Duo ran all the way home excitedly. He couldn't wait to break the news to Heero as he
patted his abdomen protectively. * Well, this is it…* A sense of overpowering joy
filled his whole body. There were two things that he will never forget: The death of
occupants at the Maxwell House and the other was to be able to meet Heero Yuy. Now, there
was another unforgettable thing to be added -- this... He smiled tenderly as he recalled
the earlier episode:
( flashback)
“ Are you sure about this?” A voice whispered uncertainly, it seemed doubtful of
the news given. This was too good and miraculous to be true.
“ Yes.” Another voice affirmed the given news, allaying the fears of the other
entity.
“ Honto ni?”
“ Honto desu.”
“ Honto, honto, honto, honto, honto, honto ni?”
“ Hai.”
“ Really, reall—”
“ Duo! How many time must I repeat myself?” a high shrilly voice cried out
exasperatedly.
“ sou desu ne..” Suddenly, Duo’s face blushed and a pretty tinge of red
spread across his cheek. It made him all the more radiant, like a budding flower blooming
in Spring. He lowered his head and gazed at his tummy lovingly. A new life was waiting to
be born and that new life was in him, right there…
“ Sally, will he be happy about this too?” Duo whispered softly to himself,
suddenly unsure about himself and about Heero’s reaction to this news…
“ I’m sure he will be happy… no, it should be ‘ecstatic’ about
this…”
Duo’s eyes’ lit up at the reassurances given. Sally Poh smiled, noting the light
shining in Duo’s eyes. / Phew… after all these months of preparation, we’ve
finally succeeded……/
“ Honto ni?”
“ Yes.”
“ Honto, honto, honto, honto, honto ni?”
A sigh was given, lined with a dash of vexation, “ Duo, must we go through that
again?”
Duo grinned sheepishly, too happy for words.
( End of flashback)
"This is too good to be true. Heero will be very surprised. Oh, I can't wait to tell
him."
* * *
Back in the house, Heero Yuy dropped his duffel bag on the floor and
sat down on the bed. He has already packed his belongings. He had to go… had to leave
him… He hid his face in his hands, contemplating whether had he made the right choice
or not. He didn’t want to leave, but he did not have the courage to stay, did not
have the confidence to make the commitment, and did not have the nerve to be with
him……
/Should I be doing this? Must I really leave? /
He was unsure about his decision, he raised his head and looked around the little room he
now shared with Duo. How many times had he made love to Duo in this room? All the happy
times he had shared with Duo was here, here in this room……… he got up and
walked towards the wall opposite the king sized bed that took the center stage of the
room. He knelt down and traced a faint stain at the bottom of the wall………
He smiled fondly as he recalled the time they had made love standing up and slid down
while they were at the height of their pleasure. At that time, they were too poor to own a
bed. All they had were two sleeping bags. He recalled how impatient they were as they tore
each other’s clothes and how their tongues lashed out together as they explored each
other’s heated bodies………
/ Oh God……… /
He could not stand it any longer; he got up and went back to sit on the bed as he shut
down all those haunting memories. Now, he waited for Duo to be back.
Just then, the door burst open and the excited boy ran in.
"Heero! I have news for you. I..." Duo's sentence stopped mid way when he
noticed the duffel bag on the floor and the Japanese boy sitting on the bed in grim
silence.
"Er...Heero, what's with the bag? You going somewhere?"
"I'm leaving."
"Huh? You are what?! Where to?!" Duo asked worriedly.
"Relena's."
"What?! Why?!" Duo was shocked that Heero was leaving him for Relena
"Duo, we can't go now like this.” Heero looked at Duo straight in the eye.
“There is no future for us. It's better for us to part ways and lead our own
life." Heero ended calmly though he did not felt that calm.
"What do you mean by that? By going to Relena, there will be a future for you?"
Duo asked, wide eyed at Heero’s logic.
"No……… I don't think so."
"Then why do you want to go to her? Why can't you just stay with me?"
Heero too did not understand why he wanted to leave…… wanted to go to Relena. He
had no idea what was there at Relena’s. All he knew was the need to be away yet
strangely, he wanted so desperately to be with Duo……
"You just don't understand, Duo….” Heero cried out, wanting to convince Duo
that he needed to leave…… wanting to convince himself why he had to leave.
“Commitment is something I can't give you.”
/Yes… that’s it…./ Heero thought as he continued his speech.
