Once More With Buffybot

The Visitor and The Buffybot Adventures Present:
Season Two - Episode Three

Once More, With Buffybot

Check out the ONCE MORE WITH BUFFYBOT LYRIC SHEET, should you wish to sing along with greater ease.

SCENE: Ext. Nighttime. The woods on the North end of Sunnydale Calif. As the camera dollies in from above, we close in on Buffybot, who is making her way into town, accompanied by the ghostly form of Doyle. They are having what appears to be a pleasant, spirited conversation. Elsewhere in the forest, unbeknownst to them, dark forces lurk...

“...done a good job, with the rebuilding and all. How much do you remember?”
Buffybot smiled as she almost unconsciously scanned her upgraded memory structure, or EMD (Experiential Metaplexing Database).
“Everything!” she announced giddily, looping in and out of random files, “...even things I didn’t remember before. I remember all the time I was Spike’s girlfriend...I wasn’t quite myself, then. But he really did look good naked.”
Doyle coughed uncomfortably. “No need to dwell on nostalgia...”
“I even can recall the files that Warren tried to delete, when he hijacked my functions by remote control.” Botty made a sour face at that. “I’ve been thinking of re-deleting those ones, actually...”
“Can’t blame ya,” Doyle offered, eager to shift the subject, “...so this Vincent character, he knows his stuff?”
“Oh, goodness yes!” Buffybot replied, “...he’s even incorporated some of the Quantum scanning apparatus he used to retrieve my memories into my own hardware. It’ll come in SUPER handy if I ever have to, I don’t know...scan a vampire’s computer for clues, or...something!”
Doyle drew a long, thoughtful breath. “Could happen,” he eventually admitted, if slightly unconvincingly. Still...hard to argue with the kind of enthusiasm the Bot brought to the table.
“Are you sure about this, doll?”
Buffybot gave Doyle a quizzical stare. “About what?”
“You know,” he said, feeling a little awkward, “...rushin’ right back to see your old gang straightaway. I mean, you only just came back from the grave, not to mention getting freshly outfitted with sparklin’ new emotions, or whatever it is you have now. Maybe you should give it a little time...adjust, that sort of thing.”
“You’re awfully sweet to worry,” Buffybot said with a girlish grin, “...but everything will be fine, you’ll see! I’ll bet they’re all missing me terribly by now. I sure do miss them...”
“I know ya do, doll...I know. Believe me. But aren’t you forgetting something?”
Concerned, Buffybot instantly re-checked her database for errors. “I don’t THINK so...”
“The spell?” Doyle finally said, exasperation mixing in with his concern, “...the one Willow put on everyone the same time she, y’know, scrambled your circuits? They don’t remember any of the things that happened that summer...not the good stuff, anyhow.” Doyle himself had explained about the spell to Buffybot only a few hours earlier, as they had slowly made their way away from the Golden Sunset Motor Hotel...once Buffybot had spent the day helping the meager staff clean up the damage from her battle with the vampires Bartholomew and Ernesto, however. She’d insisted.
“Oh...THAT.” Buffybot seemed amused, but unperturbed. “Of course I remember...but that was a few months ago now, you told me. Don’t magic spells usually last less time than that?”
Doyle scratched his head doubtfully. “Well...”
“And besides! All I have to do is talk to Willow, and she can undo it! They all at least remember me from AFTER she cast the spell, right? And we were friends then, too.”
A troubling thought occurred to Buffybot. “I hope Willow won’t be cross that I’m alive again,” she wondered aloud, before an even more distressing notion crossed her electronic mind. She stopped in her tracks and faced Doyle.
“What about Buffy? I died so that she could come back! Has anything...she hasn’t...”
“Take it easy, Buffybot. The slayer’s just fine...physically, anyways. The Powers wouldn’t have brought you back if they thought it would have eighty-sixed Summers all over again. There may BE repercussions...usually are with mojo this big...but none with Buffy.”
Slowly, Buffybot let herself smile again, relief washing over her. Her smile soon turned to an expression of wonder.
“I think I’m having an emotion!” she declared giddily, tapping into her Emotional Information Nodule...one of the many new systems installed by her new body’s Creator, the renegade science-knight called Vincent.
“I think it’s...relief! I’m relieved! WOW!”
Doyle waited, watching Buffybot with nervous intensity. He was excited for her of course...he just didn’t want her to get too carried away too fast.
Botty, however, carried right on away. “Now there’s something else...oh my goodness...I think...”
“Easy, doll,” Doyle cautioned, “...don’t push it, let it happen...”
“I’m HAPPY!” she shouted triumphantly, eyes nearly popping out of their artificial sockets, “...I am! I’m happy about Buffy, I’m even happy about being RELIEVED about Buffy! This is so...so wonderful!”
Buffybot twirled away from Doyle in a pirouette, stirring up leaves on the ground in a whirling pattern about her skirt. The ghost watched her, feeling a little joy of his own at her newfound emotions, and he smiled proudly...until something a little odd started to happen.
“Hey,” Doyle asked, watching as the leaves continued their primal dance around Buffybot’s legs, “...do you hear music..?”
“ Look at me here,” Buffybot suddenly sang, much to Doyle’s surprise, “...back in the world, Alive again, rebuilt mechanical girl,”
Buffybot danced up to a tree, spinning herself completely around on it.
“ I thought I was trapped down below,” she sang with a solemn face, “...Alone for eternity.”
A hearty smile quickly replaced the sombre look, however, and Botty did a hop away from the tree, dancing again. “ New and improved , ready to fight,
When Vincent builds something he sure builds it right,
Decision collider alone’s upgraded substantially!”
Doing a quick spin, Buffybot dashed back up to Doyle. “ I've got files and systems aplenty,” she boasted happily, “...Generators and modules galore. You want backup drives?” she asked, grinning, “...I’ve got sixty!”
She took a step back, swinging her hands at her sides. “ Well that’s fine...
But I’ve got...
So much more...”
Leaping to the music, Buffybot spread her arms wide. “ I’m gonna know what the people know...
I’m gonna laugh, when I see them laughing,
Not just because I was programmed to, this time it’s real!”
Doyle watched and listened in utter fascination, as Buffybot danced and whirled all about the forest, pushing off and spinning around every tree she found.
“ Plotting responses can get old fast,” she continued, “...Now there’s no need, no need for pretending,
For the first time in my life...I can feel!
I can feel joy, I can emote,
No longer just a machine with one note,”
Botty slowed down, staring up at the moon shining down. She was beaming equally brightly back at it. “ I’ve been set free...
Now I can be...
A real girl.”
Amidst her basking, a pair of vampires hiding in the treetops suddenly crashed down to the forest floor in front of Buffybot. Doyle felt his ghostly nerves jump the tracks, but Buffybot just shrugged and carried on, swinging punches instead of pirouettes.
“ Dawnie will find I’ve left behind all my old limits,”
She sang, as one vamp took a fist to the side of the head,
“...Buffy can fight ,all through the night, right by my side...”
The first vamp got clobbered again, tumbling behind a tree. Botty grinned at the second one, who shook nervously.
“ Pesky old vamps won’t stand a chance,” she declared, hammering the vamp and grabbing him by the shoulders,
“...not with two resurrected Buffies!”
Hoisting the vamp off his feet, Botty started rushing him backwards, impaling him through the heart on a tree branch. He looked disillusioned.
“ Don’t seem fair,” he grumbled, evaporating to dust, “...metal Slayer, Dusting my hide!”
With a gust of wind, the second vamp blew away, and Buffybot danced over to where the first was clambering to his feet.
“ I’m ready to find what I left behind,” she said with a punch,
“...Find all my friends, and get my life back!”
Another punch!
“ Things were darkened, but now there’s new...light!”
The vamp punched back and missed, and Buffybot tossed him up against a nearby tree. As she walked over to him, she kicked a splintered branch up into her hand.
“ And it’s all right, I can tell now,
Now my new life begins with this vow...”
Buffybot turned away from the vamp as she staked him, looking with hope and joy at Doyle.
“ Soon you will see...
I’m going to be...
...A real girl!”

The air fell suddenly still for a lengthy moment, before Doyle could resist no longer, and let loose with a round of applause.
“Hey, that was really somethin’! Is this a new emotion-thing you got? Cause I don’t recall you doin’ much singing before...”
“That was AMAZING!” Buffybot shouted, literally bouncing back towards Doyle, a massive smile beaming off her face. She looked like a child on Christmas morning. “That was absolutely, totally neat!”
Doyle grinned. “You do have a good singin’ voice, gal of mine...say, how’d you do the music, and get the vamps to sing along? I gotta admit, that seemed a little...”
“I have absolutely NO idea why I just did that!” Buffybot interrupted, still smiling excitedly. “Or how! But it was very, VERY fun!”
“You don’t know..?” Doyle’s grin started to twist into a concerned frown with alarming speed. “You might wanna hold off on the celebratin’ then, sweetheart. Could be trouble’s brewing.”
Buffybot waved a dismissive hand towards Doyle. “Oh, pooh! Singing and dancing is FUN, everyone knows that! This is like...some fun, welcome-home present or something!”
The Irishman scratched his head. “I dunno about THAT...”
“I’m going to do my old vamp patrol,” Buffybot announced with enthusiasm, “...just for fun! Well, and it’s what I do, of course. Besides, Dawn and the others are probably asleep...this way I’ll have made Sunnydale a safer place, AND come back from the dead when I see them!”
“All of which looks great on a resume,” Doyle quipped, “...but let’s be extra careful, hey? I got a bad feelin’ about this...”
“Now Mister Doyle,” Buffybot said, turning smartly on her heel in search of further evil to vanquish, “...nobody likes a pessimist.”

