Rekisuu [1]…

Who believes in that stuff?

Me?

Nah, never had a reason to. I always believed our lives were what we wanted to make of them… or rather, what we didn’t.

Confused? You should be. Hell, I’ve been confused for 25 years now. Deal with it miuchi [2], it’s called "life". Still not following me? Eh, don’t let it get to you. Heck, I’ve never claimed to be the smartest guy around, not that I’m stupid either, but let me help you out a little.

Never say Duo Maxwell isn’t a swell guy… well, not to my face at least.

For starters, lemme explain my little theory on rekisuu. Never heard that word before? Eh, doesn’t surprise me. Don’t worry, I didn’t used to be one for too much Japanese myself, but that was a long time ago. Like I was saying… and for those of you that do know what rekisuu means, I’m not talking about the definitions that refer to some damned calendar or the number of years. Nope, I’m referring to the part that means "one’s destiny" More importantly, the old belief that Destiny is the one that rules your life. Maybe a more familiar form of the word might be unmei [3].

Unmei, fate, destiny, blech. What a word. What an over-used, under appreciated, cliché, stereotypical, worthless, aggravating… well, you get the point… type of word.

Destiny? Nope, not for this little Black Death. Give me one good reason why I should believe in Destiny. Wait- don’t even try it, ‘cause I got a hundred reasons why I shouldn’t for every single one you say I should. Still don’t believe me? Hmph. Exhibit A.

Imagine one Duo Maxwell at the tender age of 5, sitting in the rain, in some dark urine drenched alley, nothing but scraps to cloth his back and the like when it comes to nourishment, bleedin’ at the forehead from his revolts against some drunken perverts "wandering hands".

And that’s one of my nicer memories. Ah, L2, how I wish I could say I miss you. Nah, on the other hand, I don’t give a shit. Where was I going with this? Ah yes, my point being, do you think it’s anyone’s "destiny" to go through life like that? Do you think it was my "destiny" that allowed me to get up in the morning and scrub the blood from my skin from the battle the night before?

Yeah, ya heard me, I said "allowed". That’s all over now. Nine years is a long time. Word of advice, hold tight, they’ll fly past you faster than a mobile doll.

No, I never believed in Destiny, not to say I do now either. But I’m sure you’ve all heard the old phrases and cliches… ‘Destiny is cruel’… ‘Destiny has no mercy’… ‘Destiny is a bitch’ [4]. Well, maybe you haven’t heard that last one, but that’s the one I tended to stick to.

Yep, "tended to". As in not anymore.

Now, Destiny and I never got along too well. I had it out for the old broad [5], but I feel after all these years it’s my duty to stick up for her a little. ‘Why?’ you ask after all my bad mouthing about her. Well, I still don’t believe she runs my life or nothin’, that’s all in my hands and maybe a little of God’s, but have you ever once heard anyone say that Destiny was fair?

I haven’t.

Nope. You never hear anyone say ‘thanks, Destiny!’ or ‘Destiny sure is nice.’ Please, anyone who said that would probably be drug out into the street and shot on location. In fact, there was a time I woulda loaded them full of lead myself. But at the risk of death by bullet wound, I’m going to say it.

Destiny was kind to me.

Now don’t take that the wrong way, we weren’t always the best of chums. For the longest time I really thought she wanted my life to always remain a living hell. A living Hell for a living Death, eh? Sounds… quaint. Well, screw quaint. Quaint makes me think of puppies and kittens, pink frilly lace and white picket fences. If there’s one thing Duo Maxwell ain’t, it’s got to be quaint.

Maybe I still don’t like Destiny that much, but at least we’re on better terms now. And like I said earlier, I’m going to stick up for her a little. Although I don’t believe she controls my life, I’m beginning to think she may have had a hand in creating a certain long-term relationship of mine. Whoops, can’t spill that yet! Lemme just say that after nine years, as I look outside this panoramic window out to the front lawn, white picket fences aren’t half as bad as I thought they were.

So Hell, I’m going to give the old bitch, err, broad… a pat on the back and try to help her reputation a little. And for those of you that don’t need any convincing and already believe me, well, you’re free to go. But for those of you that have felt betrayed by Destiny like I had for all those years, stick around, I’ve got a little lesson to teach you.

