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WOW Episode #25F
Ohhhhhhhhhh...WOW!
[Title sequence]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' table.
McLane: Hello, and welcome to WOW, Women of Wrestling! I'm David McLane, and this is my co-host, Lee Marshall. And fans, when we last sat in front of you, the 6'3" power forward, Slam Dunk, had joined our announcing team -- uninvited, I need hardly add. Thankfully, she's gone now. [Marshall nods vigorously in assent.] But while she was here, she took the opportunity to issue a challenge to WOW's Acting Commissioner, Danger.
[Replay Slam's little speech from last episode]
McLane: So the big question is, how will Danger react to Slam's provocation?
What do you think, Lee?
Marshall: Well...
At this point, Marshall is interrupted...pyro...water spit...yup, Commissioner Danger (in business suit, with crutch) hobbles down the ramp and grabs the mic.
Marshall: (off-screen) I guess there's no need to wonder...here's Danger
now!
Danger: Last week, Slam Dunk called me out. Well, here I am, bad knee
and all. Soooo...is the big, bad Slam Dunk in the house? Or...is she scared
of a woman on one leg? Or...is she just embarrassed to face me? After all, last
time we were in this ring together, I was on one leg, just like I am now. But
it didn't stop me from putting Slam Dunk through a table!
Bounce...bounce. An angry Slam Dunk (in Boston Celtics outfit) storms down the ramp and enters the ring.
Danger: (sarcastically) Oh, Slam! Good to see you. Well, Slam, last week you said that if I didn't give you a shot at the WOW championship belt, I would be no better than McLane. That is a low blow, my friend. But seriously, Slam, you couldn't possibly have thought that you could psyche out the Commissioner that easy? I do hate McLane more than anything...but your big mouth isn't gonna get you a title shot.
Slam is very displeased at this.
Danger: However...(pause) I do agree that your record warrants at least a shot at a shot. So here's what I'm going to do. I'll give you a match against Riot, who is currently the #1 contender. If you can win that one, you will be the next to take on Terri Gold for the championship.
Slam nods; she hoped to face Terri right away, but this is close enough to satisfy her.
Danger: And...since Riot is unbeatable... unbreakable... and unstoppable...
I figure that one 6'3" opponent isn't enough to challenge her. So I figure
I'll throw another wrestler in that match. Someone who has perhaps more desire
to get to Terri Gold than anyone else. Someone who has perhaps the largest collection
of lethal moves in all of WOW. Someone named... Selina Majors.
Slam: Danger, you can throw Wonder Woman, King Kong, and the Stay-Puft
Marshmallow Man in there. Slam Dunk will beat whoever she faces, and go on to
take that belt off Terri Gold's waist.
Danger: We'll see if you can live up to your own mouth for once. You're
just lucky I'm not in this match, otherwise it wouldn't even be a question.
Danger smiles and exits. Slam throws a semi-tantrum in the ring for a bit and then makes her way out as well.
[EnerX commercial]
Back to Marshall and McLane.
McLane: Wow, well, there you have it, Lee Marshall! Commissioner Danger
has set up a three-way dance between Slam Dunk, Selina Majors, and Riot. So
we'll be seeing that later in the program, and the winner of that match will
be the #1 contender and get the next shot at Terri Gold's WOW championship.
Marshall: Indeed, David, and the inclusion of Selina in that match throws
a real wrench into the works. She is vastly experienced, and she is very, very
angry right now for whatever reason. That's a bad combination to be on the receiving
end of.
McLane: But now, Lee, let's move on to the Intercontinental Title Tournament.
Last week, we saw Jacklyn Hyde and Poison advance to the next round of the tournament.
And later today, we'll see Jane Blond take on Jade in a first-round match. And
Lee, both these ladies have had some anger of their own to blow off lately.
Marshall: Yup, Jane Blond took her loss to Beckie the Farmer's Daughter
very badly. She attacked Beckie after the bell rung, and called her "white
trash". What was that about?? And Jade seemed very distraught after she
was beaten by her tag team partner, Lotus, in a match leading up to this tournament.