CUT TO:
A darkened, underground cavern. The light from an electric lantern is barely providing enough illumination for the massive chamber, where sounds of digging can be heard. Two figures are present as we move in, one obscured as he or she busily hammers away at a wall of stone. The other leans backwards in obvious displeasure, dropping her pick axe with a loud clatter.
Closing in, the meagre light glitters off of the familiar girls long blond hair, as she folds her dirt-stained arms in disgust.
“We’re never going to find it. The stupid thing probably doesn’t even exist, you probably made the whole thing up just to get me down in this stupid, dirty hole! I don’t know why I listen to you!”
A loud strike on the rock wall echoes outwards, and the blond girl covers her ears.
“Ow! Would you stop it already? There’s nothing IN here!”
“Harmony,” the woman’s voice calmly replies, “...I’m almost through, okay? We’re right on schedule. Didn’t you read the itinerary I made up for you?”
Dropping her arms to her side, Harmony shuffled her feet guiltily. “Of course I read it,” she said, not quite convincingly, vaguely recalling the five page collection of graphs, timetables and geological surveys she had discarded days ago, “...but this is boring! And...I’m all dirty! Can’t we just...I dunno, rent some movies or something? I’m sick of the Slayer.”
“We’re going to kill her, Harmony,” the woman shot back sternly, “...you and me. This was YOUR idea, remember?”
Harmony looked shocked. “It SO was not! All I did was tell you about how I used to be Buffy’s sworn enemy and stuff. THIS whole thing,”
She paused, looking around the gloomy subterranean vault she was in. “...was all Spikey’s idea. It didn’t work, y’know. And he never said ANYTHING about a...”
“One thing I learned at Graduate School, Harmony?”
There was one more loud crack, and the sound of rock falling away. Harmony thought she could see a faint light glimmering now over her partner’s head. She peered in closer, intrigued.
Picking herself up carefully off the floor, Dana stood to her full height, proudly cradling something in her hands. She smiled.
“Research,” she continued, “...it makes all the difference.”
Harmony looked on, bathed in the extra light from Dana’s pith helmet. It cast an eerie green glow to the edge of the ancient weapon she had unearthed, here in the bowels of Sunnydale. Both women smiled.
“That’s it?” Harmony asked, entranced, “...it’s really real?”
Taking the weapon in one hand, Dana held it reverently up, turning it in the artificial light. As she did, she imagined she was twisting it inside the body of her enemy...she could be dramatic like that, sometimes.
“The dagger of Amarra,” she whispered. If her heart could beat, it would be racing right now. “...the death of the Slayer.”
“Wicked,” Harmony breathed delightedly, then blinked a few times and glanced up at Dana. “Now can we get out of here before we start singing again?”
Dana stared back at her in stern agreement. “Yeah...what do you suppose THAT was all about?”

NEW SCENE. THE FOLLOWING MORNING. DOWNTOWN SUNNYDALE.
Emerging from the woods and surrounding suburbs into the beating heart of her hometown, Buffybot smiles with joy at her return. On occasion, she spontaneously joins total strangers in dancing, often to their great annoyance. She doesn’t mind, however, and seems to be quite enjoying life. Her ghostly companion, while still a little skittish, seems to be getting into the swing of things as well...

“...You've heard of General Wellington, who won at Waterloo,
but there's a good old Irishman I'll introduce to you.
He comes from dear old Dublin, he's a man we all applaud,
For he always finds a corkscrew far more hardy than a sword.
He's good old General Guinness, he's a soldier strong and stout,
Found on every battlefront, he can't be done without.
His noble name has worldwide fame, preserved through hearty cheers,
Hurrah for General Guinness and the Dublin Boozileers!”
Buffybot bounced and clapped at the tune, and Doyle took a few ghostly bows, which only she could see. She seemed a little surprised at his musical outburst.
“That was wonderful, Mister Doyle. I didn’t think this music-thingy was affecting you.”
Doyle shrugged sheepishly. “It’s just Doyle,” he reminded her, “...and well, no, whatever mojo’s workin’ doesn’t have a hold on my incorporeal self. But hey, I’m an Irishman, I’m gonna pass up an excuse to sing in public?”
“Well, it’s darn fun! Pardon my pottymouth. I’m just so...excited!”
“You’re pardoned,” Doyle offered, “...and I gotta admit, you might’a been right about the singin’ and dancing. So far it all seems pretty harmless.”
Buffybot nodded, before growing momentarily serious. “Except for that Chaos demon in the graveyard. The one who rapped...?”
Remembering, Doyle cringed. “OH yeah. That’s one I’ll take to my grave...which, fortunately, is a short trip for me.”
That sparked a question in Buffybot’s Curiosity Drive. “Doyle...how did you die?”
Doyle puffed up. “Oh, VERY heroically, and that’s no lie!” He boasted, “...leaping and self-sacrificing, the whole bit. If it hadn’t been so mind-numbingly painful, I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”
Buffybot nodded solemnly. “I don’t like thinking about when I died,” she confessed, “...I should have beat them.”
“You weren’t exactly yourself then, doll,” Doyle reassured her, “...my money’s on you in the rematch.”
Buffybot smiled bashfully, which Doyle thought was a fine sight. Something was starting to trouble him, however.
“My award-winning song-stylings aside for the moment,” he said, “...when do we finish with the stallin’?”
“What?” Buffybot looked confused. “What stalling?”
“You! You’re stalling, right now, as I don’t live and breath! We’ve been lurkin’ about town for hours now...I thought you were all pepped up to do your reunion bit.”
“I was,” Buffybot answered crisply, “...I am! And I haven’t engaged my stalling software, not even a little bit, I swear!”
“Then what..?”
“Dawn,” Buffybot replied in a flash, “...I wanted to wait until she got out of school. I mean...they’re all my friends and they all mean so much to me of course, but...”
Doyle smiled. “Got a soft spot for the littlest Summers, huh?”
Buffybot beamed back warmly. “She’s my best friend,” she explained happily, “...she should be there when I come back.”
That seemed to make sense to Doyle, though he was still more than a little unsure about how good an idea this was. The little machine had just gotten herself all fixed up...he didn’t want her getting broken again straightaway. Even if was only her heart.
Before he could voice any further concern on that issue, Doyle noticed something some distance off that rendered the matter rather moot, one way or another. A dry smirk crossed his face.
“Don’t look now,” he said, motioning over Buffybot’s shoulder, “...but here she comes now.”
“What?” A look of shock suddenly hit Buffybot hard. “Who? Dawn? Dawn’s here? Now? Where?”
“Down the street,” Doyle elaborated, “...and headin’ this way, I’d say. Take a gander.”
Buffybot shook her head. “You said not to look!”
The ghost looked unimpressed. “That was just an expression and you know it.”
“Oh dear...oh goodness, oh golly,” Buffybot was starting to hop slightly in place, in what Doyle thought was a technically marvelous robotic equivalent of a panic attack. “Oh my. Anxiety...fear...joy ...too much, it’s too much! I don’t...!”
“Easy, doll...take it easy...don’t go fryin’ nothing important now...”
Buffybot stilled herself. “Shunting excess emotional information to backup drives...phew.”
Buffybot allowed herself a small smile. “Neat trick,” Doyle admitted, “...wish I could do that from time to time.”
“What,” Botty began, pausing to deal with a fresh wave of emotional data. This ‘feeling’ things was much trickier than she’d ever imagined. But right now, she admitted, it felt good. So, so good.
“...What’s she doing now?” Buffybot asked, looking hopefully at Doyle. He peered down the street behind her and sighed.
“In what, I’m sure, would normally be quite unusual and aberrant behaviour for the young lady in question...”
Buffybot looked concerned, but needn’t have worried, as Doyle explained further...
“...she appears to be singing and dancing.”

Indeed, Dawn and five other students were marching/dancing down the center of main street, accompanied by a rising accompaniment of electric guitars. Dawn seemed to be in the lead, a Chinese girl standing by her side. A sudden break in the guitar solo prompted a serious looking Dawn to put her best foot forward and sing.
“ Follow me home on the bus, you’re a stalker horror show,
Every step I make you’re there, you’re everywhere I go...
I can run to the mall or pretend to be sick, but you’re always on my tail...
If only you were just a person I would throw your ass in jail...”
The music crescendoed, and all the other kids joined in for the chorus...
“ This thing called homework haunts my nights and clouds my days!
Why can’t they teach this stuff in classes anyway?
I think my teachers just don’t want to earn their pay,”
Suddenly the Chinese girl leaned over to Dawn, singing,
“ Like Mister Stevenson, I’m pretty sure he’s gay!”
Dawn looked oddly at the girl, shrugging. Buffybot watched with rising glee as they continued.
“ I’ve done you at the beach,” Dawn crooned, “...thanks for wrecking that for me.
Not like I want to have fun, maybe just watch tv,
But you never let me have time to myself,
Your constant aggravation turns all our lives into hell...
This thing called homework haunts my nights and clouds my days!
Why can’t they cover this in classes anyway?
I think my teachers just don’t want to earn their pay,”
Piping up, the Chinese girl added, “ They don’t get that I’ve got new x-box games to play!”
Nodding gravely as they exchanged knowing looks over that last remark, all the students gathered for the finale.
“ O homework, homework, can’t you leave for just one day?
Give us five minutes just to hang at some cafe.
Our social lives have fallen into disarray!
I wish my dog could eat you, that would be okay...”

