Part 1 : Scars
*****
It was Life or Death. The outcome of this single battle
could change everything. There were to be no mistakes. Sweat threatening to trickle down
her back, she wiped jagged bangs away from pale aqua blue eyes and reloaded the machine
guns while slicing through one more suit with her laser rifle.
Now! All that was left was the *detonator*. With the single stroke of a key . . . the
enemy's entire fleet would be taken out. Darting her way around the debris, she positioned
herself just right--
*Knock* *Knock*
/Knocking?!/
"Fuck!" Relena silently cursed while detaching her self from the VR set.
"Just a minute," she pleaded while carefully removing the straps so as to not
cause too much noise.
Gently she placed the set into the top drawer of her huge mahogany desk. Making way across
her pale pink carpet, Relena silently cursed what ever evil had brought her away from her
game. Someone was going to *pay*.
Attempting her most authoritative voice Relena called for the unwelcome intruder to enter.
"Relena-sama."
"Noin?!" /What the hell is she doing back?!/ "What a pleasant surprise I
wasn't expecting you for another four days!" /God forbid./
"Yes . . . well I sort of have some bad news."
/Fuuuck,/ Relena silently whined to herself. "What, you couldn't bring me *good*
news?"
Noin, playing with the silver chain draped around her neck, anxiously replied, "And .
. ." She paused considering the weight of her next statement. "Well, some more
bad news." There; she had gotten it out! Sadly, however, she didn't want to be the
one in here right now. Relena had always given her the creeps.
"Ok," Relena replied, frowning. "Give me the less intimidating news
first."
"Well . . ." Noin paused again, blinking.
Relena mentally sighed. /This dipshit had better hurry up. My game is waiting!/
Taking a deep breath while wiping a stray lock of dark hair behind her ear she continued.
"I saw Dorothy-sama in the hall . . ."
Relena's eyes brightened considerably at this, her frown almost wavering.
Taking it the wrong way, Noin doggedly plowed on. "She said something about a game .
. ."
"Oh." Relena's frown deepened, brows furrowing. /Damn./ It had taken two rounds
of poker listening to Dorothy bitch about the damned thing before Relena's interest had
*finally* been piqued. Then it had taken another four rounds and a considerable amount of
alcohol to convince Dorothy to let her borrow it.
It wasn't like Relena could just go out and buy one. She had her pacifism to maintain,
after all.
"Relena. Relena?"
Noin startled her out of her reverie. "Yes. What?" Relena asked blinking, and
failing miserably at holding back a snicker. "Oh, yeah! Make it quick, Noin.
Then," she added with a little smile, "send Dorothy in for me, would ya?"
Noin almost lost her lunch. Relena was *beaming* for god sakes. Just for the record Noin,
took that the wrong way too, but then I guess it could be considered the *right* way. . .
.
*****
"Heero! Oi, shit for brains!" Jarod called
while childishly wrapping Heero's long chestnut hair into a bun. Jarod had decided that
Heero's face had been plastered to the T.V. screen long enough.
"Huh? Wha-- Hey, I know that woman!" Heero replied, jumping for the remote.
Sadly, however, Jarod beat him to it. Flipping the T.V. off for now, Jarod collapsed into
a boneless heap next to Heero on the couch. "How many times do I have ta tell ya not
to watch the news? It's too damned depressing for ya! You're trying to *heal* remember?
Besides, Lindsey is coming over tonight. An' if she see's *you*"--Jarod emphasized by
pointing a finger at Heero's nose--"running around all depressed, she'll
be pissed as hell and *I* won't get any." With his finishing lines Jarod crossed his
arms and pouted, giving cute a whole new meaning.
"Remind me again why I *care* about your sex life?" Heero retorted while getting
up and making his way toward the kitchen. Their was cocoa in there waiting for him. Heero
considered the blonde headed idiot on T.V. for a moment and decided that Jarod might know.
