February 9, 2004 I have a t.v., but refuse to pay for cable so I don't watch much in the way of broadcast programming, and haven't for three years or so. Therefore, I didn't see the Super Bowl halftime show and the Little Boob That Could. I haven't been subjected to the subsequent shrieking of the news media. I haven't gotten to see the moment replayed (demurely censored of course) over and over and over and over. But even without that particular avenue of information, I know enough to draw three conclusions about the situation, which would be:
1. I'm not Janet Jackson's biggest fan (but that's not my point). All in all, I'm fairly indifferent to her. Whether flashing the entire nation (and all of its impressionable younguns, which I'm sure are now irretrievably scarred and will all grow up to become bloodthirsty criminal masterminds) was an "accident", or a publicity stunt, or maybe even a split-second commentary on the state of our uptight, you-shall-be-ashamed-of-your-mammaries-or-else culture, it doesn't change my opinion of her. I don't think any less of her, and as I said before, I haven't suddenly found myself to be her biggest fan. However, I do feel, very very strongly, that her breast and its newfound sense of scandal need to be stopped before they eat us alive.
2. During the glory days of the boy bands (which was when I still had regular access to cable t.v.), I never really found myself liking any of them, but the one individual person I couldn't stand in any form was the blonde Backstreet Boy. Now, a few years later, I haven't seen much of him lately, no rumors of an impending solo album, no budding acting career, no scandalous stints in rehab, only the softest whispers from his little bastard brother and his musical aspirations to indicate that The Blonde One ever even existed......although now that I've said that, I do seem to recall something recently about him and Paris Hilton....hmmm, even better. But without regular injections of his face in every aspect of my life, I find my seething disdain of him has calmed considerably (not completely, mind you, but some) only to be replaced by a seething disdain for (BUM BUM BUUUUM) Justin Timberlake! What a whiny little shit. While apologizing profusely and making sure that everyone knows it was all Janet's idea, he was quoted as saying, "I mean I was completely shocked and appalled, and all I could say was 'Oh my God, Oh my God." Oh my God! It's a tit! How did that get under there? Yes, yes, Justin, suave and worldly ladies man that you are, it is appalling (and I'm sure everyone can feel your pain here) the first time you discover that ripping off certain parts of a woman's shirt will, in fact, reveal such shocking (and appalling) pieces of her anatomy. And then some tone deaf joker goes and awards him a Grammy! And during his acceptance speech, he apologizes again!! Just give it up, for God's sake! If it wasn't his idea, and he had no idea it was going to happen, and he's now just beside himself with regret, then why continue milking it? Is it just a pleasant surprise, free publicity started by a media free-for-all that he is now attempting to use to his advantage? Who knows (and for that matter, who cares)? MSN Entertainment rated his Grammy acceptance speech as the "worst self-aggrandizing apology",
and I would say that that sums it up quite nicely.
3. I am not an especially patriotic person. I haven't spent my time since 9-11-01 plastering American flag stickers to every available surface or screaming for the blood of al-Qaida, I haven't even started listening to country music again (that's a joke, Mom). But I do believe that if any one person, place, or thing and their subsequent actions had to cause a stir at the Super Bowl, and such an annoyingly huge, over-hyped stir at that, it should have been the American flag poncho worn by Kid Rock (if, that is, it was actually made from a real flag, which, since I haven't seen anything saying that it was for sure, I'm inclined to doubt that it was. I'm reminded of an art exhibit on the college campus here sometime during the patriotism-frenzied months following Sept. 11. A woman created an American flag dress with a hat that read, "Is this a fad?" She was heavily criticized for disgracing the flag in such a way (one man wrote a letter to the editor railing about the fact that untold numbers of Old Glories had to be cut up and resewn to create the dress) until it was pointed out that the dress was made with flag-patterned fabric that can, of course, be bought in any Walmart in the country, and is, of course, intended to be made into something that will most likely be worn. An article about that can be found here). I am just about as indifferent to Kid Rock as I am to Janet Jackson, so it's not like I'm trying to play favorites here. And I realize that the FCC would much rather blast the heads of the youth of America full of murder, theft and violence than give them a sneaky half-second peek at a bare breast (it would be more than laughable to assume that they hadn't already seen anything like that and then some) so I understand where the legal standpoint originates. But good lord! Millions of people are wasting so much energy reporting and researching and perpetuating the outrage of this event. It's just a tit! Roughly half of the entire population of the world has not one, but TWO! You would think we could find something more productive to slobber and wail over (like unemployment, poverty, disease, war, stupid cowboy presidents). But apparently that may be asking too much.
Back to the Music
Back to Hell