WHERE THE HEART IS

It was perfect, everything was perfect. I had finished university, got promoted at work, and now had my own house. Well, almost my own. I have just bought it with James, my best friend. We decided to live together after discussing all the nightmare room mates we could end up with.
“It’s a palace, Kez”
I grinned cheesily.
“Gorgeous” I agreed, as we stood arm-in-arm outside the day we were moving in. It was a 2 bedroom house in a nice area called Redbridge, close to our family and friends, but distant enough to not have our family knocking every five minutes.

Removal men and decorators milled around for 2 weeks after we first moved in. I say decorators, but actually we got friends and families to muck in and help with the painting. 
It was 9am one Saturday morning, and I was just carrying the roller up the stairs when the doorbell rang. I sighed and slouched back down, tripping on the dust sheet at the bottom of the stairs. I glanced icily at it as I pulled open the front door. And there in front of me was the most gorgeous creature I`ve ever seen. The creature extended one perfectly formed hand and grinned.
“Hi, I`m Charlie, I`m a friend of James….you must be Kerry”
I smiled.
“Nice to meet you, yeah that’s me”
“Oi oi darlin’” somebody else came up behind Charlie. Smaller than him, about 5’10, with bleached blonde hair and a brown streak running diagonally across.
“Matt” he announced, with a wink.
As I closed the door behind them they began ascending the stairs.
“Nice rack” I heard Matt murmer.

My bedroom was the last to be painted, I decided on a very light yellow colour, same as back home. I had all pine furniture and matching yellow bed wear and curtains.
It took us about 3 hours to get the walls, skirting board and ceiling done. But we finally slumped down on the dust sheets and relaxed, admiring our work. James heaved him self up.
“Right, I`ll go and make some coffee, anyone want one?”
“Oh,yeah” we all chorused.
“I`ll help you” Matt said, following him out the door.
Me and Charlie sat in silence  for a few minutes.
“So, Kerry, are you pleased with the room?”
“Yeah” I replied, smiling up at the walls and ceiling, “its great”
“So I was wondering” he murmered, turning to face me, an innocent look on his face, “if it would be okay if I you know, asked you out sometime?”
I smiled at him, blushing slightly.
“I`d like that”
James and Matt came bustling back in with the coffee.
“Me and Kez are having a private housewarming tonight if you wanna stay for it?” James asked.
“Nah, we`re out tonight” answered Matt, downing the rest of his coffee, “but thanks…c’mon Chaz, we better go”
Charlie got up and left his coffee cup on the window sill.
“Bye” he said, winking at me.

The house warming consisted of lots of wine, and Doritos.
“I`m glad we moved in together, Kez, theres nobody I`d rather live with” James told me, smiling fondly.
“I know, same here!”
James leant over and squeezed my hand.
“Lets always live here” he whispered into my ear, “promise?”
I grinned.
“Promise”
“So” he asked, trying to sound as if he didn`t care, “what were you and Charlie talking about?”. He reached for the Doritos from the coffee table and stared at me.
“Oh, he was just asking if we could go out sometime” I replied casually.
James hand stopped mid-air.
“Him and you? I mean,…you and Charlie?”
“Yeah” I said slowly, sensing something in James tone. I pounced on him, pushing him backwards on the sofa, the breeze from my sudden movement almost blowing out our scented Ikea candles.
“Awwww… is ickle’ James jealous?!” I teased, giggling and tickling his armpits.
James laughed and began tickling me back.
“Ahhhh..STOP STOP STOP” I cried, unable to take the tickling.
“Awwww” he taunted, “is ickle’ Kerry scared of pissing herself” he added with a laugh.
For a few seconds out eyes met, and we stopped laughing, and we stopped tickling. We lay totally silent, our smiles disappearing. James intense blue eyes bored into mine, entrancing me. And before either of us knew what was happening, we were leaning forward, our lips touching. James arms instantly locked around my back, holding me close. I stroked his neck lovingly as our kiss deepened. After a few minutes we simultaneously pulled away. James eyes twitched slightly, trying to find a reaction in my own eyes. I raised my eyebrow slightly and smiled. That was James green light, he lifted my vest top over my head and stared at my breasts briefly before tugging at my hipster jeans, sliding them off with my pink thong.
“Ohh, Kez” he murmered, looking my body up and down before gently stroking my waist.
I didn`t waste any time, I began undoing his shirt, revealing his perfectly formed chest, and unbuckled his jeans, deliberately rubbing my hand against his boxers.
He let out a groan and closed his eyes. I knelt over him, planting soft kisses all the way down to his chest until I reached the soft wisps of hair under his belly button. I glanced up at him before sliding his boxers off.
“Lets do it, Kerry, please” he moaned eagerly. I looked down and realised why, his excitement was over evident. I gave in, and, lying down on him, eased him inside inch by inch.
Neither of us lasted long. A few minutes later I was slumped over James body, both breathing heavily.
“Wow” he breathed as I sat up.
“Ohh James that was wrong on so many levels” I whispered, covering my face with my hands.
He sat up and pursed his lips.
“I know” he agreed, placing an arm around my trembling shoulder.
“But it was good though”
“Well, yeah…it was” I had to admit that, James was amazing. And alcohol could partly be blamed for this, we were both totally shit-faced. Almost.