"But, no, Jarod, I swear. I think . . . I know that woman!"
"No! Really?! Are you sure?" Jarod asked in mock surprise getting up to follow.
As much as Heero loved Jarod like a little brother, he could be such an ass sometimes.
"Asshole."
"Heero! *Everyone* knows her!" Jarod spread his arms pausing dramatically.
"She's the freaking Queen of the World!"
Then Jarod got that devils look in his eye that Heero had become more than accustomed to.
"Or . . . maybe you knew her intimately? Eh?" Jarod quipped, brown eyes all
alight, a rakish grin spreading across his face. "Ohhh, I know!" Jarod supplied,
brown hair pooling over bare shoulders. "You were in *love* with her!" Jarod
accused with an evil cackle threatening to break free. "Heero loves Relena,"
Jarod sighed melodramatically, placing one slender hand over his heart.
For some reason that last statement pierced Heero to the core. Stunned, Heero bit back the
bile rising in his throat and ran for the bathroom. His stomach in knots, he crouched over
the toilet. This last memory had royally kicked his ass. When he was done he slowly stood
up, clutching a towel as if it were a life line. Wiping his mouth he looked into the
mirror, face pale as a ghost. /Wow, I'm lookin' pretty./ He winked at his reflection. His
chest hurt and his whole face burned. It wasn't until he had stood in front of the mirror
for a few minutes that he realized he had started crying. Pulling on a few stray hairs, he
absently began undoing his braid. After telling Jarod that he could quit pounding on the
door, Heero began to run himself a bath.
Six months after his rescue, the pain had begun. Fleeting memories would rip through his
head; too brief for him to make anything out. They would shatter his self control and then
the pain would rage through. He wouldn't even know why he was feeling these strong
emotions, just that he couldn't control them. Which only made things that much worse.
That's how he'd come up with the name Heero a few weeks after; Jarod told him he'd been
moaning the name in his sleep. Heero had taken it on as a kind of reminder that he still
had a past out there . . . somewhere . . .
Holding his head in his hands, sobbing, Heero tried to fight off another headache. It was
the eighth one this week. He didn't know how much longer he could survive like this. . . .
*****
Biting his lip and wiping away the stinging that
threatened to invade his pale green eyes, Jarod watched the last streaks of fiery red fade
into the night. Pale stars began to do their decorating across the sky. Watching the surf
gently caress the beach below . . . out here with the breeze blowing through his hair . .
. he realized just how simple everything could seem.
Tracing the waters edge to the cliffs about half a mile down shore, he finally understood
why Heero had to leave. Heero was restless. He had demons to fight. But he couldn't do it
here. Jarod knew that awful day when he pulled Heero up out of the water. Gazing into
those fevered violet eyes he had known the boy had been through more than hell. A hell
that Jarod himself was accustomed to. Jarod sighed letting the scent of the rain soaked
earth to take him away, if only for a few moments.
Although Heero knew nothing of his life's past, his eyes were too old. Eyes that had seen
so much pain and hate that even the doctors had decided that it would be for the best if
Heero never remembered his past. Jarod sighed, gently wiping at the tear on his cheek.
They didn't think he could handle the truth. Seeing the cuts on his wrists and arms, the
bullet hole in his chest . . . it didn't take a genius to figure out that Heero had
attempted suicide. If he ever *did* remember his past, who was to say he wouldn't try it
again?
Heero's body was healing but his heart wasn't. Heero was tormented constantly with dreams
of a past he could not recall, as well as fleeting images that would leave him sick for
days.
Realizing with a start that the moon was, out Jarod began heading back, looking over his
shoulder one last time. Things were getting worse. Not only for Heero, but himself as
well. Jarod's old *friends* were back in town. He could only pray they didn't find him
this time. The last time they had found him it had turned into a real blood bath.
