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WOW Episode #32F
Ohhhhhhhhhh...WOW!
[Title sequence]
Cut to David McLane and Lee Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Fans, welcome to WOW -- Women of Wrestling! I'm David McLane,
and this is my partner Lee Marshall. And fans, we continue to see more change
around here than a soda machine on a hot day. For one thing, Lana Star and her
Star Stable are proving that they are not just about looking good. Not only
is the Star Stable continuing to stay in the spotlight... its members are winning
every time they go out to the ring. Last week, the Stable even took down the
mighty Riot.
Marshall: Say what you will about Riot, David, but the one thing we know
about her is that she's tough. It took three girls -- Bobbi, Wendi, and Lana
Star herself -- to defeat her. In fact, the Star Stable has relied on illegal
methods in quite a few of their matches. Not that that should exactly shock
anybody, given Lana's past history.
McLane: Well, be that as it may, the Stable has the Intercontinental Title,
which is owned by Jane Blond. And they've made it clear that their next goal
is the WOW World Championship. That belt is currently resting around the waist
of Jungle Grrrl. But Lana will have to wait to get her hands on it, because
last week, Acting Commissioner Danger announced that Jungle Grrrl's first challenger
will be either Slam Dunk, or Roxy Powers.
[Replay Danger's speech/taunt of Slam from last week]
McLane: I spoke to Slam Dunk just a few moments ago, and here's what she had to say about Danger's announcement.
Cut to pre-taped McLane-Slam Dunk interview.
McLane: Slam, Acting Commissioner Danger has offered you a #1 contender's
match against Roxy Powers. Do you plan to accept this offer?
Slam: First of all, McLane, that was a flagrant, what Danger said about
the Sacramento Kings. No way Slam Dunk is going out like that. But if she don't
start showing the Big Baller some respect, WOW is gonna be like the Sacramento
Kings and lose their Franchise Player. No, Slam Dunk is more like the old Boston
Celtics, coming in here to beat L.A. again... and again.. and again. What was
the question, McLane?
McLane: Whether you plan to accept the offer to fight Roxy.
Slam: That's a no-brainer, McLane, which means even you should
be able to figure it out. Slam Dunk is not the type to pass up a free trip to
the Finals, which is what she's just been given. None of this stupid strap match
nonsense... that isn't even wrestling. When it's a straight-up battle, you know
Slam Dunk has never been pinned in that ring. Slam Dunk's question to you, penguin
boy, is: Is Roxy willing to go one-on-one with the Big Baller, with no
stipulations? You should be up in her grill asking your playa hating
questions, not mine. Now get the heck outta here before I wreck you.
Back to the announcers' desk.
Marshall: Was it just me, David, or did Slam Dunk actually threaten
to quit the organization just now??
McLane: Lee, I'm sure it's all just bluster. The one thing we know about
Slam is that she cries like a baby when she doesn't get her way. We'll see if
she can deliver on her promise to defeat Roxy Powers. I also spoke to Roxy,
so let's play that back.
Cut to McLane-Roxy Powers interview.
McLane: Roxy, congratulations on being named a possible #1 contender.
Roxy: Thanks, David. I've been working a long time so that I could earn
the opportunity to get this shot at the WOW World Championship. I have even
more motivation than that, though. I could tell you that I'm going to beat Slam
Dunk on behalf of myself. I could tell you that I'm going to beat Slam Dunk
on behalf of my pals Terri Gold, Beckie, and Tanja. But really, I'm going to
beat Slam Dunk on behalf of this audience right here in this building... so
that they can be spared, if only for a moment, from having to hear her loud,
grating, obnoxious, nonstop mouth.
Back to McLane and Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: That #1 contenders' match promises to be a heck of a battle
between two long-time rivals. But let's concentrate for now on this week's action.
We'll kick it off in a moment here with the Beach Patrol taking on Boom Boom
and Caliente. But Lee, this is not your father's Beach Patrol.
Marshall: Sadly, you're right, David... it's an insult to the name in
my opinion. The old Beach Patrol team consisted of Sandy and Summer. And sure,
they were never serious contenders for the tag team titles... but they tried
their best, played fair, and the crowd loved them. Now the Beach Patrol consists
of California Wendi and California Bobbi -- the former Wendi Wheels, and the
former Summer. They're part of Lana Star's Star Stable, so you know what that
means... "fighting fair" will not be in their vocabulary.
Cut to backstage, where Boom Boom and Paradise are exchanging wrestling tips.
Boom Boom: It's not really that complicated. It's just a standing fireman's
carry, and you fall straight back and use them to break your fall. I can show
you when we train tomorrow.
Caliente: Boom Boom! Vamonos! We gotta go.
Boom Boom apologizes to Paradise, and Caliente and Boom Boom start making their way to the ring.