Afterwards, there was a descending chorus of something akin to “ do doo do doo doo do doo ” for a minute or two, along with more extravagant dancing, especially on Dawn’s part. Buffybot felt extremely proud of her little pretend-sister, and was so glad she was able to watch. Coming back was already very worth it, she decided.
Once the last of the music died down, and any onlookers had dissipated, Dawn and her schoolmates stood around for a few moments, unsure what to do next. The Chinese girl, Lien, swallowed loudly. “Wow...the right-after part of these things can be awkward, huh?”
“I know what you mean,” Dawn agreed, “...God, I hate my singing. Why did I have to get the lead?”
Several of the others started drifting away then, while Dawn looked embarrassed. “You weren’t so bad,” Lien said earnestly, “...and you’re an amazing dancer!”
“Thanks! I took lessons when I was a kid.” Dawn blushed momentarily, before asking, “...do you really think Mister Stevenson is gay?”
“Oh, totally! One time we saw him...” Lien halted, glancing past Dawn and noticing the blond girl who was now staring in their direction. “...Hey, isn’t that your sister?”
Dawn turned in a flash, and sure enough there was Buffy, standing a ways off down the street. She had a huge grin on her face, that was slowly breaking into a smile. Dawn smiled back. She didn’t see too much of that from her older sister since...
...well, you know. Since.
“That’s weird,” Dawn noted, giving Buffy a short wave that was enthusiastically returned, “...I thought Willow and Tara were gonna be meeting me at the Pump, not her...”
“You have SUCH a cool home life, “ Lien gushed, “...just you, your sister and two gay people, with no grown-ups and a whole house to yourselves. You’re like...hippies, or something!”
Dawn’s eyes widened. “We’re not hippies!”
“Do they have lots of crazy parties? Cause you could TOTALLY call me up the next time...”
“I-I better go,” Dawn offered, taking a few steps in Buffy’s direction. Lien smiled and moved off in her own direction, waving as she went.
“Call me!” she shouted, before turning off down a side street. Dawn smiled weakly, turning towards Buffy, before glancing down at her outfit.
“I don’t look like a hippie, do I..?”

“Here she comes kid...you ready for this?”
Buffybot nodded ever so slightly. “I am...I think so. Oh golly, oh golly...it’s really her!”
Doyle smiled. “In the flesh,” he noted, “...as opposed to either of us, as it turns out.”
“She looks so pretty...” Buffybot gazed at Dawn, who was somewhat preoccupied with a reassessment of her ensemble. Botty glanced over at Doyle. “Doesn’t she look pretty?”
“She’s a darlin’,” He admitted, “...but a little young for me, you understand...”
“Doyle, do you think...I mean, I don’t want to be rude or anything, goodness no, but...”
Doyle got the hint. “Like to be alone for the big reunion, huh?”
Buffybot nodded sweetly, and Doyle backed away. “You be careful now, alright doll? And just give a shout, or a thought...or whatever robots do instead of thinkin’ to get me back. It’s that easy, savvy?”
After a moment, Buffybot smiled again. “Yes, I savvy. Thank you, Doyle! Thank you!”
“Good luck,” he offered at the last, before fading away from Buffybot’s view, and the eager little robot steeled herself and turned back towards her pretend-sister, who was now almost on top of her.
Buffybot thought she was just about as happy and excited as any robot had ever, ever been. She was right.
“Dawn...” She whispered, but Dawn didn’t seem to take notice. Instead, she looked at her rather sternly.
“I need to go shopping,” she ordered smartly, “...a whole new wardrobe. EXPENSIVE wardrobe. There’s no way around it. If we have to go a few weeks without food, that’s acceptable.”
Botty wasn’t entirely sure how to respond to that...of course, going without food was no trouble for HER. But young girls needed nutritious meals to grow! Dawn had grown almost a quarter of an inch since Buffybot last recorded her height, she noticed with fascination.
But Dawnie deserves nice clothes, too, if she wants them. And really, was it so much to ask? I came back from the dead, she reasoned soundly, surely I can buy clothes!
“I could buy you clothes!” Buffybot blurted out, a huge smile crossing her face as she did so. Dawn eyed her warily.
“Buffy? Are you okay?”
“I...”
Buffybot paused, concentrating on the mistake she realized Dawn was making. She thought she was Buffy, not Buffybot! Of course, Botty realized, that makes perfect sense. Dawn doesn’t know I’ve been reactivated yet! And I DO look just like the real Buffy.
A sly grin wormed onto Buffybot’s facial motors. A fun game had just entered her cortical centers. She could pretend to be Buffy! Heck, it IS what she was originally programmed for anyhow.
“Buffy?” Dawn asked again, looking a little concerned. Buffybot launched into her game.
“Yes...yes, I’m Buffy,” she began, anxiously anticipating the surprise that Dawn would get when she found out she was only funning her, “...how was school today, Dawn?”
Buffybot let a tiny giggle slip before Dawn could answer, eliciting a baffled stare. “Fine...” she replied cautiously, “...the principal sang the opening announcements. He was actually kinda good. Very weird.”
“Oh yes,” Buffybot noted, “...people are singing all over. I saw you singing and dancing just now, with your school friends!”
Dawn’s face reddened. “Oh God...you saw that?? Please tell me we’re closer to finding out what’s causing this?”
That made sense, Buffybot thought. The real Buffy and her friends (Buffybot’s friends too!) Would doubtless be hard at work finding out what was up. What fun it would be to join them soon!
“I’m sure everyone is doing their darndest to save the day, Dawnie,” Buffybot replied eagerly, “...us good guys NEVER quit until the job is done!”
Buffybot gave Dawn a thumbs up sign, and Dawn made a rather patronizing face.
“Peachy!” she said, forcing a smile. She desperately wanted to ask Buffy what was up with the crazy talk...but it had been so long since she’d seen her big sister looking so happy, she just didn’t have the heart.
“Listen...I’m supposed to be meeting Willow and Tara at the Espresso Pump in a few minutes. You wanna..?”
Dawn motioned towards the familiar coffee house two doors down, and Buffybot got another surge of excitement. Something ELSE she’s never expected to see again.
“Biscotti!”
Buffybot did a quick hop and started leading Dawn towards the Pump. Dawn was getting awfully confused now, since she couldn’t recall her sister ever having much taste for Biscotti. She was acting weirder than...
An odd feeling struck Dawn just then, but she couldn’t quite pin it down. She glanced again at Buffybot, wondering hopelessly why this seemed so vaguely familiar.