***One Month Later***
So, me and James agreed to keep that night to ourselves, and to just forget it happened, as our friendship meant more than multiple orgasms (our agreement to this part was slightly half-hearted) 
But I did manage to forget it, or at least…I THOUGHT I could. Until the 30th. I realised my period hadn`t paid a visit that month. I passed it off as stress, work was getting busier and the workload was more. Obviously this excuse didn`t wholly convince me, but it was a nice little dream while it lasted.
I brought a test one afternoon when I knew James would be out. Those few minutes seemed to last years, as the second blue line appeared and confirmed my worst fears. I was going to be a Mother. I knew I`d have to tell James eventually, except I was totally packin’ shit over what his reaction would be. Would he hate me? Would me move out? No…it was partly his fault too…..
Soon the easiest way to tell him in my opinion would be to give him an ultimatum. I was going to have this baby, and he could be as involved, or uninvolved as he liked.
“But I`d really like you to be involved James” I added, squeezing his hand and looking down at the kitchen table, fighting back tears. I hadn`t contemplated what it would be like if he chose to be an absent father to our baby. James sat there, completely motionless. He stared at me, slightly dazed.
“Your pregnant?” he repeated in disbelief. James jumped up and began pacing.
“This is unreal..what the fuck are we gonna do, Kez?” he squeaked.
My eyes widened.
“We? Nothing. I`m keeping it James, and I`d really like your support, but its up to you” I folded my arms and stared at him. I looked defiant, but inside I was panicking.
James had his hand over his mouth, he stared at me for a long time, before opening his arms and wrapping them around me.
“Kez” he whispered, kneeling on the kitchen floor in front of my chair, “we`ll do this together ok? I love you”
He dropped a kiss on my forhead and held me for ages.

