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WOW Episode #28F
Ohhhhhhhhhh...WOW!
[Title sequence]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' table.
McLane: Welcome to WOW - Women of Wrestling! I'm David McLane, and this
is my partner, Lee Marshall. Well, fans, it's a week later, and we are still
reeling from the events of last week's Spring Vengeance pay-per-view event.
Three new champions were crowned last week in this very ring. Thug beat down
Vendetta in a Hell in a Cell match and became the first Hardcore champion. If
you missed that one, I feel sorry for you, because it was an all-out brawl.
Jane Blond defeated Lotus to put her name in the history book as the first to
hold the Intercontinental belt. And in a huge upset, Selina Majors beat Terri
Gold for the WOW World title.
Marshall: And all that was tremendously exciting, David. But in my opinion,
even more significant for WOW's long-term future was the formation of the new
Star Stable. Spring Vengeance was a shocker from the very first match. The new
team of Steele Wheels -- Hammerin' Heather Steele and Wendi Wheels -- took on
their friends the Beach Patrol. Steele Wheels won when Wendi got Summer in a
chickenwing hold. Summer tapped out, but Wendi refused to let go of the hold!
Later, we found out that Wendi's brutality had an explanation... she had aligned
with Lana Star. She now wants to be called "California Wendi."
McLane: And Wendi isn't even from California! She's from Mechanicsburg,
PA!
Marshall: So you said at the time, David. And Jade was disqualified from
her match with Roxy Powers, after she laid Roxy out with a chair. Such a thing
would have been unthinkable a few short weeks ago, but Jade had been acting
more and more moody and frustrated of late. That trend came to a head when she
took out her old friend Lotus, giving Jane Blond the Intercontinental title.
Turns out Jade too has joined the Star Stable, and now she wants to be called
"Jaded."
McLane: And Jade wasn't the only person who interfered in a title match
last night... it was Caged Heat who gave Selina Majors her win over Terri Gold.
That's why today's main event will be a grudge match between the Heat and the
team of Terri Gold and Beckie the Farmer's Daughter -- a team which has decided
to go by the nickname of "Air Force".
Marshall: And appropriately so, David! Terri and Beckie are perhaps WOW's
premier high flyers. Only Jungle Grrrl can claim to be their equal in that respect.
McLane: Due to the fact that Terri and Beckie have yet to wrestle together
as a team, this match against Caged Heat will be a non-title match. But it doesn't
take much to see that down the line, Air Force will be a premier contender for
the tag team belts.
Marshall: Even Caged Heat will have a hard time holding them off, David.
McLane: That will be later in the show. But for now...
McLane is interrupted by music... pyro... water spit! It's Acting Commissioner Danger (with business suit and crutch). Danger hobbles to the ring and grabs the mic.
Danger: McLane, I'm out here to talk about the WOW World Championship.
Last week, we got a new champion when Selina Majors took down that simpering
tanning salon victim Terri Gold. Good for Selina, I say.
McLane: But Danger... Selina wouldn't have won that match if Caged Heat
hadn't interfered on her behalf!
Danger: How do you know who would have won, McLane? Are you Miss
Cleo the mystic? Anyway, it's a rough business. Terri has friends too who are
willing to work on her behalf... make no mistake about that. But apparently
they couldn't protect her. So fair's fair as far as I'm concerned. Now, what
the people are asking their Commissioner is, Who's the #1 contender now?
McLane: That's an excellent question, Danger!
Danger (sarcastically): Thanks, McLane, I'm full of excellent questions.
Now, I see it like this. Last time we were in this situation, I ordered a three-way
match between Selina Majors, Riot, and Slam Dunk. Selina won that one fair and
square. So I think those other two girls can get a chance some other time. I
looked over the won-lost records, and I could come to only one conclusion. The
new #1 contender is Jungle Grrrl. She will get the next shot at Selina Majors
and the WOW World Championship.
McLane: Danger... how do you feel about the new Star Stable?
Danger: Pfft. I'm as scared as them as I would be of a bunch of Barbie
dolls left out in the rain for a week. Let them try to do something.
It'll be entertaining. And now, McLane, if it's all right with you, I have to
get back to work.
McLane: Go ahead, Danger.
Danger exits to her theme song.
McLane: Well, Lee Marshall, Jungle Grrrl is now the #1 contender and
will be next to face Selina Majors for the world championship.
Marshall: And who can really argue, David? Jungle Grrrl has been taking
on and defeating all comers since the very beginnings of WOW. She's even beaten
Terri Gold! And she is a joy to watch in the ring as well. She is more than
deserving of this title shot.
