Date: Monday, June 12th, 2000
Time: 6:33 PM
Wearing: Clothes
Wanting: To roll around outside in the rainnnnn!!
Listening to: Nothing
Feeling: GREAT!! YAY!! YAY YAY YAY AND MORE YAY!
WOW!! I CAN'T BELIEVE WHAT A DAY I HAD TODAY! LOL IT WAS GREAT!!! WOW WOW WOW WOW WOW!! I can just hardly believe what happened!!!! MAN!!! Okay...so I woke up from a nap (I was extremely tired...) and the phone rang...so I picked it up...and it was SARA! YES, *THAT* SARA!! I was so surprised! I didn't think she'd ever call! And she said she wanted to know how I was doing, and that she got over things easily...(meaning I guess she forgives me?) That's what I figured anyway! LOL so YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!! It's been almost a month too! HOW WEIRD!!! She said Katie was still mad...but I guess I figured that...Katie just doesn't forgive easily I guess! ::Sigh:: oh well I'm thinking maybe when Katie finds out Sara called me she'll realize that I'm not THAT horrible of a person or something! LOL I have no clue...but YAY!! This just makes me feel so relieved!!! WOW!!! HOORAY!
Date: Thursday, June 8th, 2000
Time: 5:24 PM
Wearing: PJs
Wanting: Can't really think of anything...umm maybe for Napster to hurry up and download my songs? LOL
Listening to: "Monkey Wrench" by Foo Fighters (I've been on a FF kick!)
Feeling: More relieved...
Well, the other night I wrote Sara and Katie an apology letter...it was about 12:30 in the morning and I absolutely couldn't sleep 'cause that's all I could think about! It went pretty well too...the next day, Sara replied and said I shouldn't be jealous of them and to just forget about them and everything...and that it wasn't a 'make-upletsbefriendsagain' e-mail either, and I didn't expect it would be anyway...but now that I have some "closure" (HEHE X-Files reference there...) so to speak, I feel much better!
Something has been bugging me though...the other night, I had an itch, and I noticed something weird on my abdomen...I mean not really ON it, but inside! I feel these hard spots...I dunno if I'm just feeling some bone or body part lol but it's very odd...I tried researching on the Internet, but I couldn't really find anything! And I'm sure if I told my mom she wouldn't think anything of it...or else she'd just say, "Well Marie, you don't get any exercise, so what can I say?" ugh...but I guess I won't do anything about it unless I develop more symptoms along with it! I'm just paranoid about this kinda stuff though...it's weird...Well, until another time...bye, bye, bye!
Date: Thursday, June 1st, 2000
Time: 8:33 PM
Wearing: PJs
Wanting: Hmm I can't think of anything really...oh I know! I want my dad to let me go to IN by PLANE!
Listening to: "Sleep Now In The Fire" by Rage Against The Machine
Feeling: RELIEVED!
Well, I did it...I friggin' did it...I threw so much of a fit about doing school work that my mom called the school and my tutors and told them not to come...lol I was just getting SOOOOOO tired of doing school work!! I did this last year too...except I didn't even have tutors...I just kinda did nothing till the summer and I took all my finals in the summer...eh...it's not too bad ;) As long as I study! (Which I did last year and I did fine!)...so that's the end of that...
Date: Friday, May 26th, 2000
Time: 11:06 PM
Wearing: Not in my PJs yet...hehe amazing! I'm wearing my 3/4 sleeve gray Old Navy shirt, and my black flares
Wanting: To sleeeeeeeeep...or just lay on my bed and watch TV anyway...
Listening to: Nothing...too late!
Feeling: Bored...pretty much...
So I went to my therapist tonight...I missed the Top 25 Hottest People Under 25 show...GRRRRR I got pretty upset about that lol 'cause I had forgotten to set my tape before I left!! RAR!! Oh well a good online friend said she'll make a copy of it for me :O) YAY!
Okay, enough about immature obsessions...my therapist is REALLY cool! I know that sounds dumb...but it's like she always knows EXACTLY what I'm thinking...it's really weird! She suggests all the right things for my mom to do (with me), and I love it!
I *STILL* haven't totally gotten over Katie/Sara yet...phoo...but I'll get there...eventually! Hehe getting over friendships like that take tiiiiiiiime...but I know I'll move on!
I still haven't been able to concentrate on my homework!!! ARGH!!! I know I really have to do it, but I can't concentrate on it! I get really frustrated with myself too, because I really don't wanna disappoint my tutors and my mom!!
