it flies up in the air::

Argus: that was a great stratedgy for getting the bomb in the air, Paul! :D

Paul: thanks, I always like to trick the pitcher with the first throw, make him think I'm not a
good hitte-Err, i mean a good stradegy, yessir it was :)

The bomb goes soaring into the air, and comes tumbling down onto ATT land...

Jax: Do you hear something?

JenDonahoe: All I hear is the sound of my orgasym :D

Jax: Let's have sex!

Zephirmus: ::watching Jax on the ground:: Hey Jax, why are massaging the rakes?

Elsewhere...

Paul: ::looking through binnoculars:: Haghaha, this is it...Vaarwel onnozel lieden!!!

3...2...1...Augghhh!

Jax: D;

While the bomb falls on the innocent people, "Bullet the Blue Sky" plays in the background.

Devvi changes the background music to "Get Together" and giggles.

---

Chapter Three: The Buzz Starts to Set In...

"Good evening, ladies and gentleman. This is John DeLuna. A group of Dotchbotters, um let me
note they want to be called that...anyway, the Dutchboters attacked the southern east end of ATT
Land. Tragically, a bomb was detonated in that area. Although we didn't actually see the
Dutchies set the H-bomb off, let's just say we have substantial evidence to prove that they
caused the fatal incident.

::The tv network airs a clip of a cow eating grass::

Devvi: Oh oh! We've been cuaught red-handed!

Jonh DeLuna continues his report:

"Normally this would not have been a great catastrophe, since only Jax and Aziraphale live up in
the South-Eastern hillbilly residence. But unforutantely, a large group of ATTers visited that
region during the past month, to see the previously mentioned specimen bathe in each other's
specimen. It was a great attraction, I heard.

This is indeed a depressing loss, and the mind can only wander why the three Dutchmen have done
such a thing. What possesed them to terminate innocent lives? Hopefully not enough to justify
doing it again. For RFC and ATT, I'm John Deluna."

Devvi: 'What possessed us' he says? Hoops took my lunch money, that's what did it /:( !

Argus: da same lunch money you took from me?

Paul: nock it off you too. this is the most significant time for us, we need to stand together.
Who knows what kind of crimes well be indicted for...

Suddenly...Argus farts.

And that's the most startling thing that happens for three weeks.

Paul: WTF?? why havn't we been indicted yet??

Devvi: Apparently sir, and I use that term loosely, a greater threat is plaguing ATT...

Paul: that being?

Devvi: TrypticonX.

Paul: No way, i'll have to see this for myself...

::The Dutchies log on to alt.toys.transformers, and witness everyone gawking at TrypticonX.::

"Oh my god Tryp! We love you?"

Prowl: Can I have your autograph?

TrypticonX: My response to the posed question is yes only on Fridays.

::It's a Thursday.::

Prowl: Are you being serious, or are you just talking randomly?

TrypticonX: Whatever the mind desires.

TMJD: You kick ass in more ways than one, mother f-er!

::Paul logs off.::

Paul: this..this is unreal. not one damn mention about our little bomb. Nobody cares about it!
Theyre all busy staring at Trypy..evil madmen like us never get any respect...

Argus: there's only one thing we can do, really

Paul: what that?

Argus: kill TrypX.

Paul: Are you insane? i'm not evil. Let's just kidnap him or something.
***

Later...

Devvi: You know Paul, the last time we flew you said you didn't know how to. And just a few
moments ago I said I *do* actually know how to fly.

Paul: yah, yer point?

Devvi: Why is Argus flying the f*cking plane?!

Argus: ::pulls the wheel back:: Zoooooooooom!

Paul: that's not important, what's important is our mission. we need to make sure to grab Tryp...
::Paul's voice gets drowned out by Argus::

"ZOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! XD"

Paul: ARGUS, YOU F*CKING IDIOT!! Shut the flying f*ck up so i can explain our motive! Anyway,
we shall fly directly overhead TrypticonX, and grab him with our giant mechanical foot!

Devvi: Why don't we just use the giant mechanical hand?

Paul: you best remember who yer talking to, butty :p Now, onward!

Clouds begin to form in the sky, it appears as if a storm is developing. The Dutch ship tears
right trhough them.

AlRoker: Thanks a lot, jackass. Remind me to ruin your day job for you, too.

TrypticonX: ::peering up into the foggy distance:: The day is nigh for my return to Dutch.

Inside the plane, speeding furiously...