“With Relena, I am just keeping her company. I don't love her and I don't have to
give her any commitment." / Yes!! That was it…. I cannot promise you assurance
and thus I had to go away…/
Duo began to tremble. He couldn't understand what Heero was trying to say…… /I
don’t want assurance… I just want you, is that hard for you to understand? I
just want you………/ Duo cried out in his mind. He could not bring himself to
say all these. The words were all trapped in his throat. As he stared at Heero, he
whispered brokenly, "You are… leaving me……because…… you
are…… afraid…… to be tied down?”
Heero did not reply to this. No……… It was not that… it was because he
did not know what to reply.
“I thought you love me. Please Heero, don't leave me." Duo implored, hoping that
Heero would changed his mind………
Heero came up to him and pulled Duo close against him, his arms were like bands of steel
around Duo's trembling body. He breathed deeply Duo’s scent, trying to memorize his
aroma.
/ Oh God……… I’m going to miss him………/ He thought to
himself as he opened his mouth to deliver the ultimation.
"It's over, Duo. Good bye." Heero's voice was toneless.
Before he could get his breath to reply, Heero threw Duo from him. The ex wing pilot had
to get away from him. Any second longer, he will definitely took the ex-deathscythe pilot
into his arms and plummeted into the dark recesses of those violet eyes.
Duo fell against the bed and slipped onto the floor. He was shocked at the way Heero had
treated him.
/What have I done?? Haven’t we lived together happily for quite some time?? What had
I done to displeasure you?? What??/ He thought numbly as he tried to digest what had
happened.
"Heero...please...listen to me." Duo forced the words between his lips, wanting
to persuade Heero to stay but he was too late. Heero had left the room, slamming the door
behind him.
For some seconds, Duo stared after him, unable to even cry out, unable to do anything but
felt stunned and bewildered by what had happened.
/ Nani?? What had caused him to react in this manner? What had happen? What had happen?? /
Duo stared at the door, unable to react……
Slowly he hugged his knees as reality of what had just happened began to sink in. Tears
rolled down his cheeks as he cried out, “ Heero!! You baka baka baka
baka!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” He hid his face between his knees as he continued to sob,
"Why didn't you hear me out?……………Why? Why does this have to
happen now?"
Suddenly, Duo began to laugh hysterically, "Fate is playing a cruel joke on me."
Duo grabbed the alarm clock from the side table and threw it across the room in anger and
it hit the mirror on the wall, shattering the glass.
“ Ping!!” The broken pieces of the mirror were scattered around the room. He
picked up a shard of glass that landed at his feet and clutched at it tightly, cutting his
palm. Pain resulted from the wound while blood was flowing out. It trickled down his arm
and dripped onto the floor. God… he needed the physical pain, it was bliss as it took
away the other pain that hurt deeply. Duo stared at his bloodied hand and began to laugh
hysterically again.
“ Heero! You’ll regret this!! I’ll make you pay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
* * *
Heero stared out of the window of the train, looking at the stars in
the sky. He remembered how he used to stargaze with Duo, lying side by side on the grass
of the open field. He smiled, as remembrance of the first time he had stargazed with
Duo…
( Flashback)
“ Ne, Heero… what are you thinking?”
“……..”
Duo chuckled lightly, “ I should have known…………. Do you know what
I’m thinking?” He turned to look at Heero for a while before continuing, “I
was thinking, when can we do this again? It is so peaceful, It’s like being in a
world where there’s only the two of us……” He broke off and turned over
to Heero, “ Ah………… Isn’t that wonderful?” Duo asked
wistfully, his hands supporting his chin as he laid on the soft lush grass on his stomach.
Heero turned his head to look at Duo, “ Aa……” He could not help
himself as he gazed into the seemingly endless depths of Duo’s large amethyst eyes.
That pair of eyes, it held a special attraction to him…… He cannot resist the
attraction and it was that pair of eyes that led him to fall hopelessly in love with Duo.
“ Heero?”
“ Nani?”
“ Why are you staring at me like that?”
Heero sweat dropped, / you baka!!/ He thought to himself but he did not comment. Duo
smiled secretly to himself. Of course he knew the reason why Heero was staring at him.. He
just cannot resist the temptation of asking…… He leant closer to Heero and
whispered softly, “ You haven’t answered my question……”
Heero looked at the figure looming above him, felt the warm rush of air rushing onto his
face as the figure whispered the words. He felt a tingle beneath the skin where the warm
air had touched. /Oh God… this had to end!! This attraction for
him………/ Suddenly, the figure lowered down and kissed him lightly on the
lips. So ethereal that it was almost surreal.
