(WBT3K) episode 101 - Evil Dead return.


Authors - Unknown Variable X, Blue Diablo, Dax Strife, The 4 Phase Man
Editor - The 4 Phase Man
Sketch 2 - Unknown Variable X



Prologue to the introduction,
By - The 4 Phase Man

There was a man named Bass Howdy. He, being of a somewhat creative mind, decided to write stories, and publish it online. One day, he discovered a site dedicated to Fan fiction of the Half-Life type, and asked some of the authors, namely one called Covax, to read some of his stories, as Mr. Howdy wanted to be part of the site. Covax, being for lack of a better term, `a Covax' as one Mr. Coil would point out (using several very...ahem... `Colorful' words,) later, he agreed. Now, don't misunderstand, Covax has read, is reading, and will read some pretty bad stuff, but this stood out. I would like to add some quotes here, but, as my psychiatrist has pointed out, it's probably better to let them remain buried. The WB, with all the tact that made it famous, shot Mr. Howdy Down rather hard. As in Hiroshima strength hard. This hurt Mr. Howdy's feelings, and he decided to get revenge on the now defunct HLWB. Since then, the site has grown into a place where most of the people are nice, if not very unbalanced, and the members of the WB have engaged in saving their own asses (and the world's/universe's/multiverse's too, if it fit into the equation somewhere,) and are recently on vacation.

Mr. Bass realized something important if he wanted to do them some damage. He already had access to the necessary materials, but needed someone to help him. There was, after all, one choice. Jack Cooper. Having prepared, they have decided that the time is now. This is the story of the WB versus one opponent that no amount of firepower can take down. Bad Fan fiction.

* * * * *


In the not to distant Future,
In a theater with comfy seats,
A mad spammer and confused man
Were thinking up evil things
They thought of some guys they know
And decided to give `em and evil show
So maybe they're minds might blow
So they used a plot device and brought em to their place
(Covax - This will end badly.)
Capt. {BASS} Howdy - we'll send them nasty fanfics, the worst we can find!
(Jack Cooper - Laa-laa-laa!)
Capt. {BASS} Howdy - They'll have to sit and read them all, or we'll upload Endless Waltz to their minds!
(Jack Cooper - Laa-laa-laa!)
Keep in mind he wants to leave,
(Jack Cooper - Laa-laa-laa!)
But he'll to try to save his mind with the help of his Writer's Block Friends!
*Covax holds up a Laptop with the words "Roll Call!" on it*

Blackwolf - Wolfpack don't run!
Dax Strife - This sucks.
Unknown Variable X - I'm hungry.
Coil - FLAME WAR!!!!!
4 Phase - Where are we?
Nyles - You can't do that with a shotgun.
Seth Gecko - I want a beer.
Born 2 Respawn - You have deaded me again
Khe Sahn - I'm new.
Antares - I'm the only girl here.
Blue Diablo - Hiya.

Now if you're wondering about a few things,
maybe some important facts,
Just repeat to yourself - "I can shut the browser, in case I need some snacks!"
For -

WRITER'S BLOCK THEATER 3000!!!

TWANG!!!!!


* * * * *

Somewhere in North America, a man sits and talks to his friend. This would probably not draw much attention, except for two things.
1 - the friend in question is a sentry gun.
2 - the man is dead.
That being said, Variable was having a very informative discussion about pineapples. Until he disappeared, that is. Things like that tend to put a crimp in your day.



In nowhere, Someone was slowly floating, and smiling to himself. His name is Covax, and he's doing his own thing, mostly meditating. Drifting in the void, he can feel himself expanding to other planes. When he vanishes, he realizes he really was.


A military base in Canada is filled with the sound of laughter. A man named Nyles is still chuckling from Rob's joke. He's tinkering with a rifle, and has it's parts spread around him. As he puts the stock back down, he wonders what the odd tingly sensation is. A moment later, he wonders where the world went.


In a lab located under several protective layers, a man works on a machine marked `resurrection' His name is Blackwolf, quantum powered inventor. He is also making the tools he needs slowly float to him, and then back to the rack. He registered one of his alarms sounding shortly before his lab dissolved.


In an undisclosed location, a man checked the last of his security systems. His name is Dax Strife, and his paranoia is the stuff of legends. When he disappeared, it could also be called justified.


To the man known as Coil, life, simply put, `is a keyboard with the caps key held down'. He was he was composing a rather obscene email when he vanished. This was not a good thing to interrupted from.


Near a bar in a place that would have any cowboy wanna-be reaching for their guns, a man sits in the shade sipping a beer. His name is Seth Geko, and he is taking a well deserved break. A moment later, his ice cold beverage hits the ground.


A dark tower is under siege from a man on a mission from god. Or a god. Khe Sahn's not entirely sure about it, but when he disappears, he believes he's going to meet them.


Somewhere cold, a shape can be seen inside a block of ice. The shape's name is Anatares, and when she wakes up a few minutes from now, she'll want to be back in the ice.


In a house in Britain, a man wonders if all the sacrifices have been worth it. His name is Born 2 Respawn, and like his name says, he has died more than once. Since death isn't a primary concern (though, if one asked, he would merely shrug and reply `the white light is way overrated.'), he is left with a surplus of free time. Idly, he notes that he appears to have died again.


Blue Diablo sits in his prison cell, wishing that he had not killed Coil the first time, but the second time, well, he thinks that he deserved that one. When he's suddenly staring at Coil, he wonder's if three's the charm.


In a forest in Ohio, a man plays checkers with himself. His name is, depending on whom you ask, one of four different ones. Hence, he is usually called Four Phase. When he realizes where he is, all four minds have the same thought. `$#%#$%'

* * * * *

The rec room of the Flagship has been designed to withstand more or less whatever someone can throw at it, from nine millimeter to quantum energies. When twelve forms hit the floor, the foremost thought is confusion. A Tv turns on, showing the interior of a ship called `Hindenburg mk. 2' A man stands in the fore ground, watching the chaos in the room.

Capt. {BASS} Howdy (on the TV) - Welcome to your hell. As you may recall, you have made fun of my work. I have decided to return the favor.

UVX - well, If it isn't Bass the ass himself. How ya been?

Howdy - Very well, thank you. You, however, aren't going to be feeling so well. I have found a little work by the name of `Evil Dead Return'.

Seth - Hey, I like that movie.

Howdy - You won't like this, cowboy. Now, into the theater, please.

Blackwolf - Unlikely. [blasts the wall with quantum energies] Oh, right. Well, you still can't make us go in there.

Howdy - really? Jack, will you turn the life support off?

Jack - sure.

[all of the vents seal off, and the temperature drops.]

Howdy - you have about a minute. I would get in there.

UVX - I'm not. I don't need air. I'm dead, remember?

Howdy - yes, I thought of that. There's someone you would like to speak to you.

Nyx - hello, zombie.

UVX - AAHHHHH!!!!

[all enter the theater]

6...5...4...3...2...1...

[seating, left to right - Anatares, UVX, BD, Nyles, 4PM, Covax, Coil, BWF, Khe Sahn, B2R, Dax, Seth]

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters from Evangelion or Evil Dead.

>Born 2 Respawn - And boy, are they happy about that!

Evangelion and its characters belong to Gainax and Evil Dead and its characters belong to Renaissance pictures.

