[To the very small number of people who tuned in, it was an interesting affair to say the least, probably one of the more entertaining pledge drives PBS had ever put on. To those who have ever flipped the channels on their television to that certain very low-grade television station, you would probably know how annoying it is to have nothing on t.v. to watch except a PBS pledge drive. Its seldom entertaining, and most definately seldom for a cause worthy of viewership. But they tirelessly put on pledge drives set to annoy anyone within earshot. Mainly, when they put on pledge drives it is for the sole purpose of saving the station, or just to get more funding for programs no one really cares about. But this particular pledge drive was for a cause that was considered most unusual, but PBS was the only network to want to pick it up with the mindset that with the topic it involved might perhaps bring viewership.]
[Now, I'm sure at this point no one knows what the hell I'm talking about. Let me fill you in. Shortly after the latest schedule for the Gladiator Wrestling Association's popular Wednesday night Insurrection broadcast, Marcus Gaines was approached by several former wrestlers who had also once found themselves in his position, and offered him a deal he nearly passed up. But, he was quickly reassured that it would be wiser to do as they said in case he wanted to be accosted by oldtime wrestlers.]
[Marcus was a little flustered over the way things went down on Wednesday. He couldn't help feel like it was a cheap shot on Ryken's part, but it was fair. And so it merely passed in his mind as a fault he would have to correct. And for a rookie to this sport he was proud of himself, and so was Debra, she had said he fared well against people who had far more experience than he had in actual combat. And so he felt ready to overcome any obstacles the bookers decided to put in his path. To Debra Coleman, Marcus seemed to gain a mountain of confidence just from that one match, had it been any normal person she would have disaproved, but Marcus needed this sort of confidence if she was ever to stamp "Sane" on his file folder, and be through with him once and for all.]
[Marcus couldn't help but feel confident, doors he had never known existed were just being knocked open for him. He was feeling heavier around his pockets, and he felt alive. His mind was almost functioning at fifty percent capacity, which was definately something to write home about for him. And so Debra Coleman's experimental form of therapy she had conjured up for Marcus was having the effect she wanted. He had already went without any single violent episode outside of the GWA, making all of society that much safer, although she couldn't help worry that Marcus might become excruciatingly dangerous to the GWA employees, only time would tell in the department.]
[So now, we find Marcus sitting relaxedly in a higher than usual directors chair, reading through a booklet one can only assume is a document of what those individuals who brought him here would like for him to mention to whatever audience this event might draw during the broadcast. The studio isn't what you'd call busy, but it isn't what you'd call not busy, prop men wander around seemingly aimless as if that were their occupation, yet they also seem to have a purpose in that wandering. The show is almost ready to launch, it seems as lights are rigged and so forth, Marcus gets out of his chair and takes his place in front of the camera which is set out for him by the placement of a moderately sized yellow spot on the floor. He stands waiting for the stage director to give him his cue, and within moments the camera's are broadcasting images of Marcus to whatever television sets there are in the world willing to tune into this station.]
[Behind Marcus is a bleacher-like setup where a number of unknown people sit ready to answer phones should the need arise. The background behind them is light blue, like that in a babies room. Marcus stands in a dark blue chambray shirt accentuating his fairly well built physique, he has a broad smile on his face, however it is easy to tell he is somewhat nervous at this experience.]
Gaines: [Speaking by emphasizing every word, accurately showcasing his inexperience in front of the camera.] Hello, my name is Marcus Gaines. For those of you who are watching and have seen recent tapings of Gladiator Wrestling Alliance broadcasts you may have heard of me. If not well let me assure you, you will have known all about me after this program is completely finished.
[He stops somwhat to glance down from the camera, most likely at a cue card.]
Gaines: I'm here today to talk about wrestling. In fact, a specific aspect of wrestling that not only am I being brought into, but as well as many other wrestlers who either don't deserve it, or are being given the improper oppurtunity. What I'm talking about something that can either make or break the career of any middle class wrestler in the business. Wrestlers around the globe in different companies year round are placed into main events when they really don't deserve that top billing.
[As Marcus talks he begins to walk to the audience's left while the background stays the same. He talks with air of matter-of-factness that someone would think only doctors or lawyers would be able to.]
