Silence reined, as it had for the past three days. Ever since Quatre and Duo had
been rescued from a mission gone very wrong. Neither was speaking, and although
Trowa was showing infinite patience, Wufei and Heero were going out of their minds.
Heero was finding that the distractions that had irritated him so very much were
actually necessary to help him focus on his work. The silence was unerving, even
more distracting than any prank Duo had ever pulled. Wufei was simply angry because
he knew that something must have happened and although Trowa seemed to know what was
wrong, he, Wufei was being left out. He didn't like that one bit. Deciding
Heero had a better chance of finding out what was going on, Wufei convinced him to
question the former loudmouth, in other words Duo.
Heero paused outside Duo's door. //Why did I let him talk me into this? As many times as I've told him to shut up, it is too hypocritical of me to ask him why he's being so quiet. But...I want to know. It's unnatural.// Heero was about to push the door open, when he heard Duo's voice coming from inside the room. As the door was opened a crack, it was a simple thing for him to peek inside and see Duo sitting at his desk, speaking to Doctor G.
* * *
"I have to go back on it," Duo was saying in a solemn voice, "I haven't slept in three days. At this rate I'm likely to have a breakdown."
"What happened?" the doctor asked, his eyes wide, "I thought you could handle these things."
"Yeah," Duo said bitterly, "so did I. But there were simply too many of them. I...I messed up. I just couldn't take it long enough...I ended up passing out after an hour or two."
"How...how many were there, Duo?" The doctor's eyes were narrowed again, pain blazing in them. "I know your limits, surely there weren't..."
"Yeah there were. And the worst thing is that..." Duo sighed, putting his head in his hands, the rest of his words said in a whisper. "Quatre was there."
"No..." Doctor G winced. "Did they...?"
"No, but they could have. It was pure luck that they stayed with me until I woke up again. That's what bothers me the most. I've gotten weak...I think I need to retrain."
"Absolutely not!"
"It's not like I want to!" Duo cried, raising his head to look at the doctor. "But that would kill Quatre. I'm no good if I can't even stay conscious. I just don't have the endurance I used to. The last couple of times I've been captured with one of the others, I managed to keep them from knowing and to keep the attention on myself. This time just proves that things are getting much worse within OZ. I don't know if there is less control over subordinates, or if they think that will break us, but the soldiers were too enthusiastic. It was as if they had planned it ahead of time and were just waiting to catch one of us. If this happens again, I need to be ready. Next time it *could* be Quatre."
"Duo, if you are having nightmares about this time, how are you going to be if you go back to...'training'?"
"That's one of the reasons I'm going back on the drug. If I can't block my feelings out by myself anymore, then I have no choice. And neither do you. You know why I was chosen as one of the pilots. My fighting skills aside, I'm the only one of us who has my *special* skills. If I can't do my job, then you and the other doctors stand the risk of losing one of the others. Quatre obviously couldn't handle it...he still won't talk to me...and I don't think Trowa could either."
"And Wufei, or Heero? Wufei would simply worry about getting revenge and achieving *justice* and you know Heero doesn't feel anything. You aren't the only one who could do this."
"I am the best. As long as I can, I will. I won't let one of them take my place. Besides," Duo suddenly smiled darkly, moving his chair back, "I didn't meantion it, but they know me. I don't know how many, but they had definitely heard of me. I told you, I'm good at my job. Once I go back to the drug, I'll be even better."
"I can't talk you out of that, but please, Duo, don't retrain. It isn't necessary. Play the martyr when you're caught again, not now when there's no reason for it."
"I make a good martyr," Duo said cynically, "and if I think I need to retrain, then I will. Don't worry, I won't get myself killed. I gotta go now. A mission could come tommorrow, and if I'm going to sleep tonight then I have to take care of this. I'll call you soon." Duo abruptly signed off, not giving the doctor time to argue. Standing slowly, Duo froze. Abruptly, he turned toward the door. There was no one there.
//Damn. I am getting jumpy.// Shutting the door firmly, Duo turned the lock and pulled a bag out from under his bed. Withdrawing the small, familiar bottle and a needle, he wrapped a band around his arm and injected a dose of the medication. //This will take care of *my* problems, but I'll still have to talk to Quatre. He won't even look at me. Knowing him, he's blaming himself for what happened. That's almost as bad as it would be if I *hadn't* taken his place. I guess I'll have to explain things to him. I'll just wait until this hits my system.//
* * *
Heero didn't bother to give any explanation to Trowa when he pulled Quatre out of the chair. The two boys had been sitting at the table in the kitchen. Giving Trowa a glare, Heero drug the blonde boy outside the safehouse, stopping when they were alone by a tree in the middle of the large yard. Certain no one could sneak up on them or overhear the conversation, Heero finally released the wide-eyed boy.
"Heero.." Quatre whispered, shocked by the dark-haired boy's actions, "What's wrong?"
"The mission." Heero stated with a cold tone, eyes boring into Quatre's. "What happened?"