>BlueDiablo - Additional Disclaimer: This story will not be entertaining in any way, shape, or form. You have been warned.
>Covax - Like that's stopped anyone from watching carrot-top movies.
>Coil - [twitches]

Fade in to Tokyo-3 Ash is walking down the streets.

"My name is Ash and I am in the future. As close as I can figure it 20 years in the future.

>BD - If its 20 years in the future, wouldn't they have calendars? Asshat...
>Seth - Asshat?

It wasn't always like this I had a real life,

>BD - Apparently the readers here had a real life once...
>Four Phase - And they had punctuation too...

once. A job {Ash at work at S-Mart} {Ash "Umm, hardware isle 12. Shop smart shop S-Mart."} I had a wonderful girlfriend,

>BD - Note the had... apparently getting kicked into the future and not having common sense to find the exact date had some profound repercussions
>4PM - I can't remember what day it is sometimes. Does that mean I'm going to mess something up?
>B2R - years.
>4PM - point?

Linda {Flashback 'Ash and Linda at the cabin' Together we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find Necronomicon ex Mortis, The book of the Dead.

>4PM - I love that game!
>Covax - Not the... [shrugs] never mind.

Bound in human flesh and inked in blood

>BD - Must've been a bitch to get published,
>Anatares - Nah, Steven King does the same thing.

this ancient Samarian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living

>BD - Neither was this story.
>Khe Sahn - true enough.
>Blackwolf - two words. Endless waltz.
>All - [shudder]

The book awoke something dark in the woods. It took Linda, and then it came for me. It got into my hand and it went bad so I lopped it off at the wrist. But that didn't stop it. It came back big time. {Flashback to Ash getting sucked in to the vortex}

>BD, 4PM, UVX - [begins humming Wicked Witch of the West Theme]

I ended up in mid evil times

>BD - Or maybe you got trashed and wound up the restaurant.
>Khe Sahn (as `knight' from Medieval Times) - I must slay the evil S-mart Knight!

and my only hope to get home was the book.

>Covax - in other words, I was fucked.

But in order to do that I fist had to lead a small army of knights against the army of the dead {Flash back to the war


>BD - What's with all the pointless flashbacks? [slams head on the back of the chair]
>Unknown Variable X - [Flashes back to BD slamming head against his chair]

we won and I was given a potion that should have sent me home but it didn't.

>4PM (Ash) - It sent me to meet Jerry Garcia. I wonder what `LSD' meant

Maybe I said the words wrong or maybe I was meant to come here I don't know. But now I find my self in 2016. In the time that I was gone the world had under gone some changes second impact which really fucked up the planet. And angel attacks.

>Covax - Let me get this straight. He doesn't know what year it is, but he knows exactly what has happened in that span of time?
>Seth - yup.
>{Bass} Howdy (over P.A.) - Stop that. You're making the fourth wall creak.


They fought back and now things looked up or so it seemed."



Evangelion: Evil Dead Return
By lal1123


Genises 1:1 Return of a hero

>BD - Note, the term Hero is used liberally. Someone using 20th Century technology on Medieval troops and unarmed undead isn't necessarily the most Heroic stuff.
>BWF (putting away chronosphere) - Damn.



An explosion in the sky just out side tokyo-3 Ash fell out and landed softly on the grass beside him his chain saw and Remington double barrel shot gun lay


>BD - Err... hate to break it to ya, but didn't Ash lose the shotgun towards the end of the movie?
>4PM - don't try to make sense of it.
>BD - I'm almost as pitiful as this writer! [BD cuts self in front of UVX, hoping to incite Zombie-Rage-Mode].
>UVX - Dude, you're bleeding on me.

He got up and brushed him self off. He was a bit bruised but none the worse for ware

>BD - Oh, of course he's fine, he only fell out of some flying thingie
>4PM - ware? Is Ash a program?


He was on a hill close to a shrine he looked around.
"Where the hell... Japan?!?!"

>BD (Ash) - Good, got place, now find out the freaking time.

He said seeing the shrine.
He turned to look at the city he had never sense any thing like it. He had got there just in time to see the city sink into the earth. Then once all the skyscrapers were under ground a large purple robot

>BD - Purple robot? Gay-dor? Run Godzilla!!
>4PM - [Begins humming Blue oyster cult]
>Coil - What's a `Gay-dor'?

rose from the street. "NO!! NO!!! NOT AGAIN!!! YOU OLD COOT!!! THIS WAS SUPOSE TO SEND ME TO MY OWN TIME!!!!" Ash yelled falling to his knees crying. "Its not fair. I did my part I said the words I drank the juice why aren't I home. Damn it." Ash wined

>4PM (Robin Williams) - the red wine or the white wine? Damnit, I don't know!
>BD - Ash whines? Really outta character.


while smashing the ground with is fist. His mechanical hand buried in the earth. "You bastards don't give me a break. Why WHY!?! Me god why me?" He yelled again. Ash sulk

>BD (in caveman voice) - Humph, Ash sulk! ASH SULK GOOD!

and watched the robot do some sort of field test in the city before returning 20 minutes later. After it went the city arose from the ground. It was late in the after noon 3 pm to be precise

>BD - if you know the freaking exact hour, why can't you find out the year? Are scientists busting their ass today so we can have Big-ass purple robots and cities that go underground?
>4PM (Duke) - Damn, I'm going to have to kill you now.

and Ash was starved so he grabbed his gun and chain saw and headed to the city

>BD - Great idea, go into a freaking city with a chainsaw and a shotgun... genius.
>B2R - actually, if the author is using the `Evil Dead' movies as research, then Ash would own Tokyo 3 by sunset.

He got a lot of strange looks from people with the armor he wore or the gun on his back or could have been his cape or the chain saw or even the metal gauntlet he made into a replacement for his missing hand.

>Dax - Nope, just the armor.

But Ash didn't care he just kept walking till he ran into a ramen

>BD - err... Isn't Ramen food Chinese?

stand decided that was the best he could do for now he sat down and ordered a meal the vender gave him a little look but didn't stared he didn't care if he looked like an angel as long as he got paid.

"Say bub what years is it?" Ash asked. The vendor cocked his head he thought it odd that an American would speak Japanese but didn't think long. "Year? You don't know?" the vendor said. "No I don't know." Ash replied in an annoyed tone. "Its 2016."

>BD - So everyone in Japan speaks fluent English? I see...
>4PM (cab driver from naked gun) - What the devil was he going on about?

He said. Ash dropped the chopsticks "My god 20 years. I've gone 20 years into the future. Dirty bastards."

>BD - Not quite 20 years... gotta love math.
>4PM, UVX, BWF, B2R (as kids from math commercial)- ALE-GE-BRA!!! ALE-GE-BRA!!!!

Ash said quietly. "Say bub

>4PM - The part of Ash will be played by Wolverine.

what was that thing I saw earlier that purple robot looking thing?" ash asked.
Then vendor laughed at Ash's question "You don't know where have you been the last two years mid evil Europe?" the vendor said sarcastically

>4PM - (Eddie Izzard) - stupid, stupid man.

"Actually yes I have." Ash said the vendor stopped laughing and looked more closely at Ash. Seeing the gauntlet and armor

>BWF (vendor) - Dude, Medieval times is that way.
>Coil (Ash) - God, I'm so embarrassed.