Oh and as I was talking to my therapist tonight, I realized exactly what I wanna do (roughly) with my life...for a little while anyway...I really want to switch to West Springfield High School (which will most likely happen...) then, maybe I'll sign up for some drama classes (I have just had this incredible urge to act lately! LOL it's weird...)...then I want to go to some vetinary college, and become a vetrinarian! Sound good? Okay...so that's it. Yeah!
Date: Thursday, May 25th, 2000
Time: 1:18 PM
Wearing: Old Navy shirt, off white shorts
Wanting: To be left alone!
Listening to: Nothing
Feeling: Frustrated.
::screaming:: I am going CRAZY here! My mom won't leave me alone!! Well, she did now...(FINALLY), but earlier I was seriously thinking of hurting something!!! She is SOOOOOOOOO ANNOYING!!!!!!!!! First, she tells me I have to get dressed before I go on the computer. So I get dressed. Then she says, "Well why don't you gather up your clothes to do laundry, then do a little more homework!" and I was like, "Ummm you said I just had to get dressed, so here I am, dressed. Can I go online now?" "I don't like your tone of voice! You have a very bad attitude! You better apologize to me, with NO madness in your voice, before I let you go online." (((2 minutes later))) "Okay. I'm sorry." UGHHHHHHHH she drives me nuts!!! It's just little things like that, and they really bug me...I'm so glad she left me alone though!! RAR!!!!
Plus, I have a really hard time concentrating on my school work. I try to sit down and do my Chemistry, but I can't! I just kinda stare at the paper, stare at the book, and that's about it. It's bad! I dunno what to do! I dunno what's wrong with me! I'm just so fed up with school work...I'm so sick of it, but I know it has to be done! GRRRRRRRR I hate school!
And to make things worse, right now, I don't really have any real life friends. I mean, there's Robin, but I hardly ever talk to her. And there's Christine, but I dunno when the last time I talked to her was! I was debating yesterday whether or not to maybe get together with Christine/Robin this weekend, but I dunno...Christine and I are such different people...she likes to party, I don't. She likes to stay out till 2 AM, I don't. She likes to try...ummm...stuff, I don't. And I'm afraid if I end up hanging out with her, she'll pressure me into doing all this bad stuff I don't wanna do! And Robin...well, Robin's off allll her medication now, so she is REALLY incredibly hyper all the time. She talks so fast on the phone, I can hardly understand her! So I dunno if hanging out with her would work...phoo...I really wanna move.
I wanna get away from here, away from all these PEOPLE that annoy me, and get new friends!! JEEZE!!! Somebody get me outta here!! Well, once again, my mom is bugging me, so I better end this.
Date: Sunday, May 14th, 2000
Time: 10:03 AM
Wearing: Butterfly baby t, and blue gym shorts (these are my PJs lol)
Wanting: To NOT be annoyed!
Listening to: Clip of JC singing "Runaway Train" on the Mickey Mouse Club
Feeling: ANNOYED!
Okay, I dunno what it is...but it seems like everything has been ANNOYING me lately! Especially my family! I bet it's just 'cause I'm irritable since I haven't gotten much sleep lately....but it's bugging me! And I can't help it! It's not really things my friends do that annoy me (definitely NOT online friends anyway)...just my family! Just like the smallest things my parents ask me to do makes me wanna strangle them for asking me to do it! There's gotta be something wrong with THAT...lol can we say PROBLEMS? I think so! Also, besides the fact that I haven't had enough sleep, I'm habitually lazy. So I kinda know why I'm like that...but I just feel so bad because I'm so bitchy and stuff to my family! And today is MOTHER'S DAY of all days! And tomorrow is my mom's birthday! Oh God...my mom always said I was too spoiled...maybe that's what's happening! AHHHHH I'M TURNING INTO SOME SPOILED BRAT! HELP! LOL oh jeeze...I take everything for granted...what's WRONG WITH ME? This is bad...very very bad...and I'm not an only child or anything either! I was just so used to everything going my way 'cause that's usually how it was when I was younger...that I can't stand doing anything I don't wanna do 'cause I hadn't been exposed to doing stuff I didn't wanna do when I was younger! I really need to do something...to help myself! ACK! I'm so wrapped up in the computer, X-Files, *NSYNC, and TV that I haven't been wanting to do anything else but things involving those items! Ugh...
Date: Thursday, May 11th, 2000
Time: 10:08 PM
Wearing: 3/4 gray Old Navy shirt, Old Navy jean shorts, star and moon bracelet...
Wanting: To bounce off the walls!
Listening to: "I Wanna Be With You" by Mandy Moore
Feeling: VERY HAPPY!