“ Duo……”
Duo just smiled and bent down again but this time was to nip lightly at Heero’s left
ear.
“ Heero, you still have not answer my question……. Why are you staring at me
like that…….”
Heero gripped Duo’s shoulders lightly and flipped him over. He lowered his lips and
kissed Duo lightly in return, “ Duo…”
“ Hm?”
“ Shut up……”
Duo giggled at that and pushed him aside. “ Nah, Heero……” He retorted
jauntily, “ You are not allowed anything until you answer my question!!”
“ Omae k’so”
Duo began to get up and retreated a few steps away from Heero. There was nobody around
naturally. They were at an open space overlooking a lake. Behind them were tall
overshadowing trees. But this particular night, there was enough moonlight to see clearly.
The shimmering lake had a magical aura to it. Duo pulled off the elastic band that binds
his plait. He gently shook his head to let his hair fall loosely over his shoulders. He
then began to unbutton himself slowly, sensually……… He knew Heero was
watching his every move.
“ Heero?”
“………”
“ Are you gonna tell or what?”
“ ………” Heero began to swallow his saliva as Duo began his
seduction.
The longhaired pilot chuckled, “ Are you?” He gently stroked his neck and moved
down towards his collarbone. Heero got up too and walked towards Duo.
Duo then began to move away as Heero moved forward. “ Nope, I’m not gonna let
you until you answer me first and you are not going to –”
Heero silenced him with another kiss. Duo’s head tilted backwards due to the pressure
Heero was exerting. Heero then gently guided Duo down to lie upon the soft grass as they
continued to kiss long and hard.
When they finally broke off to get the much-needed breaths, Duo stared at Heero in mock
anger, “ Not fair…you’ve cheated…….”
Heero managed a little smile, a smile meant for Duo and Duo only. His hands slowly
unbuttoned the rest that Duo had not undone earlier. After he had finished doing so, he
did not immediately take off the jacket. He caressed Duo’s cheek gently, and Duo was
contented to leave it at that…… he liked the way Heero had stroked his cheek. He
almost purred in contentment at the way Heero stroked.
“ Heero………”
( End of flashback)
“ Passengers going to the terminal heading Earth, please alight here.”
Heero was jolted out of his reverie when the announcement was made. When the doors had
opened, He then alighted for this is the designated stop. After a few minutes, the doors
then began to close automatically, and the train began to leave the station for its next
destination. Heero stared at the retreating train, watching it become smaller and smaller.
It gave him a sense of loss and disorientation. Now, he had to face his future
alone……… Duo was no longer by his side…… Somehow, that made him
felt even worse than before.
/Why oh why had I made that decision to leave him? Can someone tell why??!!/
Yes, the perfect soldier was confused. He realized he had no purpose in life except to
carry out missions. He thought he would lead a normal life again after the war but it was
not so…… He was feeling insecure when the war had ended. He thought that feeling
was temporary and that the feeling would go away after he had settled down someplace with
Duo. Instead, the feeling just kept on growing stronger and stronger that it gagged him.
Being with Duo did not lessen this feeling, in fact, it only made it stronger. He did not
understand why but he felt controlled by this sense of insecurity. After another few weeks
of living with it, he realized he couldn’t deal with it. He need to be
alone………
"Duo, I'm sorry. I didn't want to hurt you. But I have to let you go. I can't commit
myself to you. Emotion is something that I don't possess no matter how hard I try."
He called out to the retreating train, as if that train he was on earlier was Duo.
After the train had disappeared from his line of vision, he began to take the space
shuttle to Earth, to Relena.
* * *
( On earth, at Relena’s estate.) A few days later….
” Knock knock”
Heero sighed dejectedly -- He knew who was at the door. Those days he spent at
Relena’s did not lessen those feelings he was having. He had thought that the
feelings of insecurities would vanish when he arrived there or at the very least, lessened
a little but it did not. He then opened the door to see Relena Peacecraft smiling at him.
"Heero, you look so handsome." Relena exclaimed. She still could not believe it.
Heero had come to her!! After all these time of her chasing Him and him not responding.
Heero had finally made the first move to locate her…… What had happened between
Duo and him? She had wondered briefly at times but she dismissed it as she observed him.
Heero, dressed in a pair of white tuxedo suit looked simply gorgeous.