Aw, quit your bitchin’. Just because I said "lesson" that doesn’t mean I’m talking about some kind of schooling or something. Relax, this will be fun. And maybe a little enlightening…

Rekisuu…

Listen to me when I say remember that word.

* * *

"What ‘cha doing?" As if I didn’t know.

Maybe it was the rain, maybe it was the three books of homework I had been staring down all that afternoon, or maybe it was the fact that I was starting to see Japanese kanji in the ceiling cracks (what was scarier was that it was spelling out sentences and I couldn’t even read kanji yet), but for some damn reason I was bored as Hell. And for some damn reason I choose to talk to a brick wall.

"Hn."

Told ja, brick wall.

Heero had been steadily clacking away at the keys since the moment classes had ended. Usually, I would at least take the effort to walk over and drape an arm over his shoulder. You know, just to see what he was working on for myself.

Aw Hell, you and I both know it was just too have an excuse to touch him. Any excuse, I didn’t give a shit. There’s another thing, don’t ever say Duo Maxwell is a picky person. Well, not when it comes to Heero at least.

Not this time though. For some reason, with my boredom had come attached laziness. You know how it is, when you’re so bored but you know there’s not a damn thing to do so you’re plastered to some piece of furniture, in my case a bed, and just don’t want to exert the energy to move because you know it won’t soothe the boredom? Eh, well, something like that.

Either way, It’s not like I didn’t know he was doing mission reports or something equally as boring, I just guess I felt like hearing my own voice. Yeah, yeah, I know, you’d think I would get tired of it after so long. But you’ve heard my voice before, so can you blame me? [6]

Well, this was a depressing situation. Hmm, let’s see, it was a Friday night, I had three papers due on Monday… I paused to look at my stone-faced partner’s fingers dancing over the keys… Heero was making love with his laptop, it was raining outside, and the ceiling was talking to me Oh, the joys of my teenage years. So what were the options here? Wait until I actually started showing signs of being much more insane than I thought and started talking back to the cracks in the paint or wait even longer until Heero was the one that started talking (yeah, when Hell froze over), or take my chances in a torrential downpour.

Do I really have to spell it out for you? Thought not.

Eh, I always had a thing for rain anyway. Heck, even after all these years I still tend to run out in Spring showers and romp through the backyard. Heck, I may look like a little kid, but not even cute little blonde haired, lollipop sucking, six year olds could act as pleased as I do when splashing in the puddles back there. And you also don’t tend to see little kids doing that sort of thing stark naked with a horny lover chasing after them… I’m glad we don’t live anywhere near neighbors… heh, that’s another story all together.

But like I was saying…

I figured maybe the cool water would cool me down anyway. I know you’re thinking, ‘cool down from what?’ No, not that way, I wasn’t aroused or nothin’, but my emotions were fuming; stewing in my own juices so to speak. You don’t realize it, but it’s easy for Duo Maxwell to stay angry 24-7. Hey, just because I don’t show it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. There were a million things I could chose to be mad at during any given time, that’s just not how I function. Ever heard the phrase ‘make love not war’? Well, since I was one of the few trying to stop the war, what do you suppose that left me to do?

Lemme rephrase that, trying to do. Not a simple task when you’ve got an unhealthy attachment to an inanimate object. No, I’m not talking about my Gundam. I’m talking about that brick wall from earlier. Yeah, the one that would rather chew off his own arm than throw me a compliment, yeah, that one. Anyway…

With a little more frustration that I probably needed to release, I huffed and headed for the closet. So I’m melodramatic, like you didn’t already know that. It’s one of those endearing qualities I know you’ve grown to love. Lord knows I’ve got enough of them. Vain? Mee~eeee? Perish the thought!

I searched and rambled through the closet for what felt like ten minutes before letting out another frustrated whoosh of air and turning on my heels. Heck, it’s not like I needed a jacket anyway, I planned on getting thoroughly drenched.

By now my boredom had somewhat morphed into pent up anger. Angry with who? Myself? Heero?! God?!!! Hell, I didn’t know, I was just fucking frustrated. So frustrated, that I didn’t even bother to tell Heero where I was going or what I was doing as I stalked out our door and down the dorm hall.

After all, it’s not like he had noticed I was gone.

* * *

You know, wet hair weighs a lot. And it seems to get even heavier when it’s folded up in a braid. I felt like my neck was straining, but that was probably more from stress than the rain. Massages are good things. But let’s face it, who was I going to get to give me a massage? Heero? Yeah right, asking for a massage from Heero would be like painting Wufei’s Shenlong with neon green and mauve smiley faces.