Paul: Tryp is ours! He'll never get away! Hahahahahaha!!

Devvi: Of course he won't, he's not even running.

Paul: ?? whys that, dont he see us?

Several minutes later...

Picard42: ::panting:: Xipho...Xiphos...

Xiphos: Oh stop it, you weren't even running.

Picard42: But you must hurry! Some loonies in an airplane are trying to kidnap Tryp'!

Xiphos: Wha? No, never! ::pulls out a remote control, fiddles with the buttons and joystick::
Run, dear Trypticon, run! I must be your legs!

TrypticonX: ::senses the electronic signals, begins fleeing from the plane directly behind him::
He knows not what he does.

Paul: hey look, he's finally starting to get away!

Devvi: I know! Paul you idiot, if you hadn't waited for him to begin running to catch him, we
could have kidnapped him minutes ago! But you needed your ridiculous dramatic moment to kick in...

Paul: Shutup! Argus, get that bot! Devvi, prepare the giant hand! ::Paul sits down in the
commander's chair, rests chin on hand, and prepares a memorable finishing quote:: This bot is
going to rot.

Devvi:...Oh, geez

::They speed up and grow closer towards the victim.::

Paul: Now Devvi, now! Catch him!

Devvi: This needs to take perfect precision...::Devvi plays with a control panel, tries to grab
Tryp, but misses::

Paul: you idiet!

Devvi: I'm getting damn sick and tired of your attitude

Paul: shutup shutup all of you! Hou je kop! Devvi, this is our last chance, you must catch
Tryp this time!

Devvi: ::moves the glove close to TrypticonX, grabs the lone poster, and brings him inside the
plane:: Great, we got him!

Paul: yeah!

Argus: ::startles, moves his head back to Devvi's direction:: Hey, what's been going on you guyz?
I accidentally fallen asleep...

Devvi: ...

Paul:...

TrypticonX:...

Paul: Anyway, welcome aboard Tryp old buddy. Heh heh heh.

Devvi: Should we molest him now or later?

Paul: How about both? hehehee...vershaw old friend...

TrypticonX: Mankind is what I fear for.

Devvi: Hey, wait!

Paul: What?

Devvi: Shouldn't we put a decoy TrypticonX down there, so the ATTers don't try to catch us and
therefore we'll have more time sexing the real Tryp up?

Paul: i like yer thinking, man.

Argus: "thinking", heh heh.

Paul: LOL

Devvi: LOL, good one Argus.

Argus: LOL, yah... but I don't get it /:(
***

Later, in ATT Land...

Prowl: *sigh* Tryp' is gone forever...:(

N-Bomb: Those stupid Dutchies...

Suddenly, a knock on the ATT Land Headquarters door.

::Prowl opens the door.::

TRYPTICON! IT'S YOU!!!

::The few ATTers gather around the arisen comrade.::

TrypticonX: Where everybody is?

Crosscut: They've all gone out looking for you.

TypticonX: ::looks around the virtually deserted HQ:: Wow, this place is emptier than the
campaign headquarters for Michael Duckachases.

Zobovor: Hey, that was pretty funny Tryp. Made sense, too, in an obscure way.

BrianKirby: Made sense? Obscure? Wait a minute...

::Brian pulls the mask off TrypticonX, and suddenly to the shock and bewilderment of everyone it
is revealed that Tryp is really...

Everyone: *Gasp* Denis Miller!!

TMJD: Who ya talking bout?

Everyone: The guy from Monday Night Football.

TMJD: Okay then. I can dig it.

DenisMiller: Dang. My career as an undercover agent is deader than Chevy Chase's career as a
talk show host.

Thylacine2K: That wasn't obscure enough; Chevy entered the world of talk-shows during the
mid-90's.

DenisMiller: Err...deader than Chevy Chase's career as a comedian?

Thylacine2K: Better.

DenisMiller: Well, I'll be leaving. My contract is starting to look slimmer than Lara Flyn Boyle
eating nothing but 99% fat free Lays Potato Chips and a glass of prune juice with a side order
of parsley.

::Everyone laughs.::
::HBO gets a million dollars. Disney gets ten times more.::

BrianKirby: Well, our problems aren't resolved unforetunately. TrypX is still missing, and the
Dutchies could very well still be planning a massive assualt. Gentleman, this new menace is more
powerful than the Hell-Flame War's guys put together.

Zobovor: So what you're saying is, their power is over-hyped and not nearly as powerful as it is
grating?

