Things You Don't Hear Every Day

Following are some off-the-wall quotes from my friends and fellow dorm mates.  Most of them need a little explanation, which will be provided, of course:

"I had to help my parents milk a goat."

- Charles

"Okay, back to having sex."

- Bob

Charles' family has a goat.  He goes home every weekend and his parents drive him back up.  He was exceptionally late getting back one Sunday night, and this was his answer when I asked him what kept him.

I was playing the Sims one night and trying to get the damn Sims to have a baby.  I was called away to see something, after which I made this statement and went back to my room.

"I had to move the axe to put the signs in."

- H

H had found a double-bitted axe in a park somewhere and had opted to keep it and store it behind the front seat of his truck (for some strange reason).  A notorious collector of stolen street signs, H had to move his axe in order to put the signs behind the seat to carry them home.

"I can't break my ankle, I've never broken a bone in my life!"

- Steven

Steven had injured his ankle jumping from the top of some stairs (don't ask).  Jacob, the resident physician (i.e. Biology major) examined the ankle and concluded that it was quite possibly broken.  Steven gave this incredulous reason as to why his ankle was not broken.

"Bob, I was a whore!"

- James

James made this statement while telling me about his highschool days in an attempt to educate me on the finer points of getting women in the sack.

Back

"Mike Webber got suspended for eating the gym teacher!"

- James

James was recounting tales from his highschool days.  Evidently, this Mike Webber bit off a large portion of the gym teacher's arm out of spite.

"I have to kill some trolls now."

- Bob

I was playing Baldur's Gate II and proofreading H's term paper.  After I finished H's paper, I announced that I must be back to troll slaying in De Arnise Keep.