"Oh what ever. That was Evangelion Unit 01 one of the Eva's that saved us all from the angels..." the vendor said telling Ash about the angel attacks and the pilots and Evas. He even boseted that the pilots once ate at his stand.

>Covax - But then he told them that they threw up right after, so it sorta took down his boast a bit.

Ash for his part was shocked the story was impressive almost as horrifying as his own. Had Ash not went through what he did he would have not believed the man but he did. Ash finished his meal then got up paid the vendor a gold coin and left. Once the vendor saw it was gold he fainted.

Ash walked down the streets again it was about 6 pm and was getting dark. Ash didn't pay any heed he kept walking thinking of his situation. And what the vendor told him. "This blows" Ash said that's when he felt the hairs on the back of his neck start to raise they did this when ever he was near a force of Evil

>BD - Spider Sense Tingling!... no.. wait, that's a stroke!
>Anatares - Don't we wish.

ever since his first encounter with the Necronomicon Ex mortis at the cabin. It was like a 6th sense tuned in to the evil forces of the universe.

>Seth - or it was the weed he smoked.
>Khe Sahn (Ash, stoned) - whoa, it's like I'm in tune with the universe, man!

Ash looked around and didn't see any thing out of the ordinary. He shrugged and kept walking the feeling got stronger as he got closer to an ally. Ash took out his gun and proceeded down the ally cautiously. "Ok dead head where are you?

>4PM (dead head) - NOOO, I'm too stoned to die!!
>BWF (Ash) - dude, I meant -zombies-
>UVX - I resent that.

Come get some." He yelled but nothing was there. "What?" he came to the end of the ally and saw a door had been forced open it was about 10 inches thick and it was bent like it was tin foil. "Wow they don't make doors like they use to" he remarked and went through the door.

****Nerv HQ****

>BD - Every potentially evil force has to have a centralized HQ right?
>4PM - yeah. I think it's a law
>Covax (Gendo) - I don't want it down there! It's -Dark- down there!

Misato, Maya and Ristuko are in the test lab watching Shinji and Rei during their sync test. "Whats the point in these test any way? All the Angels have been defeated after all." Misato said unhappily. "Ikari's orders. That's all." Ristuko said. The computer

>BD - OF THE FUTURE!

chirped signaling the end of the test. Ristuko looked at the results. "The test is over you two you may come out now." Maya said. A few minutes later Shinji and Rei where standing in the test room awaiting their results. "Shinji your ratio

>BD (mock surprise) - gasp! Ratio! That means its scientific!
>4PM - methinks someone's never read EVA.

is at its lowest ever 39% you need to shape up. And Rei yours is at 79% the same it was last time you tested. I would like to see some progress from you." Ristuko said. "Yes ma'am." said Rei. "I just don't care any more." Shinji muttered. "Go get changed you two and show up at the command center. I'll take you guys home when I finish some work."

>4PM - [grins from ear to ear]
>Nyles - not a single word. [points SMLE at 4PM]

Misato said. Misato left to the command center while the pilots went to shower and change.

After he changed he met up with Rei and went to the control center

>BD - OF THE FUTURE!
>B2R (Servo) - It's HUGE!

. "Why do we still do this?" Shinji asked. "What do you mean?" Rei asked in return. "With the tests and training I mean there are no more angels. Whats the point?"

>4PM (Gendo) - I think he's on to us.
>Covax (Keel) - Should we kill him now or later?

he asked again. "I don't know." was all Rei said as they entered the control center.

"Send a crew to look at it and fix it I want to know what could tear through a 10 inch thick titanium door."

>BD - Oh, maybe that Big Purple Robot. Maybe the door leads to "The Greased Rod"... Even big gay robots need love
>4PM (Big Gay Al) - Hello there, Mr. Bio-mecha!

Misato said in an athourtive voice. Just then the control center got cold and wind picked up. Papers blew everwhere. "Whats going on?"

>BD - It's the damn wind... OF THE FUTURE!
>BWF - grrrrr.

Misato screamed. The female tech next to Misato jumped up from her station and threw Misato across the room. She turned around and reveled that her hideous looks her eyes had gone white and her face had sunk in to where you could see her bone structure

>BD - Err... not gonna ask....
>4PM (PHB) - we thought you got into a fight with `Vidal Sassoon'...

Her skin had turned an off gray and her nails stuck out like talons. "I will swallow your souls."

>BD - And UVX will pick up what's' left
>UVX - (^_^ing) - damn straight!

it said. It picked up its chair and was bout to through it at the commander when a gunshot rang out and the chair blasted out of its hands.

>Anatares (Gendo) -Ooooouuuucccchhhhh...[grabs shoulder in mock pain]
>Khe Sahn (Ash) - oops, sorry about that...

There stood Ash coming out of a vent shaft gun in hand.

>Dax - Vent's big enough to walk out of? I'm going to talk to the contractor.
>4PM (^_^ing) - It's the Half-Life method of vents.
>Nyles (as Misato) - How do I get out again?
>Coil (as security guard) - go to the first intersection, and take the first vent...you better write this down.

"Yo she bitches. Come get some." Ash said and the she hag attacked him by leaping at him. Ash turned and was avoided the attack. He counter and blasted it with the gun.

>4PM (monotone) - counter successful. Zombie has 27 HP.
>UVX (monotone, as Zombie) - Roar.

The she hag flew back from the shot "You! You shall die!" the deadite said. "Tougher thing things have tried baby. Lets do this.

>UVX - [Begins humming Bloodhound Gang]
>4PM (Stan Marsh) - Dude! Sick!

" Ash said letting loose another shot from the gun and another sending the deadite flying into the wall

>Dax - Thank you for flying 12-gauge airlines. Have a pleasant stay!

. Ash took the time while she was down to reload

>Covax - wait, didn't he fire -three- shots from a -double- barrel?

. "Ok baby lets end this."

>BD - Didn't you already say that?

Ash said blasting her over and over again emptying the guns contence in the deadite.

>Dax - Deadite. The -new- thing from sampsonite. We make suitcases that can survive a nuclear winter!

He then pulled out the chain saw and removed his gauntlet to make room for the Chain saw. He started it and revved it a few times before dismembering the deadite piece by piece.

>Covax - at which point the entire command staff lost their lunch.
>4PM (Maya) - oh, gross. [dry heaves]
>Coil (Hyuga) - Eh? I've seen worse.

At the end he stood over the remains of the body looking down at its head, which was still talking "You shall die. Your soul will be ours."

>Anatares (Deadite) - All your soul are belong to us.
>UVX (Ash) - I -hate- that stupid catch phrase.

it said. "I don't know why I am here

>4PM (Gendo) - Dude, the prologue?
>Covax (Ash) - Wait, never mind.
>UVX (Deadite Head) - Moron.

but I do know this I've beaten you deadites when ever and where ever you've shown up and it won't stop now. To bad you won't be around to see it.

>Khe Sahn (Ash) - with any luck, nor will I.

" Ash said pointing the gun at the deadites head and firing the head blew apart sending pieces flying all over.

>UVX (Gallagher) - And another thing I hate about melons is that they -explode-

Ash blew on the barrel twirled it and holstered it. Every one in the control center was shocked to say the least.