BrianKirby: Meh.

N-Bomb: Who put you in charge anyway?

BrianKirby: Um...

::Brian exits the room, puts a paper bag on his head, writes "The Computer" on it, and reenters.::

ATT: We will obey.

SwiftEagle:...I guess I will, too.

Zephirmus: Why are you here anyway? It's not like you're an active member of
the newsgroup.

SwiftEagle: I'm out on watch. He's stalking folks again.

Zephirmus: Who would "he" be?

::SwiftEagle taps on the window above him slightly, and someone resembling a male penguin outside
scurries away.::

Zephirmus: Oh.

BrianKirby: The point is clear, though. We must rise into one unit and annihalate these beings!
Who's with me?!

ATT: We are! We are! Except him, of course.

Brian: Except who?

Jasper: Little old me :(

Brian: Don't fret, we'll wash that dirty Dutchiness off you with some fine AMERICAN made Proctor
and Gamble soap!

Jasper: :D Yay! Ow, it got in me eyes...

---

Chapter 4: The End Is Nothing But A Hangover for the Dutch

Zobovor: So our decision is final: We attack the Dutch NOW and watch "Pammy's Misfit Adventure"
after we save Tryp.

Walky: I still say it should be the other way around.

BrianKirby: Attention everyone, I have a few words of encouragement for our upcoming journey.
There might only be ten of us right now, but joined together, we can-

Prowl: ::walks into the ATT HeadQuarters:: Hi guys. I'm back.

BrianKibry: Fine, that's great. I'll continue. There might only be eleven of us right now, but
joined-

Patrick I.: ::walks in:: still no sign of the real TRYPX so i came back in cause i was hungry
for some waffles.

BrianKirby: Yeah, neat, would you mind walking back outside real quick?

::Patrick I. walks back outside::

::Zobovor bolts the door shut.::

BrianKirby: Now, as I was saying, there might only be eleven of us, but joined together, we can
rise up against any number of bombs and weaponry the Dutch throw at us!

Walky: Right on!

Jax: Let's fight them!

Zephirmus: Yeah.

::Zobovor, BrianKibry, Walky, Jax, Prowl, Zephirmus, N-Bomb, Thylacine2K, TMJD, Crosscut, and a
goat all walk outside, ready to do battle with the Dutch.::

::Prowl trips on a branch lying on the ground.::
***

Days later...

Zephirmus: Wow, I had no idea it would take this long to walk to a Dutch mountain fortress that
we're not even sure exists...::wipes sweat off fore-head::

Prowl: Well, I built this advanced compass to help us. It tells us what direction we're going in
and how long it will take us to get to our destination.

Crosscut: Cool. Where are we now and how long will it take us to get there?

Prowl: It says we're in North Alaska and we just went back in time.

::Zephirmus grabs the compass and hurls it in the air::

Zobovor: Everyone, stop!

Walky: Huh, what's the matter?

Zobobvor: It appears we've walked into a trap.

BrianKirby: How can you tell?

Jax: ::dangling upside down from a rope tied to a dynamite ridden tree:: Umm, any help guys?

N-Bomb: Can't we just leave him up there?
***

Paul: hey guyz, what's goin-

Devvi: Shh! We're listening to Hooker's segment on RFC!

Paul: great! ::hops down by the desk, listens to the segment::

Argus: the nerve of that guy, broadcasting his opinions on a computer based radio program...

Devvi: Yeah, we'll just have to make another post about him on ATT.

Argus: ::hops on computer, places fingers on keyboard:: what should this one be about?

Paul: Hmm...let's explain further how Hooker and his syndicates are out to kill the nation's
children.
***

Later still...

Jax: Boom-cha, boom-cha, boom-cha...

Zobovor: Silence everyone.

Zephirmus: What's wrong now?

Zobovor: ::points up at the gigantic "Some More Nederwiet, Please!" sign hanging down from a
round dome fortress:: I do believe we're here...

TMJD: Sh*t, what do we do now boys?

N-Bomb: One of us should go talk to them, confer with the Dutchies. Ask them why they're
behaving like this.

BrianKirby: I shall be that man.

Jax: Great!

Thylacine2K: Way to go Brian!

BrianKibry: Don't try to stop me, guys, I'm going up there.

Thylacine2K: Yeah.

Zephirmus: We know.

