Alternate history for US comic #58

By TFG14VR(lifted from a screenplay by Aziaphale)

Warning: this is probably the most awful fanfic ever written(besides
"Starscream's Wettest Dream Comes True"). It
contains lewd phrases and other crap, and might not be suitable for
younger readers.

Legal junk: The Transformers and all related names are copyrighted by
Hasbro Inc. Blahblahblahblah

THE TRANSFORMERS

It all began with a dream - in which our hero got it on with new
technology, under supervision from chief Autobot surgeon Ratchet.

And though the dreamer, Aziaphale, was now fully awake, the
excitement continued.

***

Jax: "Pretender Aziaphale, you go to the earth, and destroy my
enemies."
Aziaphale: "Yes, Jax."
Jax: "Then we shall witness together with Ratchet how the Ark
blows up."
Aziaphale <thinks>: "Blows..."

Aziaphale takes the trans-time portal.

***

Ratchet is left alone with the Micromasters.

Ratchet: "NO! This is too fast."
Detour: "What is too fast?"

Ratchet opens his chest compartment and looks in it. He takes out a
weird metal rod and thinks: "Grimlocks sexophone!"

Ratchet drops the sexophone on the Micromasters.

*SPLAT*

Jax: "You bitch, what do you think you're doing!"
Ratchet: "Shit."
Jax: "..."

***

*SHUMM*

Zarak: "Fuck. Not him. Not Aziaphale!"
Aziaphale: "AziaphaleCream for you, lovely boy!"
Zarak: "Get him offa me!"
***

Dreadwind: "Jax..."
Jax: "Not now Dreadwind, don't you see I'm trying to fuck up
Ratchet?"
Ratchet: "Get him offa me!"
Dreadwind: "It can't wait. When you see what happened you might
understand we might need himagain."
Jax <releases Ratchet>: "Bitch. What did you do to my creation?"
Ratchet <rubs ass>: "Ow."
Dreadwind: "It's not what he did with your creation"
Micromasters <from beneath sexophone>: "Get it offa us!"
Jax: "Shut up, or I'll whip you. What?!?"

Jax pushes Ratchet away into the lab. Ratchet pushes on the door
controls and the door closes.

Jax: "You bitch! Why did you activate the other shells? Open that
door!!!!"

***

Aziaphale: "Prime, you broke one of my fingernails! I'm leaving!"
Prime: "Blow it!"
Aziaphale: "Really?!?"
Prime: "AAAARGHHH!!! Get him away from me!"

Aziaphale leaves.

***

Jax blows open the door.

Jax: "Ratchet, you bitch! Blow me!"
Ratchet: "Not today!"

Ratchet jumps out of the window together with the other Pretender
shells.

Jax: "I'll find and fuck you, bitch!"
Dreadwind: "Jax..."

***

Bumblebee: "He's worse than ever."
Ratchet: "His love will soon return to him. Now, can somebody clean my
ass?"
Jazz: "How?"
Grimlock: "Me not licking it."
Ratchet: "Shit."

***

Aziaphale steps out of the trans-time portal.

Starscream: "Jax! I'm home!"

Jax enters.

Aziaphale <painting fingernails>: "Couldn't you have given my shell
some more boobs?"
Jax: "Damn. Forgot."
Aziaphale: "Call me AziaphaleCream."
Jax: "Why did you come back?"
AziaphaleCream: "Those Autobots are all losers. And those Decepticon
Headmasters all suck themselves."
Jax: "That bitch Ratchet escaped."
AziaphaleCream: "Good for you. He was not worth it."
Jax: "You're right. He had no ass."
AziaphaleCream: "Where are all those small robots, and those 2
others?"
Jax: "Those Micromaster just can't suck. And Dreadwind and
Darkwing just do not like trios..."
AziaphaleCream: "So that means..."
Jax: "Yes. I'm back just for you. Bitch."

AziaphaleCream and Jax get it on.

END

A Note from Billy: Aziaphale you had no right to insult Megatron and
Starscream and all the other Transformers in your original fanfic.
How do you know they dont have feelings too??