Gaines: It's easier to explain it this way. I am employed with the Gladiator Wrestling Association as I mentioned earlier. Why I've only been involved in a single matchup and already I'm being placed into the main event where I probably don't deserve to be. Yet management persists to push other, less deserving wrestlers up the rankings while other MORE deserving people deserve that push. Don't get me wrong folks, I love the idea of getting top billing at a premier event. I see at as a chance to showcase my ability. Meanwhile people haven't had a single match are being placed up in this aforementioned main event.
[He raises his hand and begins to count with his fingers pushing them back one by one as he lists off names.]
Gaines: A man named Youngblood who I can only figure is a rip-off of a comic book I saw a few years back, whether it's still on the market, who knows? Not a single match for this man and yet he is placed in the main event where so many other notable adversaries deserve to be. Sure, I don't have to face him, and he's a lucky man in that respect, but honestly, folks, why is he here? Did he pay the booking comitte of the GWA a few hundred grand to be in this? He hasn't had a single match and already he's getting top billing amongsts such people as Splash Williams, Ryken, and Skylar Thomas... although I guess he's one of those "god rest his soul" type of guys, isn't he? In any respect this Youngblood doesn't deserve to be there.
[He pushes his index finger back slightly after listing the first individual.]
Gaines: Then comes a man I've only seen a few times. Chris Carpenter. I don't face this guy either, and ditto for him. But honestly... does such a low grade man deserve to polish anyone's shoes? I believe he's Yugoslavian or something to. So I'd say he doesn't deserve to be in this main event. No, I'm not a racist, I'm just intelligent. The drawing power of this man is equal only to that of a flea circus. And if you've ever seen a flea circus you'll know just how truly pathetic that is.
[He pushes hisa middle finger back slightly after listing the next man.]
Gaines: Now, before I go on. It's been brought to my attention that problems have arisen when people such as those I've listed so far have gotten this high up on the ladder. I direct you're attention to that of a company called WCW, or World Championship Wrestling. Some guy named Jeff Jarret weasled his way into main event status... and sure... that company really has nothing at all to brag about, but they passed up good possibilites for main event status, merely because this cry baby fled from a rival company.
[Gaines walks in the direction he came from and stops back on the yellow marker in front of the telephone bleachers.]
Gaines: The idea here folks is that this isn't jsut a random occurence. A lot of the time angles are the main reason things like this happen, for instance, that Jeff Jarrat fella' was the so-called "chosen one" of the WCW. Just like Roland Stern was the so-called "chosen one" of the PWA. So maybe this Chris Cane guy pissed off some chick named Christmas Joy, does anyone honestly care? There is no reason for this wannabe to be persecuted merely cuz he thinks she looks rather.... um just think of a derogatory term for woman there; Sounds to me like she doesn't want to buy into the truth, in theory, aren't all woman save one "sluts" in our minds? Maybe this Joy woman should finally realize what she is and live with it. There's absolutely no point in this main event matchup.
[Gaines stop speaking for a moment and smiles at the camera as he glances down at the cue cards.]
Gaines: I've preached on about my thoughts long enough. But the cause is still there, we need you're help, folks. Everyday wrestlers everywhere are being passed up by their employers simply because an angle or promotion doesn't fit their "gimmick" so to speak. I mean that Ryken is one helluva fighter, I'll give him that, why not push him into this main event matchup against some other fartknocker, don't ask me who. But do you see what I'm getting at my friends? We need to raise funds to be able to push those worthy of it, into the main event, while people... [He stops to look at the cue cards squinting his eyes as if he doesn't understand the name, or it was written in portugese or something of that nature.] like Chris Cane are up here. If you believe in this cause; [He pauses again to read from the cards.] Like I do, then please pick up you're phone and dial the number on you're screen. Couldn't you find it in you're heart to pledge a measly five dollars of you're hard-earned money towards this truly noble cause? Please, folks, realize the desperate nature of my plea. Keep useless people like me... [He again squints his eyes at the cue cards, and shakes his head.] Well, no not like me, but like this Youngblood character, keep him from being in a main event that really should involve someone more deserving. Please, take you're time to dial the number on you're screen.