*****
Shifting into fifth, Wufei gave his truck a bit more
gas. He'd been expecting to see Quatre's estate blink into existence any minute now for
the past half hour! It was getting *dark* now, and he didn't particularly like the idea of
spending the night in the woods with the snow. It wasn't that he had anything personal
*against* snow, it was just, well, cold. And he was running out of gas . . . that was all!
Honest!
After another fifteen minutes of searching for Quatre's fictitious estate, Wufei was
beyond thoroughly convinced that some insolent bastard had fucked up. And upon further
examination, he was sure that the insolent bastard was *not* him.
/Shiiit./ It was starting to snow again. With a resigned sigh, Wufei turned the heater up
and flipped the radio on. This was going to be one hell of a long ride. His only hope was
that the people in the next town could be of more help than Quatre's jackass assistants.
*****
Heero emerged from the bathroom wrapped in his favorite
black robe. Hair brush in hand, he began on the mass of tangles haphazardly flowing down
his back. In the kitchen Heero found the steaming cocoa Jarod had set out for him and the
multicolored note Jarod had left saying that he had "stuff" to do in town.
/Figures,/ Heero sighed to himself.
Head still hurting like hell, Heero took some of his meds and then brought the cocoa back
with him to his room, the beginnings of a somewhat morally questionable idea brewing in
his head.
****
Quatre had been nervously pacing around the house all
evening. It was seriously beginning to wear on the others. Deciding to take him out of
everyone else's misery, Trowa wrapped a comforting arm around the boy's waist.
"Where is he?" Quatre asked, tears threatening to free themselves from his
lashes.
"He'll be here," Trowa assured.
"But he's never late. Not for a mission!" Quatre countered, bringing melodrama
to a new level.
"Maybe it's because--" Wufei started to offer, but Trowa waved a hand for him to
stop.
By now Quatre had broken free and was standing in front of the window. Watching the
delicate snowflakes silently dusting the landscape, Quatre whispered to himself, "I
don't want to lose another one." /God damn it! Heero's already a shadow, and Duo--/
Opening his eyes and wiping the tear from his cheek, Quatre noticed the head lights
streaming through the snow. "He's here," Quatre whispered.
"What?" Trowa asked. Grimly noting the tenseness of his lovers body.
"He's here!" Quatre replied more steadily this time.
*****
Eying himself warily in the mirror, Heero decided that
a night out would definitely help. At the very least it would put some color back into
those all to pale cheeks.
Getting dressed, Heero chuckled to himself. If Jarod knew he was pulling a stunt like
this, he wouldn't have been able to make it two steps out the door. Better yet, knowing
Jarod and his sick sense of humor, Heero would most likely be handcuffed to the bed.
No . . . Jarod had *Lindsey* now. What an improvement. He slipped some music into his new
player, still fiddling with the brush handle.
It hadn't been *his* fault that he'd kept moaning the name 'Heero' in his sleep. Rolling
his eyes, he kicked open the closet, looking for something to wear. He wasn't exactly new
to the particular club he was planning on visiting, so the leather vest was definitely
out. But the black silk with the leather pants . . . ohh! and those boots. . . . He
paused, toying with the idea of Jarod in this ensemble.
He guessed that was why he'd taken on the name Heero. To this day it evoked feelings in
him. What they *were* he still couldn't pin point. It just seemed . . . comforting. Even
though he had nothing to draw a past from, he had a name. Standing in front of the mirror,
Heero tied off his braid.
Thank god Jarod and Lindsey weren't back yet. If Jarod ever bothered to look into his lil'
closet . . . Heero smirked. Priceless.
Heero still didn't understand why those two didn't just get married already. Jarod had
said that it had something to do with his past, and that Lindsey could end up hurt. For
some reason, Heero just couldn't find that as being much of an excuse.
Putting on the finishing touches, Heero gave his image a brief wink and blew himself a
kiss. / Me? Vain? Never! / Roughly thirty seconds later, he was speeding away on his brand
new rebuilt Harley, a fuzzy purple note of his own upon the table.
