The park was completely deserted, but then again, it was nearly midnight, and most of the children that would normally have been playing here were in bed asleep. Though it was currently unoccupied, there were signs that during the day, this was a very busy place. Near the swings lay a forgotten doll, and by the fountain was a piece of uneaten candy bar and an overturned soda can. These small reminders of the happy times this place normally held only served to make its single occupant feel his self-imposed loneliness more deeply.
He sighed and glanced up at the moon, noting that even that celestial body was even desolate tonight. The moon’s normally brilliant light was muted by the growing cloud cover, as though it too was pulling away from human contact. ‘I used to wonder if he ever looked at the moon. Guess I’ll never know. I doubt he ever speaks to me again after tonight. How could I have been so stupid?’
Duo could hear the sounds of people celebrating in the distance, and was sure that *he* was there. ‘Oi. . . What did I expect? It’s not like we were ever more than friends.’ He thought back about everything that had happened since their fateful first meeting. He still couldn’t believe that the first time he’d ever seen Heero, he’d shot him, twice. It was a wonder that the two had ever become friends.
Though their first few meetings had been somewhat rocky, they had finally become friends, or at least Duo thought they had. Eventually they had come to work as a nearly perfect team, and, for some reason that Duo could never fathom, Heero was the only one that didn’t mind his company. ‘So he tolerated me better than the others, I guess it didn’t mean as much as I thought it did.’
The faint sound of distant thunder brought his attention once again to the sky. He finally noticed that the clouds obscuring the moon were growing more dense, and briefly pondered whether or not it would rain. ‘Rain, I’d never really experienced it until I came here.’
Duo watched as a group of revelers passed the park. They were obviously too engrossed in celebrating to notice him. There were three girls and five guys. He couldn’t make out any details, but he did notice that they were obviously paired up as couples. As he watched the couples, he felt something like envy. ‘I don’t know why I’m being so jealous. It’s not like I even know them.’
His thoughts turned back to the other pilots. Trowa and Quatre had been a couple for quite some time. He remembered, again, the jealousy he’d felt towards them. It wasn’t that he was attracted to either of them, though both were beautiful. It was that they were able to openly show their feelings.
Tears welled in his eyes as he bitterly remembered what Heero had thought of that. The night the two had announced their engagement, long after the announcement, he and Heero had been sitting in their room. He could never remember what he’d said, but Heero’s words were etched clearly in his memory. 'Engagements and frivolous emotions like love have no place in a soldier’s life. They endanger the rest of us and the missions with the risks they take to protect each other.’
Duo wondered if Quatre was looking for him yet. He’d told the Arabian what he had planned for the night. He supposed by now that the small blonde had figured out that his plans didn’t go smoothly. ‘Quatre warned me that he might not be receptive, why didn’t I listen?’
He remembered when Quatre had first figured out his secret. He’d been so surprised when the other had finally asked him point blank if he was in love with Heero. Quatre had teased him for days about how he’d been totally speechless. Since that time he and Quatre had become close friends.
A single tear slid down his face as he remembered all the hopes and dreams he’d shared with Quatre. He had hoped that tonight he would, for once, be able to lay in Heero’s arms, but that wasn’t going to happen. ‘Why doesn’t it just rain? The tears don’t hurt quite as much when it rains.’
<Lonely, lonely.>
Duo hopped down from his perch and started pacing around the park. He listened to the sounds of the celebration dying down in the distance. ‘I can’t believe the war is over. We won: we will finally have peace. Why can’t I be happy?’ He stubbornly refused to acknowledge the reason for his current despair.
He no longer had to worry about his friends facing death everyday. Nor did he have to worry about what new mission lurked on the horizon. For once, his future was his own. He didn’t have to worry about providing for anyone but himself, and to be honest, he really didn’t have to worry about that. Quatre had told everyone that they could stay with him indefinitely.
‘So why am I out here in a park in the middle of the night, crying my eyes out? I’ve got it made. I don’t ever have work again, if I don’t want to.’ He refused to listen to the small voice that was answering that question. ‘I don’t ever have to be alone again. I have friends. So why am I so lonely?’ He shoved the answer to that question away. He knew, but he didn’t want to admit it.
A sharp sound drew his attention. Inadvertently in his pacing, he’d kicked the overturned soda can. He watched it roll and bounce along the uneven ground, then finally come to a stop. For a long moment he watched the can lay where he’d kicked it, then resumed his pacing.
‘I probably should let Quatre know I’m ok. I’m sure he’s worried.’ Another tear rolled down his cheek. ‘Too bad he’s the only one that would be concerned.’ He stopped moving. ‘Stop thinking like that. I do have more than one friend, and well, I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself. What more can a street rat like me expect? Geez, I’ve got a place to stay, I don’t have to worry about starving. And I can shower as long as I want to -- I can even take baths! I have everything I need, don’t I?’