/ Yes… white complements the blueness of his eyes…./ she thought dreamily as she
asked politely,
"Are you ready? Most of the guests are here."
Heero nodded and offered his arm to her. Relena linked her arm through his and walked
towards the ballroom looking very blissful.
Heero looked around the ballroom full of guests and again wondered why he was there. He
hated crowds and he didn't feel obliged to entertain them.
"Heero?"
Heero turned at the mention of his name and saw Sally Po standing nearby.
"It's really you. What a surprise to see you here….” Sally Po said in a
quiet voice, “Oh, I almost forgot to congratulate you."
Heero gave her a puzzled look. He did not comprehend why she had congratulated him. / Was
it an insult?/
Sally frowned a little, not understanding the expression on Heero’s face. "You
still don't know? Duo didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what?" Heero looked baffled.
"You are going to be a father! Duo is pregnant, conceiving your child. It seems that
the implant we placed in him is reacting to your sperm though the results came so much
later than we expected. Duo was feeling nausea and rather unwell so he came to me. I ran a
test on him and found it positive. He..." Sally paused when she noticed Heero had
gone pale.
"Heero, are you all right? Hey, Heero!"
Relena turned in time to see Heero running out of the ballroom.
"Heero!" she chased after him. She did not want to lose him again, not after he
had came to her of his own accord.
/Why is he leaving?? Doshite?/
Heero had reached the main door. He saw a car, and immediately pushed the parking valet
away to jump into the car. He then started the car, driving away immediately, leaving a
trail of smoke and dust behind.
Relena stared after him in astonishment.
"Heero………"
* * *
Heero drove the car through the evening heavy traffic impatiently,
charging like a mad bull. He just wanted to get back to Duo immediately.
/ But… but will he still be there??/ he shook that nasty thought away, hoping against
all hope that Duo would still be there…
/ But he couldn’t be there…… He would have gone by now…… No, I
mustn’t think such thoughts… He will still be there…… He has to be, I
willed it……… Oh what have I done?? Duo… please…… Please be
there…… onegai!!!…./
He felt very angry with himself, angry over what he said to Duo. If only he had let Duo
talk.
"Oh Duo, I'm sorry. I am such a fool. Please forgive me." Heero pleaded in his
heart.He slammed at the brakes and ran into the terminal, had purchased a ticket back to
L2.
/ Please gods….. Please let him remain there….. I beg of you, please let him be
there……./ He beseeched to any gods out there who might be listening……
* * *
A few hours later….
"Duo!" he threw the door opened.
The room was empty and cold.
/ No……/ He then saw the shattered glasses and the blood stains on the floor.
/It cannot be……/ Heero slumped against the wall, all strength vanished as he
stared at the empty room.
"Duo……"
* * *
Heero stepped out of the cafeteria and looked up at the night sky.
Thunder was roaring and droplets of rain were beginning to fall, splattering on the
pavement. Heero pulled the hood of his windbreaker over his head and headed back to the
hotel he was currently staying. He had arrived in this far away colony a day ago, still in
search of Duo.
Stopping at the traffic lights, the rain became heavier. Heero clutched his windbreaker
hood firmly over his head and bowed his head down to avoid getting wet. He crossed the
road when the traffic light turned green. Pedestrians from both sides who were rushing to
cross the road quickly to seek shelter from the rain were jostling with one another. Heero
brushed past a person briefly and he stopped for a moment.
/ Could it be?……/
He thought he saw someone with a long braid of chestnut hair. He turned back quickly to
get a better look but the person was already lost in the crowd.
"I must be hallucinating again. Every time I saw someone with a braid, I will think
it's him." Heero heaved a sigh and resumed his journey back to the hotel.
Meanwhile, Duo who was struggling with his umbrella and his groceries was muttering a
curse under his breath at the person who had brushed past him abruptly at the crossroad,
nearly upsetting his bag of groceries.
"Damn! This rain really comes at the wrong time. I got to get home fast. I'm all
drenched."
* * *
Heero slammed his laptop down in frustration. Again his search had
ended in futile. Heero had tried every means of tracing Duo's possible whereabouts but all
came up to a nil. Heero had hacked into hospital medical records, banking account systems
and even immigration records but there was totally nothing on Duo. In a moment of despair,
he even tried the death registry and was relieved when the search came up as invalid.
It had been five years since that fateful day, five years since Duo left him and
disappeared. Heero had never given up searching for him. His search took him to various
colonies but he had always ended up with disappointment.