She ran off without even shaking her own partner's hand.
McLane: So that's Jade vs. Jane Blond, and that'll be later in the program.
But coming up next, we've got Tanja, Warrior Woman taking on Boom Boom the Volcano.
Marshall: Tanja has also shown a little more fire of late, David. She
disposed of Jane Blond easily a couple of weeks ago. With her size and athleticism,
she can be a force in WOW if she continues to show a bit of that killer instinct.
McLane: And she also changed up her hairstyle, always a sign of a new
attitude.
Marshall: Very true.
McLane: Well, we know Boom Boom will have the fans behind her. So let's
go to ringside now.
Marshall: So Tanja moves on in the tournament, and will face Ice Cold
in the next round.
McLane: Well, Lee, I actually talked to Ice earlier today. And let me
tell you, Tanja is the last thing on her mind. Let's play that back, if we can.
"Shaved" Ice Cold, backstage, cuts a promo.
Ice: You see this, Poison? (pointing to her shaved head) It's my shame... and your fault. At first, I was mad at David McLane and mad at Lana Star for what happened to me. But then I thought about it, and I realized... what else could I have expected? McLane would chop our heads off altogether if it would line his cheap tuxedo pockets with more money. And Lana is so self-absorbed that she doesn't care if other people suffer. But you, Poison... you have no excuse. I trusted you... and I haven't trusted anyone in a long time. I trusted you because I thought you knew what it was like for people like us. But when I needed you, you let me down... just like everyone else in my life has abandoned me, time and time again... and just like you yourself had been abandoned in the past. You should know better, Poison. And just in case you haven't learned your lesson yet, I'm going to make sure you do. You better watch your back, Poison. You can beat up on suckers like Paradise all day, and everyone can think you're so special... but there's no antidote to the pain I'm going to inflict on you.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
Marshall: Well, our next match is a real interesting one. It will be
Lana Star's first match without a "personal assistant" in quite a
while. So it will be harder for her to cheat her way to victory as she has in
the past. She'll be taking on the resurgent Hammerin' Heather Steele.
McLane: Lee, Heather really showed me a lot when she stood up to Slam
Dunk. Slam is a foot taller than her, and yet Heather came out here, got in
her face...
Marshall: Or got in her kneecap!
McLane: Well, say what you will, but she came out here, stood up for
WOW and this organization, and gave Slam a heck of a match. You gotta love her
spunk!
Marshall: I loved that too, and I'm sure the fans will be backing her
big time in this match.
McLane: Wow! Heather really took it to Lana late in that match!
Marshall: Yup. Lana showed that, without someone in her corner to help
her cheat, it is tough for her to win by the rules. That's not to take anything
away from Heather, though. Her determination makes her tough to beat.
Cut to Disciplinarian and Bronco Billie backstage. Ms. D's locker room is a makeshift classroom, with blackboard and desks. Disciplinarian is still berating Billie.
Disciplinarian: I told you that you weren't taking the match
seriously enough. But you kept saying "no, no, we'll be fine." So
I made the mistake of allowing you to continue with your lazy, undisciplined
ways. And what happens? We lose to a couple of brain-dead cheerleaders! You
made us both look pathetic!
Billie: But we only lost because Selina Majors interfered!
Disciplinarian: What difference does that make?
Billie: Well, Selina has been wrestling for years! She's been the champ
all over the place! I've only been wrestling for a few months!
Disciplinarian: Well, that's all the more reason you needed to apply
yourself, instead of being a lazy sloth. I don't understand: What exactly are
you supposed to be good for? You can't wrestle, you can't appreciate the works
of the Greek philosophers, you can't even scrub floors well.
Lana Star (with cell phone) enters.
Lana: Can you guys, like, keep it down? I'm trying to cut a deal here.
Disciplinarian (realizes something): Hmm. Can we talk for a second?