The new Beach Patrol enter first. They sarcastically play out very stereotypical "Baywatch" mannerisms. The objective is to make a cynical audience boo their cheesiness. The duo enters the ring, and Wendi grabs the mic.
Wendi: We know all you boys out there just got a new favorite tag team. We see all of you gawking at us. You might as well look all you want... because you are never, ever, in your entire little pathetic lives, going to be with a woman who looks half as spectacular as me or Bobbi. You're not even close to being worthy. So keep dreaming, you lowlifes. And you girls out there... don't blame us just because you can't look this good. Who do we fight today, Bobbi? Some dancing idiots? Sounds like a nice, easy first match to me.
Boom Boom and Caliente enter to the delight of the crowd, and the match begins.
Beach Patrol-Boom Boom/Caliente match
The Beach Patrol celebrates bouncily, and Boom Boom and Caliente argue, as we go to break.
[EnerX commercial]
The Beach Patrol continues to gloat and celebrate as they walk backstage. Suddenly, a hand claps on Wendi's shoulder and spins her around. It's Riot, who is almost eerily calm.
Riot: Don't think you're getting away with this, Wendi. Until last week, I had never been pinned. But you and your bimbo friends took that away from me. No matter what happens from now on, I can never have that back. That makes me angry. Very, very angry. Look in my eyes, Wendi. Don't ever stop thinking about me. Because as soon as you do, that's exactly when I'll destroy you. There's no way for you to protect yourself. And you sure as hell can't protect this little silicon repository [motioning to Bobbi] here. You and everyone you care about will be screaming for mercy... which you won't get. It's beyond personal now. You've disturbed a force of nature. Nothing can stop the Riot.
Riot stalks off. A legitimately shaken Wendi and Bobbi exchange glances.
Cut to Acting Commissioner Danger's office. Danger is hard at work when Ice Cold barges in and starts yelling.
Ice: Commissioner! Commissioner!
Danger (crossly): Umm, yes, can I help you?
Ice: You better do something! Lana, Poison, and Jane Blond all beat the
hell out of me! Where's the justice in this federation! What have you got against
me!
Danger: Hmm. Well, that's kind of a shame, isn't it. Maybe you shouldn't
barge into people's dressing rooms if it's likely that there's half a dozen
people in there who can't stand you. Did you ever think of that?
Ice: Oh, I see... you're in with them too! It's all a conspiracy! That
damn McLane! What kind of stooge are you! Well, I don't need any of you! It's
all lies... it's all a bunch of lies!
Ice starts throwing papers and chairs around. Danger (with aid of crutch) stands up to her full height and stares Ice down.
Danger: You better calm down and sit down in a real hurry. Don't think
that just because I'm the Acting Commissioner, I have to sit here and watch
you destroy my office.
Ice: You don't scare me! Riot put you out of commission! You're nothing!
Nothing!
Danger: Ice, let me tell you something. You've got two good legs, and I've
only got one. So as I figure it, your best bet is to start running right now.
Because if I can get my hands on you in ten seconds, you're going through every
table in this room, one by one.
Ice quickly thinks better of challenging Danger and runs out... past an entering Jacklyn Hyde. Jacklyn, who is in a very foul mood herself, doesn't even notice Ice running right past her.
Jacklyn: Queen Danger! Siva, goddess of destruction! Hyde has arrived
to fulfill the will of Ares. I wish from hereon in to taste the blood of my
opponents like some sort of lycanthrope. I love the smell of napalm in the morning.
Danger: Hmm. I think I've got the perfect opponent for you, Jacklyn.
Cut to McLane and Marshall at the announcers' desk.
McLane: Well, Lee Marshall, the next bout we've got coming up here is
Jaded against Sandy. This will be Sandy's first match since her ex-tag team
partner Summer joined the Star Stable and became California Bobbi.
Marshall: Both opponents have a lot to prove here, David. Sandy, as you
mentioned, has to prove that she can get beyond her recent struggles. Remember
that Summer accused Sandy of not being strong enough to stand up to some of
WOW's tougher fighters, such as Phantom and Law & Order. Summer was vengefully
trying to destroy Sandy's confidence. Sandy has to put all of that behind her
and concentrate on the match she's fighting. For her part, Jaded did show well
in her last time out against Farah the Persian Princess. But remember, that
was Jaded's first ever win in WOW. So she has to prove it wasn't a fluke, which
she can do here if she excels against Sandy.
[Hooked on Phonics commercial]
Return to the announcers' desk.
McLane: Lee, we've just gotten a startling announcement from Acting
Commissioner Danger. Ice Cold is set to face Jacklyn Hyde in a cage match!
Marshall: Holy cow! Will that be a brawl, or what?! Those just might
be the two dirtiest fighters in the entire federation. And to lock them in a
cage together... good grief! I wonder whose bad side Ice Cold got on to deserve
that.
McLane: Well, considering how Ice has been acting for weeks now, it could
be just about anybody. You could just as easily spin it the other way, and ask
who Jacklyn angered to get herself into a cage match with Ice.