The anguish and agony he was feeling these years were tearing his heart and mind apart.
The only thing that kept him sane was an old battered photo of Duo and himself taken
during one of their infiltration into schools as students. There were moments when he
missed Duo so much that he just wanted to pick Duo from his dreams and hugged him for
real.
Clutching the photo possessively, Heero got up from the chair.
"I need some fresh air."
* * *
After raining the whole night, the morning air was refreshing and
the weather was cooling. Walking aimlessly around the park, Heero found an empty bench and
sat down to rest his feet. He looked across the park at some children playing in the
playground.
Looking at the children, Heero couldn't help but wondered what his child was like,
wondering if Duo kept the baby or if he aborted it. Pangs of guilt shot through his heart
when he thought of how an innocent life could have been destroyed because of his moment of
foolishness.
"Excuse me, sir." a voice broke his train of thoughts.
Heero turned and saw a little boy standing nearby. He got a rude shock when his eyes had
fallen on this boy. The boy's deep violet eyes and honey brown hair reminded him so much
of Duo…… / Could this be? No… It cannot be… But he looks so much
like…. No I must stop assuming that every boy that happen to have his features is our
son… But he resembles so much…no…./
"Sir, can I please have my ball back?" the boy interrupted those wild thoughts
running rampantly in Heero’s mind as he pointed to a ball caught in between the legs
of the bench.
Heero grabbed the ball from under the bench and handed it to the boy.
"Thank you!" the boy squeaked happily.
"What is your name, little one?"
"My name is Darrell and I am four years old." the boy said proudly, showing
Heero his four little fingers to indicate his age. Heero couldn't help but smiled.
/ Could our child be this adorable??……/
"Are you here alone?" Heero asked, ruffling the boy's soft hair. He loved the
way the boy’s hair felt… soft and luxurious… It reminds him of
Duo’s………
"No, I came with Auntie Hilde."
"Darrell!"
The boy whirled around immediately and waved excitedly as a young woman came running
towards them.
"Darrell, I thought I told you not to run around?" the woman reprimanded the boy
as she embraced the little creature fiercely, relieved to find him safe and sound.
“ You shouldn’t be running around like… Oh God… you almost frightened
me to death…… Oh God!! You are so…..”
"I was just running after my ball, Auntie Hilde." The impish boy replied
cheerfully.
“ Oh you rascal!! Wait till your papa comes……and then…..”
Heero stared at the woman and found her strangely familiar.
/ Who is she?? Where have I met her?/
Feeling the weight of a gaze on her, the woman looked up and found a pair of cobalt blue
eyes watching her intensely.
"Hilde. Hilde Schwieker." the name finally came to Heero's mind.
"Heero Yuy?!" the woman gasped as recognition sank in. “ Why are
you—”
"Darrell! Hilde! Where are you guys?" a voice interrupted what Hilde had wanted
to say to Heero
/That voice!/
Heero's every sense became alert. He got up immediately and focused his attention on the
approaching figure. He began to tremble, a slight one as the figure came nearer and
nearer…… That face which he missed kissing, that braid which he missed fondling
with. His Duo…… His lost love.
” Darrell, You little imp!! Wait till I getmyhands on ya andI’ll-” Duo
stopped dead on his track as his eyes came upon the stranger standing by his son.
"Heero."
* * *
Hilde took Darrell back to the playground, leaving Heero and Duo alone. Both of them were only a few feet away from each other but the gap between them was like a thousand miles apart. This unexpected meeting had somehow left Heero speechless. He had so much to tell Duo, he had conjured up many scenes how he should approached Duo, how should he make Duo forgive him…… But now, with Duo standing right in front of him, he had suddenly became tongue-tied.
The silence between them was deathlike, almost
unbearable…… He wished that Duo could say something… Heero tried to look
into Duo's violet eyes that captivated him so much but Duo refused to look at him, opted
to stare out at the playground, at his son. Heero studied Duo quietly. He still looked
very much the same but there were some subtle, visible changes. He was thinner now though
he still looked so beautiful. However his radiant smile, the cheeky grins and the sparkle
in his eyes were missing. Heero felt a keen urge to hug Duo, to kiss the stony anger away
and restored those captivating smiles with his touch……
"How have you been these years?" Heero broke the silence.
"Fine, still very much alive and kicking." Duo's voice was dripping with
sarcasm.
Heero tried to ignore the disdain in his estranged lover's voice.