[Marcus smiles as the scene fades to a shot of a Barney Video cassette and tote bag on a pedestal. A whiny-voiced announcer is heard in a voice-over.]
Announcer: If you call right away, you will be able to give you're child the gift of laughter with this small token of our gratitude for pledging to our cause. And shortly after receiving you're pledge, you will receive a free copy of Barney goes to the twelveth grade free as a token of our esteem for you. And as an added bonus, you'll receive a Barney Tote Bag along with you're free cassette, ideal for the upcoming Christmas season, birthdays, or Barmitzphahs.
Please don't let this cause last any longer than it has to. Take the time to dial the number at the bottom of you're screen now.
[The scene fades back to Marcus smiling widely.]
Gaines: Folks, as an added incentive for you're pledges to this truly noble cause. [As Marcus begins his little talk about certain gifts, the scene cuts to each gift he mentions placed on a pedestal similar to the one the Barney tape and Tote bag were on.] If you donate a pledge of five dollars, you'll receive the gift just mentioned. For a pledge of ten dollars, you'll receive the entire library of five minute shorts from the popular childrens program; Postman Pat, on a single cassette. For a pledge of fifteen dollars, you'll receive a silver plated milk bone, perfect for you're dog or small bobcat. And finally, for a pledge of twenty dollars and over, you'll receive an autographed compact disc of the one, the only, Yanni, perfect for those mystical evenings alone, or with friends around the campfire. [The camera cuts back to Marcus smiling widely again.] Folks, don't hesitate to call. If you aren't a fan of the GWA, I'm sure this cause can also be translated into other companies, just pick up that phone and see how far you're buck can strech.
[Marcus slowly walks over to a man whom, some would recognize as Barret whistler from the old PWA, and SWA days seated in a comfortable looking leather chair. He has slightly longer hair now, and has burgeoning stubble growing on his face. Barret gives a forced smile to the camera then looks at Marcus who is now sitting next to him, with a glass coffee table in front of them.]
Gaines: My friends, if you didn't recognize me, the nice people here at PBS took the time to track down another unrecognizable face whom I only knew existed five minutes ago. Mister Barret Whistler who also had a taste of this Main Event problem I'm here to address. Barret, won't you explain to the fine people at home all about it?
[To those who were never involved in the Phoenix Wrestling Alliance, or who weren't around to see two matches involving Barret in SWA. As far as I know, he wasn't extremely popular, but in his stint with the PWA, he managed to make somewhat of a name for himself, however shortly before the PWA faded into obscurity Barret himself did the same.]
Barret Whistler: [Looking quite annoyed at the sheer sarcasm and jokiness of Marcus' demeanor.] Okay, MARCUS. When I was involved in the PWA, I was placed into some battle royale that would supposedly decide the winner of that federations top "dawg" so to speak, or Eternal Championship holder. I don't believe I was quite ready for that push up. Come to think of it all I wanted was the paycheck, but this single event ruined my career, as it were at the time. I felt the pressure to perform, and the idea that I was against some of the more elite people in the federation didn't even make me balk to tell you the truth. I was brazenly cocky, much like yourself, Marcus. [He stops to look at Marcus through the corner of his eye. Marcus merely grins at the camera the whole time.] But, now I know what sort of pressure there is to be as good as I could have been. Those top performers go through a lot, and are well deserving of their main event status, I'd strongly recommend against anyone inexperienced get stuck into that position the way I was.
[Barret gives a fake smile, and gets out of his seat immediately walking off camera. Curse words can be heard quite clearly, making it obvious that what he just said wasn't said of his own volition. The camera follows Barret only slightly but quickly swings back to Marcus who looks quite frustratedyl off in Barret's direction, but as soon as the camera focuses back on him he smiles widely into the camera with a fake sarcastic laugh oozing out of his mouth.]