Marshall (shrugging): I don't have an answer for you on that one, David.
Cut to the locker room. A dejected Sandy, in street clothes, throws her swimsuit and boots into her locker with anger. Hammerin' Heather Steele comes up to her.
Heather: What's the matter, Sandy?
Sandy: It's not Sandy... it's Tamie. Tamie Sheffield. That's who I really
am. I can't go out there in a Beach Patrol outfit anymore. Bobbi and Wendi
have made the Beach Patrol into something I don't want to be associated with.
Heather: I can't say I blame you for that.
Sandy: Bobbi was right about one thing. I should have taken things more
seriously. There's no point being here if you're not trying your absolute best
to become the champion. Don't get me wrong, I still feel that Bobbi was wrong
to join the Star Stable. That's taking the easy way out... there's no joy in
achieving your goals if you didn't work to get there. But I'm going to prove
to her, and to everyone else, that Tamie Sheffield isn't just some pretty face
who you can just walk over. If I go down from now on, it won't be for lack of
trying.
Heather: Tamie, that's really great. I know you can do it. If you ever
need any help, you know who to ask.
Sandy: Thanks, Heather.
Cut to Terri Gold and Beckie the Farmer's Daughter in their locker room.
Terri: Well, Beckie, we're finally bringing some sense into this federation.
Mystery stole my belt... you and I showed her and Misery who was boss a couple
of weeks ago. And we're taking care of Caged Heat too... those clowns who cost
me the title itself. Roxy whipped Vendetta, and in a couple of weeks, she's
gonna bring that World Title home. Now all we have to do is take those tag team
belts from Delta and Loca. Piece of cake!
Beckie: Yeah, Terri, it's gonna be great when we beat Caged Heat. But...
what about Bronco Billie? Lana Star still owns Billie's ranch... she's basically
kidnapped the poor girl. I tried to take Lana on myself at Spring Vengeance,
but she knocked me out with that darn mirror. We've been preoccupied with Caged
Heat, but... shouldn't we be doing something to try to help Billie?
Terri: I guess so. What do you think should be done?
Beckie: Well, I don't really know how to get Billie back. But I was thinking
I could challenge Jane Blond to an Intercontinental title match. Then,
in a few weeks, we'll have all the titles in a few weeks. Maybe the Star Stable
will start to break up when they see they can't win. As long as her Stable is
there to protect her, we can't get to Lana. Ice Cold proved that.
Terri: Okay, that sounds good. Why don't you take care of that, then.
Beckie nods and exits.
Cut to Danger's office again. Beckie the Farmer's Daughter enters.
Danger: Hi, Beckie. What can I do for ya? Wait... is this about Bronco
Billie and Lana Star again?
Beckie: Yeah... yeah, it is. I know that it's not within your power to
force Lana to let Billie out of her lease. But I at least would like a shot
at Jane Blond's Intercontinental belt. That would take Lana, and her whole Star
Stable, down a peg. It's the least we can do.
Danger: Well, hmm. Jane hasn't defended the title in a while. And since
you did make Riot look like a fool in front of the whole world during
the tag team tournament, I do have a soft spot for ya. Even though we don't
have too much in common... I can't deny you're a heckuva wrestler. Seems fair
to me. You've got a match.
Beckie: Thanks, Danger!
Danger: No prob.
Cut to ringside for the Ice Cold-Jacklyn Hyde cage match. Jacklyn wears a bald wig during the match, which obviously enrages Ice.
McLane: Absolutely unbelievable, Lee Marshall. Jacklyn fell off the
top of the cage twice, and just kept coming. She is like a woman possessed.
Even though she lost the match, that was a very impressive effort.
Marshall: Yup... and Ice didn't exactly have an easy time of it herself...
she got knocked off the top of the cage too, and fought off some hellacious
attacks from Jacklyn. Both these women just proved to me that they can absorb
a ton of punishment. You gotta admire their guts. Sometimes, it's better to
be angry than good. Both of these competitors just proved it.
McLane: We'll be right back after these messages with an Intercontinental
Title match... Jane Blond against Beckie the Farmer's Daughter. You will not
want to miss it.
[Benny Hill commercial]
Jane-Beckie match (Intercontinental Title)
McLane: Another three-on-one ambush by the Star Stable... they took out the referee and then ganged up on poor Beckie. Can anyone stop this Star Stable? And, will Roxy Powers or Slam Dunk be the next challenger for the WOW World Title? Fans, the only way to find out is to tune in next week for more WOW - Women of Wrestling.
[Sponsored by the Invention Submission Corporation, Tootsie candies, and the Invention Submission Corporation]
WOWF Federation File (goes in main ZeusPro directory)
Moves List (goes in "moves" directory)
Lee Marshall Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)
David McLane Commentary File (goes in "commentary" directory)