*****
When Duo awoke, he immediately wished he hadn't. His
head was pounding, his mouth tasted like vomit, and, on the whole, he felt like shit.
/Duo?! Wait a goddamn minute. What the fuck?!/ He must have had more to drink than he
thought. "But, no. My name is *Duo*." He tested it out to get the feel of it on
his tongue. Yesss . . . It just felt . . . *right*.
Sighing, he attempted to sit up. Before he could, however, a sharp pain lanced mercilessly
through his body, burning along his very nerve endings, biting at his insides.
"Oh, fuck!" He was alone, and he couldn't remember where he was. This day just
kept getting better and better. Duo could do nothing as a few pieces from 'Good Morning
Sunshine' chose to dance through his head. /Of all the goddamn songs, why this one? Maybe
I'm just cursed./
Moaning, he flipped on the little bedside lamp. He didn't know what the hell had happened,
but he still felt the last remnants of what ever drugs had been pumped into his body.
Although he couldn't remember any of the previous night's escapades, he was pretty damned
sure that none of this had been his idea.
What was bothering him--Hell! He'd remembered his name; he knew it was his name because .
. . oh, hell, he just did. It just *felt* right.
Sadly, however, Duo's stomach chose that moment to reward him for his drinking habits.
Less than ten seconds later Duo was in the bathroom losing his dinner from the previous
evening. /Oh fuck! Jarod is going to *kill* me! But first he's going to chop me into
little itty bitty pieces. Shit shit shit shit./
When Duo was done feeling like he'd been raked over a bed of hot coals--and feeling more
than a bit sorry for himself--he decided to pick his ass up off the bathroom floor and go
home. Where Jarod and the Ditz could bitch at him for being so irresponsible, help him
clean up, and then get him to bed.
When standing Duo noticed himself in the mirror. "Oh gawd, I look like death warmed
over." Duo smiled at that. "No pun intended, of course." Absently he ran
his hands over glittered cheeks while undoing what was left of his braid. /It's gonna take
years to get this crap off./
Dully he noticed he was still naked. Slipping around the room as quietly as he could, Duo
grabbed at the pile of cloths on the floor and--praying to god that they were
his--struggled into them. With a grimace of distaste, he turned and left the sorry excuse
for a sleazy hotel room.
He knew this place; it wasn't exactly the first time he'd been here. It was the . . . the
. . . Oh, fuck it! He knew the desk clerk well enough. It was certain he could get a ride
home.
*****
The steady pulse of heavy metal music seemed to plunge
itself into the very souls of the people occupying the floor. All around, people were
swaying their hips seductively with each beat of the hard bass.
Wufei eyed the crowd with utter distaste. Why the hell they couldn't pick up the informant
at someplace quiet, like a library, was as far beyond him as the thought of Heero wearing
a pink tu tu. Although he was sure this was Quatre's doing. The little shit could seem so
innocent, but he could also be such a sadistic little bastard when the mood hit him.
Wufei scowled as his bottom was grabbed, a rather undignified moan breaking free before he
could stop it. Quatre was going to pay. /Sadistic bastard./
Wufei crossed his arms, scowling out at the crowd once again. This was going to take
forever.
*****
Sighing as he closed the door to the black sedan, Duo
leaned back in through the window, his now unbound hair snaking over his shoulders, and
thanked Janace for a most wonderful ride home. She had picked at him all the way, telling
him that he needed to go to the local hospital.
Duo didn't know why but he really didn't like hospitals, so he had had the pleasure of
explaining to Janace that he was perfectly fine and there was *no* reason to worry.
"Hee--I mean, Duo, are you sure?"
"Absolutely." Duo shrugged. "Don' worry 'bout it"
"You can't even walk straight," she observed dryly
"Janace . . . 'm fine. Thanksh for th' tequilla!" Duo bubbled loudly while
shaking the bottle's contents all over the seats. She had given it to him hoping to calm
him down a bit. It had done it's job, albeit too well.