BrianKirby: You might not want me to go up there, because you fear I might get hurt, but I-

::The group pushes Brian on his way up the moutain.::

Jax: I always knew, underneath all that weight, there was a heart of gold in his body.

Prowl: LOL

Thylacine2K: Huh? Jax actually said something humorous? It makes no sense...how could this be?

::Jax bends down to play with some fireants, and standing right behind him is Zobovor::

Thylacine2K: Oh.
***

*KNOCK KNOCK*!

Paul: huh, who could it be? how could anyone know of our top secret base?

Devvi: maybe we should take our phone number out of the listings...

*KNOCK KNOCK*!

Paul: Yah, what do you want? State yer business.

BrianKirby: Um, hi. I would like to know why you've imprisoned TrypticonX and why you blew up a
third of ATT Land?

Paul: That southern accent, those complete sentences...::opens door::...it's him, I knew it!
Brian Kirby!

Devvi: What do you want here?

BrianKirby: We want TrypticonX back.

Paul: Well, i'm not listening to you, na-na.

BrianKirby: Is there anyone in here that would?

Paul: perhaps him ::points at Devvi::

Devvi: What do you want, Brian?

BrianKirby: I want to know why you threatened hostile takeover of ATT and why you kidnapped one
of our more popular members.

Devvi: Because you guys piss us off, and don't care about the feelings of Dutch.

BrianKirby: But why? Why did you want to take over ATT? ATT is a flaming hell hole right now,
sure, but it's EVERYONE'S flaming hell hole!

Devi: Do we have to tell you again? Look, we're sick and tired of seeing people post on ATT
like it's a chat room or something, that gets incredibly annoying...

Argus: hey dev, did you know Linda can't come down to the bar tonight?

Devvi: She can't?

Argus: nah, she's seeing Bobby now.

Devvi: Damnit.

Paul: *belch*

Argus: ROFLOL!

Devvi: Anyway Brian, where was I?

BrianKirby: You were telling me about how you didn't endorse OT and chatroom-esq behavior on the
newsgroup...

Devvi: Oh yeah. Adding on to that, we hate HooperX, and it's past time he realizes we don't
appreciate how he treats us.

BrianKibry: Then why didn't you email him all the angry emotions you have built up inside? It
would have proven more effective, I promise you that.

Devvi: Um..hey Brian, look over there!

::Brian turns his head, and Devvi pushes him off the cliff into the ocean below::

Devvi: Works every time :)
***

Meanwhile...

Zephirmus: ::hiding a distance away from the fort with the group, witnessing Brian's stumble::
Yay!...um, I mean...aw screw it.

N-Bomb: It, it's...too late. Brian's gone.

Walky: Heh. ::pulls out a tape recorder, presses the Play button:: "No! He lived to an warrior
ans died to an hero." Wow! I finally get to use this quote at a proper time.

Zobovor: *sigh* This is a sad day for Transfandom. Maturity and rationality are now a thing of
the past.

Jax: Sorry, what were you guys saying? I was wiping my self with a piece of paper, cause that's
all we have, and I cut myself. You know that hard to reach spot, way back? I think I'm bleeding
there.

::Zobovor cries.::

Zephirmus: Hmm...do you think I'm fit to be the leader now? I suppose I am. It's a unanimous
decision, then?

Zobovor: Hey Zeph, look over there!

Zephirmus: ::almost turns head, but thinks twice:: Ah, I see you want me to fall for the old
"turn your head, get shoved off a mountain" gag. Well, it's not working this time!

Zobovor: :(

Zephirmus: Yep, that's right. You'll never fool me, Zob! Never! I do things my OWN way, with
my OWN intent! ::Zephirmus jumps off the scaling mountain into the deep below::

Crosscut: Ouch. It's gonna hurt once he hits that water down there.

Zobovor: There's no water by the side of our mountain :/
***

Suddenly, in the dark Dutch dome...
Paul: Now is the time, friends...time to reak more havok on ATT Land!

Argus: no dude, laterz we shall...you know what a hangovers like...

Paul: Shush. We've got two H-Bombs left, enough to destroy off the entire population.

Argus: shu-weet. I shall change my nick now to "Lord Argus"!

Lord Argus: kicks ass

Devvi: This is it, now is the time. Total vanquish over ATT! We will remain superior!

Paul: Yes! TOTAL SUPERIORITY, nothing stops us! Now, let us get in our airplane with the minor
crack on the left exterior side that, if hit with enough power, could lead to our death and the
other side's victory..