>BD - Mainly due to the fact that one of Ash's ricochets had nailed a live wire.
>Coil (Misato) - NNNnnnniiiicccceee Sssssshhhhhhhoooootttttt

Misato came up to Ash and asked, "Who are you?". Ash cocked his head

>UVX, 4PM - [opens mouth]
>Nyles, Seth, BWF, Antares - Don't even think it. [point various weapons at UVX and 4PM]

grabbed her in his arms and said, "Give me some sugar baby.

>BWF (Shifty) - Come my lady, come, come my lady, butterfly, sugar baby...

" and tired to kissed her.

>BD - Because nothing says loving like blown up zombie Bits
>UVX - [scoots away from BD]

To be continued.....

>4PM - uh-oh.


**Aurthors Notes

This series is meant to be a comedy

>4PM - oh. that makes sense.

Based more on the Ash potraied in Army of Darkness

>BD - No shit, all the dialogue was catch phrases.
>Coil - ahem. And I quote, "IN THE FUTURE!".

I am not a serious person and very rarely do my writings depict me as such. I wanted to have fun with this

>BD - Ze goggles ! Zey do nutzing!! [falls down on floor, crippled by Spasms]

But like Evangelion it will have its serious points and at other points it will be just silly and stupid humor.

>4PM (Mojo Jojo) - It will be funny, but it will be serious. And at times, serious, but at other times, funny...

Thats what I am trying to do. I never saw the first Evil Dead this is just based of Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness


>Howdy (over P.A.) - intermission! Everybody out! [doors open]
[all exit]

[Doors close]

BD - so, what were you talking about?

Covax - well, you seem to not have seen the Evangelion series, so 4PM put together a piece about it.

4PM - okay, here goes. Basically, a kid named Shinji has to go to Tokyo-3

BD - 3?

4PM - I'll explain later. Anyway, he has to fight these things called `angels', but due to the power of the Gainax, he gets a mindfuck.

BD - Power of the Gainass?

4PM - No. hmm. [Notices coil walking by] okay, watch this. Hey, Coil?

Coil - what?

4PM - mother.

[Coil's eyes go blank for a moment, before he begins to talk in a voice that sounds half dead]

Coil - mother. The one who gave me life. Life. The ability to experience joy, pain, and love. Pain. What makes us hate each other. Other. One who...[coil's entire body starts to shake] AAAAHHHHHH [passes out]

BD - whoa.

4PM - it only works on two conditions. One, the subject is already in emotional duress, or two, the subject is caught completely off guard. For example, [walks over to where UVX is playing They Hunger] UVX, can I see you a moment?

UVX - yeah, sure. What's up?

4PM - soul.

UVX - hunh?

4PM - as you can see, UVX is immune due to the fact that his brain is always random.

BASS (over PA) - play time, morons!

[Fanfic sign flashes, all run around like idiots]

6...5...4...3...2...1

Genesis 1:2 Hero's welcome

>BD - Nah nah nah nah... Gooodbye!!

Ash blows apart the head of a deadite Misato comes up to Ash "who are you?" she asks. Ash takes her in to his arms and says, "Give me some sugar baby." and kisses her.

>BD - (Leaning back in chair) Appariently 20 years in THE FUTURE, morals are all shot to shit
>4PM - actually, this is how Ash really is. Kinda sad.

Misato responds by pulling out her gun and pressing it to his chin

>Nyles - That kinda gun 20 years in THE FUTURE? Damnit! Now you got me doing >it!

. "Don't even think about doing that again." Misato said standing up. "Ok don't kiss beautiful women got ya."

>Covax (Ash) - Only kiss Boys, clear
>BWF - Next time, on a Springer...

Ash said backing up a bit. Misato still trained the gun on him. Commander Ikari spoke up "Who are you and what is your business here?"

>4PM (Ash) - Well... I came in here looking for a restroom...

He asked. "My name is Ash, Ash Williams deadite killer extordinare. And I was just minding my own business when I senesced the deadite and I thought to my self hmmm maybe I should do these people a favor and kill it for them. And you are?"

>Covax (Gendo)- Gendo Ikari, asshole supreme

Ash said. "I am Gendo Ikari Supreme commander of Nerv. And I believe you are trespassing here." Ikari said.

>BW (Ikari): And the bathroom's down the hall to the right. Please ignore the >Mothra.

"Well hello mister fancy pants

>B2R - He considers slacks fancy?

now ask me if I care.

>Everyone - Do you care?
>UVX - ask me if -I- care.

As for the trespassing thing ok no problem I'll leave." Ash said heading the way he came Misato cocked her gun

>UVX and 4PM - [open mouths]
>Nyles - Didn't we warn ya last time? [pointing SMLE at both of them]
>BD: Dude, they force us to read this, but they let you bring in a SMLE? And Seth's >shotgun? I'm not even going into what Blackwolf brought...
>{Bass} Howdy (Over PA): Please don't point out plot holes.
>Jack Cooper (over PA) - It's falling! Good god, It's F
>[Sounds of crashing are heard over the intercom]
>4PM (^_^ing) - Ladies and Gentlemen, that was the sound of the 4th wall crashing >on two morons.

"You are under arrest."

>Antares (Ikari): You know what they do to guys like you in Prison? One clue... All >Your Ass Are Belong To Us
>Seth: Not that damned catch phrase again
>BD: OF THE FUTURE!
>Everyone (throwing various sharp objects at BD): Shut up!

She said as several guards came in took Ash captive removing his chain saw and shotgun. "You can't do this! I saved your souls damn it! Not again!" He said while he was dragged off.

[Flash Back to Get The Ball Rolling - Everyone: But we weren't probed in the butt for DNA.
Chris Adams: OH no! Not again! (Chris disappears, end flashback)]

"Well that was interesting."

>Dax - As opposed to the whole giant bio-mecha thing.
>Antares (Ritsuko) - Angel. -Yawn-

Ritsuko said. "Ma'am I think he was the source of the energy signal we traced earlier today. His body was covered in chronotron particles.

BD (Ritsuko) - And they were deeeelicious [Licks lips]

And the energy signal was a chronotron

BWF - That's my trademark! [Shakes fist]

Explosion

>BD (Ikari) - Dude? Time can explode? Sweet
>UVX - Dude!
>4PM - Sweet!
>UVX - Du [every weapon in the theater is armed]
>4PM - Christ, you guys can be su [blam] [4PM falls out of seat]
>Seth (^_^ing)- I feel better.
>UVX - Here's your ear.
>4PM - unnnnnn...[rolls around on the floor]

just out side the city." Makoto said looking at the data on his computer. "Hmm forward that to my computer in my office I'll look at it later." She said leaving the control center along with some specimens of the deadite

>4PM (groggily) - Thought he blew the thing to pieces [climbs back into seat]
>Covax: With -3- shots from his -double-barreled- shotgun.
>UVX: And a chainsaw.
>BD: OF THE FUTURE!
>Nyles - one more time, I swear...

to study. "That was weird. Shinji Rei can you two find your way home with out me I got a lot more work to do now."

>4PM, BD, UVX - [hums "Lets get it on"]

Misato said. "Yes ma'am." Rei and Shinji said and left

>Antares: Cue Bad 70's Porno music
>B2R - Bam bum bun ba-dam bum bun

. Misato headed to her office to work on the paper work. As for Ash he was sent to a Nerv holding room to await punishment.

In Commander Ikari's office Fuitski and Gendo are having a meeting.

