"What's in the drug?"
Pausing midbite, Duo looked up in surprise. Neither boy had spoken for over an hour, the last one to move had been Heero who'd silently produced dinner. Sitting next to the other boy on the bed as he ate from the plate on his lap, Duo frowned. "It's an upper, almost an aphrodesiac. It keeps me from getting depressed."
Heero's eyes narrowed. "Then it was just an act? The way you make jokes, how you're always in such a good mood..."
"No!" Shaking his head quickly, Duo wondered why Heero sounded so upset over the idea. "I'm normally up-beat. That's who I am. But...sometimes everything gets to be too much for me. It's hard to smile..."
"Then don't," Heero said sharply. "If you don't feel like smiling, don't smile. There's no reason to hide behind a fake smile."
"Are you kidding? You hide all the time, we all do. I think Quatre's the only one who doesn't." Heero didn't seem impressed, and Duo sighed. "I just don't want to worry him. He cares, and he'd want to know what's wrong. I won't burden him with my problems."
"I care."
Staring at Heero's furious face, Duo knew how hard it was for him to say the words, but he had trouble believing it. "You don't act like it." Seeing the way the cobalt-eyed boy's face hardened, Duo sighed. "Half the time I'm convinced you don't even *like* me. I know I irritate you." Blinking as he looked away from his hands, Duo gave him a hesitant smile. "I want you to know that I don't do it on purpose. Oh, sometimes I mean to, but usually I'm just doing what comes naturally. I guess we're just so different you don't understand that."
"Why wouldn't I? Because I ignore you? Yes, you do irritate me, but not because of the way you act. That's just distracting. I'm no good when comes to sharing my feelings, if I were then you'd know that I react in the only way I know how." Glaring when Duo's expression turned confused, Heero snorted. "I thought you bugged me on purpose to see if you could get a reaction out of me." Waiting, he was rewarded when Duo's look of surprise turned into an abashed one. "I thought so. That's why I yell at you. So you know it worked."
Giving in the grin that tugged his lips, Duo shook his head and let out a soft laugh. "Are you telling me that all this time I've been cracking jokes at your expense you not only knew I was trying to get you mad, you actually *got* mad so I'd keep doing it?"
Heero gritted his teeth before answering. "Everytime I ignored you, you'd give up and go irritate someone else. I..." Dropping his eyes, he glowered. "I was afraid if you didn't get something out of me you'd stop talking to me."
"You really like me, don't you." Flinching at Heero's death-glare, Duo gave a weak grin. "Well, it's a surprise, that's all. Hell, you've known I liked you since we met and you never gave a hint that you felt *anything*. Of course I'm surprised."
"*I* knew?! Where the hell did you get *that* from? Maybe I did know you liked me a little, but no more than you like everyone else. Why did you think I knew?" Frowning, Heero folded his arms over his chest, meeting Duo's confused gaze.
"I...I thought it was obvious. Everyone else noticed, even Wufei. Even if you hadn't seen, I was sure one of them would have told you. I though you knew..." Seeing his cobalt eyes narrow, Duo shook his head at Heero. "I wasn't hiding it."
"Well I didn't," Heero said, voice harsh. "And no one said a thing to me. What signs did you give?"
"Well," Duo said, with an eyebrow raised, "I spent all my time with you. Didn't you ever wonder why I always wanted to be your partner on the dangerous missions? I didn't want you hurt. You know I don't like silence, yet I've spent so many hours listening to nothing but the sound of your typing. And you never wondered why?"
"No. I didn't. Maybe I was content to have you there, so much so that I didn't question the reason you were there." Looking down at his plate, Heero frowned darkly.
"So what now? I mean, where do we go from here?" Heero raised his head abruptly, and Duo flinched at the bright intensity in his eyes.
"You give me your word to stop and we go back to the others. From there, I don't know."
Wincing, Duo groaned lightly as he looked down. "I thought we weren't going to talk about that. Heero, there's nothing you can say that'll convince me to stop. And even if I wanted to," he looked up, eyes wide, "What makes you think I'd be able to? I think it's too late for that." Shaking his head, he set his plate on the stand beside the bed and ran the fingers of one hand through his long bangs. "It's gone on for too long."
"Yes it has. It stops here. You can't help what others do, Duo, but you can stop encouraging them."
"I can't."
"Damn you." Shoving his plate next to Duo's, he moved close to the boy, gripping his shoulders as he moved so their eyes were inches apart. "Stop. It isn't hard, just stop."
Eyes burning, Duo tried to pull back, the strong grip on his shoulders preventing him. "Heero...I just can't. I can't live through that again." Blinking back tears, he was completely unprepaired for the crazed light that seemed to blaze in the other boy's eyes as Heero's hands moved to frame his face.
"You can, you will." Unable to stop himself, Heero moved forward suddenly, lips moving urgently over Duo's in a desparate kiss before he jerked back just as quickly, eyes wide as he took in the boy's shocked expression. "Please."
"Heero..." Feeling his tears slip down over his cheeks, Duo closed his eyes, letting out a cry as he felt soft lips brushing over the damp spots. "Heero."
"Please," Heero said again, voice hoarse as he kissed Duo's forehead, thumbs moving over the tearstreaks on those soft cheeks. "Please stop, Duo. Don't do this to yourself...to me."
Feeling himself break, Duo let out another choked cry as Heero pulled him into his arms, eyes closed as he moved his hands around the Japanese boy's waist. Not bothering to speak, he let his sobs come, burying his face against that lightly muscled chest. "H-Heero...if...if anything...ever happened to you..."
Arms tightening as he clutched the shaking boy to him, Heero closed his eyes, moving his head down so he could breathe in the scent of Duo's hair. "Duo...do you know? Ai shiteru..."
* * *