[Funfic] Two Men and a Little Jax

TigerMegatron1: The scene opens in Jax's bedroom --->

Jax: I knew you would love my big penis, Mandy Moore.

Jax is rolling around in bed, asleep, with a pillow clenched tightly
between his legs.

Jax: Oh baby baby, let's do it again! Oh baby, baby...oops! No, baby, I
swears it, it's not MY severed penis!

Jax wakes up in a cold sweat.

Jax: Shit, I never make it to the good part. ME JAX WANT TO SEE GOOD
PART!

Jax goes back to sleep.

Jax's Mom: (yelling) Jax! Get the hell up! I'm going to use that bucket-
of-warm-water trick on you!

Jax still sleeps.

Jax's Mom pours a bucket of steaming hot urine on Jax.

Jax's Mom: Get your ugly ass out of bed! It's time to go the
Rennaisance Fair!

Jax: But, mom, I don't want to wear a dress again!

Jax's Mom slaps Jax.

Jax: You don't have to wear a dress, honey. Now put this motherf*cking
garter on, you little bitch.

TigerBalm1: Later, at the AssFair --->

Aziaphale: Oh boy, there are so many guys dressed up like elves at this
place, I can hardly walk.

An elf walks up to Aziaphale.

Elf: Hey, big boy, do you want to sheath your warrior-like broadsword
in my elfish forest?

Aziaphale: Dude! Awesome! I've always wanted to play Dungeons &
Dragons! age/sex/location check?

Elf: Yolanda, 24/female/right here

Aziaphale: Shit.

TigerMegatron1: On the other ---> side of the fair...

Jax's Dad: Now, Jax, what do you want to do first?

Jax: Well, I kinda want to see the joust.

Jax's Dad: ....

Jax: Dad?

Jax's Dad: WHY IS MY SON SUCH A F*CKING FAG?! JESUS CHRIST, JAX, DO YOU
WANT ME TO BUY YOU PINK DRESSES AND T-SHIRTS THAT SAY "FROO-FROO" ON
THEM!?

Jax: You're already making me wear a dress!

Jax's Dad: SHUT UP! GO BACK TO ARIZONA!

Jax walks away, crying. Soon, he pumps into Aziaphale, also crying.

Jax: This sux, d00d.

Aziaphale: Totally, Jax. A/S/L?

Jax: 13/m/on the grass

Aziaphale: Kewl!

Jax: Hey! A fortune-teller's tent! Let's go get our fortunes told!

Aziaphale: Ten-four, good buddy!

Jax: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Aziaphale: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

ZoidGator: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Aziaphale: ......

Zoidgator: ..........

Zoidgator disapears.

Tigermegatron1: Jax and Aziaphale go into the tent.

Morbo: Hello, JAX, I am Morbo. I knew your name because I am psychic

Jax: HOLY SHIT! HOW DID YOU KNOW MY NAME?

Morbo: I know, it *is* amazing.

Jax: That's amazing!

Morbo: I do make a lot of money doing this.

Jax: I'll bet you make a lot of money doing this, huh?

Morbo holds out his hand.

Jax stares at Morbo.

Jax: I'm not psychic, Morbo.

Morbo: Pay me, you idiot.

Jax hands Morbo a handful of money.

Morbo: You're a dumbass, Jax.

Jax: Am I a dumbass?

Morbo: ATT hates you, Jax.

Jax: Morbo, does ATT hate me?

Morbo: Shit, yes, Jax. You're ugly as that sculpture of Helen Keller
you made in art class out of feces.

Jax: Am I ugly?

Morbo: Lord, yes.

Jax: Do you hate me?

Morbo: My name is Morbo because "Morbo" is an anagram of my father's
Transylvanian family name, "Ormob".

Aziaphale: Do you know where I can get ice cream, Morbo?

Morbo throws an ashtray at Jax's head, and Jax starts bleeding. Morbo
and his wife Olga pick up Jax and Aziaphale and throw them out of the
tent, then proceed to urinate on them.

Jax and Aziaphale sit outside on the grass, covered in urine and blood.

Jax: Morbo, are you going to throw an ashtray at me, then are you and
your wife going to beat us and throw us out of the tent, then urinate
on us.

Aziaphale: He's good.

Jax: Wanna do it?

Aziaphale: Okay.

Jax: ;D

Tigermegatron1: 34.2 seconds later.

Jax: Shit.