>Seth - So that's what they call it now-a-days
>Khe Sahn - Or 20 Years from now
>BD - [Begins to open mouth]
>Nyles - You do and you'll be wearing your ass for a hat [Jams SMLE Pattern 1907 >Bayonet into BD's Side]
>Seth: What's the deal with asses and headwear?
>4PM - prolly the same thing as the punctuation thing.

"Ikari you don't know what power that book may hold." Said Kouzo referring to a brown book sitting on the desk,

>Covax: A book? Thought this was in Tokyo, 20 years in the future, no less
>BWF: Nuh-uh, Tokyo-3!

which had some type of face on it.

>All (Hopeful) - The Hitch-hiker's Guide To The Galaxy?

"The book of the dead

>All (dejected) - Aww....

holds great power and knowledge for it was written the same time as the dead sea scrolls

>4PM - no way. The book of the dead was written in the 14th century, and the Dead Sea scrolls were written in the 1st century.
>UVX - don't think too much into it.

and holds another possible ending for the human race. Not depicted in the scrolls. One in which the world once instrumentality takes place evil rules and enslaves the newly released human souls." Gendo said.

>UVX (Gendo): And it also has a bitchin' recipe for Potatoes au gratin!
>B2R - Today, on cooking with ancient texts, we tell of a smashing cheese-cake recipe, straight from Buddha himself!

"So that means if we go through with the project..." kouzo started "All our souls will be enslaved by this evil. So I have to rewrite the senaro. Or all our souls will be lost.

>Khe Sahn (Kouzo) - according to this, you lose them in your luggage.
>Covax (Gendo) - It predicts this conversation. Damn!

I also came across some thing else that is quite disturbing. According to this evil will walk the earth when the archangels come to issues final destruction.

>Antares (C.A.T.S.): You are on your way to destruction!
>UVX - All your soul [Nyles unloads SMLE]
>UVX - ouch. I think I need those organs.
>4PM - hold on, I'll go get some superglue.

Should the archangels succeed and the human race is wiped out evil claims their souls. Should humans succeed and inieate instrumentality evil claims the souls.

>Covax - Again, the're screwed
>Coil (Dave Chappale) - Damn.

Any way evil will rule earth once again.

>BD (Kouzo): And the name of the evil... you guessed it...
>4PM (Gendo): No!! Not Endless Waltz! AGHH!!
>Everyone: (shudders)

I for one don't want that to happen. Yui will have to wait instrumentality will have to wait. This evil must be destroyed. We must also prepare for another attack by these archangels." Gendo said. "And what of this Ash Williams?" Kozo asked "He might be the chosen one the Necronomicon speaks of chosen to fight the evil.

>Coil (Kouzo) - Or he could be a wack job.
>Khe Sahn (Gendo) - either or, really.

If so we let him do as he wishes. Give him a job here at Nerv as a janitor or some thing I don't care as long as he can fight the evil when it arises. Now if you excuse me I have to confront seele about this." Gendo said. Kozo left the office to take care of Mr. Williams.

>4PM - Kouzo's going to kill Ash? Righteous.
>Khe Sahn: So at last the plot thickens
>UVX - About as much as Coil's head...

Ash sat in the darkness

>BWF: Try saying that 3 times fast
>BD: Ass shat in the darkness
>Covax (Dr. Evil) - -Evil- Darkness? [Does pinkie thing]

the only light in the room was the dull red glow from the NERV logo behind him. "What the fuck did I do for crimine sakes? I destroyed the deadite army in mid evil times and got rid of these guys deadite problem you'd think they'd be more thank full."

>4PM (guy in other Cell) - Well la-de-freaking-da

Ash said to him self concensly rubbing his stump.

>Everyone (@_@ing) - ...

Just then the door opened to reveal Misato. "Hey sugar what can I do for ya?"

>Covax (Ash) - Coffee? Tea? Monster?
>4PM (Eddie Izzard) - Cake... or DEATH!!!

Ash said. Misato was taken back by him

>UVX, BD, 4PM - [grins]

(Why does he remind me of Kaji?) she thought to her self. "My NAME is Misato please call me that. And I am here to escort you to see the Sub-commander." Misato said. "What the his High and might ass Ikari don't want to see me?"

>BD - See? Ass is a recurring theme!

Ash said standing. "He is busy right now with meetings. Your arrival Mr. Williams has caused a lot of work for a lot of us here me included. Now fallow me."

>UVX - Fallow? What the hell is she? A farmer?
>B2R - And a rather kinky one at that

She said. "Sure baby." Ash said smugly and followed her out. Ash decided not to ask any questions as to why they were letting out better not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

>Seth (Ash) - Did I mention you do look like a horse?
>BWF (Misato) - DIE!!! [mock shots Seth]

He had already caused them enough trouble. "Say this sure is a nice place ya'll got here. Surprising what you can do with a hole in the ground." Ash commented but Misato just ignored him and kept going.

>Chris Adams (Misato) - OH, Dank you Ashi-san!
>Covax - Where did you come from?
>Chris - Plot Hole. Later. [Vanishes]
>Jack Cooper (over PA) - Guys, I just finished the new fourth wall., so please don't >do that.

Finally the reached the office of the sub commander. Ash was let in while Misato stayed out side.

"Come in Mr. Williams" Kouzo said, "Call me Ash." Said Ash taking a seat.

>BWF (Kouzo) - Give that seat back! Bad enough you shot one up in the command >center

The sub commander smiled "Now Ash how did you get here.".

>BD (Ash) - Well, I followed the Ramen trail

Ash thought for a moment and then told him the whole story how he went to the cabin found the tape recorder and the Necronomicon how the evil took his girl friend and how he had to fight her and then that it took his hand so he had to cut it off. He told him every event that went on in the cabin that night. Then how he was sucked up in the vortex meant for the evil and went back to mid evil England

>B2R - Sure, everything when you go back to the past is Medieval England
>Coil - Then he told him how he lost the ability to use comas. It stemmed from a >childhood injury involving an English book.

. He then told him how he had to quest for book and had to fight his evil twin. Then how he and the castle men fought the army of darkness. "And then I took the juices said the words and I ended up here." Ash concluded. "And did you say them right this time?" Fuitski

>Anatares - Fuitski Juice! 50% natural deadite!

asked Ash looked away and stammered "Well not maybe every tiny little syllable
but basically yeah." the sub commander chuckled "Ok Well that was a very interesting story.

>Everyone: (Snoring) - Zuh? Wha?

Had I had not known what really happened during second impact or we had not just defeated all 17 angels I wouldn't have believed you. But I do. Ash I believe that this evil has awakened here and you were brought here to fight it." "Oh that's just great. I never get a break from this thing." Ash whined. "The commander asked that you stay and worked here at Nerv. As getting a job here and now will be hard for you and we are great full for what you did. What can you do Ash?" Kouzo asked. "Ummm I was working on an engineering degree in collage was close to getting a 4 yr degree to. I worked at S-Mart for a good three years in house wares. I don't really have a resume handy here. You know."

>4PM (Kouzo) - And where was this Engineering degree taken?
>BW (Ash) - Sam Houston Institute of Technology
>BWF - Heh, S.H.I.T.
>Seth - Which is what this story is
>4PM (Ash) - I'll have you know it was also a church!

said Ash. "Well I am sure we can find you something. How are you at moping up floors?"