Janace scowled, pouty lips pressed into a thin line. "Yes . . . Well, just make sure
Jarod has a good look at you before you go to sleep."
"I'm 'kay," Duo said, shrugging again. The after effects of the rape drug
combined with the alcohol were making themselves more than obvious. What a night. Well at
least he was drunk and wouldn't have to think about anything for a while.
Duo stumbled his way up the walk onto the porch, and then threw himself at the porch
swing. Settling in for a comfy night outside, Duo lazily put one arm up over his head.
Morning was coming and the sun would soon be out, driving him off of the swing. /Oh well.
Might as well take whatever sleep I can./ Duo sighed, rolled over, and passed out.
*****
/// Water was pooling at his feet. The deck was soaked.
Wind lashing about violently. Duo! Where was Duo?! He'd found him, oh my god blood! Blood
all over. Duo why?
"I can't Heero . . . I just can't"\\\
Heero sat up, echoes of Duo's words swirling around in his head. He still couldn't get a
decent night's sleep. These days, everything just passed in a blur. He did what he was
told, when he was told to do it. It was hard to be the perfect soldier when the only love
of your life had turned into a ghost.
Looking out the small window above his bed, Heero gazed greedily at the tiny pin pricks
shining in the night sky. Duo would love a night like this. If only--but, no. Duo had
begged Heero to let him go.
Bowing his head and holding his hands across his lap, Heero waited until the stinging in
his eyes and the pain in his chest faded. Heero leaned over the rumpled sheets to look at
the clock. Four a.m. Wufei was still out.
Guessing that the others must be with him, Heero slid from the bed and dressed quickly,
grabbing a light jacket on his way out. A walk would do him some good. He needed a clear
mind; old feelings could only jeopardize things.
*****
Duo awoke with a start. He was supposed to be doing
something, but he didn't know what. Seeing as how he didn't *know* what, he decided that
the safest move would be to go into house.
It was yet again a rainy day. /Very promising,/ Duo thought to himself while attempting to
sit up. He couldn't really remember how he had gotten on the porch. Bits and pieces of the
night before dancing through his already pounding head, Duo decided that he'd better go
inside and face the Wrath of Jarod. "Ooh, scary!" Duo chuckled to himself.
As Duo stood up and made his way rather stiffly toward the door, he noted that it was
slightly ajar. The metallic lock had been picked at--judging by the scratches, the
intruder was no professional. Some jackass had probably waited until he had left last
night before going in and robbing the place.
"Figures," Duo sighed to himself, standing up to look through the door into the
foyer.
"Hello!" Duo called out. The place had definitely been ransacked. Papers, bits
of glass . . . anything and everything seemed to be littering the hardwood floor.
"Hello!" Duo called again, louder. He definitely did not want to come home to
some armed street punks. It was *not* the best way to begin the morning after a really bad
bender the night before.
Duo kicked at the remains of a poor vase, already half broken, on his way in the door.
/Damn./ They had certainly trashed the place. Deciding that there was no way any idiot
would stay behind and wait for the owners, Duo slowly crossed the hall and padded into the
living room, unsure of what he would find.
Nothing could have prepared him for what he saw. Blood spattered the freshly painted
walls, little pools of it decorating the carpet. /It's all over the place,/ he noted with
detachment that startled him. The smell hit like a ton of bricks, it's coppery sent
carried upon the breeze drifting from a nearby shattered window. There was something about
this that Duo recognized. Something . . . He couldn't pin it, but for some odd reason he
wasn't quite as horrified as he would have expected.
Duo moved closer toward the couch to get a look at the body. He could already see one pale
hand stretched toward the fireplace, almost as if the person were looking for any warmth
possible,even in death. His stomach lurched. This was *not* going to be pretty.