Hmm, note to self: visit Wufei more often… and bring paint.

But you know what was cramping my neck even more? I was running. No, I dunno why I was running, I just felt like it I guess. The campus of the school we were currently staying at was huge. No, enormous. No, gigantic… ok, you get the idea. The campus had a long cement jogging path that stretched all the way across the grounds, weaving and darting past every building and dorm room they possessed. It wasn’t only intended for running purposes, most kids used it to navigate from class to class to keep off the muddy ground or the fresh cut grass. Usually if I had chose to run along the path, I would have already bumped into ten kids, maybe even knocked down a few, from my intense running. Fortunately, I was the only one half witted enough to take a jog in the rain.

Or maybe I could look at it another way. Maybe I was the only one smart enough. I mean, think about it. No pedestrians to block your way, no heat to fry your skin, no sweat dripping down your face… the only draw back I could see was a big fat braid heavier with water pelting me in the back and straining my neck. That, and I was thoroughly soaking my tennis shoes and clothing. Lucky for me I hadn’t been dressed in my usual priest outfit or school uniform when I chose on impulse alone to get out and play in the rain. In fact, even luckier I was wearing a tee shirt, loose fitting shorts, and my now soaked tennis shoes.

By about this time, I was really enjoying myself. I mean, the rain really lifted my spirits (not often you hear that, huh?) and the running was clearing my head, not to mention giving me some much needed exercise. After all, I was a Gundam pilot, it just wouldn’t do to have me get outta shape.

So I made a little promise to myself. I’d do this every afternoon. I figured whether it would be raining or not, a daily routine of running had too many upsides to pass up. My mind had never felt clearer or my body more cleansed. It would give me a chance to do something I actually enjoy and at the same time it was good for me. It gave me plenty of time to get away from Heero, release my emotions through running, and forget about the war if only for a little bit.

In fact, I still stick to that very same routine to this very day. Old habits die hard I guess.

I looked down at my watch, gotta love waterproof wristwatches, and realized I had been out there running for almost an hour and a half. Time flies when you’re… running your ass off. Ha, betcha thought I was going to say "having fun". Have I mentioned I hate cliches? Oh well, I have now.

So I started heading back in the direction of our dorm room. My legs were starting to cramp up and my muscles were aching. Can you blame me? An hour and a half is a damn awful long time for a jog. I knew I had overdid it, seeing as how it was the first time I had went running in a while, and I would get real sore real quick if I didn’t get back to the room and took a hot shower.

Oh, another thing about this gigantic campus I loved, each room had separate bathrooms. No communal showers for me. Can you say expensive?

As I approached the dorm steps, I could faintly make out the form of someone, or maybe something, sitting down on the steps where it was nice and dry. I dare not even begin to think it was Heero, he would also rather chew off his own arm than take the time to pry himself away from the laptop to check up on me.

Like I said, it’s not like he had noticed I was gone.

As I grew a little closer to the steps, I could definitely pinpoint the person to be a male. His shoulders were broad and squared off in my direction. I could feel his gaze looking me over. It made me slightly shiver. I always hated it when people "watched" me. I think I still do.

He looked to be pretty tall, lean, and maybe as old as me. As I got even closer, he waved to me.

Ok, that was unnerving to say the least. Obviously he knew me, wish I could have said the same. It was impossible to see through the spray of rain beating in my eyes who he was. But being the polite and considerate person I am (quit laughing at me), I waved back to him. It wasn’t long before I was up at the steps and the face finally came into view.

"Konnichi wa, Duo."

I slightly cringed. Damned Japanese language, I hated it. I kinda wished Heero would give me some lessons in it. I was always afraid I’d offend someone or completely get lost in what they said. Ah, but this one I recognized, "good afternoon". If I hadn’t picked that one up from school to school by now, you really should call me stupid.

"Hiya, Anrui!"

Ok, so I sounded like a complete American idiot. So what? If everyone thought I was stupid, why not play along with the game. It always gave me the upper hand when people underestimated me. I only hoped I pronounced his name right.

He smiled, showing off perfect white teeth.

"The ‘i’ sounds like an ‘e’, Duo." He corrected me.

Damn. I already told you I hated the Japanese language, didn’t I?