::Paul pulls a beer out of his right pocket and takes a few drinks::

::The three gather in the air plane, and take off at alarming speed.::

TMJD: ::glances into the air:: Huh? Those Dutch dudes are flying away! And they're headin'
straight towards ATT Land!!

Crosscut: We have to stop them!

N-Bomb: I know just what to do, I was hoping it wouldn't come to this...::N-Bomb latches the
"Bomb" off the end of his name, and lights the fuse on it::

Zephirmus: Wonderful. Billy has went from being a bad writer, to a good writer, to a
predictable and bad writer.

Zobovor: Aren't you dead?

Zephirmus: Notice the last comment I said.

N-: Ung, we don't have much longer...::throws the Bomb at the left side airplane, it makes
contact::

::A beautiful showcase of red, orange and blue explode in the vivid light::

::And right next to those illegal fireworks, Paul's plane is on fire::

Lord Argus: Ahh!

Paul: This is all your fault!

Lord Argus: huh?

Devvi: Our ship's power is going out, we must throw unneccessary items out of it immediately.

Paul: You haven't had *ONE* humorous line in this whole story, argus! you're only here for
CANON FODDER!!

Lord Argus: No, no!-

::Argus gets shoved out of the ship::

Devvi: Well, it's just you and me now, Pau-

::Paul kicks Devvi out of the side of the ship.::

Paul: No time, all time is decreasing...how do i explode the bombs out, I don't know...will i
make it, seems unliekly...gering maal overig, adieu barbaars wereld!!!

::Flying direcly over ATT Land, Paul hops on top of his last bomb and, holding a Freesia flower
in his teeth, screams profanities as he quickly falls to the earth::

Paul: Yeehaw! HAhaha! Who has the last laugh? Farewell ATT, farewell...

Paul: Now, once the wings come out of the side of this bomb and fly me to a safe spot, then
I'll be alright...hey, where are the wings??

BOOOM!

::The explosion sends Paul's body hurtling towards the sky::
***

In ATT Land...

Dusty: Oh, I've been having such a bad day...first my wife left me, then I lost my job...I
wonder if anything else bad will happen to me today?

::Suddenly, the carcasses of Paul, Devvi and Argus fall to the ground towards Dusty's direction::

Dusty: Oh no...

::But they land on Robowang::

Robowang: Huh...? Hey, look! Paul's dead! ATT is safe!

ATT: Yay!!

Nightbird: Let's have a celebration!

Suddenly, a voice rings out that seems misplaced and dubbed in...

HEY EVERYONE, BRIAN KIRBY IS GOING TO MAKE IT!!

YAY!!

Paul: ::opens eye's partially:: gunnghh...not dead yet...

Paul, dying of internal and external bleeding, looks around at the havok, the celebration, the
destruction, the happiness. People are injurred, innocent lives have been taken, but despite it
all a feeling of joy remains. It all seems so surreal.

Paul decides to take a last drink. Laying atop a pile of bloody, beaten Dutchmen and broken
bottles of Heineken, Paul pulls the last can of his favorite beer out of his right pocket. Ah,
the sweet, foamy taste of that malt flavor... A little alcohol will help him through his final minutes...

Letting the last drops of beer hit his tongue, something on the corner of the can catches Paul's
eye. Written in red type on the exterior: "Made Unalcoholic For Your Middle-Aged, Mature Needs!"

Paul:...Oh. God. No. This isn't happening.

That very second, Paul died.

It is said that the consumption of unalcoholic beer went down 50% from then on after that fatal
day. The remaining drinkers still thought they were enjoying a different beverage.

Credits:
Cast of Characters:
TypticonX played by...Denis Miller
TheComputer played by...Brian Kilby
Paul Vromen played by... Bob Mackenzie
Devi played by...Doug Mackenzie
Argus played by...Spud Mackenzie
Jen Donahoe played by...Jax
TMJD played by...Coolio
Sanrah played by...Tiper Gore
Zobovor played by...Al Gore
Turin played by...A shadow
TFG14VR played by...TFG14VR2

Written by...Billy(TFG14VR)
Directed by...Billy
Produced by...Billy's older brother Pedro
Original novel written by...John Updike
The pitcher of good lemonade sent to the studio prepared by...Billy's mom

All stunts performed by Jackie Chan. All blow-jobs performed by Jax.

All rights reserved. Copyright 2001.

A TFG14VR Production.