Gaines: He's got that politician's wit doesn't he? [He asks with a wide-open grin. He nonchalantly gets up and the camera follows him back to his yellow marker in front of the telephone operators in the background.] Now that you've had that dose of reality from someone whose "been there" I'm urging you to pick up you're phone, as far as I know a few people have actually called in to pledge money to our cause, isn't that a shocker? But it isn't enough. Not by a long shot. We need all the support we can get to make sure that what happened to mister Whistler doesn't happen to anyone else. Why, it could even be me, not bloody likely but it COULD be. Which brings me to my next topic. Chris Cane. This is actually the man I have to fight, those other guys are also facing him to, Carpenter and that Youngblood dude. And you all should know by now what my opinion of them is, but in all fairness to those two, it doesn't matter. Chris Cane is now finding himself in that most uncomfortable of positions. He is being pushed into the main event where maybe he isn't ready to be. Sure, I believe at one point he was in fact main event material. But folks, these kinds of main events are the kinds that can chew a man up and hopefully spit him out somewhere where he won't get too hurt. This situation isn't one that relies on his brains, although I'm sure he doesn't have too much of them, its one that relies on his stamina and ability in the ring. And where will all those true main eventers be while he's getting his a** carved up like a jack-o-lantern? Why, they'll probably still be alive and kicking. It could be too early in this man's career for him to be placed into a situation where he needs a sling for his pinky finger, I don't know, I'm not sure as to status of his physical well being. But I know that he isn't ready for this. Along with the others, possibly even me, folks. I can admit that. I sure as hell don't want to end up like Barret Whistler. [He smirks.] So, I'm no longer asking, I'm begging, folks. Not only for people like Barret Whistler's sake, but for Chris Cane's, pledge some money, ANY amount of money to this cause and you can be partlly responsible for saving some young dreamers career for another day. And if that doesn't push you to pick up that touch-tone or rotary phone of your's; Maybe this will. Picture some kid in his room right now, praying to god, Vishnu... or whatever religion he is to grant him the skills of a proffesional wrestler. Imagine that little Johnny Lunchbox walking to school everyday and giving kids body slams along the way, just to give himself the benefit of experience, and as long as we can spare him the humilaition that Chris Cane will feel on Wednesday should no one pledge, we'll have made a possible future star whose stock is gradually rising. Try and imagine that as you're sitting there on you're couch selfishly watching as Chris Cane is pummeled repeatedly until he has the worst case of vertigo since Alfred Hitchcock directed that film in the sixties or whenever it was.
[Gaines stops as the scene cuts to a shot of some unrecognizable faces of people who seem bruised and bashed, some with bandages others with neck braces and other medical paraphenalia.. The camera focuses in on one man's head. He speaks as if he were dictating a memo to someone, very slowly, being careful of every word he speaks in case he somehow trips over them.]
Unknown Wrestler 1: My stint in the WWF was so short no one even knew I was there. I was allowed one main event match against some other unknown man. Shortly after I felt the pressure had overwhelmed me, please don't let this happen to anyone else. You may never forgive yourself.
[The camera cuts to another mans face, who seems almost completely destroyed. As if he were hit by a wrecking ball just two minutes ago.]
Unknown Wrestler 2: My life was growing great in ECW before I was slated for a main event match at some house show against Rob Van Dam. I'm still not sure what happened to me, all that I know is my wrestling career is over.
[The camer cuts to a shot of the entire group of men speaking in unison.]
Group in Unison: Please pledge money to stop those people who shouldn't be in main events, we all need you're support. So please pledge now. Operators are standing by.
[The scene cuts back to Marcus standing at his "post" with a sort of surprised yet mortified expression on his face as he looks at the monitor displaying the previous scene. He looks at the camera and then back at the monitor. Then back to the camera.]
Gaines: Uhmm... Okay. People, Wrestlers like me and Chris Cane don't get paid the big bucks. We don't deserve to be in the main event. But we are anyway, and there isn't anyway to rewrite the card, not now at least. The past is the past, and after I kick Cane's jaw out of his mouth and use my foot to tear him a third nostril, I hope it'll be the last time those who don't deserve the main event billing will have to be thrust into that very limelight that hates them.
[Marcus begins walking in another direction until he comes to a cardboard cutout of himself leaning on a sword.]
[Marcus leans his head on the cardboard and looks at the camera.]
