Nihon News Part I - "One benefits in various ways by traveling."
I received an encouraging amount of replies to my first letter. Since
some of those questions or comments may be of general interest, I'll deal
with them first.
Q: Do you ever feel invisible because the Japanese avoid eye contact?
A: No. Even though a great many Japanese look at the ground while
walking, I don't feel invisible. (If they bumped into me, I might.) In
fact, I frequently feel conspicuous and never manage to forget I'm
different. Children and youth in particular exhibit strange behaviour: a
three-year-old girl at a restaurant broke into an uncontrolled laughing
fit everytime she saw me, and a teen at McDonald's kept staring at me
while I was ordering. And I know for a fact there was no caterpillar in
my beard.
Q: Is it true that Japanese girls auction off their underpants?
A: You need to get out of Ferpicloz, wherever that is. Besides, I
wouldn't know: I'm a couple sizes bigger and rather loyal to my favorite
brand.
I also received several comments on biking, from the advice to enjoy the
rare unregulated aspects in Japanese society to musings on how to best
display Shimano gearsets on the mantelpiece. I was pointed to China as
the possible origin of Japanese cycling habits, and reminded that Swiss
cyclists aren't saints either. The latter is certainly true, but have
you ever seen a Swiss truck with a sticker that says "Challenge Safe
Driving for the 21st century?"
For even the Swiss aren't as enamoured with foreign languages as the
Japanese, whose apparently great respect for things Western is doubly
reflected in their language.
First, they have a rich vocabulary of words they declare Japanese, but
which are actually foreign words that after a cryptic process of revision
and adaptation to Japanese pronunciation have become so disfigured as to
be nearly unrecognizable. Fortunately, these words are written in
Katakana, and once the beginner masters this syllabary he can begin
deciphering shop signs and other inconsequential writings, which in my
opinion beats the Sunday paper riddles for entertainment value.
Second, the Japanese freely use foreign languages and the Roman alphabet
as a sign of distinction, based on their perception of the respective
culture. Not surprisingly, French is used liberally for whatever is
gourmet or chic; for instance, the free-floating gumpism "L'Amour, c'est
comme un bon gateau" is the slogan of the DONQ bakery chain, and a
clothing store recently advertised a special with the slogan "Jouer a la
pupe." (I apologize for not being able to render the circumflex on
"gateau" or the grave on "a" correctly.) German is dominant in medicine
(this seems to date back more than a century, when Japanese scientists
were sent to Germany to study this field) and mechanical precision, as
evidenced in the names of Toyota models such as Kluger, Platz (a compact
car) and Opa. (Then there's the Noah, measuring a less-than-divine 9 by
3.5 by 3 cubits.) English is simply ubiquitous. It is used to declare
that "Coffee is the source of satisfaction and comfort and is the medium
for togetherness" or to gush: "I fall in love with you. You are my
favorite food." Dried banana chips are "healthy life support." A coffee
creamer goes by the name "Creap." The "energen" drink proclaims itself a
"power assist" to "reach your summit," the "POCARI (not peccary) SWEAT"
drink claims it is a "body request," and the Japanese fatally pronounce
the innocent-looking "Calpis" drink much like "Cowpiss" with a B-movie
Latino accent. Coca-Cola's telling slogan explains what it takes to use
English for marketing purposes: "No Reason!"
When space allows for it, logorrhea meets literary striving. The
Tomoguchi company, blissfully unaware of the doggerel "Beans, beans, the
musical fruit," writes on a package: "Let's have joyful talking with
FRESH BEANS. Every time and every where, it's so delicious. Best of the
world FRESH PACK!" (The first person to correctly guess what was in the
package gets one.) Other places to look for unintentional humor are
clothing items, shopping bags, photo album covers (where I found the
opening quote), and the spare wheel coverings on SUVs. It was on a
Pajero io I found the following cross between Chief Seattle and Sid
Meier's Civilization:
"WE LIVE WITH NATURE"
A long time ago,
before human was born,
there were only WOODS, GRASS, ANIMALS, BIRDS and FISH.
When human was born,
they helped the newly born baby, offering their bodies.
GRASS and ANIMALS became human's clothings,
and then, they protected him from the rain, wind and cold.
WOODS and GRASS gave him their fruits, nuts, and grains.
ANIMALS, BIRDS and FISH became human's food,
and, they grew him up.
WE WILL NEVER FORGET THEIR FAVORS.
WE WILL NEVER LIVE WITHOUT NATURE.
'CAUSE, WE LIVE WITH NATURE.
I must add that I do not intend to belittle the Japanese. The average
Japanese speaks English about as well as the average Swiss (and the
average American, I'm tempted to say): barely. Therefore, despite a
track record of being pedantic about spelling mistakes, I'm by no means
highlighting the erroneous use of foreign languages in Japan in a pitiful
attempt to prove my superiority. Rather, faced with Japanese exuberance,
I gladly forgive; how could I harbor a grudge when the results of their
labor are so much fun?
To come full circle, here are some words now Japanese, but of foreign
origin, retranscribed into the Roman alphabet. Those who correctly guess
all original words will receive an as of yet undecided small prize.
(This will likely be the only time I go commercial to add zest to my
e-mail.) Deadline, quite arbitrarily, is my last e-mail check on July
14th - if nobody gets them all by then, the top three win.
Basics: karee - seetaa - botan
Techno: terebi - pasocon - waapuro
Advanced: ootobai - koinrandorii - ankeeto
Tough: sabaibaru - ryukku - haioku
Near Impossible: irasuto - puroresu - defure
Pronunciation guide: Consonants as in English, vowels as in Italian; b
and r can stand for v and l, respectively. (More details upon request.)
As usual, I wrote more and covered less than I intended to: please
forgive my wordiness. And do continue to respond - I am very grateful
for all contacts outside of the island!
Yours,
Stephan Stuecklin
Same disclaimer as every year: You have received this e-mail because I
have your address for some reason or another. If you no longer want to
receive this e-mail, or if you want to comment on it, please e-mail me.
The same procedure applies if you want to suggest another recipient.
(
geocities.com/thduggie)