McLane: I have to agree. I gotta tell you, Lee, I don't like Danger,
but I have to admit that she is doing a very fair job as the Acting Commissioner.
What did you think of her comments about the Star Stable?
Marshall: I think Danger is underestimating the potency of the Star
Stable, David. I mean, I'll give her that Lana Star and Bronco Billie have yet
to hit their stride in the ring. But Jane Blond and Jade... I mean Jaded...
are very skilled wrestlers who have proven that they'll do anything to
win, even to the point of causing physical injury. And Wendi Wheels... sorry,
I mean California Wendi... may be the scariest of all. We saw Wendi put Summer
in a world of pain... mercilessly attacking her old friend's injured shoulder!
And she is one of WOW's most physically powerful wrestlers.
McLane: And now we're about to see Wendi take on Hammerin' Heather Steele.
Just one week ago, these two were tag team partners. Now Heather is Wendi's
first opponent since she joined up with Lana Star and her stable.
Marshall: Wendi will have to take Heather's arm out of the socket to
get her to quit, David. If there's one thing Heather's got, it's courage.
McLane: And she also has the wrestling skills to go with it, so let's
see what happens in this bout between Hammerin' Heather Steele and California
Wendi.
Wendi gloats over the fallen Heather after her win, "revving it up" as the crowd boos.
[EnerX commercial]
Cut to Jungle Grrrl's dressing room. Ice Cold enters.
Ice (exaggeratedly friendly): Hey, Jungle Grrrl! The big JG! What's
going on! Hey, congrats on that #1 contender thing! You totally deserve it!
Jungle Grrrl gives Ice a withering look.
Ice: Umm... yeah. Okay, listen, here's why I'm here. We have something
in common. We've both got a gripe against that [bleep] Poison. She's the reason
I got my head shaved and was humiliated in front of the entire world. And she's
the reason you're not the Intercontinental champ right now... she only beat
you in the tournament because of that stupid venom spitting. [JG nods] So what
do you say we get together, you know, team up and show her what happens to people
who mess with Ice Cold and Jungle Grrrl? I'm telling you, I can't wait to get
that Poison and just smash her head into the mat again... and again... and again.
I know you must feel the same way!
JG looks Ice over for a while, and then offers her hand to shake.
Cut to Poison, who has been watching this conversation on a monitor. Poison raises an eyebrow, stops to think for a second, and then walks off purposefully.
Cut to ringside, where Law & Order is taking on the Beach Patrol. L&O enter first, and Nikki Law takes the mic.
Law: The Beach Patrol haven't violated any laws, as far as we know... except impersonating a wrestler. Get those bimbos out here, this shouldn't take long.
After the match, Order holds the dazed Summer down while Law works her over with the billyclub. Sandy timidly approaches the two policewomen. Law knocks Sandy across the ring with a huge chop. A very frightened-looking Sandy scurries backstage. Order gets out the handcuffs, and the cops try to get a now vociferously protesting Summer closer to the turnbuckle so she can be cuffed. A couple more referees emerge and make the save for Summer.
Cut to Poison backstage. She knocks on a pink door festooned with a huge star. Lana Star, of course, answers.
Poison: Lana, I need some help. I know you don't like Ice Cold... she
snipped off some of your hair, after all. This will be a chance to get back
at her.
Lana: I'm listening.
Poison: Well, Ice Cold and Jungle Grrrl have gotten together and are
trying to take me out. I need a bit of backup. A tag team partner, basically.
For one match, anyway.
Lana: You want me to tag team with you?
Poison (laughing): Puhleeeeze. No, I want to have a chance to win, Lana.
I want Jane Blond. She's a badass like me, and I admire that. I know Ice Cold
is out for blood. I want someone like Jane in my corner who has that same killer
instinct.
Lana: Well... okay. But remember, you owe us one.
Poison: Yup, I understand that.
[Benny Hill commercial]
Cut to McLane and Marshall at the announcers' table.
McLane: Well, we just saw Poison prove the old adage that the enemy
of your enemy is your friend, Lee Marshall.
Marshall: Yup... Poison had to go to her nemesis Lana Star to get some
protection from the alliance of Ice Cold and Jungle Grrrl. But David, you know
that Lana isn't doing this out of the goodness of her heart. She will want something
from Poison in return. Remember that the whole feud between Lana and Poison
started when Poison dyed Lana's hair green. I guarantee you Lana hasn't forgotten
that.
McLane: Well, that's Poison's problem quite honestly, Lee. I'm not too
sympathetic to those who choose to align themselves with Lana Star, even temporarily.