"Duo, is that...is that our son? He is such a lively boy." Heero asked
hesitantly, looking at the cheerful little boy running around the playground.
Duo turned to Heero with anger flashing menacingly in his eyes.
"What do you want Heero?!” He cried out bitterly at Heero, “If it's about
Darrell, you better get this straight. Darrell is my son."
"Duo, I'm not trying to take Darrell away from you. I missed you. I have been
searching everywhere for you these years."
"What for? You chose to walk out on me five years ago. Why should you be looking for
me?" Duo snapped.
"I am truly sorry for what happened back then. I was wrong, I was such a fool to
leave you. I understand that no amount of apologies can atone for what I have done to you,
for hurting your feelings. But I just want a chance to make it up to you…and
Darrell."
Duo gave a bitter laugh.
"Make it up to me and Darrell? What makes you think that I need you to do that now?
Where were you when I needed you most? Where were you when Darrell took his first step?
Where were you when he spoke his first word?" Duo challenged, feeling the long
suppressed anger rising in him.
Heero remained silent. Duo had every right to be angry with him, to hate him, to scream
and yell at him. After all, he had let him down.
Duo took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.
"Forget it, Heero. I don't need you five years ago and I definitely don't need you
now. Just stay away from our lives.” He ended with a finality ringing in his voice.
“Darrell! Come, let's go home." Duo called out to his son.
Darrell came running into his father's arms. Duo picked the boy up and walked away.
Darrell peeked from Duo's shoulder and gave Heero and Hilde a little wave.
"Papa, who is he?" Darrell was heard asking.
* * *
Hilde watched Heero with doubtfulness. She was still stunned by his
sudden appearance. She looked Heero over, had noticed the faint fatigue lines running
across his forehead, saw the tiredness in his eyes. She knew instinctively that Heero was
having a hard time too……
"You can't really blame Duo for being contemptuous. He went through a lot of
hardships these years." Hilde said gently, breaking the silence between them.
Heero turned his attention to the young woman.
"Can you tell me what happened to him these years?"
Hilde walked to the empty bench and sat down which Heero flowed suit.
"You really want to know how he live his life these years? Well, after you left him,
he became directionless.” She halted, frowning at Heero. But she had continued on,
“He was totally lost. He didn't know what to do and he was pregnant with a child. He
harbored the thoughts of aborting the child and committing suicide. Luckily he came to his
senses. He began to lead a wandering life, going from one colony to another until he was
so near his full term of pregnancy that he had to find a place to settle down. That's how
he came to here. All this while, Duo was suffering from severe depression. I guessed he
has never gotten over the fact that you left him for Relena." She ended with a
resigned tone. She took a deep breath, studying the surroundings. Heero just waited
patiently beside her.
"Duo was overjoyed when Darrell was born. You should see his expression…”
She replied, chuckling softly. She turned to Heero and looked straight into his blue
cobalt eyes, “Darrell is his pride and joy. He worked very hard to provide the best
for Darrell. But Duo was still very much a child himself. It was very stressful for him to
have to juggle between his job and taking care of a small baby. There were times when he
just broke down emotionally."
Heero listened to Hilde's recount of Duo's life in a grim silence. Leaning his head
against the back of the bench, Heero closed his eyes as regret and shame flooded through
him. The fact that he had wounded Duo in countless ways made him winced…… His
heart tore when he realized Duo had endured so much suffering…… He blamed
himself for all of Duo's misery and agony.
Hilde knew how hurt Heero was feeling right then, and consoled him, “ But not all is
gone now… He… he still loves you…”
Heero’s eyes snapped open and he fix his eyes on Hilde, “ Honto ni? But…
but….” Heero stopped, his face suddenly wiped clean of expression as he
continued, "All these years, I have never stopped searching for him…… I
know he is very good at hiding but this time, he is too good. He had outdone me."
Hilde gave a small laugh.
"He is known as 'Max' over here. I believe he changed his name on purpose, to hide
his identity as an ex-gundam pilot. But mostly is to hide himself away from you."
"I see…..” Heero whispered, reflecting on Hilde’s words… He knew
that Hilde had always carried a torch for Duo. Suddenly, he wanted to know something about
them…
"Are you two..."
"Are we married? No. I met Duo by chance two years ago when I came to this colony to
take up a teaching post. I offered to take care of Darrell for him."
"You still love Duo, don't you?" Heero asked in a matter of fact tone.
Hilde's head snapped up in surprise at that question, face beginning to flush a little.