YAY!!!! YAY YAY YAY AND MORE YAY!!! LOL tonight I found out Katie's gonna have her lil' b-day celebration tomorrow...which puts me in a good mood 'cause Sara and I are gonna sleep over there, and it's gonna be a blast! We're gonna order pizza and rent movies and shtuff...also Gavin's gonna call lol that should be interesting! But anyway, the main reason I'm happy is 'cause I also found out Sara isn't gonna move next summer! YESSSSSSSS! She said they're not gonna move till after she graduates, so that means Katie and Sara and I can all graduate together! YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY!!!!!! This is about the happiest I've been in a few weeks : P HOOPIE!!!! Oh, and I wanted to say thanks to Layna for letting me 'borrow' her journal layout (with that Wanting, Feeling, shtuffies up there...) she's awesome! Okay, well I'm done spazzing for now...
Date: Wednesday, May 10th, 2000
Time: 3:44 PM
Topic: Blahness and stress
Well, nothing extremely exciting has been going on lately...lol ummm Sara's great-grandpa died last week so she had to go to Ohio for a few days for his funeral :-( So Katie and I had lotsa time to do stuff together...ummm I had my tutor for English and World History yesterday...who ended up staying 6 hours because we found out she could tutor me in Spanish too! MAN it was nuts! So now I'll be having her come once a week...and my Geometry/Chemistry tutor will come twice a week, 2-hour sessions each...FUN! So now I'll be really stressed and tired on Tuesdays 'cause that's when the tutor comes for 6 hours! SOOOOOOOO enough talk about tutors...uck...ummm that's about it...lol I really wanna go to this Scully/X-Files marathon in Charlottesville (VA) this weekend...but I dunno if my mom would drive me the 2 hours and drive 2 hours to come pick me up! It would be SO cool though! ::sigh:: Welllllls I guess that's all I have to say for now...bye, bye, bye!
Date: Friday, May 5th, 2000
Time: 12:15 PM
Topic: Contentness...
Well, not much has been going on lately, actually! I went to my psychiatrist today and we decided to increase my doses of my anti-depressant...exciting huh? Yeah, I don't think so either...anyway, I'm just kinda at ease right now...I'm not ecstatic, but I'm not depressed either...I'm just kinda "blah". Sara's not gonna be around this weekend :O( (her great grandfather died and she had to go to his funeral) so maybe I'll do something with Katie...it was weird how I hadn't seen either of them for so long, but I saw Sara Wednesday evening and Katie yesterday! Hehe it was nice seeing them again though =P I'm so glad Katie and I could work things out and become good friends again! That's mainly why I'm kinda at peace now...I've got my friend back and everything in my life is just kinda rolling along smoothly! (For once!) I taped "The Martin Short" show this morning because my handy dandy TV Guide told me Gillian Anderson was gonna be on...so I'll have that to watch later on if I get incredibly bored! ;) Well, that's all I have for now!
Date: Tuesday, May 2nd, 2000
Time: 11:04 AM
Topic: ACK!
Okay I'm TOTALLY stressing out right now! I thought I'd really like the job I applied for...but now I'm having second thoughts! See, it requires lotsa energy and pep and stuff...but I dunno if I could have all that every single time I went to to work! And I'm afraid I'll mess everything up and not know how to help the kids! ACK what to do, what to do...I'm thinking of telling the main dude (Rob) that I just wanna wait till summer to work so I can concentrate on school work and stuff now...ack! I DUNNO WHAT TO DOOOOOOO! Ugh....well I gotta make a decision soon!
Date: Thursday, April 27th, 2000
Time: 8:37 PM
Topic: Uhhh?
Wow sorry I haven't written in so long! Hehe lotsa junk has been going on :P First of all, I got a job! Well sorta...lol a few weeks ago my mom was walking by this place called Score! and just kinda peeking in the window to see what exactly it was...and she noticed people working with kids and computers! So she got to talking with one of the employees, and found out they hire 15-year olds, so she got me an application! It got me kinda interested, cuz I love computers, and I love kids! So I filled it out...I turned it in yesterday, and today I went in for a lengthy interview...hehe it was interesting! He asked me a lotta questions about leadership and what I would do if a kid had a problem with something and stuff...and he asked me to come in next week for a half an hour just to get the feel of working there and get used to everything! So YAY! JOB FOR MARIE! LOL =P I mean, I get to work with kids and computers! Sounds good to me! So that's a good thing =) Now for another good thing...my friend Sara got asked out by some Josh dude at school! Awww I'm so happy for her! She's now a "professional model" lol and I'm sure she'll have a great time :) She said he's so sweet to her and cute and he has the prettiest eyes! HEHE yay for Sara! So things are going pretty well in my life (for now)...this weekend I'm going to my grandma's house in PA...I don't wanna go, but I do cuz my little cousins are gonna be there! I LOVE THEM! So that won't be too bad...plus my mom said Monday (May 1st) is the anniversary of my grandma's husband's death, so I kinda feel sorry for my grandma about that so we're staying there Monday...but I don't wanna go, cuz Sara is modeling at another Speedo store and she wanted me to come see her this time! LOL and I wanna see all the hotties! :O( Oh well she'll probably have lots more jobs modeling at Speedo! HEHE I just wanted to go see her...phooey...oh and I was SO freaking out today because *NSYNC was on "Donny & Marie"!!! WooFRIGGINHOO! I thought I would hear all the guys say my name, but I only heard Justin ;( HAHA oh well I'm not complaining! I love them so much...they're so talented and SO good to their fans! Wow I'm always so jealous of everybody in the audiences when I see them on talk shows or what not :-P Well, WOW I think I've typed enough! See you all tomorrow maybe before I leave for my grandma's!