UVX (Ash) - Porno-shop floors? Sure

asked Kouzo "Depends what are ya going to pay me?"

>Seth (Kouzo) - Four Trillion Yen!
>BD (Ash): I'm rich!
>Seth (Kouzo, to self): Sucker

Ash countered "We can pay you $10 US an hour and extra every time you kill a deadite." offered the sub-commander Ash smiled "Groovy"

>BWF (Kouzo) - What is this `groovy' that you speak of?
>Coil (ODB) - Just dance if you're caught up in the holy ghost train!

the sub-commander let out a small laugh. "Here is all your paper work including a time schedule and just about every thing else you need. Major Katsuragi will handle the rest. Good day Mr. Williams." he said. Ash got up and left the office with his papers he shuffled through them pulled out his ID card and pocketed it.

Misato got up as soon as Ash walked out "If you want I'll take you to your apartment now..." She said, "Not so fast darling I want my stuff back. Might come in handy.

>UVX - Like all those.. implements.. [nudges and winks] Gets hard having only one >hand...
>[Anatares lops of his hand]
>UVX - hey Four, got any more superglue?
>BD - he-he-he! I get it!

I don't want to have to ask people for a hand. I hate hand outs you know." Ash said,
"OK stop with the bad jokes

>BD (sarcastic) - Oh no, of course not, it's a comedy Gold mine
>4PM - so Kouzo's the voice of reason?

Ritsuko has it. Lets go." she said "Thanks for the..." Ash started "If you value your life you won't finish that."

>UVX (Misato) - Last person who said that to me wound up wearing their ass as a >hat
>BD - See? Its catching on

She said leading him to Ritsuko's lab. When they got there they found her studying the computer data from analyses of the Deadite. "Hey Ritsuko Ash here needs a hand."

>Khe Sahn - A-hah! That was a pun!
>Covax - Shit, someone open a window, the sarcasm reeks
>BD - Dude, we're in space.
>Covax - Even Better, then.

Said Misato. "Ah Mr. Williams just the man I wanted to see How the hell did you make a cybernetic hand in the middle ages?"

>Coil (Ash): Well... just asked politely and nailed together a bunch of toothpicks. >You'd be surprised at the number of things that duct tape can do...
>Dax (tech) - hey, get some more duct tape. Unit one's arm fell off again...
>BD - Gay-dor?
>Coil - Again, what the hell is a `Gay-dor'?

Ritsuko asked "Don't know just did." Ash said. Ritsuko picked up the hand and gave it to Ash who put it on. "Better." he said flexing the fingers a bit. "Handy."

>Khe Sahn: HAH! ANOTHER PUN!
>Dax - luckily, it wasn't that big. [^_^'S]

Just then all hell broke loose alarms went off "Did some one pull a fire alarm?"

>4PM (Nippy) - Carlos's attempt to light his own fart goes horribly wrong.
>Carlos - All the -Foxy- ladies love me! [Vanishes]
>4PM - ...the hell?

Ash asked.
"No worst and angle is attacking" Misato said.

>BD: Run! Its an ANGLE! Obtuse Angle attack! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!! AGHH!!
> BWF - it's obtuse, I bet.

To be continued...

>All - [groans]

**Authors Notes
Well that's the second story sorry

>UVX - it'd better be

I haven't really covered the Eva aspect of it yet

>BW - Please don't.
>Covax (author) - I will unless the following demands are met. First, reinstate PJ's >fanfic credentials...

but it will change later on.

All - NO!

First I had to incorporate Ash so that's why the first two chapters aren't as much Eva as they are an evil dead fan fic

>Seth: Huh?
>Anatares - definitely evil, anyway...

. This is my first fan fic

>BD: And your first time using a keyboard... fancy new technology that it is... OF >THE FUT- [Nyles Guts him with the Bayonet]

I came up with it one day when I picked up the evil dead 2 and army of darkness and thought I would love to see Ash say to Misato "give me some sugar baby"

>Dax - And he's only said it 3 times so far, we get the damned point

And well it grew from there. Any way I hope ya like. As for why I didn't do a post EoE version based on the original ending of army of darkness

>UVX (author) - `Cause that would -really- fuck with your head...
>4PM - Gunna trip inside your mind...

is cause I wanted to do a comedy

Coil, BD - [gags]

version. And the thought of Ash in a post 3rd impact world with only Shinji and Asuka just don't sound like a good story.

>4PM - a lemon story, maybe...
>[Nyles reloads SMLE, unloads it into 4PM, and reloads it.]
>Nyles - That was one -nasty- mental image.

Howdy (over P.A.) - out, NOW! [Doors open]
[all leave]

...1...2...3...4...5...6

[Covax is sitting at the table with a cup of coffee, reading a paper. BlackWolf walks in.]

BWF - Hey, Covax, have you seen my sandwich?

Covax - Try over there by the TV.

BWF - Ah. Thanks.

[BlackWolf walks over, grabs his sandwich and returns to sit down at the table to eat.]

Covax - Whatever.

[A loud banging noise is heard from the deck plates beneath the two.]

Coil - HEY! LET ME OUT! OPEN THE FREAKING DOOR!

BWF - So, you think the fish sticks in the freezer are still good?

Covax - I'm not sure. Don't they have a freshness date on them somewhere?

BWF - Probably, I'll have to check later.

Coil - GUYS! COME ON! LET ME OUT!

Covax - By the way, Born 2 Respawn needs your help later to muck out the sewage system.

BWF - Yuck. What a crappy job.

[Covax smacks BW with the newspaper.]

Covax - I have had quite enough of puns today, buddy. If I hear another pun I'm going to steal Nyles's Rifle and perforate the wise ass who came up with the pun.

BWF - It was unintentional! Get a grip!

Coil - OPEN UP! OPEN OPEN OPEN!

[The deck plates begin to shake as Coil beats on them repeatedly.]

BWF - So, what kind of coffee is that?

Covax - I'm not sure, actually. I just set the food replicator for coffee and hit random, and this is what I got.

BWF - Is it good?

Covax - Not really.

BWF - Then why drink it?

Covax - Because I need the caffeine, okay?

BWF - Ohhhhh. That explains it.

[Alarms begin sounding and all the lights go red.]

Covax - Uh oh, Fanfic Sign.

[Covax and BlackWolf run into the theater, leaving Coil behind.]

Coil - YOU JERKS! BURN IN HELL, HOMOS!

6...5...4...3...2...1

Genesis 1:3 the beginning of the end

>All - Woohoo!
>BD, UVX, 4PM - [humming "It's the End of the World As We Know It]

Misato was about to take Ash to his new apartment when the dooms day sirens went off. All hell broke loose.

>Covax (Phil) - I'm going to darn you for a good fifteen minutes

Ash: Did some one pull a fire alarm?
Misato: No worst an attack.
Ash: eh could be worst.

>UVX - What's with the dialogue change?
>BW - Should we change it to how he was writing it?
>"Sure"
>"Who said that?"
>"I don't know!"
>"Lets go back!"
>4PM - My eyes hurt.

Misato and Ritsuko took off towards the control room leaving a very confused Ash

>B2R (Ash) - Pikachu I choose... no wait, Gimme some sugar baby? Yah, got it.

in the lab.

Ash: Hey wait for me.