Lana looks at her phone.
Lana: Well, gee, now that I've totally lost reception in your supremely lame classroom, I suppose I have a second for you. But no more.
Lana and Disciplinarian go outside into the hallway.
Disciplinarian: Have you ever considered investing in land in Texas?
It's one of the fastest-growing areas of the country, and the real estate values
down there have been skyrocketing.
Lana (intrigued): Tell me more.
Disciplinarian: I've got a ranch down there that I'm looking to get rid
of. It'd actually be perfect for putting up some movie sets. Very quiet, tons
of room. And I'll sell it to you for maybe 10 percent of its true value.
Lana: What's the catch?
Disciplinarian: Well...the catch is that it comes with that completely
incompetent Bronco Billie.
Lana: "Catch"? That's super!!! I think I just found out that
I need a new personal assistant pretty badly. It's a deal.
The two shake hands.
[Benny Hill commercial]
McLane: Well, I guess we can assume that Lana Star has a new personal
assistant... Bronco Billie.
Marshall: That poor girl! Things just seem to be getting worse and worse
for Billie. The Disciplinarian is bad enough -- she is a harsh taskmaster, no
doubt about it -- but Lana is just heartless!
McLane: Well, last week, Beckie the Farmer's Daughter and Terri Gold
decided to team up and liberate Billie. But now I suppose their opponent will
be Lana, rather than the Disciplinarian.
Marshall: That's a good point, David... if Beckie and Terri can't take
care of the problem, I don't know who could. But let's go to ringside, where
Jane Blond will take on Jade in a first-round Intercontinental Title Tournament
match.
Jane Blond comes down the aisle, lies on the top rope for a bit, drops into the ring, and grabs the mic.
Jane: I'm not sure why I didn't get a bye in the first round of the tournament. But I see you've given me the equivalent... a match with Jade. That little [sarcastic] "spitfire" isn't qualified to be in the ring with a woman of my class and integrity. Send her out here so I can show her what a student of the ancient art of grappling looks like.
A very sad-looking Jade comes out. She confers briefly with her grandmother, and enters the ring as if she is proceeding to an execution.
Marshall: David, that's not the look you like to see on a wrestler's face. She looks beaten before the match even begins.
After the match, Jane slings Jade over her shoulder, carries her out of the ring, and drops her into the hands of her shocked grandmother. Jane then stalks out to serious boos.
McLane: Jane Blond just humiliating Jade there. Jane has a new attitude, and let me tell ya, it's not a good one. Let's take a look at how the Intercontinental Title Tournament is shaping up.
Intercontinental Title Tournament brackets
McLane: Fans, stay tuned for the big three-way dance between Slam Dunk, Selina Majors, and Riot for the #1 contender's position.
[EnerX commercial]
Slam Dunk-Riot-Selina Majors match
Selina gets on the mic.
Selina: How'd you like my Stunner, Riot! "Unbeatable", my ass. But this isn't about you. You're just a stepping stone to the one I really want to get at -- Terri Gold. Terri, let me explain something to you. Thug and her gang of toughs took out my leg, not once, but twice. They tried to put me out of wrestling altogether ... they tried to cripple me! But I worked my ass off, came back both times, and at WOW Unleashed, I was all set to get them back. I was wiping the floor with that fat ass Thug. Your total incompetence as a referee cost me the match! You cost me my comeback! You cost me my dignity! I had Thug pinned, but you didn't count it! Then, after I smack her around some more, she gets a lucky takedown, and you're magically there to count me out! Terri Gold, you're supposed to be all about fair play? HA! I don't know who got to you, but I'll tell you this. I'm going to get to you in your next match. And you're going to know what it's like to have your dream snatched away, when I walk off with that belt around my waist.
McLane: And so, Selina Majors becomes the #1 contender. When Terri Gold makes her next title defense, it will be be against Selina, and to say the least, she sounds ready. Fans, we're out of time. Tune in next week for more WOW action!
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)