“Crunch, crunch, crunch. Eating is fun, isn’t it, Dawnie?”
Buffybot scarfed her treat with abandon, under the ever scrutinizing gaze of her pretend sister, who was getting more and more anxious for Willow and Tara’s arrival. Sis was starting to get seriously weird.
“Is there anything going on, Buffy?” Dawn finally ventured to ask, halting Buffybot in her indulgence, “...I mean, besides the whole town being Gilbert and Sullivanized. You just seem a little...”
Dawn paused, staring into the gleefully smiling face of her sister and struggling for the politest word she could come up with.
“...different.”
Buffybot kept on smiling. Dawn was so smart! She knew it was only a matter of time before she started to figure out what was going on.
With a flutter of electronic will, Buffybot decided that the time had come to come clean. She was so nervous she was almost shorting out her composure circuitry.
Just hold on, she told herself. In a few minutes, Dawn will know who you REALLY are...then we can finally start being best friends again! And oh boy, thought Buffybot...have I ever missed having a best friend.
“Dawn?” Botty began, sitting up a little straighter across the small table from Dawn. “Do you remember this past summer?”
Dawn slumped noticeably at the question. “I try not to think about it,” she answered tersely. Buffybot thought she looked rather uneasy.
“I understand...you were very sad, weren’t you?” Buffybot knew the answer, of course...she remembered how sad Dawn had been. She hoped Dawn hadn’t been too sad when SHE died!
Across from Buffybot, Dawn fidgeted and avoided eye contact. “Buffy...” There were the beginnings of tears in her eyes, though she tried to dismiss them as playfully as possible. Dawn is so brave, Botty decided.
“It’s okay,” Buffybot soothed, “...I understand. And everything is fine now, isn’t it? Buffy is back...alive again!”
Dawn’s eyes shot back towards Buffybot, curious. “Yeah,” she agreed, “...yes, Buffy. You’re alive. You ARE alive And I missed you SO much!”
Dawn leaned forward, emotion welling up inside her. Buffybot felt rather the same.
“But there was someone around this summer, wasn’t there? A new friend?” Buffybot asked coyly, working hard not to give everything away TOO soon.
Dawn blinked. “A friend?”
Botty nodded rapidly, and smiled knowingly. “She looked kind of like me, actually..?”
After a few moments of blank staring, Dawn blinked again. “Tara?”
“What?” Now Buffybot blinked a few times. “Tara doesn’t look like me, silly! She’s very pretty, of course, and I’m pretty too, but...”
Reining in that train of thought, Botty continued. “No. This friend looked EXACTLY like me, actually. You remember...”
Buffybot leaned back slightly and smiled her best Buffybot smile, striking an expectant pose. Dawn still looked stymied for another few seconds, before her face curled up in dazed realization. She spoke hesitantly.
“You mean...the robot?”
Botty nodded enthusiastically, barely even noticing the waiter at the next table singing a dark opera about the poor tip he had just received. Dawn looked perplexed, shaking her head slightly.
“What about it?”
That took Buffybot by surprise a little...she hadn’t been expecting Dawn to refer to her as an ‘it’. She shrugged it off, however. Dawnie had been through so much, after all.
“Well...you were very sad when she died, weren’t you?”
Botty leaned in eagerly, but Dawn just smiled shyly. “I...I didn’t really think about it, actually.” she admitted.
“You didn’t..?” Buffybot stopped herself mid-sentence, catching her emotional generators before they could go causing trouble. For a moment there, she had almost misunderstood!
“I understand,” she told Dawn calmly, “...it was very painful for you, I’m sure.”
Sitting up, Dawn ran that though her brain, shaking her head again. “No,” she corrected, speaking slowly now, “...It’s just...I mean, you came back that night. That was all I could think about! Who cares if some creepy robot got wrecked? YOU were back.”
To her credit, Buffybot remained completely impassive on the outside. Her electronic insides were quite a different matter, however. She spent a few seconds willing the increasing quantum-emotional chatter inside her mainframe to still itself, as she tried to figure out what was going so terribly wrong all of a sudden. She must be listening wrong, somehow.
“But...but you were friends, right? And...you buried her when she died, or...something? That’s what you do when people die.”
Dawn couldn’t figure out what Buffy was getting so uptight about, or what this sudden interest in the Buffybot was. It was getting awfully weird. “Of course we didn’t bury it, Buffy,” she explained, as if stating the astoundingly obvious to a small child, “...it was a robot. Xander didn’t even find all the pieces! We think the demons must have taken them or something. Probably just as well it got busted when it did...not like we needed it anymore.”
Buffybot was starting to have trouble dealing with the excess of emotion being generated. Everything was wrong! A mild tremor started up in her hands motor control circuits.
“I don’t understand...” Was all she could offer. She wasn’t liking this at all. Not one little bit. “How could you talk about...”
“Buffy, it was just a machine! It wasn’t like it...”
“SHE!” Buffybot shouted out, startling Dawn back in her chair, “...not ‘it’! I wasn’t an IT, Dawnie, stop saying that! Please!”
Some of the other patrons were starting to throw curious stares at Botty and Dawn, none half as questioning as the one Dawn was giving Buffybot. Transferring emergency power to her emotional breakers, Buffybot managed to calm herself somewhat. It wasn’t easy.
“I’m sorry,” she said timidly, “...I didn’t mean to yell.”
For her part, Dawn’s mind was racing. First Buffy gets all fascinated with the robot, now she’s talking as if she WERE the robot..?
“Buffy...” Dawn leaned forward slowly, looking imploringly into what she mistakenly thought were her older sisters eyes, “...do you think that it...that the Buffybot REPLACED you, when you were gone? Is that what this is about?”
Dawn reached out to take Buffybot’s hand, but she pulled it away defensively, holding it close to her.
“Buffy, it wasn’t like that. There wasn’t anything...I mean, the robot...it was just to fool the demons! And a few teachers, same difference...but it wasn’t you! It wasn’t ANYTHING! We don’t care about the robot, Buffy,”
With effort, Buffybot looked deep into Dawn’s eyes, listened hard to her voice...and realized with a crushing certainty that her once best friend was telling the truth.
She didn’t care about her. Not for a moment.
“...we care about YOU.”
Dawn reached out her hand again, and Buffybot backed away, knocking her chair back and rising to a stand. She stared down at Dawn, who was looking up with concern and confusion. She didn’t know what to do.
It had not been so fun a game after all, she realized.
“Hey!”
Buffybot turned her head towards the familiar voice, coming from the street. It was Willow, with Tara by her side. A small jolt of happiness at the sight quickly fell underneath a wave of fear. She didn’t want to talk to them...her friends, the people she loved, as much as her little robot heart was able to, and she was more afraid than anything at the thought of talking to them.
They’ll say the same things, she knew. Just a machine. Didn’t mean anything...just a stupid, creepy, it. They’d probably just shut you down and store you somewhere, Botty realized...if they didn’t throw her away outright. That’s what you do with machines you don’t need anymore.
“Oh no,” she whispered, as Willow and Tara drew closer, and Dawn looked imploringly up at her from the table. “Oh no no no no...it can’t be like this...it’s all wrong...”
“Buffy?”
Botty looked down at Dawn, then back to Willow and Tara. She had wanted this so much...she had never imagined it could happen like this. How could it?
“I...I have to go, I can’t...”
Dawn moved to rise, looking visibly upset now, but Buffybot leaned over and stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. Willow and Tara paused at the entrance to the Pump, sensing that something was wrong.
“Buffy, please! What is it?”
Dawn put her hand overtop Buffybots, who gave her the bravest smile she was capable of just now. “You’re my best friend,” she told her, “...my best friend. I won’t forget. Not ever again”
Dawn tensed, and Buffybot recorded every bit of sensory data from the moment that she possibly could. It was all she had left to do.
“Goodbye,” she whispered, then pulled her hand away and burst into a run, skirting around Willow and Tara without even looking at them and hitting the street in a dead sprint. Tara watched her go in confusion, while Willow made her way towards Dawn.
“Dawnie?” She asked, seeing the teenager visibly shaken, “...what’s going on?”
Dawn took a few deep breaths, sniffling a few times. “I just can’t figure her out these days!” She said, getting herself under control, “...one minute she seems so happy, and the next...”
“She just needs time, sweetie,” Willow offered, kneeling down beside Dawn, “...we can’t even imagine what she went through...over there. It’ll pass.”
“Willow’s right, Dawn,”
Tara walked over, standing beside Dawn with a reassuring smile, “...Buffy’s been through a lot. But as long as we’re all here for her...I think she’ll be okay.”

CUT TO: A sparsely furnished but tidy apartment in the posh section of town. Harmony and Dana are anxiously waiting for nightfall behind tightly drawn curtains. An impatient Harmony gets off the bed and takes her tenth peek out the window in an hour...