On one of my rare days off work, I decided to paint our front door, which did use to be a dirty, chipped old green one, I was now painting it a brilliant sunshine yellow.
“You really like the colour yellow don`t ya?” laughed a voice behind me, I turned round, and shielding my eyes from the sun, smiled at the visitor.
“Why yes I do Charlie” I grinned.
“So…hows the morning sickness holding up?” he asked casually, kicking at a twig on the pathway.
I spun around again.
“How did you-” I panicked, was it obvious? Was everyone I knew looking at me knowing I was pregnant and all talking about me? The girl who has babies with her friend. I had visions of Tom, Pete and Craig waving their arms and saying “who`s next” next time I visited our local club.
“James”
“Ah -say no more, who else has he told?” I asked, breathing a sigh of relief.
“Just me and Matt, honest”
“Oh ok”
“So..are you two, you know…going out now?” he mumbled, not meeting my eyes.
I laughed slightly.
“No definetly not, it was just a one night stand”
“Yeah -which is now holding you two an 18 year child sentence”
I sensed a slight hint of anger in his voice.
“Yeah, well” I said loudly, annoyance growing in my own tone, “that’s our business”
Charlie held up his hands defensively.
“Fine, whatever” and with that he walked back down the path, his trainers crunching on the gravel.
I sighed. I had to stop snapping at people. I peered down at my 5 month old bump wasn`t really that obvious unless you knew it was there. I had finally gotten around to telling my parents. My Mum was worried…until I told her James was the father, she relaxed and gave me a hug and kiss, then began bustling about making lists of what she would need for her “first grandchild”. I had a feeling that from James being the father she assumed we were now “together”, I didn`t bother to correct her. My Dad reacted in the same way. There was no need for him to interrogate the father of my baby, because he had interrogated James the first time he had met him, and was satisfied. It took a lot to convince Mr and Mrs Neilson that a man was good enough for their “precious Kerry” but somehow James had because he was himself.
Me and James weren`t together though. We had decided to raise the baby together but not as a couple, leaving us free to date other people if we chose too, but it was a delicate situation  if we were going to have a child in the house.
James and I lay on the couch one evening, basking in the silence of the house and contemplating being parents. I felt twinges in my stomach. I grabbed James hand an placed it where I felt the twinges.
“Can you feel that?” I asked, grinning at him. He nodded. I turned to face him, his blue eyes penetrating mine the way they had nine months before.
“That’s where the heart is”

As the nine month mark approached, James decided to leave a hospital bag by the front door, full of my clothes, spare toiletries and everything else I`d need while in hospital. Our baby was due on June 12th, and on June 13th I gave birth to our daughter, Caitlin.
It took me a while to get used to the sleepless nights. James helped out a lot. Actually our routine was on one night, Caitlin slept in a crib in my room, and I would have the first duty of Caitlin’s first wake. Then when I had tended to her, I would put her in the crib in James room stir him slightly so he knew she was there, then go back to my bed for a few hours sleep. It ran like clock work and I realised I didn`t know what I’d have done if James had wanted nothing to do with his daughter. Back then I’d have understood if he had chosen not too. But when I looked into her bright blue eyes (definetly inherited from James) and stroked her dark blonde hair (a mix of us both) I don’t think anyone could not want to protect her.
Months and months went by and before any of use knew it, a year had past and it was Caitlin’s first birthday. We threw a huge party in  the garden and invited everybody.
“James” my father asked in a serious tone, placing a “all boys together” arm around James neck, “I was thinking while the girls are fussing around Caity, me and you should set a date”
James panicked.
“Mr Neilson..I`m flattered but..”
Mr Neilson laughed heartily and slapped James on the back.
“I meant a wedding date -for you and Kerry”
James flushed and began stumbling for words.
“Well…erm…sure, but….”
“James, I need you” I called to him. In her highchair, Caitlin was making a mess of her slice of cake. I could see from James face what my Dad was talking about, and James had a tendency to blurt things out under pressure. I couldn’t risk that.
James laughed nervously and motioned towards his daughter before ducking away from my Dad.
The day went nicely, Caitlin enjoyed all the wrapping paper and discarded all of her presents. When we were packing up the paper cups and plates, I felt a hand on my arm.
Charlie.
“Kerry” he murmered nervously.
I turned to face him.
“Yes?”
“I`m sorry I was a total twat before… can we start over?”
I gave him a questioning look, and he smiled and extended his hand, eyes shining.
“Hi, I`m Charlie, nice to meet you” 
I held out my hand and squeezed his back.
“Nice to meet you, I`m Kerry”
“So…Kerry? Would you like to have dinner with me on Friday night?”
“Oooh” I giggled, tapping him playfully on the stomach, “that wasn’t the original introduction was it?”
“Its an update” Charlie smirked, then his smile softened, “so…dinner?”
I blushed and glanced at my feet, before shyly returning his smile.
“That would be nice”
A movement beside us both made as turn. It was James, staring at the both of us in disbelief. I realised it would be tough on him, we had always agreed that there would be a next step, us dating other people again, but this was the first time we had taken the step.
“James-” I said, reaching for his arm.
James stepped between me and Charlie and reached for Caitlin`s dish from the table, not making eye contact with either of us.
“Cait needs her dinner” he muttered, trying to sound casual. Charlie shrugged, but I sensed the hurt in James voice.
As happy as I was about my date with Charlie, I had to find out what was bothering James. After I had kissed my parents goodbye, and waved off everyone else, Charlie caught up with me alone in the garden.
“Hi whats up?” I smiled, as I picked up a bin liner from the floor.
“Oh” he said casually, strolling towards me, “I forgot to give you something”
“Wha-”
My voice was cut off  by Charlie pressing his lips against mine. A soft casual kiss. Charlie smiled adorably, then left. I stood there smiling like an idiot at the spot where he had just been. Finally, snapping back to my senses, I took a deep breath and went inside.
I could hear James babying Caitlin into eating her food. I followed the sound into the kitchen. Caitlin smiled a toothy smile when she saw me.
“Mamamamam” she gurgled. I smiled and ruffled her dark blond curls. James distracted her with a spoon of apple mush. I could sense his hostility. I edged towards him. I traced a finger down the middle of his back, waiting for him to turn to me, but he didn`t even respond.
“James…tell me whats wrong?”
“Nothing” he replied, continuing to feed Caitlin, who rejected it by pushing the spoon away and saying “bad Dada” James sighed and slumped onto the kitchen chair.
“Kez” he murmered, “ please”
“What James? What?”
He buried his face in his hands.
“Kerry… I heard Charlie asking you out…and, and that’s fine…you know, your not my girlfriend…I`m just worried though, I don`t want to lose Caitlin, Kerry” came his muffled voice
It all made sense. James wasn`t in love with me, he just didn`t want to lose his daughter. I tucked my ego away and held James in my arms.
“James” I whispered into his hair, rocking him gently, “you won`t lose Caitlin, I promise”