"Yes, I still love him. But we can never be together like that. I'm not the
one..." Hilde looked at Heero sadly.
"It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return…… I may be with him
all this while but……” she broke off as she turned her face away from Heero.
“However, what is more painful is to love someone but never find the courage to let
that person know how you feel. You love him, Heero. Make it known to him." Hilde
encouraged quietly.
"What should I do? Duo doesn't seem likely to forgive me." Heero cried out in
anguish, unwittingly allowing despair to creep into his voice. He recalled Duo’s
earlier reaction towards him, the blatant contempt and intense hatred displayed in his
large lilac eyes.
"You will have to talk to him. Try to convince him with your sincerity. Never say
goodbye if you still want to try. Give Duo some time to sort out his feelings. Both of you
had wasted five years. All these unnecessary sufferings should end."
Heero looked at Hilde curiously. This young woman who used to fight with him for Duo's
affections is now trying to help them make up. She had really grown matured.
"Thank you for your advice, Hilde. I will try to talk to him again." Heero gave
her a sincere smile.
"Please do. I want Duo to be happy again."
* * *
The phone was ringing in the hall. Duo put down his papers and went
to answer it.
"Hello?" Silence.
"Hello?" After a moment..."Duo, it's me."
Duo frowned and was about to slam down the phone when Heero spoke again.
"Duo, I would like to talk to you."
"We have nothing to talk about." Duo replied scornfully, his voice dripping with
disdain.
Silence at the other end.
“ I know, I had let you down…. I’ve been a fool to myself…… I
thought that I could live for no one else… But I was wrong…. I need you….
Please listen to me, just this once….”
Still, no answer from the other end. Heero was getting desperate. The words just keep
tumbling out from his mouth as he tried to convince Duo to give him a second chance.
"Duo, if you think you can forgive me and accept me into your life again, please come
and meet me tonight at eight at the pier."
"And if I don't?" Duo asked spitefully. At long last, Duo had opened his mouth.
A long pause.
"If you don't, I...I shall never bother you again. Duo, please come." The phone
went dead.
Duo stared at the phone in silence.
"Who is that?" Hilde asked, coming out from the kitchen.
"Heero. He wants to meet me at the pier tonight."
"Well?"
"Well what?"
"You know what I mean, Duo. Are you going or what? What are you going to do now that
Heero is back?"
"Nothing."
Hilde was exasperated. "What do you mean nothing? Aren't you going to tell Darrell
who he is?"
"I don't find that necessary. Darrell is my son."
"He is Heero's too. Duo, it has been five years. Aren't you going to forgive him and
accept him again?"
"Why should I?!” Duo lashed out angrily, “ All these years, he was never by
my side, never there when I needed him most, never there when I was wadding in desolation
and pain… Where has he been?!! AT Relena’s side!!! He is the one who done me
wrong." Duo retorted irately, consumed by jealousy and resentment. "Besides, I
don't love him anymore."
"Duo, never say you don't love a person anymore if you can't let go. I know you still
love him. I know you have been feeling very miserable these years. But you can't continue
to dwell on the past. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past. You
can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches."
"Hilde, please don't try to start this with me. I don't wish to talk about him
anymore. Just rest the case." Duo insisted stubbornly.
Hilde felt too tired to argue with him.
"Fine. But I am telling you, you let him go this time, you will never see him
again."
* * *
The old grandfather clock stroked again. Seven-thirty. Duo was still
deliberating if he should go and meet Heero. Though he had stubbornly denied it, he
actually missed Heero very badly. He wanted very badly for Heero to come back to him again
but his pride was stopping him from reaching out to Heero. Duo was having mixed feelings.
"You are such a stubborn idiot, Duo Maxwell!" He remembered Hilde scolding.
"Don't let your pride rule your heart."
"Perhaps I should just go and listen to what he has got to say." Duo decided.
A scream and a loud crash came from the kitchen, startling Duo. Rushing into the kitchen,
he saw Darrell unconscious on the floor with an overturned stool and a broken cookie jar
beside him. Blood was oozing out of the gash on the side of his head.
"Darrell!"
]* * *
"Duo!"
Duo looked up as Hilde reached his side.
"I rushed here as soon as I received your message. How is Darrell?" Hilde was
panting slightly.
Duo shook his head in distress. "I don't know. He is still inside. Oh god..."
Hilde grasped Duo's trembling hands and held them tightly, silently offering her comfort.