“The sun’s going down.”
Across the room from Harmony, Dana hopped off the couch. “It’s about time. Are you ready?”
Harmony made a patronizing face. “Are you kidding? I was, like, BORN ready! Killing the Slayer is going to be SO cool!”
Dana grinned, straightening herself out. Harmony took a few steps in her direction, eyeing the razor sharp emerald relic they’d unearthed the previous night that lay on the dresser.
“You’re sure that thing can do it?” Harmony asked, a little uncertainty rising in her voice, “...kill her?”
“Got it straight from the horse’s mouth,” Dana said with a smile, “...or, well, straight from the painstakingly translated diaries of the lord high priest of the Amarran death sect. One scratch is all it’ll take...it’s like Slayer Kryptonite.”
Dana chuckled to herself. “And John thought my degree in ancient languages would never come in handy...”
“Cool,” Harmony decreed, though obviously not referring to Dana’s scholastic achievements. Rather, she was more admiring the dagger, and allowing herself to swell momentarily with the thought of the Slayer dying at her hand in a few hours. That would show stupid Spike a thing or two. Picking Buffy...BUFFY? Over her?
An evil grin played on her lips. Maybe she could even pay Dorkzilla a visit when she was done...
Before Harmony could properly envisage that happy thought, Dana took several strides towards the dresser, snatching the dagger up in her hand. “We’d better hit the streets,” she said smartly, “...I want to finish this.”
“Amen,” Harmony concurred, standing between Dana and the door and holding her hand out expectantly. She smiled politely.
Dana only stared. “What...do you want me to high-five you or something?”
Her head slumped to one side, and Harmony gave Dana a withering stare. “Duh, stupid. Give me the dagger..?”
The other vampire let out a short laugh. “As if!”
“Hey!” Harmony shouted, putting her hands defiantly on her hips, “...I get to kill the Slayer, okay? ME. I’ve been her archer-nemesis WAY longer than you!”
“It’s ‘Arch’-nemesis,” Dana corrected, “...and forget it! That Slayer killed John and Stan, then cost me a good job AND Mister Snoopy, thwarted my deathtrap plans...and that little runt didn’t even finish college!”
“Oh, get over yourself,” Harmony shot back, “...I’M the one who had to go to school with that freak, and you don’t know what that was LIKE. Besides, I’ve got MUCH more experience at being a villain than you. I don’t recall YOU ever having minions..?”
Dana’s eyes nearly bugged out of her head. “Oh for crying out...I knew you were stupid, but this is just getting ridiculous! You ARE my minion, get it?”
“What?!” Harmony was starting to get very ticked off now. “I’m not your minion, stringbean! I’m your equal partner...your senior, equal partner!”
Dana made to shout something back, but restrained herself at the last. She settled a narrow glare on Harmony. “I’ve had enough of this,” she said sternly, “...discussion’s over. I’m killing the Slayer, and that’s final!”
“Oh really?” Harmony asked angrily back, her face contorting into the hunter-features of her vampire self, “...we’ll just see about that, honey!”
Harmony started slowly circling the room in predatory fashion, and Dana followed suit, vamping out as well. The two women snarled ferally at each other, waiting for the other to make a move. At last, amidst a curiously swelling background crescendo of jaunty piano, Harmony leaned forward and broke the silence.
“ Anyone you can kill, I can kill deader,” she sang, “...I can kill anyone deader than you!”
Dana laughed. “ No you can’t,”
“Yes I can!”
“No you can’t!”
“Yes I can!”
“No, you can’t!”
“Yes I can, yes I CAN!”
With a smile, Harmony leaned back and continued snarling. Dana looked more than ready for the challenge.
“ Any blood you can drink, I can drain more of ,” she boasted, “...I can drink gallons more plasma than you!”
“No you can’t,”
“Yes I can!”
“No you can’t!”
“Yes I can!”
“No, you can’t!”
“Yes I can, yes I CAN!”
Harmony scowled. “ I could kill the Slayer, she wouldn’t have a prayer,”
Dana jumped right in. “ You could not defeat her, I could kill and eat her,”
“I could kill her in...record time!”
Dana looked dubious. “ That fast?” She asked. Harmony nodded.
“....that’s a laugh,” Dana replied, continuing on before an annoyed Harmony could speak.
“ Any plot you concoct, I’ll concoct better, mine’s the more devious brain of the two!”
“No it’s not!”
“Yes it is!”
“No it’s not!”
“Yes it is!”
“It’s SO not,”
“Yes it is, yes it IS!”
Harmony glared. “ You can have all the dumb learning you want to,” she taunted, “...I am the prettiest, that’s all that counts!”
Dana looked horrified. “ That’s not so,”
“Looks don’t lie,”
“That’s just low,”
“Gonna cry?”
“You’re a ho!”
“Know you are, what am I?
I could charm a preacher, with my stunning features,”
“The only thing that’s stunning,” Dana sang back, “...is your lack of cunning,”
Harmony grinned satisfactorily. “ I could have any man...that I want!”
“That’s some power,” Dana had to admit, “...charge by the hour?”
Harmony roared, leaping at Dana, who ducked and rolled underneath. A moment later both women sprang to their feet, on opposite ends of the room than before, and stared one another down yet again.
“ Any blow you can throw, I can dodge deftly,” Dana declared “...I can dodge anything you throw my way.”
Harmony lunged forward. “ No you can’t ,” she sang, launching a kick at Dana’s head. Dana sidestepped.
“ Yes I can!”
Angry, Harmony tried to drive an elbow into the back of Dana’s head. “ No you CAN’T!”
Again, Dana ducked in a flash. “ Yes I can!”
“No you can’t !” A frustrated Harmony threw herself at Dana, who crouched and caught Harmony off-balance, flipping her overtop and across the room. Harmony landed on the dresser, shattering it in a loud crash. Dana cast her arms wide in triumph.
“ Yes I can, yes I CAN!!”
Scrambling to her feet, Harmony cast a baleful glare at Dana, who was sneering arrogantly now. “ No matter how hard you hit, I can hit harder,” she barked, “...I’m gonna knock that grin right off your face!”
“You can try,” Dana replied, readying for the attack. Harmony stepped closer, cautious of the emerald dagger her ex-partner was still holding.
“ You’re so dead!” Harmony declared, but Dana didn’t look worried, inviting Harmony closer.
“ Let it fly!” She taunted, and Harmony lost it. She jabbed forward, nailing Dana in the temple with a solid punch. Dana stumbled, prompting a smug grin from Harm.
“ How’s your head?”
Dana roared with anger. “ Now you die!”
Swaggering, Harmony cast her arms open wide. “ Wanna try? Go...”
A lightning kick caught Harmony in the jaw, knocking her over backwards onto the remains of the dresser. She blinked in shock a few times, and by the time she regained her senses, Dana was overtop of her, holding a massive, makeshift wooden stake from the debris. She was poking it none too gently into Harmony’s chest.
“...ahead?”
Fear shut Harmony up pretty quick, as Dana stared cooly into her eyes.
“ With the tiniest thrust,” she drawled, “...you’d be nothing but dust,”
Harmony swallowed. She got the message. “ Go on and kill the Slayer,” she said, relenting, “...what the heck do I care?”
Dana smiled, hopping to her feet and letting her stake clatter to the floor beside Harm. She strode across the room and opened the door, taking only the briefest of moments to look back.
“ I’m gonna put this knife ,” she held the dagger up for display, “...through her heart!”
Dana grinned, then pointed the knife menacingly at Harmony. “ Now stay put, you...
...this partnership’s through.”
The door slammed shut, and Harmony slowly picked herself up off the ground, brushing splinters of wood off her outfit. She sniffled a few times, ordering herself not to cry. Why did it always have to end like this?
No, she told herself...none of that! No more tears for THIS modern woman.
“ I don’t need anyone giving me orders,
I could care less what that mean old hag wants!
I’ll go back, to LA,
Find a job,
...with good pay!”
Harmony smiled, very pleased with herself. She cast a glare at the door, and spared a thought for her treacherous ex-partner.
“ As for her,” she sang with venom in her voice, raising her arms to the ceiling,
“...I say slay, Slayer, SLAAAAAY!”

CUT TO: Exterior, Nighttime. A solitary figure dashes through dimly lit sidestreets, en route to who knows where. Not even Buffybot knows, only that she wants to get away. But even she can’t run fast enough to outrace her inner thoughts. A door to a seemingly tightly shut nightclub bearing the name EL DORADO caught the robot’s plasmoptic receptors, and she made for the door. It was open.

Buffybot burst into the club, not really certain of why she had settled on it. She supposed anywhere was good enough...as long as none of her ‘friends’ were there. A quick scan revealed no one in the place. She would have wondered why the door was open, but...well, Buffybot had other things on her troubled electronic mind just now.
“I thought they loved me,” she muttered aloud to no one at all, lolling past the coat check area, running her fingers idly across one end of the main bar, “...I thought they were my friends.”
Well, that was true, Botty realized, crossing the length of the gold-trimmed bar smoothly. They had been her friends, once. They just...weren’t any more. That wasn’t something she had ever let herself imagine, not once while she was alive. Even when she didn’t KNOW she was alive. Not having friends...that was what she remembered most about being dead. Being alone like that...Mister Ramsay aside.
Buffybot looked longingly across the club, past the scattered tables and chairs towards the empty stage, covered by a red curtain. Slowly, music started to rise in the air, a spotlight fell on Buffybot from somewhere above. Illuminating the darkened room. The curtains parted.
If her friends were lost to her, Buffybot thought with terrible despair...why had anyone even bothered to bring her back?
“ Strings cut,” Buffybot began, starting to lazily dance her way across the floor, “...I lay dying from the fight,
Shattered, broken,
In the fires of the ni-ight,
I fell...
Into worlds of shadow, pain and heart-break,
My war was over,
Never more was I to wake.”
Buffybot bowed her head solemnly, swirling about and coming to rest on a steel chair. A red spotlight, smaller, joined the existing one in pinpointing her.
“ Suddenly hope,” she continued, standing tall and letting the chair clatter to the ground, “...I was reborn into the world,”
Taking large strides, Buffybot crossed the distance towards the stage, putting her hands on it’s edge and staring up.
“ Feelings arose...I thought that I could be a girl!”
Backing up slightly, Buffybot’s gaze sunk again. “ Now comes the truth...
...I was only dreaming...”
With the mildest of crouches, Buffybot leapt upon the stage, spinning as she landed to face the empty club. A third spotlight of blue hit her dead on, as the music crescendoes.
“ If I could cry....I’d drown in sorrow!
The friends I had have cast me aside...
Lost and alone...for all tomorrows!
Just a machine, who shouldn’t have tried...”
Staring off to one side, Buffybot leans over and steadies herself on a central pole on stage.
“ Dawn won’t know...this soul of mine,
I wish I could hold her,
One...last...time...”
Buffybot slumped down, sliding herself to a crouch along her pole. She looked thoroughly dejected, and despite her fantastic new upgrades, failed to notice that someone had entered the club.
“ So proud,” she started again, offering a small sneer of self-contempt, “...Such a shiny new machine. Systems, programs,
New and ready, so it seemed...”
Buffybot pushes away from the pole, rolling herself off the stage. She lands lithely on the dance floor, and starts gracefully, almost mournfully, moving towards the stairs to the second level.
“ I felt,” she sang hauntingly, grabbing hold of the railing and staring up towards the upper floor, “...No more was I only just pretending,
Real emotion...
Seemed like such a wondrous thing.”
Botty pushed dramatically off of the stairs, twirling back towards the dance floor. She slid to her knees just at the edge of a table, which she clung to almost desperately.
“ Hope turned to dust...
Now there is no one left to see,
What I’ve become...
How could life be this cruel to me?”
Rising, Botty moves closer to the stage, walking purposefully up the side entrance/ The spotlights still shine brightly on her features.
“ Where do I go,” she asked sadly, “...Can anyone save me?”
Center stage.
“ If I could cry...I’d drown in sorrow!
The friends I had have cast me aside,
Lost and alone...for all tomorrows!
Just a machine who shouldn’t have tried...”
Taking a step forward, Buffybot slowly drops down, sitting and dangling her legs over the stage edge. She stares into her spotlights.
“ Now all my love...has turned to fear,
And I’m just a robot,
Who has no tears,
No tears to cry...”