Friday night came by quickly. I had been going to aerobics regularly since Caitlin was born, desperate to get back my size 10 figure. I was standing in our bathroom, applying my make up. James came in and stopped in his tracks when he saw me.
“Wow”
“Do I look okay?” I asked anxiously, spinning round to face him.
“Kez..you look gorgeous”

“Kerry you look so beautiful” Charlie told me, pouring me a glass of wine.
I blushed, “thanks Charlie…you look beautiful yourself”
He laughed. My whole body tingled, he had the most sexy laugh. It was like a deep, throaty chuckle which made you want to grab him and kiss him all over.
“Kerry I like you a lot…I have since I met you, and I hope this can, you know, go somewhere”
“I like you a lot too…but the fact that I have a baby..doesn`t it bother you at all?”
Charlie pursed his lips and shrugged.
“I adore Caitlin..I adore kids full stop”
I sipped my wine and stared at him, taking in every part of his appearance. He was always so…immaculate. 
“So…how did James feel about our date?” Charlie asked, pouring some more wine and looking concerned. I didn’t know how much or little to say. If I told him James was scared of losing Caitlin he would think I was getting ahead of myself with the nature of our relationship, after all, this WAS our first date, if I started talking about living together or getting married he might run scared.
“Oh…he…you know…didn’t mind” I stumbled.
Charlie raised an eyebrow and was silent for a moment. I knew he didn’t believe me.
“That’s cool” he said, smiling.
“Me and James were never, you know, together, it was just a one night thing…our baby was a result of it. We’re both committed to being her parents, but not as a couple” I repeated. This is the first time I was telling Charlie this, but I had tried to explain to other people before. Nobody really understood the situation. I had a feeling Charlie would back off once I said this.
He was nodding in understanding.
“I understand…and Kerry, I want you to know, this doesn’t put me off in any way” 
Charlie moved his hand across the table to gently squeeze mine and smiled heartbreakingly.
“I like you a lot and I want to be with you”