Quatre's pale skin lost all color. He shook his head, tears filling his eyes.
"You *will* tell me," Heero growled, gripping the other boy's chin and forcing him to meet his eyes. "Do you think it would be better if I forced *Duo* to tell me?"
Tears streamed down Quatre's face. "It's all my fault," he whispered, voice choking, "He sacrificed himself for me..."
"Not good enough," Heero ground out, "Tell me exactly what happened."
"We were captured, but they weren't asking us anything at all. They were just...threatening us. Then they started talking about something. I didn't understand, but Duo did. He...he told them that I wouldn't last very long, but...that he would. Then they said they'd heard about him. Oh God, Heero, they'd *heard* about him. *Him* specifically. Then...they...they raped him." Quatre sobbed suddenly, "And it went on and on and I couldn't do *anything*! And-and he passed out and they still didn't stop." Quatre was now sobbing on Heero's shoulder.
* * *
Lunch was weird, at least for Wufei. Heero glared even more than usual, and if he had talked to Duo, he hadn't mentioned it. Quatre was absolutely silent except when Duo made some comment requiring a response. Then Quatre would answer quickly before lowering his head again. The guilt in his eyes apparent. Duo, on the other hand, was acting the same as always. It was as if the three days of silence had not happened. The braided boy was loud, irritating, and cheerful, and it seemed to be pissing the hell out of Heero. Wufei shook his head and, bolting down his food, left the table as quickly as possible. Things were getting way to weird for him.
Having wolfed down his food, he hadn't eaten much at all in the past three days, Duo leaned back in his chair and smiled at the table in general. Then his smile wavered, just a bit, as it fell on Quatre's bowed head. "Hey Quatre, could we talk for a minute or two? Doesn't look like you're going to eat, so now's a good time, neh?"
Quatre looked stricken, then he slowly nodded his head, following Duo out of the room.
* * *
Duo sat Quatre down on the blonde's bed. Then he stood in front of him, arms folded over his chest. "I won't beat around the bush, Quatre, you can't blame yourself for what happened. In fact, you shouldn't even let it bother you."
"How...how can you say that!?"
"Well," Duo smirked, "There's some things about me you don't know. If I tell you, you have to give me your word you won't tell any of the others, deal?"
Quatre's eyes widened. After a minute of silence, he finally nodded his head.
"Kay. When I was growing up, I lived in a lousy place. To cut to the chase, I ended up spending a year in a whore house. Now don't get me wrong," Duo cut off Quatre's shocked gasp, "I wasn't there by choice. But it taught me a lot of things. So what happened shouldn't bother you too much. You have to understand, one of the reasons I was chosen as a Gundam pilot was to protect the rest of you from...well...rape. It's very traumatizing the first couple of times. For me though, it's just pain. Just another form of torture. I don't really see it as being 'violated' or anything like that. It's no worse than being beaten. So I don't want you to torture yourself thinking that you are responsible. You didn't have a choice. I wasn't lying when I said you wouldn't last long. That isn't an insult, but I have more endurance than you. Instead of feeling guilty, you should actually feel a bit angry with me." Duo smiled again, a grin this time. "I should have convinced them to do it somewhere else. Usually I can do that if I use a little reverse psychology on them, but...well I don't really have an excuse. I'm really sorry you had to see that Quatre."
"Duo...that is so horrible." Quatre stood and put his arms around the braided boy.
"Are you going to stop beating yourself up over what happened, Quatre? You have to realize that my biggest mission is to make sure none of you are ever captured alone. This happens all the time. You just had the misfortune to have to witness it."
* * *
Duo silently slipped down the stairs and out the back door, locking it securely behind him. He then hid the key in a pot and turned to make his way along the side of the house. Suddenly he was grabbed from behind, turned and shoved against the house. His eyes widened as he recognized Heero's blazing cobalt eyes. Grinning, Duo spoke, "Whacha doin awake, Heero?"
Heero glared, "Where are you going?"
"Gotta do something," Duo said, his smile widening. "Didn't mean to wake you up." Duo moved away from the house and made to leave, when Heero slammed him against the wall again, harder this time. If anything, Duo's smile got bigger. "What's the matter, Heero? Why are you being so rough with me? Just say whatever's bothering you. I gotta go or I won't be back until morning."
"*Where* are you going?" //Stop smiling, damnit! Be afraid, be hurt, anything but that fake smile...//
"To town, Heero. I have to take care of something."
"You're not going anywhere."
"Heero, I have to go!" Duo tried to push away from the wall, but Heero's strength kept him pinned. "I have to go!" he said again, waiting for a chance to get away, "I have to do this!"
Suddenly, Duo wrenched out of Heero's grip, but he was stopped mid-flight when Heero tackled him to the ground. "Stoppit, Heero! Let me go!" Duo struggled violently, and Heero tightened his grip, grinding the other boy into the ground. Suddenly Duo went limp. "Why? Why are you hurting me?"