>Coil (Misato): No! We're scared of you!
>UVX (Japanese Guy from South Park): And your gigantic American Penis
>[sounds of various guns being primed]


Ash took off to follow them. Soon they were in the control room again.

Misato: Give me a report.

>4PM (Preppy kid) - For my science project, I crossed a frog with a turtle, using duct tape...
>BD (Maya) - Personally I believe that this research on the Dead Sea Scrolls is a waste of time. Its all a bank note on who bounced the most checks
>BWF: (Misato) - Who got the most?
>BD (Maya, reading from sheet) - Moses with 406

Maya: We detected an energy disruption just out side the city its blood pattern is blue!!!
Misato: I THOUGHT WE DESTROYED THE LAST OF THE ANGELS?!?!

>Dax (Gendo) - I dunno, I thought you did it!?
>Anatares (Misato, in a whining voice) - Oooohh, but I did it last time!

Gendo: Classified this angel as Gabriel. Major I suggest you recall the pilots.

>UVX - Wow, Gabriel... creative

Ash: Whoa Gabriel as in the Archangel Gabriel?

>4PM - I wanna be your ... SLEDGEHAMMER!!!
>Covax - wrong Gabriel.

Gendo: Correct.

>BD (Gendo) - Collect Mushi-san!

Misato: Contact the pilots and get them here as fast as possible.
Tech: Yes Ma'am.
Ash: So what does this thing look like? Biblical angel or something different?

>Coil (Tech) - No, it's the kinda angel you get in a damned box of Cracker Jacks

One of the Techs brought the image up on the screen. It was blurry but a form of a man with wings was clearly visible and in one hand it held a sword.

>UVX - the -screen- held the sword? Damn.
>BD (^_^ing) - it's a screen ... OF THE FUTURE!!!!!

Ash: That's a big sword. Think he might be compensating for some thing?

>Covax - Like his writing skill?

Half the techs rolled their eyes.

>All - [rolls eyes in unison]
>B2R - God, I love that sound...

A few minutes went by while they waited for the pilots in that time more and more of the angel could be visible. It was clad in golden armor and had a blank face with to red eyes. Its core was hidden under its golden chest plate. Finally after several wise cracks made by Ash

>Khe Sahn - Which seem to go on... and on
>Everyone else - And on...

the pilots had made it back and where loaded into their Evas. Unit 00 had been just completed so it was held behind

>UVX - Held where???
>[Covax guts him with his Boken]
>4PM - I'm not going to say a damn thing.


while unit 01 was launched to confront the angel.

Ash: You expect him to beat that...alone? And I thought I was nuts.
Gendo:...

>Dax (Gendo, thinking) - You -are- insane, fucker...

Misato: Shinji be careful out there.
~Shinji~ I'll try.

Unit 01 rose from the ground in the middle of the city.

>BD - Of The Future!! Gahghh [Nyles spears him with a bayonet]
>Seth - Dude, don't you think you're going too far?
>Nyles (munching on a candy bar) - Nope

He received a sniper rifle

>Coil - For nailing Blood Raven in the graveyard...
>Nyles - WTF kinda sniper rifle is that?
>BWF - It's called a semi-automatic
>Nyles - Amateurs

and had a prog. Sword ready as a back up for close quarters combat.

>UVX - But a chainsaw and triple shot shotgun are so much more effective...

He quickly set up the rifle and took aim at the on coming angel. As soon as it was in the center of his targeting screen he opened fire

>4PM - ...thereby burning himself to death, and ending this fic.
>Covax - feeling dark today, ne?

. The angel didn't even use its AT field to deflect the bullets, for its armor did that. The angel now took notice of Unit 01 and took to the air. Shinji did his best to aim the rifle at the angel but soon lost it in the sun.

>Dax - Would've thought that so far in "The Future!" they would've invented an object called sunglasses

As Shinji looked towards the sky for the angel it landed gracefully behind him unnoticed.

Misato: SHNJI BEHIND YOU!!

>4PM - (Angel) - WHERE?
>Covax (Misato) - Yeah, there's a real weird bug on your other shoulder

Ash: A bit louder I can still hear out of my other ear.

Unit 01 tried to turn around but the angel was right on him. Just as he got around and brought the rifle to bear

>Dax - he realized that the bear had no clue as to how to fire the rifle.

the angel had cut it in half.

>Coil - the bear, or the rifle?

Unit 01 Stumbled back a bit from the angel unprepared for its next attack. The angel stepped up to Unit 01 and slashed upwards-cutting open the Evas chest blood spurted everywhere. Unit 01 slumped to the ground.

Tech 1: Unit 01's chest plate has been compromised.

>Khe Sahn (Tech 2) - No shit

Tech 2: Unit 01's syncro graph is reversing. There is a fluctuation A-10 nerve connection.

>BD - Oooh! Scientificy!
>4PM - Should we tell him?
>Covax - Nope, it's more fun this way.

Tech 3: Unit 01 has shut down. It's gone silent.
Ash: Do these guys do more than repeat the obvious

>All - *Cough*sodoyou*cough*

? The kid lost already? Damn not even 5 minutes not much staying power eh?
Misato: THIS IS SERIOUS IF ALL YOUR GOING TO DO IS MAKE JOKES THEN LEAVE!

>BWF (Ash) - It wasn't a joke... I have Progressive Lame-Comment disorder
>UVX - You mean Blue Diablo Disease?
>BWF (^_^ing) - One and the same

Ash: What do ya expcet me to do go out there and fight it? Come on do i look stupid?

>UVX, 4PM, BD, Coil, Dax, Khe Sahn, B2R (Gendo, Shinji, Tech 1, Tech 2, Misato, Ritsuko, Angel (thinking)) - Must...not...laugh...

Don't answer that.

>All - Ya are!

Gendo: Send Rei up.

>4PM, BD, UVX: [hums "Faster Than a Ray Of Light"]

Misato: Launch unit 00.

Unit 00 surfaced not far from where Unit 01 fell. The angel was now over the fallen eva trying to destroy its core. Unit 00 grabed the mark 2 positron rifle

>BD (While coughing up blood) - Oh, The Future! [Anatares grabs her broadsword, swings it around UVX, and imbeds it in BD's head]
>Anatares (to Seth) - I see what you mean.

and fired on the angel. The blast glanced off the angels AT feild. The angel turned and consentrated on its new attacker.

Misato: REI..*Ash covered her mouth*
Ash cut in: don't even think about yelling.

>Seth - thank you, story.

Misato: MMMFFF!!
Ash: Yo hot stuff you better move your caboose or your angel chow.

Unit 00 quickly moved behind a building avoiding being cut open by the angels sword.

Misato: Send Rei the prog. axe.

>UVX (Tech) - we'll fed-ex it in 6-7 business days
>B2R (Tom Hanks) - NNOOOOOOO!!!!

The weapon building closest to Rei emerged from the ground it opened reveling a prog. Axe. Unit 00 reached in and grabbed the weapon. As Unit 00 readied its self to attack the building it had been hiding behind exploded in a cross flare. Unit 00 fell back to the ground and the angel was right on her. Using its hands to pull apart its armor. A scream could be heard over the radio as the angel started to tear in to Unit 00's flesh.

Misato: CUT REI'S SYNC RATIO DOWN!!!