"Sorry, man."

Anrui was one of the upper classmen that lived in our dorm. When Heero and I had first moved in, he was the one that showed us to our room, explained the rules, and gave us the tour. As far as I knew about the guy, he was real friendly and real responsible. He had to be, he was the Dorm-head. I had heard a few guys call him "senpai" [7] before. Another Japanese word that really had no meaning to me. Ok, for someone whose convinced himself he was NOT dumb, I sure was starting to feel pretty ignorant.

"Daijoubu." He shrugged. "At least you remembered who I was."

Score one for Duo… wait, deduct that… what the Hell does daju… daja… daijoo-whatever-the-fuck mean? Yep, if Heero wasn’t going to teach me, I’d at least get a book from the library and brush up on the casuals of the language. It was pitiful, I couldn’t even have a normal conversation.

"With a name like that, how could I forget? It’s Japanese, right?" I flashed him a grin to match his own.

"Hai." Ha! I know what that one means. Duu~uuh.

"I’ve never heard that name before." Not that I go around strategically filing away every name of every Japanese person I’ve ever met into my head. But this one I was sure wasn’t quite that common. I’d never even heard Heero say it before, aside from the few times he’d addressed Anrui during our move in.

"It’s not a traditional Japanese name. I’m probably the only person you’ve ever met with it."

Was this dude like a mind reader or something?

"It means ‘silent tears’."

I smiled, no beamed. I have to admit, I really liked the meaning of his name. It was just one of those things that sounds pleasant to the ears, you know? I was sure now that I wouldn’t ever forget how to pronounce it again.

"Hmm, I like that."

"Arigatou." Oh, know that one, too! "What have you been doing?"

"Running." I answered it quite simply and to the point. I just couldn’t see myself saying ‘Well, it’s a pitiful attempt to kill myself from hypothermia in hopes that my roommate whom I’m secretly lusting after will actually show a little more emotion than that of a squash.’ Ok, so that sounded childish, but hey, it was the truth… well, kind of.

‘What? Did he just say lust?’ You heard me right. I said "lust", not "love". I wasn’t looking for any long time relationship here. Uh-uhh. Duo Maxwell and loving people just don’t mix. So I was chasing after Heero, I promise that it was only cause I was horny as Hell and he was looking hot as fuck. Quit laughing. I really wasn’t in love with him. And don’t try to argue because you know that Duo Maxwell does not lie. Believe me? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Lust, and nothing more.

Anrui gave me this look like he had just now noticed my clothing was wet. His eyes moved up and back down my form. It made me shiver a little. Remember? I don’t like being watched.

"Demo… it’s raining."

Geez, this guy used more Japanese in five minutes than I’ve heard Heero use in a whole week. Come to think of it, that’s probably because he just spoke more than Heero would in his whole lifetime. Which also made me conclude that was also probably the reason I didn’t know much Japanese yet spent most every day cooped up with one.

I slopped my wet bangs out of my eyes and reached down to the hem of my shirt to wring out the access water, putting on the most innocent angel face I could muster. Hey, I know, I spent time practicing it in the mirror. Gotta get things like that down to a science.

"Really? I hadn’t noticed."

He chuckled. A real chuckle. Man, those were so rare to hear from people other than myself. Can you imagine Heero ever chuckling? Frankly I could only see that if he happens to be wearing a snug white jacket and is surrounded by padded walls. Well, I couldn’t imagine it back then I mean… now I don’t have to imagine it. Sigh…

Oh yeah, back to the story…

"You look like you need a break."

"That’s what the run was for." You know, I wasn’t sure if I liked where this guy was going with this. We barely really knew each other. I mean, I had seen Anrui around the dorm a lot. We’d exchanged casual hello’s and nothing more. It was all a need-to-know basis. ‘Cause I had all I needed to know- his first name, his last name, and that was enough for me.

He smiled. Ah, his smiles were so… frightening. Not because they were ugly and scary and stuff like that. Nope, the exact opposite. They unnerved me so much because they were so… beautiful. I imagined that Heero might look like that if he ever smiled. That is, if his face didn’t crack first.

