This is not really a column, just a collection of the updates I made to the various character pages based on the events of WOW show #22 (aired here on 3/4/01).
The Asian Invasion:
They lose again, more grandmother, more talk about Jade's unhappiness. Wake
me up when something happens with this. (BTW, we never actually saw
the grandmother in this ep. I guess they didn't come up with the angle until
the PPV, and were forced to work it rather awkwardly into this pre-PPV-taped
episode.)
The Beach Patrol:
Summer took on former (uncredited) Beach Patrol member Wendi Wheels in
a solo match and did not look good. Her surfboard is absolutely awful. She
should be held out of solo matches until she improves in the tag team format.
Farah the Persian Princess:
Farah and Paradise beat the Asian Invasion with the most electrifying move
in sports entertainment, the fearsome DOUBLE LEGSWEEP. Since Farah is getting
over so massively, McLane informed us that Farah's sister may be joining
WOW soon. You know, sometimes I really wonder what is being smoked at the
WOW offices.
Hammerin' Heather Steele:
And squashed again, by Jungle Grrrl.
Harley's Angels:
I think EZ wants to be in Caged Heat. "HARLEY'S ANGELS IS IN DA HOUSE!!!!!
DAT'S RIGHT! HARLEY'S ANGELS, BAY-BEEEE!" (complete with "rapper" gestures).
Ummm, okay.
Jacklyn Hyde:
Jacklyn actually won a match this week (against Patti Pizzazz), and looked
okay in the ring. Since she kept to the same ("Hyde") personality
throughout, it was more straight wrestling. As far as her character, she screamed
at the camera some, but that's not gonna do it. We already know she's supposed
to be crazy; we just don't buy it. If they want us to buy it, they need to
do interviews, with depth.
Lana Star:
Lana refused to help or support Patti in her match, Patti lost, Randi
supported Patti a lot, Lana put Randi out again. Lana/Patti breakup seems
to be a fait accompli, which I think is good.
Lana also won the swimsuit competition with a "last minute surge in the voting". Wow, that was an even lamer explanation than I thought it would be. What does it accomplish, anyway? She gets to be more vain now? Was that really an aspect of her character that needed to be emphasized more?
Patti Pizzazz:
Patti/Randi reunion was teased until Lana put Randi out of commission.
I think reuniting Team Spirit is probably the best thing that can be done
with Patti. She definitely has more chemistry with Randi than with Lana. Let
her work on her acting in that environment, in which she's apparently more
comfortable, before giving her the push that Lana's personal assistant inevitably
gets.
No mention was made of the arm injury Patti had at the PPV. Of course, this show was taped before the PPV. That could mean that the "broken arm" angle was not planned in advance -- that something in fact did happen in between this taping and the PPV to sever Patti's relationship with WOW and require the "broken arm" story to be made up at the last minute. Of course, it's quite possible that it's just WOW's usual disregard for continuity. But I am really starting to believe something happened here. It's not like it really made any sense for Lana to take on Ice and Poison at once.
Randi Rah Rah:
Randi did a pretty effective interview and challenged Lana to a "blindfold
match". She supported Patti before Patti's match with Jacklyn Hyde, and
bailed her out afterwards too, setting up the Team Spirit reunion. All was
going well until Lana attacked Randi, and McLane informed us that "RANDI
HAS BEEN BLINDED AGAIN!!!!!"
I see three possibilities here. 1. McLane doesn't realize that someone who is already blind can't be made more blind. 2. He meant that the other eye was blinded, in which case presumably, a blindfolded Lana is going to fight a completely blind Randi. 3. As so often occurs in WOW, Randi is going to come back next week as if nothing at all had happened.
None of these possibilities seem, in my humble opinion, to be any good. Why couldn't they just let Team Spirit reunite? I don't see how anything interesting will come out of perpetuating the Lana-Randi feud.
Selina Majors:
Okay, they showed the ending of show #21 in full, and Selina went on to
hit Thug after she hit Terri. It seems clear that she meant to hit them both,
so I guess she has beef with both of them, which does make sense. I still
don't know whether last week's cutoff was unintentional or intentional (and
if the latter, what it was meant to accomplish).
Wendi Wheels:
This week showed me the first evidence that Wendi's wrestling skill might
get her over even despite the bad gimmick. She fought crowd favorite Summer
and still had the crowd behind her, putting on a pretty decent match even
despite Summer's limitations. I still am far from convinced that she can completely
overcome this gimmick. I was especially disappointed that she didn't come
out in the T-shirt she wore at the PPV. I'm sorry, that full mechanic's outfit
is hella stupid.
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(e-mail: thatthing35@yahoo.com)