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book 1 - october 1999
ride the dreams (+
rainbow
roads) To numb, To be numb To feel normal, to escape normal what's normal anyway? everything is relative If you are the cure, where lies the illness? In me or the world? How can you be dreams and nightmares? how can you be night and day? How can you not be? Why would I expect the world to make any kind of sense? How could I understand? If it all made sense to just one person would the rest of us be mad? And how could they possibly explain? If there is nothing more have you wasted your life? If there's something more have you still wasted your life? And when did you have a choice other than always? Why take pleasure in unreality? There is nothing (any) more + there never was.
Why not STOP now?
...does this look easy?
Is just self pity Maybe I really care? But I still hate to feel this way And that's my fault
It was someone else You're out there? Everywhere or nowhere For all time in a minute and then gone Passed or future?
A billion miles On through eternity Unswayingly absolute Through the holes in my head
Depth of the sea Vastness above Towering neon divine Shadow of stars Crystal reflection (of a world)
If all the lies were true and dreams real I could live in blinkered harmony And pretend its all you ever wanted I could make you happ and you would be so happy You could make me sad but you would never want to And all the falseness would be so real This close and faraway from perfect
So human riots Squeeze the world + choke each other Civilised society Living by it's rules of war 6 BILLION! (what's one more?)
(thoughtsofthemindthattorturethesoul darkshadesoffeelingthatwanttobeheard confused+lonelyinadeepredworldofhurt feeltheburdenoflivingthepainofthedead fullofjoyrippedcruelyawaybythenight) Words in my head that won't go away
Blaze the world Feel the fire Burn in flames Molton inside
There's nothing more
And everything so wrong for you It's easy Your misery has good excuse
I feel the same way Let's see what we can do
and share your dream but somehow think I'm better off with full wallet + empty heart I don't share your riches which money can't buy
Shuting down your vital statistics Playing with your mortality Just part of my demography
Have you? Have you? Have you ever seen the end of the world?
But you changed your mind You though you'd found right in me But we both know you were wrong You tried so hard to find Pleasant things to say Things to like and adore Reasons to be cheerful But they're not there Not within the dark shell Not in the cold core of a mind Not waiting to be discovered For sometimes I feel good about myself But theres never any there And I hate how proud I feel How sure of my worth When all is worthless And I feel ashamed to wear this skin And the skin hates what lies beneath Yet maybe these lows Are my only redemption My weak moments my strengths Disowning the rotten being I see before me Facing the world with new honesty Discovered for a moment the right path And then pushed away into the depths ...so deep yet so shallow
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