In all honesty this is the most I remember about the night. Because when I woke up, I was lying in my bed…with Charlie wrapped around me. He must have sensed I was awake because he whispered into my ear and kissed my cheek.
“Morning babes”
I smiled. He smelt so good.
“Morning”
We both jumped when the bedroom door opened.
“Kez would you like some baco-”
James stopped in his tracks and stared in disbelief at us.
“What the fuck?!”
“James!” I cried.  He glared at me.
“Kerry you broke the rule” he seethed.
Charlie laughed.
“What rule?”
“Shut up Charlie stay the fuck out of this, and…and put these on” he yelled, picking Charlie’s trousers up off the floor and threw them at him.
I held my head in my hands. James was right. I had broken the rule.
“James, I-” 
“Forget it” he said before he slammed the door. I sat up and pulled the blanket around my back, Charlie rubbed my back sympathetically.
“Don’t worry sweetheart…James will get over it” he murmered before climbing off of the bed, “I really better go… I have to get to classes, but can I see you on Saturday?”
I nodded. Charlie smiled at me and kissed me on the cheek.

Half an hour later I went downstairs carrying Caitlin. James was slumped in front of the television. When I walked in he flicked it off and stalked into the kitchen. I sighed. He wasn’t going to make this easy for me.
“Go on sweetie, sit in there” I cooed, placing a giggling Caitlin into her play-pen.
I tip-toed into the kitchen, a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach.
“James” I whispered, placing my hand on his arm. He spun around to face me.
“What” he spat.
“I..I’m sorry”
“Oh your sorry? Don`t you realise what you done Kerry?” James yelled, “you broke our deal for what was best for Caitlin, and not only that, you done it with one of my best friends”, he stomped back into the living room and slammed his cup down on the table, “what if Caitlin had wondered in and seen you in bed with him?”
I groaned, frustrated. Why was he making such a big deal?
“James I`m sorry ok! It won`t happen again. Please, PLEASE just forget about it”
James rolled his neck around as if he ached. His scruffy blonde hair looked more ruffled and tousled than usual, as if he had ran his hand through angrily countless times.
He flopped down onto the sofa and sighed. Ever since Charlie and Kerry had started getting close he had started getting more and more stressed out. It wasn’t that he was in love with Kerry, their relationship had changed since Caitlin was born. Any chance they had of getting together had flickered out long since. He lit a cigarette and thought back to when Kerry had been pregnant. They had been so blissfully happy and were both constantly glowing. James leant back on the sofa and exhaled the smoke. Was this a bad idea in the first place? Was the situation he and Kerry had committed themselves to unrealistic and doomed to fail? James thought of Anouska. A gorgeous brunette he had met at Matts “Lets get pissed -its Christmas” party. They had danced, had a few drinks, and he had wanted to bring her home.
“Come on James -lets go back to yours”
He squeezed his eyes shut and thought hard. James knew he couldn’t, it would be wrong to break the rule. Anouska had lost interest in him when he told her they couldn’t. In fact, now that he thought about it, he had missed many opportunities with girls over the rule, and Kerry thought nothing of breaking it with one of his best friends. Charlie knew about the rule, so it didn’t make him look too good either.

