[FunFic]Scold me, Sex me, Kiss me, Molest me

Jax: Welp, time to get on the ole' internet...

ATT: Hey Jax, you're a freaking moron.  But we love you ;)

Jax: I try ;D

Prowl: LOL!

N-Bomb kicks Jax in the nuts

Jax sighs.

Jax: Being popular and well respected certainly has its low points :/

Hooks: You'll have to speak up, I'm engaging in some physical activity.

Jax: Huh? But...but it makes no sense.  Hooks is as popular as they come,
but
he somehow gets
women?  I thought in order to be popular you had to be insulted and made the
focus of attention
everyday!

Robowang pulls down Jax's pants and everyone laughs

Robowang: We're laughin with you, butty :D

Jax: My Lord...I'm actually not a popular fellow on ATT?  All this time I've
been the village
idiot?

Aziraphale: Village idiots at least get paid for their work.

TigerMegatron1: Now ya tell me....-----> guess I'll have to get a diff nick
again

DarkMegatron: Greetings, fellow gente-

Zobovor: Hey Deathy.

DarkMegatron: dammit.

Later that day...

Jax: Darn, I haven't had much hot loving in a while.  I guess I'm destined
to
be a loser for all
my life...:(

God: DUH.

Jax: Hmm, good point.  Maybe the reason why I'm sad is because I desire some
sex..

95% of online women: Stay away from us, perv.

Jax: Oh yeah?  What about the other 5%?

5%: We've become male.

Jax: Blast.  I've already done you, then :/  Maybe some of my old friends
will
help me out of
this predictement...

Even later that day...

Jax: Azi, help!  I'm looking for love and I'm in all the wrong
places!..Literally!

Jax walks out of the Pet store

Aziraphale: So what do you want me to do, Jax?  Partake in some intercourse
with you?

Jax: Got any better ideas? /:p

Aziraphale: We could have sex with the parrot.

Jax: Great idea!

They both sex up the parrot.
**

Even later- Oh Hell, the next day...

Jax walks down the busy streets of Manhatten, thinking to himself.

Jax: Sexing up animals is always a pleasure, but I wish I could find some
normal, human counterparts :(

MrBigg: Your wish is my command...bahahaha...

Jax: Hey, you can't read my thought balloons!

MrBigg: Yes I can.

Jax: Oh. Are you going to kill me and hide my body in the mall?

MrBigg: No.  Sears started to catch on to my techniques.  But I do have some
male friends if you want to have sex with them, for a price...

Jax: Aw, male?  No chicks?

MrBigg: I could dress them up like chicks.

Jax: Great! :D

MrBigg: Now, these services cost 400 bucks a piece.

Jax: Hmm...

Jax opens his wallet

Jax: Say, I have to go pee, would you mind finding the right amount of money
for me?

Jax gives Bigg his wallet

MrBigg: Er...sure.

At the house of sex...

Jax: (looking at mailboxs on street) Hmm, here's the adress Mr. Bigg gave
me...1313 Elm
Street, right next to the old cemetary...ah, here we are!  The house where
I'm
gonna get layed!

Jax opens up the two creeky doors. Two bats fly out of the deserted home

Jax: Ohh, I've got a boner already! ;D

Suddenly, a large man appears

Jax: Ah!

ManWearingAWig: Greetings, friend...Do you love me?

Jax: I like the sound of your voice...but you look awfully familiar.

Man: No I don't.

Jax: Yes you do.

Man: No I don't.

Jax: Yes you do.

Man: Yes I do.

Jax: No, I really don't think you do.

Man: Perfect :)

Jax: So, when does the fun begin Mister?

The man climbs onto a beer and piss soaked bed.

Man: Right now, Jaxxy! Err, just shove Ramjet's toast off to the side,
honey. 
He isn't hungry right now.

Jax: O...o-okay.

Man: I've got a wang like none other.  Mine is made of titanium steel, baby.

Jax: You're kidding me.

Man: No, I'm not...prepare to be shocked and amazed beyond your WILDEST
dreams!

Jax: Even wilder than the one where I had oral sex with Don Nauts and then
he
made bad puns about his last name for the remainder of the dream?

Man:...Yes.

The obese man unzips his tight pants, digs his grubby hands into the nether
regions,
and slowly brings out-

CBS: WARNING- Viewer Descretion is Advised.

-brings out his TWENTY INCH LONG metal ppride.  Jax has a seizure, then
faints.

Man: Grr. How come that always happens?  I mean, in order to show the guy my
penis, I DO have to
remove my G1 Megs :/

The man pulls out his penis that was seated behind Megs. His real genital
falls off.
Aziraphale eats it.  Chris McFeely laughs.
Billy copy and pastes jokes from his old funfics into this one and alters
three words.


Jax: *awakens* Hey, what am I doing out here?

Zephirmus: (driving an SUV, honks horn) Get out of the road, you moron!

Jax stands up.

Jax: Sorry sir!

Zephirmus: Say, is that Jax?

Zeph goes in reverse

Jax: Oh no!...This always happens :/

Jax runs to a nearby bush

Jax: (hiding) I guess I'll never get any hot action...or maybe I will? :)

God: No you won't.

Jax: Says who?

HumanRace: WE DO.

Jax: Guess I'll have to take your word for it.

HumanRace: ;D

The End!