Knowing his mission would not be a short one, Heero'd left his gundam with the other three
pilots, confident that they would take care of it. After hot-wiring a truck, he left
the one he'd taken from the safehouse and headed into the country. He'd thought of
simply renting an apartment, but quickly discarded the idea since Duo'd no doubt attract
attention if he knew there were people nearby. It didn't take long to find a
secluded cabin that wasn't being rented at the moment. Already equipped with
supplies, the cabin was the perfect spot, especially since it *was* secluded. And,
with a bit of hacking on his laptop, Heero'd made sure no one would be coming to it any
time soon.
* * *
Having started a fire in the fireplace of the cabin, Heero turned to the bed, meeting Duo's glaring violet eyes. Crossing the small room, he leaned over the boy and undid the gag, prepared for the cursing to resume. Instead, Duo's jaw tightened as he glared at Heero who sat on the edge of the bed.
Met by the boy's silence, Heero didn't know what to do. Somehow he'd expected Duo to start cursing about how Heero was interfering with his mission. Then he would counter the boy's argument. But he hadn't accounted for Duo's being silent. He didn't know what to say. It would be simple to tell Duo to stop sacrificing himself, but such an order would have no effect on the boy. Besides, it was obvious that it had been going on for far too long for Heero to change his mind so easily.
Sighing, Heero shook his head. "If I untie you," he said slowly, "will you try to run?"
Still glaring, Duo clenched his fists where Heero'd tied his arms to his sides. Gritting his teeth, he pulled at the ropes, muscles straining until he finally gave up. Not meeting Heero's gaze, he closed his eyes, turning his head away from the boy at his side, determined not to speak.
Knowing how stubborn the American could be, Heero accepted the silence as much as it disturbed him. Since the first time they'd met, he'd been irritated time and time again by his constant chatter, so the silence was unerving. He'd never known Duo to display much patience, so he waited for the boy to crack. It was a long wait. It wasn't until the long-haired boy sighed and tilted his head that he realized he'd gone to sleep. Staring at him in exasperation, Heero had an almost uncontrollable urge to shake him until he woke up. Instead, he stretched out beside him, waiting for him to wake on his own.
* * *
Heero awoke with a sharp jerk, surprised that he's dozed off. Then he heard a soft sound and realized what it was that had woken him. Sitting up, he looked down at Duo who was struggling against his bonds, head shaking back and forth furiously as he let out an angry cry. Gripping his shoulders, Heero gave him a quick shake, blinking in surprise when Duo opened his eyes, pure hate shining in their depths. Then he slowly stilled, looking up at Heero in surprise for a moment before remembering where he was. Letting out a shakey breath, he glanced down at the ropes restraining him.
"Okay..." Not looking at Heero, Duo sighed. "Untie me and I promise not to run away."
Getting a knife, Heero knelt on the bed as he cut through the ropes, putting the blade out of the boy's reach just in case. This done, he sat on his heels as Duo stretched his arms and legs, rubbing the places where the rope had touched skin. After a minute had passed, Heero found that *he* was the one lacking patience. Since the boy didn't seem in a hurry to look at him, he decided he wasn't going to let Duo ignore him again. Especially since he'd actually spoken.
"You're having nightmares about what happened. Don't try to act like it doesn't hurt."
Turning his head, Duo blinked at him for a minute before his eyes narrowed. "Of course it hurts," he said, voice mocking. "What kind of torture doesn't? But if you think I was dreaming about what happened to me, you're wrong. I meant it when I said I could handle it. That's not what I was dreaming about."
"Then what?" Heero asked, shaking his head. "Tell me why I should let you do this to yourself." //Not that it'll change my mind,// he thought to himself. //I'm not going to let you keep doing this.//
"I don't need your permission," Duo said angrily, then he followed Heero's pointed look, gazing at the ropes lying beside the bed. Smirking, he met Heero's eyes. "Alright, so you've gone nuts. I guess it won't hurt anything to tell you, it's not like I have anything to hide. See, I wasn't dreaming about what happened to me, I never dream about that. It was Quatre."
Confusion crossing his face, Heero looked at the boy. "Quatre...but nothing happened to him."
"No," Duo agreed, looking down as he sat with his hands lying in his lap. "Nothing happened to him because I did my job. But I have dreams, nightmares where I mess up and they hurt him instead. Or you, or one of the others. It's a fear I've always had, that I'll fail and my weakness will result in someone else's pain."
Forcing himself to keep silent, Heero waited, watching Duo's suddenly pain-filled eyes.
"Do you know what it feels like to see someone you care about...someone who means more to you than anything in the world...to see that person suffer because he didn't want you to?" Duo asked, not looking up as he shook his head slowly.
//Yes. Not to see, but I know. I know what it feels like.//
"It's the worst feeling," Duo continued, not looking up, his voice low. "Think about Quatre. He's so sensitive, especially with that space heart of his. Could you imagine him being tortured in the most degrading way while you did nothing? I don't have nightmares about *my* suffering because I would suffer more if I *didn't* do what I do. I have nightmares about what would have happened if I *hadn't* interfered."
"But..." Heero waited until Duo looked up before continuing. "How do you think *he* felt? To him, you sacrificed yourself so he wouldn't be hurt, and that hurt him as much as it would have if you *had* done nothing. It's the same, Duo. You interfered because you didn't want him to be hurt, but by doing so you hurt him yourself."
"Yes." Seeing Heero's surprised expression, he nodded solemnly. "I know. But see, I've had this happen before. I've had the one person I loved sacrifice himself for me only to have us both end up suffering. And he died. So I decided then that I would *not* fail. I won't let someone else suffer because of me, or because I did nothing. *I* have nothing to lose, Heero. Nothing OZ could do to me could be worse than what I've already gone through."
"And that makes it all right?"
"It's a matter of the lesser of two evils. Have you ever been raped, Heero?"
Looking into those lovely eyes, Heero felt his insides twist as he slowly shook his head.
"I'm glad." Seeing Heero's eyes widen, Duo dropped his eyes, a wry smile curving his lips. "It's horrible. There's something so demeaning about it, having someone use your body for their pleasure. And it's even worse to see that happen to someone you love. I hope you never see that."
"You have..."
"Yes. I don't know if Quatre told you, but when I was nine I was taken to a whore-house. But I wasn't alone, my friend...the only friend I ever had...he followed them. Followed *me*."
"Nine...a child..."
"Yes. We were children, Solo a couple years older than me. And he followed them when they took me. He thought he could take my place, but they just used him. Then, when he was almost dead, they used me to make his last moments hell. I'll never forget. And I vowed I'd never let it happen again."
There was nothing he could say, listening to Duo's voice so void of emotion. Yet he had to say *something*. "You suffered. Because your friend was hurt trying to spare you, you suffered. Can't you understand then that your suffering to spare us hurts? I would rather suffer any torture OZ could imagine than have you take my place."
"Heero..."
* * *