book 1 - september 1999
You're only hurt by those you love...
...and all your stories make me cry
Judge & Jury of the heart
So now I feel my sentance start
Eternity to spend alone because
You're the one who knows (because)
I rememeber all I said
But it just doesn't seem like me
Unfamiliar reflections
Reason that I cannot see
Felt such a cheat
While you were cheating me
Felt so much guilt
While you were guilty
Raise the stakes
I think I have a piece of heart still beating
Tell me the truth
cause the lies have hurt as much as they can
Take another step
just to make sure things are worse than imaginable
Slowly reveal
so I can torture myself a day at a time
And you know it never gets easier
Cause you raise the stakes
Extinguish the lies I adjust to and protect myself with
Discard the past and the unshakable truths that I held dear
Slowly revealing the full extent of my misery step by step to my private grey hell
Knowing that each further succession into the pit is one that cannot be reversed
that the heaven that I fell from not only cannot be reached but does not and did not ever exist
And as I torture myself digesting this knowledge with my every waking thought
I compare the life of pain I have to the sudden truth + end it could have been
And know not which I would have preferred
Trade my joy + promised land
For gold in everybody else's hand
Taking turns
With fate + worlds
So lucky
So unhappy
All the steps I took led down
I listened but there was no sound
At the end of the tunnel there was no light
There was no dawn just endless night
In the darkness no stars were shining
All the clouds had no silver lining
grey tower
beauty in power
carved with success
known to be right
If only there was light to see it by
If all I touch would turn to gold
But only for a moment
Confused by my wealth
As my treasures fade to grey
And somehow I must stop the tarnish
Or maybe never touch at all...
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