The music fades, and the spotlights dim and flicker to darkness. Buffybot’s emotion generators begin flooding her now silent neural nets with dismay and sorrow. She doesn’t even seem to have the strength to try and soften the barrage.
“I just want it to stop...”
The sound of a footstep across the club sounds Buffybot’s internal alarms, and she automatically hops to her feet in defensive posture. Her intuition generators, in response to a query from her program managers, inform her that the effects of the recent magical intrusion on her systems were likely responsible for the dulling of her proximity sensors. She is only mildly interested in such sundry data...until her sensor array tells her who it is across from her in the dark.
And fresh new fear floods poor Buffybot’s brain.
“Buffy..?”
For a moment, Buffybot remains frozen. She isn’t sure if she should say anything, or just run again. It’s all so new, and so...bad. She really isn’t sure if she can take another...
“Buffy?” The voice repeats, cautious, “...it’s me. It’s Bruce. Is...is that you?”
Emerging into the pale light of the dim neon on the walls of the nightclub, Buffybot didn’t need it to identify Bruce Daniels, the owner of the Bronze nightclub. Her one and only date...back in her former life. The one that, thanks to a powerful spell, no one remembers any more.
“I...”
Bruce took a few more steps forward, looking awfully concerned. Buffybot tried to decide what to do, but was having difficulty. She, too, was awfully concerned. She didn’t think her sparkling new emotional matrices were up to the task of dealing with yet another friend who didn’t remember her. Everyone had forgotten about dumb old Buffybot, and...
Except Bruce had already called out to her. And it suddenly occurred to Botty that he never KNEW that she was a robot!
The beginnings of a small smile started edging onto Buffybot’s face.
“It’s good to see you,” Bruce said as he drew near, “...I just stepped out to grab a few things. Must have forgotten to lock up.”
“Hello...Bruce,” Buffybot replied cautiously, “...you...you remember me?”
Bruce looked shocked at the question. “Of course I remember you. How could I forget?”
Buffybot smiled then, but didn’t answer. Bruce ran a hand awkwardly through his hair.
“It’s, uh, been a while,” he said conversationally, half turning to look about at the empty club, “...what do you think of the new place?”
With little effort, Buffybot’s new and improved logic processors divined Bruce’s meaning instantly.
“You own this club? She asked, somewhat impressed. She had never owned much of anything!
“Yeah,” he said back fondly, “...sold the Bronze. Decided this town needed a few options, nightlife-wise.”
Buffybot took another assessment of the club, re-recording it’s dimensions in her mainframe. “It’s VERY nice,” she replied honestly, “...wonderful acoustics.”
“Thanks.”
There was a curiously awkward seeming pause after that, and Bruce seemed to be having a little trouble making eye contact with Botty...she hoped she hadn’t said anything wrong. Even if he didn’t know what she was, she had finally found someone who remembered knowing her, and that seemed terribly important just now.
“So,” Bruce finally said, after clearing his throat once or twice. He looked at her incredulously. “...you’re...a robot?”
Buffybot’s smile fell. Had something happened? How could he...did the spell..?
“I heard you singing,” Bruce added, answering Buffybot’s question conveniently, “...just a minute ago.”
“Oh...”
Bruce seemed to be struggling to find something to do with his hands, fidgeting something awful.
“Umm...you have a very nice singing voice,” he offered, trying not to seem uneasy, “...very...very pleasant. Yes.”
“Bruce, that wasn’t...” Buffybot was worried now. Why’d she have to go and sing that dopey song anyhow? And here she’d thought singing was fun...dumb, dumb Buffybot!
“I think there’s a magic spell going on, Bruce.”
That felt safe enough to say...and it was surely enough the truth, so that was a plus. Bruce quickly nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, I got that. I actually did a duet with the guy who came to approve my liquor license earlier today.”
A quick look of surprise came over Buffybot. “Was it fun?” She had to ask. Bruce looked noncommittal.
“A little too Bon Jovi for my tastes,” he admitted, “...yours was better.”
“Bruce, I think...I mean, when I said ‘I’m a robot’? It was actually just a...a metaphor! Yes! A metaphor!”
Folding his arms, Bruce raised a questioning eyebrow at Botty. “Really. A metaphor for what?”
“Uhh...” Buffybot scrambled. Metaphors were not her string suit...despite her upgrades, she was actually still more than a little fuzzy on them. And she hated lying!
She stared guiltily into Bruce’s face. “...puppies?” Puppies were nice, she reasoned. Bruce was unimpressed.
“Well now that’s just weak,” he accused. She had to agree with him.
“Oh...phooey!” Buffybot slumped dejectedly for a moment before straightening up and fixing Bruce with a defiant stare. This was, she decided, one of the worst days she’d ever had. And quite frankly, she was sick and tired of it.
“Fine!” she said loudly, “...I’m a robot. I’m a dumb, creepy, useless, no-one-remembers-her, robotic...it!”
Before Bruce could try and argue, Buffybot pulled her shirt up over her tummy, and sent a command to unlock her chest cavity compartment. It sprung open with a cool hiss, revealing the complex synthetic workings within. Bruce jumped back.
“YAAHH!”
Buffybot stared at Bruce, watching as he looked with amazement at her insides. “I understand that if you take a photograph, the experience will last longer,” she advised. Bruce shot her a look, then started to try and compose himself.
pp For her part, Buffybot was starting to feel just a little guilty. These emotions seemed to be getting the better of her, more often than not. She’d have to watch that.
“I think I just threw a tantrum,” she mused out loud, closing her tummy-hatch once more. “...it was neat? But I don’t think I really liked it.”
“I...this is unbelievable,” Bruce was still struggling to understand everything he’d just seen, “...have you ALWAYS...I mean, were you a robot when we...on our date, too?”
There came that guilt again. “Yes,” she admitted, “...I’ve always been a robot. Although I was kind of a different robot then. I’ve had some upgrades and reconstruction since then. It’s kind of a long story.”
Bruce nodded reverently. “I’ll bet...” He looked wistful for a moment, finally taking his eyes off the resealed hatch, to stare into Buffybot’s eyes. “So...I fell in love...with a ROBOT?”
“I’m very sorry I didn’t tell you before,” Buffybot said with a glum look, “...about being a robot, I mean. But you have to understand, back then I was operating under very strict programming guidelines that forbade me from revealing my true nature to anyone, if it was at all avoidable, so it’s not like I was lying, technically, which I hate doing because it’s wrong and people shouldn’t do it, and what do you mean fell in love?”
It took Bruce a few seconds to mentally catch up with Buffybot’s babble. When he did, he looked more than a little embarrassed. “Yyyyeah...yeah, I suppose I shouldn’t have said that, now that I think of it. I didn’t really MEAN to...just sorta popped out there.”
Buffybot nodded. “I understand...I didn’t really mean to tell you I was a robot, either.”
“Well, at least that’s...you know, kind of cool.”
Botty looked impressed. “You think it’s cool?”
Bruce took a deep breath. “Sure, I guess...I mean...robot. WOW. I didn’t even...there are robots? First vampires, now...what ELSE is there?”
Buffybot paused on that for a moment. “Vampires, demons, werewolves, witches, cyborgs, pixies, unicorns, centaurs, dragons, mermaids, time-travel, ghosts...”
“Whoa!”
Buffybot stopped, blinking a few times as Bruce put his palms up defensively. “I don’t think I want to know. That’s..that’s a lot”
“I suppose it is, now that I think about it...” Buffybot hadn’t given things like that much thought before...she had, after all, been essentially ‘born’ with the built-in knowledge of just how crazy the world actually was. She viewed it as an advantage. Of course, there were other things about the world she had only just discovered....things she felt entirely inadequate to deal with.
“Bruce...how could you be in love...with ME?”
Bruce looked longingly back at Botty, who genuinely wanted an answer to her question. He fumbled for a reply. “I’m not sure, exactly...I know we only had the one real date, and we never really spent that much time together. It’s just...I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
Buffybot started cracking a smile. “Really?”
Grinning back, Bruce continued. “There was just something about you, something...special. Guess that hardly even covers it...there’s time-travel?”
Buffybot nodded eagerly. “I’ve been in both directions!”
Bruce coughed. “I’m gonna have to go with ‘wow’ again. That’s incredible.”
“Thank you!” Buffybot replied, “...but I think you’re changing the subject.”
Bruce fidgeted. “A little...”
The little robot shrugged. “I understand...you thought I was a real person. You thought I was Buffy. Not some dumb machine.” Her chin fell sadly. “You’re probably mad at me.”
“What? No! I’m not...I was surprised. I’ve never met a robot before.”
Pausing, Bruce pondered his last statement. “At least, I don’t THINK I have...”
He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. So you’re a robot...so what? I dated a vegan once. I’m very open-minded!”
“That’s very sweet, Bruce. And you're taking this AWFULLY well."
Bruce rolled his shoulders. "Sunnydale," he said nonchalantly, "...expands your horizons pretty quick."
"But...I only just started to have emotions. I don’t think I know how to use them very well at all, yet. Love seems much too confusing to me...it seems like it can hurt. A lot.”
Bruce’s eyes narrowed. “So...you CAN feel things, then..?”
Nodding softly, Buffybot started walking a few steps away. “Too much...”
Bruce watched Buffybot walk across the dance floor as music once gain started to rise in the background. She lifted her eyes, staring up at the ceiling mournfully.