"Duo..." Heero whispered, slowly moving off the other boy and kneeling beside him. "I...I just can't let you go. That's all."
Duo struggled to his feet, and was running almost immediately. For a moment, Heero stared after him in shock, then he took off after him. He caught him just as he was leaving the property, tackling him again and burying his fist in the other boy's stomach. Duo curled up slightly, offering little resistance as Heero picked him up and started carrying him back to the safehouse.
"Let-me-go-Heero," Duo whispered, "If I can't do this then I'll have failed. I won't have any worth as a Gundam pilot. Heero, you don't understand what I'm trying to do. Just let me go, I'm trying to protect you. I know what I'm doing, it's not like I'll get myself killed. Have a little faith," Duo's smile was slowly returning, the pained expression replaced by one of cheerful indifference, "This is what I'm good at. Trust me."
"Duo no baka!" Heero hissed, not slowing as he made his way across the lawn. "You are a fool if you think your only worth is as some sort of sacrifice. A replacement for us."
Still smiling, Duo searched his face then grimaced slightly. "Quatre has a big mouth," Duo smirked, "But it doesn't make any difference. When the time comes that I'm not there, you'll understand." Duo laughed slightly, an almost histerical sound. "If I hadn't been with you the last time you were captured, you'd be begging me to go now. As perfect as you are as a soldier, I don't think *you* would have survived *that* torture. Be glad I'm here and let me go. I'll be back twice as strong."
Heero's arms tightened around him, but when he looked up, he found that the cobalt blue eyes weren't on him. Duo sighed as he looked at Heero's tightened jaw. "You don't understand, Heero. This is why I'm a Gundam pilot. Stopping me now isn't going to make any difference. If you're worried about me, then you should know that stopping me now is only going to make it harder the next time I'm captured." He looked up at Heero's unresponsive expression and sighed again. "Fine. Put me down and I'll stay here tonight. I give you my word." Heero ignored him, unlocking the door and carrying him inside.
"Look Heero, you know I don't lie. I said I wouldn't go anywhere tonight and I won't." Duo frowned as Heero carried him up the stairs. "Where are you taking me?"
"To your room," Heero said, not looking at him, his anger evident by the pure coldness of his voice.
"I can go myself, you know." Duo glared for a minute then rolled his eyes. //No point arguing with *him*//
Pushing open his door, Heero carried him inside and set him on his bed. "Don't move." Heero went to Duo's computer and logged on, sending an instantaneous message.
"What are you doing?" Duo asked, eyes narrowing. He started to get off the bed, but Heero pinned him with a sharp gaze and he thought better of it. Folding his arms over his chest, he glared at the other boy, who turned back to the computer for a moment as he typed then, pressing the send button, turned to face him.
"Where's the drug?"
"Huh?" Duo stared at him wide-eyed, then he cursed. "Are you spying on me? Where do you get off? In fact, why am I letting you push me around?" Duo stood suddenly. "What I do is absolutely none of your business as long as I'm not jeapardizing a mission. You do realize, don't you? That *you* are jeapardizing our mission?"
Heero didn't react. "Where?"
"None of your damn business," Duo growled. "Get out of my room! Now!" He stalked forward threateningly, but Heero didn't move. For a moment they stood less than a foot apart, then Duo sidestepped him abruptly. "I'm not going to stand here and argue with you."
"You're not going anywhere."
"What the hell are you going to do?!" Duo turned on him. "Hit me again?! Go ahead! Beat the shit out of me. Then *you* can go on my next mission for me. But rest assured, I won't be here when you get back!"
Heero's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Ninmu Ryoukai."
* * *
"Heero. I can't say I wasn't expecting you to ask sooner or later, but I must say, you're very quick. Would I be correct in assuming you listened to our conversation?"
Heero stared at the grey haired man, taking in the sadness in his eyes yet feeling nothing but anger toward him. He didn't answer the question. "Duo will not be receiving any more missions. I will contact you when he will resume his part in this war. Until then you'll have to wait."
"What happened? Is he hurt?"
"Yes he is," Heero said slowly, "and thanks to your idiocy the damage may be irreparable. You will be contacted." Signing off abruptly, Heero glared at the blank screen as minutes passed. Finally, he turned to look evenly at the furious boy on the bed. Moving steadily, he approached the bed, not hesitating as he picked Duo up, the restraints effectively stifling his struggles.
Holding the boy tight, he exited the room, leaving the door open behind him. He couldn't have explained what he planned to do, since he didn't know what he *could* do. All he knew was that the present situation was intollerable. Duo's determination infuriated him, as did the fact that he actually incuraged his own torture in order to spare the other pilots. Heero for one did not want that sort of sacrifice done for him, especially not by Duo. There was only one thing he could think of and that was to isolate Duo until he could convince the boy, talk some sense into him. As unlikely as it seemed, it was a personal mission that Heero had no intention of failing.
* * *