>BD (still coughing up blood) - Ratio! SCIENTIFIC-TASTIC!
>4PM - shouldn't you stop the bleeding or omething?

Tech 1: Done. There's feed back in the system, Rei's life signs are fading.
Gendo:...
~Shinji~ AYANAMI!!!!!!!!!!!!!

>4PM - JIHAD!

Tech 2: Unit 01's reactivated its S2 organ is now active.

>BD - What the hell is the S2 Organ?
>Coil - It's the most mysterious Organ
>Covax - BD, we're going to have a talk when we get out of here.

Tech 3: Shinji's sync ratio is MY GOD its over 350% and rising.
Misato: Shinji please don't....
Ritsuko: It's gone berserk once again but will it...
Ash: For god's sake finish your sentences. Shinji please don't what? Will it what? You people are irritating.

Unit 01 stood back up and let loose a sickening roar. The angel stood up and turned to see an enraged Unit 01. As the angel brought its sword to bare Unit 01 charged. Unit 01 slammed into the angel before it was able to ready its sword for any type of attack. The to giants were sent crashing into a nearby building. Unit 01 was the first to its feet, it crouched read to attack its prey again. The angel slowly got to its feet slightly fazed by the sudden attack.

>4PM - and raunchy BO of unit one.
>Dax (as guy on ground) - Oh No! Godzilla! Watch out for Electric lines!


Ash: He looks pissed.
Tech 3: Shinji's sync ratio is now over 400%
Misato whispered: shinji...

Unit 01 used its AT field

>BD - Hold up, didn't only the Angel have the AT `feild?"
>Covax - no more. I will tell you all about it soon.

to knock the dazed angel back and to disarm it. As soon as the angel was on the ground Unit 01 was on top of the angel ripping it to pieces. It stopped to eat the angels S2 organ

>UVX, 4PM, BD - Boom shika wanah! (bad 70's Porno Music)
>Anatares - All your S2 Organ are belong to us

and finished tearing the angel apart. As soon as it was sure the angel was dead

>Dax - But I thought Angels couldn't die

Unit 01 stood up and howled triumphantly to the sky before deactivating and slumping to the ground.

The control room was quiet save for the hum of the monitors and collective gasps true this wasn't the first time they saw this but it was still a shock to see this.

Tech 1: Recovery teams have recovered unit 00's plug the first child is stable.
Misato: Whats Pilot Ikari's condition?
Tech 3: We are currently getting no readings from the entry plug.
Tech 2: Unit 01 has deactivated and recovery teams are on their way to recover the unit.
Ash: Well that was...

Misato slapped Ash hard across the face and then walked off.

>Coil (Ash) - what the hell was that for?
>Khe Sahn (Misato) - sorry, preemptive.

Ash quickly followed. Misato ran somewhere, where she could be alone. With all the other things that where going on in her life now this only added to it. She was on the verge of a nervous break down and now shinji might be lost to unit 01 yet again

>B2R - Yet again?

. She couldn't take it.

All - Neither can we

She found a corner and slumped against the wall and started to cry. Ash who was right behind her caught up to her and found her leaning against the wall crying. His heart sunk he never meant to cause her to break down like this.

>UVX - remove her pants, maybe, but not this.
>[Blam, shirk, bambambam]
>4PM - dude, that was evil. [4PM goes into Fargo]
>Fargo - cool. Bass, out now.
>Bass (over PA) - no can do. Sorry.
>[Pause]
>Bass - just kidding. Suck it down, Ego-Boy!
>Fargo - I. WILL. KILL. [Pulls out computer system, DESMOND, and orders him to blast Bass. DESMOND fires a blast at the wall, but the shielding reflects the beam back towards B2R, who gets it in the chest.]
>B2R - [pop] Damnit that hurt.
>Fargo - ok. New plan. Wait `til we get out, and then nail your ass.

In truth his constant yammering was one of his ways of preserving his own sanity.

>Fargo - lamer.
>B2R - um...

He failed to see that it could affect others. Ash walked up to Misato and leaned next to her.

Ash: Look sug..Misato

>BWF - What the hell is with all these abbreviations? Sug.? Prog?
>BD - Rem. Th. S. Suc. Roy. As.
>BWF - Huh?
>BD - Remember, this story sucks royal ass
>Fargo - I just remembered why I hate you people.

I didn't mean to be such a pain back there its just my way.

>Fargo - I feel for you.

Misato didn't look at him at all. She just turned away.

Ash: Fine be that way. But if ya want to talk to some one you'll know where to find me.

>Covax - Men's lavatories. Shop smart, shop NERV.
>Nyles - for all your bio-mech needs.
>Fargo (to DESMOND) - Note to self. Check up on NERV, possible new plan.

Ash left Misato to her self. Ash had some how found his way to the Eva cages by some odd twist of fate and not just any Eva cage but unit 01's cage. Unit 01 had just been brought in and was locked in place.

>Fargo - S&M? Kinky.
>Nyles - I'd gut him, but then he'd never shut up.
>Anatares - True, true.

Several techs worked to get the entry plug out. The unit hadn't of gotten as bad as it did against the 14th so there was hope that Shinji wasn't absorbed. Ash was about to offer a hand (^^') when he was told to leave.

>Coil - smart techs.
>Covax (random tech) - god, that was close.
>Anatares (Red Green, as a tech) - okay, you've got to...no, no, NO! You're doing it all wrong. Gimme that...

A Nerv agent took him to his apartment that was in the same complex as Misato's only his was on the bottom floor. He walked in it was furnished but was a bit run down. The agent quickly left. Ash set his paper work down on what passed for the kitchen table before walking in to the living room to crash on the house.

Ash: Not bad reminds me of home.

He sprawled out on the couch and went to sleep.


>All (except Fargo) - We're free! FREEE!!!!
>Fargo - you people are odd.

**Author's notes


Well that's the third chapter I hope ya like it.

>Nyles - Denied

Sorry it's taking me so long to write these but I have been studying for test

>Dax - English I presume?
>Fargo - not a chance.

. Of course like any one really cares I

>All - Like us.

guess my story isn't that popular but I never thought it would be.

>Coil - setting low standards means you amaze yourself all the time!

Oh well I'll keep writing unless some one finally tells me to stop cause they can't take my bad wrighting any more.

>Fargo - no one will say a word.
>Bass - closing time, chumps! [doors open]
[All exit]

1...2...3...4...5...6

Blackwolf - this sucks.

UVX - Nah, it's no worse than that time...

Fargo - what time? What are you blabbering about now. [Goes back to 4PM]

4PM - sorry.

[the TV turns on]

??? - Can ...hea...me?

[the image resolves into Silverwolf]

Silverwolf - hello?

Covax - hey! What are you doing?

Silverwolf - getting you guys out. Hold on.

[a xen portal opens up, and the WB starts to move through. The portal disappears, leaving UVX, 4PM, and BD. The image of Silverwolf changes to Howdy]

Howdy - nice try, but...[notices that only three are left] Damn. Okay, this could work.

Jack - Bass, most of the fic just vanished!

Bass - All right, you three get a break, but I've got a ton more where that came from!

BD - well, at least Blackwolf thought to put some comps in here.

UVX - anyone up for some Firearms?


[to be continued]

Editor’s notes – On request of the author, I removed some lines he deemed offensive. So if you read this, it doesn’t make fun of you, okay!