Months went past. James and I got back to normal. Almost. Charlie and I continued to see each other. One afternoon, while James was watching Caitlin, Charlie took me to the park. When he had called that morning his voice had sounded edgy and distant. I panicked. There had been a lump in my throat and a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach all day. Because I knew what was going to happen. I had fallen for Charlie so hard. I felt totally in love with him, and now he was going to break up with me.
“Kez” he said slowly, sitting down on the wooden park bench. Charlie motioned for me to sit beside him. Why did he have to look so stunning. Baggy jeans and a maroon ADDICT hoody. He always looked like he should be modelling for CK billboards.
“Kerry -I have to tell you something” he explained, looking distressed. I didn’t trust myself to talk so I nodded.
“First off…I really care about you, so much. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. In fact..I know I’m in love with you. But….”
I waited. I knew there would be a “but”.
“My results from my uni exams came in…and they were higher than expected. So, they want to transfer me to the University of Modern Music in London. Musics my second love, Kerry, second to my love for you. I have to go though, but… I wondered if you would want to come with me?”
My mouth fell open. Charlie stared at me, frowning slightly. The laughed quietly nervously, and rubbed his thighs with his hands, shifting.
“Kerry say something”
I shook my head, unable to think about what to say. I didn’t want to lose him. But move? To London? I didn`t know if I could do that. And what about James? I couldn’t take Caitlin away from James. I stared into space, a girl walking past looked at us oddly, then bounced off casually.
Charlie sighed.
“I understand all that Kerry”
I hadn’t realised I had said it all out loud.
I promised Charlie I would think about, he drove me home.
The house was totally silent as I entered. I thought this was a bit weird as I usually came home to find Caitlin and James watching Teletubbies or Tweenies on tv.
I walked into the living room only lit by the evening light. I cocked my head to one side and smiled down at little Caitlin who was curled up asleep on the sofa. She looked so innocent and serene. I stroked her blonde locks and then went in search of James. The only light I could see was from James bedroom upstairs, and as I top-toed up the stairs, sure enough, that was where I heard voices. Licking my lips I tried to swallow the lump that was forming in my throat, but try as I might, it wouldn’t go, because I knew something was up. Taking one step further, but low enough to duck down by the bannister, I strained my ears to hear the conversation.
“I don`t know when” came James voice.
“Look, its either now or never, James, she could be back any minute”, I gasped silently. I didn`t recognize the girls voice, but I knew the “she” was me.
“I know, Anouska, I know what I have to do, its such a good thing you got here and told me before it happened”
I frowned. What was he talking about? Before what happened?
“Well” replied Anouska smugly, “you had a right to know as Caitlin’s father -come on, I`ll go and get some of her stuff”
I ducked down further as James door was opened further. A brunette in a black trouser suit strolled out of James room and down the hall to Caitlin’s. 
The girl looked familiar. I tried to piece it all together quickly. Okay, James has a right to what as Caitlin’s father?
“I can`t believe she was going to do that to me” came James voice. He was saying it more to himself than Anouska, but she answered anyway.
“I never did like her” came Anouska`s voice casually, “so its best we get Caitlin now and leave”
My eyes widened. That was it, right there. There was no way James was taking my baby. I flew up the remaining steps, threw open James ajar door and jumped at him.
“You son of a bitch” I cried, hammering at his chest with my clenched fists.
“Kez” he squeaked, seizing my wrists and turning me over on the bed.
Overcome by anger, I threw him off of me. James toppled onto the floor, his head hitting the wardrobe.
“Ouch” he muttered, rubbing his head, “You’re the bitch here, Kerry, Anouska told me what you and Charlie were plotting and I`ll be damned if you take Caitlin away from me”
“Then DAMN YOU!” 
On my way out of his bedroom door and I slammed into Anouska. I rolled my eyes angrily at her.
“I`m not even going to start with you” I seethed.
As I ran down the stairs, I could hear distressed whispers coming from James bedroom. I texted Charlie “HELP CHASE , JAMES GONE MAD, COME AND GET ME AND CAIT”	