“ Twenty, twenty, twenty-four hours ago...
I woke up re-created,
Nowhere to go and no place to call home,
Why was I re-created?”
She turned sharply, staring imploringly back at Bruce.
“ I wish they could remember...I wish my friends could see!
The wonderful Adventures that they all shared with me,”
Botty’s face turned away. “ But they’re still under Willow’s spell...cast out of memory...
My hope was just a dream...”
Botty slumped, but Bruce took several strong steps towards her, taking her hands in his.
“ I’ve thought of you for such a long time now,
If someone could forget, I can’t imagine how.”
That got Buffybot’s attention. She turned her gaze back onto Bruce. He flashed her a toothy smile.
“ And so what,” he continued, “...if you’re a robot, I don’t mind,
You’re the sweetest soul that I’ve been blessed to find,
Don’t know what you’ve been through,”
Bruce softened his gaze, drawing nearer to Buffybot. “...but I still remember you.”
Buffybot smiled briefly, but it faded under renewed doubt from her emotional generators. She broke away from Bruce and adopted a tough stance on the dance floor. Heavy guitar riffs sprang up.
“ It’s too much to gamble,
Although you’re quite a man,
But love, loss, fear, pain,
It’s all too much for me!”
Buffybot spins into a knockout dance routine during a guitar solo, and Bruce steels himself for his verse.
“ There’s pleasure past the pain,
And I can help you with the strain!”
Buffybot backed up as Bruce entered into his own hardcore dance solo. She wanted to believe him...but she just kept replaying her encounter with Dawn over and over in her head...
“ My friends forgot my name,” she cried, “
“...and you should do the same,
Can’t risk that touch...
It hurts too much.“
Spinning, Buffybot turns and dashes up the nearby stairs to the second level, reaching the upper balcony in seconds. Staring after her, Bruce runs forward and hops up onto the stage. They look at each other across the distance, each of them lit softly by light from who knows where...
“ In my heart, I can see, there’s a place for you and me.
You’re a robot, I’m a guy, that’s no reason not to try...
I’ve known fear, though my life, pain and doubt, discord and strife,
You can run but won’t get far, these things make us who we are.”
Bruce’s words floated up to Buffybot’s processors, and somewhere in there, she seemed to like what she heard. Although there was still noticeable confusion on her face.
“ It seems like I’ve been in a daze,” she confessed, leaning on the railing, “...these feelings turn me upside down,
I’d gone as low as I could go...”
On the stage, Bruce took a step towards the edge, still staring up at Buffybot. She stared back. “...now I found you, and I just don’t know...
What did I do to make you love me?
With just one kiss in another time...
How can I know that this is real?
I’ve had some bad luck with guys who rhyme...”
Bruce smiled, and despite herself, Buffybot couldn’t hold back one of her own. She remembered how she’d told him, once, that she wasn’t ready. Maybe now..?
“ It’s hard to explain how ,” he serenaded shyly, “...this old heart of mine,
Took one look at you and simply, started to shine
My blood was cold, til I saw your smile,
Now it burns with a heat that’s seared me, for quite a ...”
Bruce stopped in mid-song, a look of shock registering on his face. Immediate alarms of concern arose in Buffybot’s early warning systems, when Bruce screamed out, and Botty could see the shimmering green tip of a blade bursting through his chest from behind. Threat assessors grappled with emotional generators for control of her main functions. Bruce’s blood spilled liberally onto the stage floor, and from behind him a slim figure poked her head out, grinning benignly. Buffybot recognized Dana immediately.
The vampire reached a cool hand around Bruce’s quivering chest, as he gasped for breath. Calmly, she stroked the tip of the dagger, drawing a sample of blood off it’s edge. She tasted it with scholarly curiousity.
“Huh,” she noted with interest, glancing up at Buffybot, “...he wasn’t kidding.”

“BRUCE!”
Bulk-charging her leg motors, Buffybot leapt from the balcony, crossing the length of the club in seconds. Dana smiled eagerly, withdrawing the blade as her enemy approached. Bruce slumped to the floor. “I’ve been waiting for this for a long t...”
Buffybot landed in a crouch between Dana and Bruce, immediately shoving a hand straight out into Dana’s midsection. The vampire was hurled off the stage convincingly, crashing to the ground over several tables and chairs. Botty ignored her, shifting herself over Bruce, who was slumped down on one side. She turned him onto his back. And in an instant knew she was too late.
Blood was everywhere...it was already covering her hands as she tried to revive him, against the placid protests of her logic processors. Her first-aid programs were accessed to no use. What was left of Bruce Daniels’ heart was in no condition to receive the meagre aid she was programmed to provide.
“Bruce...Bruce Bruce Bruce Bruce Bruce Bruce Bruce Bruce...please don’t die, I’m so sorry...I’m sorry!”
There was no answer, and Bruce’s eyes just seemed to stare on past Buffybot, no matter how hard she tried looking into them.
He was dead.
Botty sat motionless for a moment, her emotional centers beginning to encounter something entirely new, when she heard Dana rousing across the way.
“What,” she asked sarcastically, kicking a chair out of the way and getting back on her feet, “...did I touch a nerve?”
Buffybot spun around and stood, facing the vampire down. Bruce lay behind her. “Why? Why did you DO this?”
Dana reflected for a moment. “Two reasons, actually,’ she began, “...first off? I’m a vampire. Evil, remember? Kinda what I do.”
Botty watched Dana taunt her, listening but not moving. The vampire smiled.
“Second? Practice. See, I promised myself I was going to ram THIS...”
Pausing, Dana held up the dagger of Amarra, still glistening with Bruce’s blood.
“...through YOUR heart,” she carried on. “Your boy-toy there? He was just the warm-up.”
Still grinning, Dana seemed only mildly amused at the steely stare Buffybot was fixing her with. “You shouldn’t have done this, Dana.”
That got her attention. “So you DO know my name,” she said, a little impressed, “...I wasn’t sure. I admit, it would have really ticked me off if after all this, you didn’t even know my name.”
“I remember you,” Buffybot explained, “...you and your vampire friends tried to kill me outside of the Bronze. You tried to steal my necklace for Ramsay. You tried to destroy me in a mystical series of deathtraps, with Harmony Kendall and Lyle Gorch.”
Buffybot calmly read this information out of her file on Dana, and for a moment the vampire actually seemed flattered. “You’re that stupid, skinny vampire who keeps on screwing up, again and again.”
“Hey!” Dana pouted for a moment, a little unnerved by Buffybot’s uncharacteristically rude closing remarks. The robot remained outwardly impassive, and Dana steeled herself as well.
“Okay,” she admitted, “...I’ve fumbled a ball or two, it’s a true. But there’s a gaping, bloody hole in your boyfriend’s chest that says THOSE days are over.”
Dana cast a mocking glare at the corpse directly behind Buffybot, but Botty didn’t follow the look. Instead, she took a step forward, and Dana readied herself for a fight.
“You want to finish this, Dana?” Buffybot asked politely, dropping to her knees. Dana looked confused.
Botty pulled open her jacket. Her hands fell to her sides. “Do it.”
Dana stared incredulously, as her enemy laid herself prostrate for an attack. Almost immediately, she started glancing around, double-checking to make sure there wasn’t some ambush planned...but they were alone. And the Slayer was just sitting there, chest exposed, waiting for Dana to kill her.
“You’ve got to be kidding,” she sneered, marching slowly towards the stage, “...you want to go out Juliet-style? Is that it?”
Buffybot didn’t answer, or move. Dana jumped up onto the stage, looming over Botty.
“That’s touching,” she said, grabbing Buffybot by the throat with her free hand, “...and I’m sure not gonna try and talk you out of it.”
Dana raised the knife, and her face contorted into vampiric features. She bared her fangs, and Buffybot closed her eyes.
“You’ve made this a really special day for me,” she noted, then drove the dagger down hard into Buffybot’s chest.
There was a loud report of metal on metal, and the dagger jarred to a halt. A hunk about a half-inch in length at the tip shattered off, narrowly missing Dana as it rebounded back over her shoulder.
Buffybot reopened her eyes, and saw the look of utter confusion and dismay on Dana’s face. She didn’t smile.
“What..?” Dana finally managed, looking in disbelief at the dagger. She glared at Buffybot, who slowly started rising.
“That was the unholy dagger of Amarra,” Dana explained, angry, “...forged by the death-priests untold ages ago. This thing was shrouded in myth by the time the crucifixion rolled around! It was imbued with the essence of a debased angel, with the specific purpose of bringing death to the Slayer. There IS no defense against it! What the freaking Hell is going ON??”
“Look closer,” Buffybot advised, gently brushing Dana’s arm away from her neck, and reaching a hand towards the small gash that had just been made in her epidermal camouflage. Botty dug her fingers in, and pulled the ‘skin’ away.
Dana couldn’t hold back the need to know, leaning in. What she saw was...metal. It reflected the lights of the club ever so dimly. Dana could make out a scratch where her dagger strike had fallen.
“But...but...you’re...”
“Not the Slayer,” Buffybot replied, eyeing Dana dispassionately, “...never was. Sorry.”
Dana tore herself away from Botty’s wound, staring into her face. “Then you’re not even the one who I..?”
“Oh, yes I am,” Buffybot declared, swinging her head down and around and slamming Dana with a hard headbutt/uppercut that knocked her back off the stage. A table disintegrated as Dana crashed down onto it, the ruined dagger of Amarra clattering harmlessly across the floor. Buffybot marched calmly to the edge and looked down.
“I’m the one you fought, Dana. Every time. It was always me.” Buffybot cocked her head to one side. “I just wasn’t who you thought I was. That’s all.”
Dana shook the pain out of her head, glaring back up at her foe. “Then...THAT’S why the bullet didn’t..?”
Botty allowed herself a small smile, and Dana’s anger grew. “All this time...you were just a damn robot??”
“Silly,” Botty said, “...I’m not JUST a robot. I’m a beyond-state-of-the art Humanoid Android sentient life-form. I have three-hundred active scanners and processors, 6 terabytes of combat RAM, triple redundant backups on all systems. A plasmonic nanoshell for maximum sensory simulation, independent power source strong enough to light up a small city, automated repair drones, adaptive electromagnetic defense systems, and an emotional generation matrix that’s been causing me, quite frankly, nothing but trouble.”
By her sides, Botty’s bloody hands balled into fists. “Since I was reactivated I’ve experienced anxiety, anticipation, joy, confusion, awkwardness, depression, fear, love, guilt, sadness, you name it, and I really don’t have much idea how to deal with it all. It’s been tossing me about like a little rag doll. Not literally. That’s a metaphor.”
Dana got to her feet, and Botty’s face contorted into a nasty scowl. “Right now I’m experiencing anger,” she explained, “...and I’m no expert? But I’ll bet not even many people have ever been as angry as I am right now. It’s flooding every part of my processor core, infecting every active system. I couldn’t contain it if I tried.”
Her eyes narrowed to tiny slits, and she spoke slowly, emphasizing every word in it’s turn. “And I’m going to take every little last bit of it out on YOU.”

