Starting time: 3:16 PM
Talking to (Online): Gavin
Talking to (Offline): Nobody
Thinking about: Anything and everything.
Last eaten/drinken: Two Toaster Scrambles, blueberry muffin, Oatmeal Cream Pie, Fudge Round, milk (ahh the joy of Little Debbie.)
Last time I slept: This afternoon
Last class I went to: Physics
Last thing said: "Okay thanks..." (I was trying to call Katie but she's not home)
Last person I IMed online: Gavin
Looking forward to: Nothing I can think of right now.
Plans for the weekend: Seeing the sneak preview of "Save the Last Dance" with Robin tomorrow
Listening to: Me typing and breathing
Songs downloading: None
Oh jeeze, here it comes again. Depression. And I know why too! Well partially why anyway. I've read that the drugs they use in hospitals or whatever to knock you out and stuff can cause depression...so that's partially what's bringing it on again, plus the fact that I'm rather confused about my current relationship I'm in too. And my two best friends aren't quite friends anymore (with each other), so that's not fun. And I don't feel good...I've already missed 1 1/2 days of school this week and that's a lot in 11th grade! Lots of make-up work for Marie. Ew. And nobody's home or available for me to talk tooooooo! Grr! I dunno what to do, what to say, whatever...I'm not in the mood for anything. All I feel like doing is laying in my bed and sleeping...or watching TV...or something really lazy like that. DAMNIT why is it every year around this time I get like this??? It's a freakin' pattern that my mom and psychologist figured out and they're gonna know if I show my depression! But I can't control it...it just comes every year (since high school started anyway) and I dunno how to stop it! I try distracting myself, or thinking of happy things to make it go away, but it doesn't. I get in this funk and I can't concentrate in school but I don't know what's causing it. I wish I did. I'm sure a lotta people think I do it just for attention or what not, but I honestly don't. I don't want *any* attention actually...I hate this. I wish I knew how to make it go awayyyyyyyy! And another thing that doesn't help is I have really low self-esteem. I hate how I look. Especially my overweightness. I know I should try and lose weight, but it's so hard! And it's especially hard to keep it off! Oh and to make things even WORSE, when this does happen (my depression) I don't get much support. I usually get, "You shouldn't be depressed, you have so much..." but for some reason my brain doesn't want to believe that. Inside I know it's true, but I won't believe it. Well, hopefully I can get outta this soon, but I don't know.