He walked over and sat in one of the swings. His mind replayed in vivid clarity the events that had brought him here. After Heero had destroyed the last piece of Libra, they had all met back on Earth to rest and recuperate from the battle. He and Heero and had gone to their room, both too tired to do more than fall fully clothed on their respective beds.
When he woke up, he’d heard the sound of the shower running. He’d just lain there waiting for Heero to finish, so that he could have his turn. Then it was his turn, and he’d spent nearly an hour just letting the hot water run over his body. As soon as he exited the bathroom, Heero had been waiting.
The other pilot had motioned him to join him on the bed, then proceeded to brush out Duo’s long hair. It was something that Heero had started doing long ago, and the familiarity of the action had given Duo hope. After his hair had been brushed out and plaited, they had remained on the bed, enjoying the silence.
"Heero?" Duo asked quietly.
"Hn."
"There is something I want to tell you. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long. . ." His voice had trailed off as he turned to look at long-time partner. The look on Heero’s face had indicated that he should continue. Taking a deep breath and staring into those beautiful cobalt eyes, he’d said, "I love you. I have for a long time, and now that the war is over, I thought maybe we could be together, or at least get to know each other better?" He’d leaned forward and captured that tantalizing mouth in a searing kiss.
Strong hands roughly shoved against his chest, ending the stolen kiss. Heero pulled away, staring at Duo with a look the other couldn’t interpret. Duo had just stared back for a moment, then jumped off the bed and ran from the house. No one had stopped him, or even made an effort.
Tears rolled uncontrollably down his face. He stood and started pacing again. ‘I ruined our friendship. How could I do something so stupid? Just because he brushed my hair, I thought that he might return my feelings. How stupid can I be?’ He shook his head in dismay.
"I’m so stupid!" he screamed at the empty park. ‘What have I done? Why? Oh God, why was I so stupid?’ He paced a bit more, then stopped and stared at the clouds. ‘Why won’t it just rain and wash away these tears?’
He resumed walking, moving towards where the can lay on the ground. He savagely kicked the can, as though it were the source of his problems.
*kick* "He will never speak to me again."
*kick* "I ruined the only chance I had to retain our friendship."
*kick* "I really am the baka that Heero says I am."
*kick* "Why did I think we even had a chance to ever be more than friends?"
*kick* "If only I had waited, maybe it would have worked out."
*kick* "If I hadn’t done that, I could at least still be his friend."
<That's the way to treat a friend.>
*KICK!* "I love him!" he screamed in defiance.
He watched the can roll. It was stopped by a golden sneaker. His eyes slowly roamed up the muscled leg attached to the sneaker, then the beautifully sculptured body attached to the leg. His eyes finally came to rest on the face and the stunning cobalt eyes of his partner.
They stood staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was just a few seconds. Duo broke the silent staring match and turned away. He wasn’t sure if he could take the verbal lashing the other was likely to give him. ‘Why did he come?’
"Duo," Heero called.
Duo tensed slightly. He listened as Heero approached him, and he braced himself. He was preparing himself for the other’s anger, becoming unsure of whether that anger would be loosed verbally or physically. He knew that either way, he wouldn’t fight back. ‘I owe him that much.’
A hand came down on his shoulder and turned him around. "Duo, look at me," Heero demanded when Duo’s face remained downcast. At his lack of compliance, another hand came up, gently cupping his chin, then lifting it up. He looked into the brilliant cobalt eyes, as he let all his love show in his own violet eyes.
"I don’t hate you," Heero stammered.
The confusion that Duo felt must have been evident on his face, because Heero’s lips quirked upwards, just slightly. His hand moved from Duo’s chin to softly wipe the tears away.
"I don’t know how you could possibly love me. In fact, I’m not entirely sure what love is," he admitted. "But I do know that I can’t live without you. If you’ll be patient, I will learn to show you how I feel." Words had never been his strong suit, and now they seemed to be failing him entirely, so he did the one thing he had wanted to do since Duo had run from the room. He leaned forward, and clumsily kissed the braided beauty before him.
After a moment, Duo eagerly returned the kiss. His arms slid around Heero’s waist as he moved closer. He felt the hand on his shoulder slip around to the back of his neck, the fingers moving against his scalp and into his hair. Only when the need for oxygen started to burn his lungs, did Duo break the kiss. He leaned slightly against the other trying to draw in a shaky breath.
Duo leaned forward until their foreheads met. His arms tightened around Heero’s narrow waist as he pulled him closer. "I guess you’re not mad, then?" Duo asked. Heero shook his head slightly. "I’ll give you all the time you need. I love you, Heero, and as long as you let me, I will be with you."
A loud crack of thunder made Duo jump slightly. With that one warning, the rain started to fall. Neither boy noticed or moved. They simply stood in their embrace, content to be alone together.
* * *