Dana roared, and Buffybot jumped off the stage, landing in front of her. The two of them immediately began trading blows, although what began as a fight quickly became, to Dana, an exercise in defending herself. Buffybot's improved new form was more than a match, it seemed, for Dana's suddenly notable lack of battle experience. She moved as fast as she could, but it was all she could do to block Buffybot’s blows. She narrowly ducked a roundhouse swing, but was caught by Buffybot’s knee, clipping her on the chin.
She stumbled back, but Buffybot grabbed her by her hair and yanked her back. A rapid fire succession of blows to the face followed, and Dana threw a weak punch in retaliation.
Buffybot didn’t stop to notice the blow, driving a fist into Dana’s stomach. The vampire doubled over and Buffybot kicked her hard, knocking her across the floor. She crashed loudly into the main bar, tumbling to the ground. Buffybot jumped the distance, and was on Dana the moment she fell.
“Why did you DO that??” She demanded, leaning on the bar and kicking Dana repeatedly. Dana howled out in pain, and Buffybot reached down and pulled her to her feet. She had to hold her up, as Dana could barely stand at this point.
Botty reared back, slamming her head into Dana’s with a loud crack. She reeled, and Buffybot lifted her off her feet once again and bodyslammed her down atop the bar. Dana barely moved, and Buffybot started hammering her mercilessly.
“Why? Why did you have to kill him?? WHY?”
Buffybot’s blows fell harder and harder, and the bar underneath Dana creaked in protest. Blood spattered from Dana’s mouth as she coughed and gasped in agony.
“..s-stop...please...”
Buffybot did no such thing. She raised both arms, driving a double-fisted blow down onto Dana that shattered the entire bartop, sending her crashing down in a pile of glass and debris. Buffybot followed her down, pulling Dana’s beaten form out of the mess and throwing her in the opposite direction. She skidded along the floor, crashing down any tables that somehow were still standing.
She lay fairly still, only convulsing a little here and there, while Buffybot stepped through the shattered area of bar towards the racks of liquor behind. She glared at Dana, rolling painfully on the floor, and grabbed a pair of full bottles. With expert aim, she hurled the first one at Dana’s head. It shattered violently.
“AAAAH!” The vampire shrieked in pain and fear, her face now torn and bleeding. She raised a hand in useless defense as the second bottle came crashing down beside her, showering her with glass and alcohol. She screamed.
“STOP! PLEASE...please...I’m SORRY! Oh God...”
A few tears mingled with the blood on Dana’s face, before a third bottle struck her straight on. She screamed feebly, curling up into a ball as best she could.
From the bar, Buffybot watched as Dana’s resistance crumbled to nothing. She grabbed one more bottle off the railing, then snagged something else that caught her eye, and started making her way towards her enemy. Her face was expressionless.
She made her way to where Dana lay, quivering and sobbing, covering her ruined face with her hands. Botty stared down, pulling the top off of the bottle she carried and emptying it’s contents onto Dana.
When she was done, she let the bottle drop, shattering at her feet. Dana let out a small cry. Ignoring her, Buffybot pulled up the book of matches she’d grabbed at the bar, pulling one out and lighting it. She held it out over Dana.
She let it drop just as Dana pulled the hands away from her face and stared up at Buffybot. The face was cut and bleeding, streaked with tears. She wore a look like Buffybot had seldom seen...so filled with fear. She was terrified. Terrified of Buffybot. Buffybot thought it was the worst thing she had ever seen.
The match hit, igniting the alcohol Botty had doused Dana with, and in an instant the vampire burst into flames, letting out one last shriek of pain. Buffybot heard a click overhead, as the automated sprinkler system in the club kicked in. Dana crumbled to dust bare seconds before the water started falling. For the second time tonight, Buffybot fell to her knees.
She stared up at the ceiling, water streaming down her face, emotional and behavioural processors desperately trying to make sense out of everything that had happened in the last day. She had little success.
As the water washed away the dust of Dana, dripping off of her own face as it did, Botty stared down, over to where Bruce’s body lay still on the stage of his club. The blood was washing away, but Buffybot could still feel it on her hands. Idly, she wondered if she always would...
With the barest thought, Buffybot did the only thing she could think of just now. And even though nothing registered on her external scanners, Botty knew he was now standing beside her, the artificial rain passing through his form. She didn’t look.
“I’m sorry,” Doyle told her solemnly, his features grim, “...for what it’s worth.”
Still looking at Bruce, Buffybot spoke to Doyle. “I don’t want to stay here,” she said matter-of-factly, “...Sunnydale...doesn’t feel like home to me now.”
Tearing her eyes off of the body, Buffybot finally turned and saw Doyle. The makeshift tears fell from her face, one after another.
“Only...I don’t know anyplace else.,” she admitted sadly. Doyle nodded faintly.
“I know somewhere,” he mentioned, surveying the damage of the evening with no small measure of guilt, “...good place to get lost in for a while. Got some old friends there...might be good folk for you to meet.”
Buffybot nodded idly back. “I’ve checked the emergency channels,” she said, “...someone is on the way in response to the fire alarm here. They’ll find him...they’ll take care of him. They’ll take care of him.”
Doyle’s heart sank as Buffybot glanced back at Bruce. “It wasn’t your fault, doll,” he told her, “..there’s nothing you could’a done.”
“Nothing,” Buffybot repeated, slowly rising to her feet. She turned back to Doyle. “I’m leaving now, Mister Doyle. Do you think...could I have a moment alone?”
Doyle looked back warily at Buffybot. “You sure you’ll be okay?”
“No,” she replied honestly. Doyle waited a moment, then acquiesced, fading from sight. Buffybot marched across the club and exited into the night, not allowing herself to look back.

EXTERIOR. The same night. Buffybot walks sullenly down a nondescript alleyway, casting a forlorn gaze any which way. Not bothering just now to access her mapping software, she doesn’t realize just where her sullen wandering is taking her...

“Why didn’t I save you?
Instead of this deja vu...
I found my guy, then I watched him die,
Like I always seem to do...
What have I turned into?

Washed up upon this shore,
What does life have in store?
I’ve told my tale here in Sunnydale,
But I’m welcome here no more,
What am I living for?

Where do I go from here?
I should just disappear...”
Suddenly Buffybot pauses, when she notices a familiar figure further down the alley from her. It’s Spike, who is storming out of what she suddenly realizes is the Bronze. Buffybot stops, hiding along the alley wall, although Spike is moving away from her. A moment later someone else follows Spike out...and it’s Buffy herself. For some reason Botty feels sad at this, and darts forward and around the corner, in the direction Spike and Buffy came from. She gazes in the back door of the Bronze, and sees all her friends, singing. She spares them a solitary smile, then continues, in sync with them.
“ It hurts like hell but no one can tell,
For I’ll shed no single tear,
Where do I go...from here?”

FADE TO BLACK

ADDENDUM:

Harmony and Dana teamed up and plotted against Buffybot in BUFFYBOT MUST DIE, from Season One. Harmony and Spike unearthed the Gem of Amarra underneath Sunnydale in HARSH LIGHT OF DAY, from BTVS Season 4.

GENERAL GUINNESS is some Irish drinking song I found on the web.

Kryptonite is a radioactive mineral from the planet Krypton that is lethal to Superman.

Bruce went on a date with Buffybot in season one’s PRETTY IN PINK.

I’ve had some bad luck with guys who rhyme...
Buffybot is referring to the rhyming Queryl demon from RIDDLE ME THIS, BUFFYBOT

Botty spies Spike, Buffy and the gang during the closing moments of ONCE MORE WITH FEELING, during which this episode takes place. Doubtless I'm stretching part of the timeline, but let's just say you should probably get used to that this season. :)

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