I took Caitlin’s jacket off of the banister and sat beside her on the couch. I eased her out of  sleep. 
“Come on sweetie” I cooed, “we’re going on a little trip”
She loved trips, and immediately sat up, grinning.
“Is Daddy coming” she gurgled.
“No honey, but Charlie is”
Caitlin smiled and clenched her hands excitedly.
“I like Charlie Mummy” she giggled as I helped her put on her little pink Barbie jacket.
James ran down the stairs and stood in front of me and Caitlin as I sat rocking her on the sofa.
“Your not going anywhere” he muttered through clenched teeth. James had never looked so mad.
“Watch me”
He reached out and grabbed my arm.
“You can’t Kez, you can`t do this!”
“GET OFF ME” I screamed, knowing raising my voice was the only thing that would make him budge. James released his vice-like grip on my arm and stepped back, astonished. If the situation hadn’t of been so crazy, I might even have laughed. Gripping Caitlin tight in my arms, I went upstairs and threw some of her things and mine into a luggage holder. I saw Anouska sitting on James bed smoking a cigarette.
Looking through the blinds, I saw Charlie’s headlights shining on the house. All of a sudden it hit me how unbelievable this all was. Was it really 2 years ago that me and James had been so happy in our new house?
I shook the thoughts out of my head and went back downstairs, clutching a frightened Caitlin in one arm and our belongings in another arm. I was relieved to see Charlie watching me from the bottom of the stairs.
“C’mon darlin, lets get you two out of here” he whispered protectively, taking Caitlin out of my arms. As I leant open the front door, a voice from behind us made Charlie and I both look round.
James. Holding a gun. 
“Your not going anywhere” he growled, pointing the gun in the general direction of us.
Charlie tutted and rolled his eyes.
“Give it up, Bourne, your not the murdering type, why don’t you get a grip, eh?”
James shut his eyes angrily then opened them wide, as if shaking off another voice in his head.
“Don’t push me Charlie, DON’T FUCKING PUSH ME, you say another word and I`ll blow your fucking head right off”
Honestly, if Charlie hadn’t of been holding Caitlin, I have a feeling he would have pushed James further. I took a step towards James, holding out a hand to him.
“Baby give me the gun” I murmered
“No!” he replied, his voice cracking.
I placed my hand over the barrel of the gun and laced an arm around James shoulder, leaning into his chest. James weakened, and began to sob.
“Don’t take my little girl, Kez, please”
“James-”
“Kez you and Cait are all I have, I need you both” his voice got more high pitched as he got more desperate.
“OK”
“Huh?” James looked shocked at my sudden surrender.
“Ok…we’ll sort this out ok?”
He nodded gratefully, holding me close. Tears began to well in my eyes. James was sick. My best friend was sick in the head. How had I never noticed?
“Babe you go clean yourself up ok? Go to the bathroom, wipe your eyes and splash some cold water on your face, then we’ll work something out, ok?”
James nodded tearfully, and rubbed his nose. Obeying me, he walked down the hall to the bathroom. I saw this as my chance, Charlie obviously did too. He bundled me and Caitlin out of the door hurriedly to his car.
Luckily an old car seat of Caitlin’s was already there, but there was no time to strap her in then. I hopped into the back, Charlie jumped into the drivers seat, immediately locking the doors and passing Caitlin back to me.
The minute the engine on Charlie’s blue Porsche started, I could hear James panic. In my minds eye I saw him tearing out of the bathroom and down the hall. As if on cue, James arrived at the door.
“Kez, you bitch, come back here with my daughter, COME BACK!” he surged forwards and began to beat his fists on the boot of the car.
“Oh my God” I whispered, tears streaming down my face, “Charlie, DRIVE!”
Charlie hit the accelerator and the car shot forward.
A light evening rain began to settle on the glass windows of the car. And as we pulled out of the drive that had once been James’s and mine’s “palace”, I looked back at the pebbledash house, and the last thing I saw was my best friend on his knees, grinding his fists onto the floor and shouting. In the backseat of Charlie’s Porsche, on the journey to our new life in London, my heart was thumping. Caitlin’s head was resting against my chest.
“Mummy” she exclaimed, raising her head, her blue eyes so like her fathers shining, “Whats that bump bump bump noise?”
I smiled down at her and stroked her hair affectionately.
“Its where the heart is”

                                                 The End