Notes: My first Saiyuki fic! Hurrah! Anyway, it’s a dumb songfic and I’ve never written fluff before….hmmm, Also…I don’t know why Goku’s crying, use your imaginations and make it up yourselves :p.

Disclaimer: Saiyuki’s not mine….and Are You Sad? Is a greeeeaaaat song written by Our Lady Peace that makes me wanna cry! (not cause it’s sad! Cause it’s bootiful!)

Are You Sad?

Sanzo stopped his slow bare-footed descent down the hallway to peer out of a dusty window. One carelessly placed and previously unnoticed crack that plastered itself in one of those odd-when-you-notice-it positions splattered along the glass like a river and it’s tributaries. The tall golden-haired monk traced his finger along it, bored as he walked by, not noticing his tender factor.

Your life has been so hard
It's dried up angels that can't keep guard
I'm trying to reach your hand
But I'm on fire
I never meant to

There was a light whimpering sound that emerged from the paper thin walls of the hallway. Sanzo stopped, a rush of natural instincts came into play, the kind that humans create for themselves when they put themselves in danger’s way. That goes especially for the ones who do it for the greater good. But in Sanzo’s case, the delicate noises didn’t give off any potentially dangerous vibes…they were more like a plea, a helpless cry…calling to him. Only one person could reach into his emotions and call him like that.

“Goku?” Sanzo slipped a series of thin calloused fingers in the door that concealed the person’s cries and gently peeled it out of the way making the sound grow louder. “Goku?”

Fade... away

Stay with me
Stop pretending when they say you're nothing

Goku’s face was concealed in his worn denim covered knees, drawn up to muffle his sounds, a dusty T-shirt covering his back and his hair covered darkened eyes. Sanzo narrowed his vision as the light from a candle that was more than halfway burned gleamed and ricocheted off of Goku’s golden headband.

The young youkai snapped his head up as he heard Sanzo’s feet hit the floor in his doorway. Sanzo also noticed another gleam from the dim candlelight. It reflected off of Goku’s face, traveling down the boy’s pale cheek leaving a moist trail of sorrow. “Sanzo.” Goku acknowledged with a fake smile. He looked closely at Sanzo’s expression and his smile faded. He knew it was too late to try and swamp the older man with damnable lies.

Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?
Are you locked in your room?
You shouldn't be

Dry violet eyes stared intently at weeping copper ones from the doorway. For a minute Goku thought Sanzo just didn’t know what to do. He wasn’t that far from the truth. The human could either act on hot-headed impulse and leave with a gentle yet powerful slam of the door, yet still, Sanzo was a human being and what any other human being would do when caught in front of a grieving person. He didn’t understand the situation, not knowing how to make it better or worse, he was lost, and what was Goku so messed up about anyway? What did it take to make the happy and content teen to break down into a wallowing pit of sorrow?

“What are you doing?” Sanzo spoke slowly, careful not to stumble over his words. He’d surprised himself yet again, stupidly feigning ignorance in a time of alarm. All he got from Goku was a pitiful animal noise and the boys head falling back down to his knees as his body slowly crumbled over on his bed, his fists grasping the pillow to his face, soaking up the sadness within him.

I'm drowning inside your head
Help me to answer
Help understand
Why it's been so long since we talked like friends
Please, forgive me,

Cursing gently, Sanzo stared, his own eyes growing a little larger as he watched Goku’s body sob and wither between the sheets. Every movement of the young boy pulling somewhere inside the monk, pulling and holding on for help, asking for help. It was like he was blowing towards a cliff and Sanzo held the only rope, but instead he held it in his hand, dumbfounded and numb while Goku’s cries reached inside him and groped for Sanzo’s humanity, his warmth obliviating the monks stolid features.

Sanzo jumped slightly as the boy made a sudden gawked sound, a protesting noise that squeezed through his cries. One of his eyes opened through his arm and the pillow landing on Sanzo accusingly. “I can’t even have a good cry.” His now ragged voice choked out, almost defiantly, almost innocently. Sanzo stood staring at Goku, his mind drawing conclusions.

I'm just a man
Who’s made mistakes

Just stop pretending when they say that you're nothing

His lips set themselves firmly together as he walked over to Goku’s bedside. The young youkai’s eyes watched Sanzo’s every movement slowly growing from anger to confusion, and even surprise. What could it be that the serious human was going to do now? Goku’s lips parted as Sanzo reached over the boys curled up body and grasped the edge of the thin, slightly tattered blanket, the color of cream and eggshells and draped it up in the air. Goku looked up in surprise as the sheet majestically rose above him with the lead of Sanzo’s hand and landed like flower petals over his shivering body.

Sanzo’s expression remained monotonous as he shaped the blanket over Goku’s young body with his hands and gently tucked it in on the sides, locking the boy into the warmth of his bed. The top of the sheet came up to the boys bottom lip tickling the gentle nerves there as Goku stared at Sanzo’s gentle actions. The older man then knelt down, softly shuffling his feet out of the way as he locked eyes with the boy.

Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?
Are you locked in your room?
You shouldn't be

In the dim light of the candle, Sanzo sat, knelt beside Goku’s bed, the young boy laying on his side and facing him, covered in sheets and his tear stains quickly drying in the heat from his bedside candle. “Everything…” Sanzo began hesitantly his voice soft and soothing in the quiet, desolate room. He paused as he wet his fingers and placed them over the tiny candle flame. He brought his other hand up and rested it on Goku’s pale, tearstained cheek, his thumb tenderly running past the boy’s hair line leaving a trail of warmth behind it. His eyes seemed somewhat comforting in the candlelight. “…will be all right.” He finished, extinguishing the candle between his fingers. Both of the room’s presences watched the light gray smoke dance towards the ceiling in the moonlight, taking the sorrow and grief with it, and finally extinguishing the pretenses of the past between them.

Are you sad?
Are you holding yourself?

End