Speaking of which, one of the new members of the Star Stable is the former Jade,
now known as Jaded. Jaded's defection leaves her former tag team partner Lotus
adrift. I spoke to Lotus, and she had some very interesting things to say.
Cut to pre-taped McLane-Lotus interview.
McLane: Lotus, the defection of your tag team partner Jade to the Star
Stable... did you see it coming?
Lotus: I kind of did, David. Jade had been getting more and more discouraged
as time went on. She just had it in her head that she couldn't win. I tried
to be positive and boost her spirits, but it didn't do any good. Then when we
had to face each other in that pre-Intercontinental Title Tournament match and
I beat her... I think that was the last straw. I was just trying to do my best
and improve my position in the tournament... I certainly didn't want to make
Jade feel bad. But sometimes I wish I had just let her win. Maybe if I had,
things might have progressed differently. Who knows.
McLane: What are you going to do now, Lotus?
Lotus: Well, for one thing, David, the Asian Invasion is no more. So
there is no more "Lotus". You can call me Jeannie Kim. What am I going
to do? I'm going to take a little time off from WOW and think about everything
that's gone on. It's all a little much for me to absorb right now. Thanks, David.
[Lotus rushes off]
Back to McLane and Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: A very distraught Jeannie Kim there, Lee.
Marshall: I can understand why, David. I hope she comes back to WOW soon.
After all, she was a finalist for the Intercontinental title... she is no slouch
in the ring. But perhaps a bit of time off will be good for her. It's hard to
wrestle if your mind is on other things.
McLane: That's for sure. For now, let's go to ringside for what is sure
to be a brutal grudge match... Ice Cold and Jungle Grrrl taking on Poison and
Jane Blond.
Poison sizes up Jane and Lana for a while, and finally shakes hands with both.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
Cut to backstage. Terri Gold and Beckie the Farmer's Daughter are conferring with Roxy Powers and Tanja, Warrior Woman.
Terri: Guys, we need your help when we fight Caged Heat today. You know
that they are going to have Vendetta and Selina Majors out there with them.
We just want to even the scales. Can you be there?
Roxy: We've got your back, Terri. What Caged Heat did to you last week
wasn't right.
Tanja: With the Warrior Woman and the Total Athlete on your side, it
won't happen again.
Cut to ringside for the introductions.
After the match, in the ring, Terri and Beckie hold their hands up triumphantly. Roxy and Tanja, who have been scuffling with Vendetta and Selina during the match, break into an all-out brawl. Roxy and Tanja are getting the better of it before the phalanx of refs comes to break it up. The four continue to yell and point at each other as they're led away.
Cut to Danger's commish office. Danger is doing paperwork when suddenly... the door is busted in! Riot enters, smacking her bat in her open palm.
Riot: Give me one good reason why I shouldn't bash your head in right now.
Staring directly at Riot, Danger stands up (with aid of crutch) and sweeps all the paperwork off the table in one motion, clearing it. Riot looks at the table and smirks.
Riot: You know I deserve to be the #1 contender! I beat Thug, and fought
off the rest of the Harley's Angels while I was at it! I beat the Disciplinarian!
No one in this entire federation can stop me.
Danger: Well, sweetie, maybe you should have won the match that really
counted. You remember... the one where Selina Stunned you? Oh, maybe you don't
remember. You looked so peaceful lying there...
Riot: That was only because you threw that idiot Slam Dunk in the match
too. I coulda beat Selina easily by myself if that clumsy fool hadn't kept getting
in my way.
Danger: Excuses, excuses. And not only that, Riot, but... did you really
beat the Disciplinarian? She said she wanted to prove who the superior martial
artist was. I didn't see too much of that from you in that match. I think you
need to face her again and prove her wrong. It'll be a submission only match.
Fair enough?
Riot: I can't believe I'm saying this, but you leave me no choice. I'm
gonna go to McLane and tell him just how biased you truly are. You've had it
out for me ever since you became Commissioner.
McLane enters and reacts in shock to the destroyed door.
McLane: Oh my God!!! Who did this?
Riot: I did. Is there a problem?
McLane: Yes, there's a problem! Do you realize how much a new door is
going to cost to put in?? Parts, materials, labor... [McLane continues his agitated
mumbling]
Danger: I'm sorry, Riot... who did you say you were going to complain
to? Tell ya what, let's make it a Lion's Den match. You and the Disciplinarian
in a caged pit... the ref on a high platform above it... and wins must be by
submission. See ya next week in the Lion's Den, Riot.
A smiling Danger and a furious Riot stare each other down as we fade out.
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)