Date: Sunday, April 23rd, 2000
Time: 2:44 PM
Topic: YAY!
Ahhhhh it's such a happy day LOL Happy Easter everybody! Anyway, I'm in a fairly good mood today...contrary from yesterday when I was kinda depressed...but I got lotsa candy for Easter, so YAY! HYPERNESS! And my mom said we might go out to dinner tonight and that's always good! HEHE I LOVE EASTER! Too bad the weather is crappy...so that kinda dampens my mood..but oh well :-P Ummm that's about all for now...talk to you all laters!
Date: Friday, April 21st, 2000
Time: 5:42 PM
Topic: GRRR!
GRRRRRRRRRRR! LOL okay...so my mom and I wake up at 7 AM this morning to get ready to go to the J. Edgar Hoover building and take the tour! So we get to the subway at around 8 AM...then it takes about 35 minutes to get to our destination...then we have to find the FBI building...then we have to walk all the way around the FBI building to find where the tour starts...then we find out that tours were CANCELLED this morning! So, at that point, I wasn't TOO upset, because I thought we could come back later and get a tour...but the employees standing outside informed us that all the tours for the day were cancelled! ARGH! I was so sad and mad and ROAR! =O( So that SUCKED! My mom and I went to the Air & Space Museum instead lol that's the museum I probably hate the least....then we came home :-( So there's my disappointment for the day!
Date: Still Thursday, April 20th, 2000
Time: 7:48 PM
Topic: HAPPINESS!
WOOHOO!!!! I'm very excited right now! Because tomorrow, I will *FINALLY* get a chance to tour the J. Edgar Hoover building (otherwise known as the "FBI Building") YESSSSSSSSS! I've lived near D.C. all my life, and I haven't done this yet! I'M SO HAPPY!!!! WOOHOO!! *AND*, one of my very good online friends Sara, did the nicest thing for me! The other day I told her I was really upset because where I live, they changed the Entertainment Weekly magazine, so David Duchovny's not on the cover anymore (I didn't get a chance to buy it last week!) so my friend went to the store, BOUGHT a copy of it for me (god bless her store!) and SENT it to me in the mail already, and she said I didn't even have to pay her for it! YESSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE YOU SARA! LOL okay that's all for now!
Date: Thursday, April 20th, 2000
Time: 11:26 AM
Topic: Suicide...not me...
My second entry! My friend is dealing with a REALLY serious situation right now...she's got this friend online that just called her and said he's gonna commit suicide! She really doesn't know what to do..she's trying so hard to convince him not to, but it doesn't seem to be working! I'm getting really worried now, because he's only a teenager, and he doesn't deserve to die yet! She told me she just gave him a really long speech about life...hehe I REALLY hope he changes his mind! YES!!! My friend just told me he changed his mind!!!! CRISIS AVERTED! HEHE this is good...VERY good! =) Problem for the day is SOLVED! WOO!
Date: Wednesday, April 19th, 2000
Time: 11:35 AM
Topic: EXTREME boredom!
My first entry...hmmm...fun! I have been SO bored lately it's not even funny! This has definitely got to be one of THE most boring Spring Breaks ever...and see, the thing is, I'm not even in school anyway! Medical problems...hehe long story...but I won't go into that now! Besides, most people don't understand...::sigh:: oh and as you can tell, you'll probably read a lot of complaining going on this journal! Because that's what I like to do..vent all my problems to everybody and bitch my head off *g* sorry....ummm well yeah not much is going on in my life right now! I just basically sit around...and go online...all day...and take breaks for food...that's about it! How exciting, huh? That's what I THOUGHT...umm oh yeah! And I'm gonna turn in my application today to Score!...I'm not too sure what exacly I'll be doing there, LOL but my mom said I help out kids with a computer program that helps them learn? I dunno...but wish me luck! Well, until next time...bye, bye, bye!