Gaines: Chris Cane, if you're watching this. I have one question for you. Have YOU ever tried making a cardboard cutout stand on a metal rapier? I know I have. It is nothing short of near impossibility, but you want to know how I managed to do this? With the advance bonus from this main event stuff. By all rights should I even be getting this kind of money? Should I, a rookie at this sport, be able to afford to be such an arrogant bit of showmanship? I think not. This sort of thing is for those people who deserve to be where they are. Not you, Chris, or Youngblood, or Carpenter or me for that matter. I'm not complaining, if this is how vendettas between a b!tch like Christmas Joy are settled then maybe I go and harrass her myself. Come to think of it, is that what you had planned? Either way, main events are for main event material. That isn't me or Chris Cane or anyone involved in the main event on wednesday. So I'm urging all you viewers out there to pick up you're phone, you're not JUST calling in a pledge, you're calling in a promise, a promise to people like Chris Cane, you're calling in a promise to people like Youngblood or Chris Carpenter. You're promising them that you won't let their career's get flushed simply because some egotistical b!tch doesn't like a certain someone so much that he wants him annhilated for good. Okay, perhaps Chris Carpenter, Youngblood, and myself don't have as much to worry about as Cane does. This main event is what is called a "gauntlet match" and the way Cane will lose is by not being able to beat any one of us. Seriously, does he think he can beat me? Does he think he's some sort of juggernaut of destruction whom I'm going to nervously step out of the way of? I hope not, 'cause that would be just lame, and sad. So for Cane's sake, call in a pledge folks, and receive any one of those amazing gifts for free simply for dialing the phone and opening up you're bank account.
[The scene quickly cuts back to the pedestals with the gifts centered atop of them, as Marcus begins a voice-over.]
Gaines: Is it so much to ask that you help us out? Anyone of these gifts could be you're just for donating a small amount of you're time and money to this worthy cause. You don't have to do anything other than dial the number on you're screen and open up you're checkbook. It isn't like we're asking you to give us you're kidney, or you're lung, just an amount of money you choose. If you want, you can pay a dollar, although that wouldn't exactly push us any closer. People we have a goal of at least a thousand dollars, and we're not even at half that. We need you're support and we need it now. You're incentive is clear, call now and pledge the amount of you're choice and get a gift back as a thanks for helping us in our quest.
[Another cut back to Marcus standing in front of the camera with a bit less of a smile. He is obviously getting bored quickly of this, and eagerly skips the cue cards.]
Gaines: Gosh dammit people. I've outlined this fifty cotton pickin' times now. I've been standing here for about twenty-five minutes blabbering on about how you need to call and we're not even at the hundred dollar mark. What the hell, is everyone paying in installment plans, or what? You've heard the somewhat tragic tale of Barret Whistler, you've heard all those other nobodies' stories! I've been speaking over and over about how Chris Cane is as good as dead as soon as that bell rings, is nothing getting through to you people? Are you all so brain-dead that you need someone to tap you on you're thick skull just to get you to move over?
[Marcus stops and looks off camera at someone or something. He seems as if he is interacting with someone through eye contact.]
Gaines: Okay, whatever. Just call the damn number and pledge some damn money. Or watch Christmas Joy get fed up with another useless employee simply because they don't like her shoes. And then watch as that same person is forced into some match they can't handle. I hope Chris Cane is happy he pissed off one of the big kahunas because I know I am. Frankly, I'm a little pissed off at my first match, but I did stay down for the submission, and so I can't whine about that. But either way, Chris Cane is in for a world of hurt and no one at home is willing to lift a finger for the poor man. Good, means I get more money, I didn't want to do this pledge thing anyway.
[Marcus storms off camera as the scene fades into still shots of the preceding broadcast.]
[All this talk had made Marcus exceedingly fed up with Chris Cane and he hadn't even met the man in the ring or in person. Wednesday night would most likely be the release Marcus needed to free himself from the frustrations. In his mind, all that mattered was that Chris Cane had better put up fight or it would be a pointless endeavour simply to hurt him bad enough. To Marcus, fun was fun, but releasing his anger was even better, add that on to the fact that he was getting paid to do it, and it was basically therapy for him, and this wrestling idea would be perfect for him.]