In fact, all of Anrui was beautiful. He was taller than I was, of course, everyone seems taller than I do. Damned genes. And it kind of struck me as strange that he was also Japanese. You couldn’t tell it by his looks, just like Heero. I mean, how many blue eyed, brown headed Japanese people do you meet in your whole lifetime? But Anrui, he was even more so unique than Heero. His hair was about shoulder length and red. Yes, red. But not that funky orange-ish red you see on most carrot tops. His hair color reminded me more of a strawberry. But you could tell just by looking at it that it wasn’t dyed. There were too many natural highlights and other shades of red woven into it to be a dye job. And his eyes, now that was the strangest thing about him. Ok, I’ve heard many people call my eyes purple before, although truth be told they’re amethyst (which is a blue-ish violet color, almost more blue than violet), but Anrui eyes, man were they purple! They looked like two plums sitting right there in the eye sockets. They were just too damned bright. That was the first thing you really noticed about Anrui. Those eyes.

"I meant away from the campus." He clarified.

Hell, I said before I’m not stupid. I knew what he meant. His directness was dangerous. But then, I admired that in a person. Straight forward and right to the point. Can you see me acting that way around Heero? ‘Hey, Heero, let’s fuck like bunnies.’ NNOOooo WWAAaayyy. There wouldn’t be enough of my body left for the police to identify me by, that is if they ever found the body.

"What did you have in mind?"

Hey, it was better than spending Friday night reading "Little Red Riding Hood" on the ceiling, ne?

"Coffee, maybe? You look like you might need some after that ‘run’."

Coffee? There’s nothing wrong with that, right? Besides, who am I to turn down a free drink?

"Sounds good. But you’d better give me an hour to get cleaned up. I find wet clothing a little unappealing."

He chuckled again. Hmm, is there anyway to get addicted to someone’s laugh?

"An hour? Why so long?"

In answer to his question, I just heaved my braid over onto my chest and twisted it to wring the water out.

"Aa. An hour it is. I’ll meet you back here on the steps."

I had the strangest urge to say ‘sounds like a date to me!’. But no need to frighten off the boy.

I nodded once and headed inside the huge glass doors to make my way back up to my room. Correction- our room. The one thing I did hate about that campus was the never-ending column of stairs. Oh yeah, and our room happened to be on the top floor. Elevators, you ask? Damn thing had been broken for a week. Their maintenance crew must’ve really sucked.

I figured Heero would still be glued to that laptop when I came in. Probably wouldn’t even bother to acknowledge my existence or ask why the Hell I was so wet.

So I made it to the door… hmm, whether to open it with a scene or just come in quietly. Heh, it’s not like if I burst into the room it would get his attention, so I decided to just enter real quiet like and not disturb his precious typing.

After all, it’s not like he had noticed I was gone.

The door slung open before I could open it and standing directly behind it was Heero Yuy with his hand on the knob.

Ok, he had noticed I was gone. It’s not the first time Duo Maxwell was wrong, definitely not the last.

"Eh, hey, Heero."

He just stared at me, not moving, not bothering to reply. He was so stiff it was really actually hard to tell if the guy was even breathing. My eyes met his and his brows creased in what could possibly be anger.

Well shit.

What had I done this time?

* * *

1. Rekisuu is a Japanese word that usually means one of three things- calendar making, a number of years, or one’s destiny. I think it’s safe to eliminate the first two possibilities for this story, don’t you?

2. Miuchi is another Japanese word loosely meaning "friends".

3. Unmei is the Japanese equivalent of the words fate and destiny.

4. Heh, just for reference, this is usually the phrase I use when my friends and I get into conversations about luck, fate, and destiny. Which strangely enough happens often.

5. Duo always refers to Destiny in the feminine sense, heh, like I do. I’ve always seen Destiny as being a woman… that is, if it were possible to see Destiny. And I capitalize the word like a name, just for emphasis on her having human characteristics.

6. I’m definitely not talking about the ear grinding, irritating, unsexy voice they got for the English dubbed version. I’m talking about Duo’s Japanese voice… long live Toshihiko Seki!

7. Most of the time you see this word spelled "sempai", with a ‘m’. I did a little research on it after watching the "Here is Greenwood" anime. Believe it or not, the more correct way to spell it is with a ‘n’, though we Americans tend to make m’s and n’s often interchangeable in some Japanese words. Senpai, or sempai, I guess both forms are correct under certain situations. Just one more so than the other. Senpai really has no equivalent in our language. It means senior in school or work, elder, or superior. For the sake of this story we’ll say superior.