A doctor came out from the emergency room. Duo and Hilde went up to him immediately.
"Doctor, how is my son?"
"Don't worry, your son is all right now. He has a few stitches on the head and a
slight concussion. Other than that, he is fine." the doctor assured.
Duo let out his breath. "Thank god."
Duo and Hilde followed as the nurses pushed Darrell to his ward.
Sitting on the hospital bed, Duo looked sadly at his injured son.
"Duo!" Hilde suddenly exclaimed. "Aren't you supposed to meet Heero
tonight?"
Duo blinked at her for a moment. In the midst of panic and worry, Duo had completely
forgotten about the meeting with Heero.
"Oh shit." Duo glanced at his watch. It was already eleven.
"Duo, go see him now." Hilde urged.
"But Darrell..."
"Don't worry, I will look after him. Go now."
Duo gave her a tired smile. "Thanks Hilde."
* * *
Heero gulped the last drop of the beer down his throat, his eighth
can for the night. He had been standing near the waterfront for the past three hours,
waiting for Duo to turn up. Pairs and pairs of lovers who were at the waterfront,
whispering words of love to each other, were all gone, leaving Heero to wait stonily alone
for his love.
Heero crushed the can in his hand. "Duo, do you really hate me so much that you can't
even give me another chance?" No, he simply cannot believed that his Duo would
treated him in this manner… But his Duo had not arrived yet……
Heero hurled the crushed can into the sea, watching it hit the surface of the sea with a
loud splash. He thought back what Hilde had said to him ‘ He still loves
you……’
/Blah!! What a load of rubbish!! How can he still love me???/ He thought angrily to
himself. / How could he still love me? ……… after all that I had
done……../ He straightened his back, and with one last search for his Duo but
with no avail, he left the pier dejectedly.
Moments later, Duo arrived at the pier, looking around for Heero but there wasn't a soul
in sight.
"Heero. Heero! Why didn't you wait for me?!" Duo shouted out to the open sea,
tears of anger and disappointment stung his eyes.
* * *
Duo walked into Darrell's ward, physically and emotionally wearied.
"Duo, where is Heero?" Hilde was surprised to see Duo came back alone.
"How is Darrell?"
"He is not awake yet. The doctor just came to check up on him. Duo, where is
Heero?" Hilde questioned again.
"I didn't see him."
"Huh? You mean he has left? Oh Duo."
Duo sighed sadly. "Forget it, Hilde. Heero and I are not meant to be together. Fate
is just making a sport out of us."
Hilde was at a loss for words, not knowing how to comfort Duo...
* * *
At the airport, an announcement was heard.
"Passengers of flight RZ-259, please proceed to departure hall 3 for boarding. The
flight will take off in ten minutes."
Glancing up, Heero saw his flight number on the information screen with the words 'Last
Call' flashing beside it.
Picking up his bag from the floor reluctantly, Heero made his way to the departure hall.
Stopping for a while, Heero looked back, hoping for someone to turn up, to stop him from
leaving. Seeing no one, Heero proceeded to the departure hall with a resigned look.
* * *
Duo caressed his sleeping son's face gently, looking very
despondent. The thought of Heero gone forever was traumatizing him……
no…… the thought of Heero not being with him haunted him…… He cannot
believed what he had did -- he had let Heero go again without even trying to stop
him………
"Son, I'm sorry that you didn't have the chance to get to know your daddy. My stupid
stubbornness has chased your daddy away. Now we will probably never see him again."
Duo whispered, tears forming at the corners of his eyes.
Duo lowered his head onto his arms and sobbed uncontrollably.
"Heero, I'm sorry. Please come back to me. Don't leave me alone here. I can't take
all these by myself." He whispered brokenly, hoping that perhaps, somehow Heero could
heard this cry…… this plea………
"You won't be alone anymore, Duo. I will be here for you."
Startled, Duo jerked his head up and his eyes widened in surprise. Standing quietly at the
doorway was Heero.
"He...Heero!" Duo exclaimed, rushing forward.
Heero discarded his bag onto the floor to catch Duo who flung himself into Heero's arms,
hugging him tightly.
"I thought you were gone, gone for good." Tears were staining Heero's shirt.
"I was going to leave but something kept holding me back, telling me to come back to
you. Then I realized it is my heart. My heart has always been with you, no matter where I
am or where I go. You are the keeper of my heart, Duo. So, I turned back and went to your
place. I met Hilde and she told me what happened. I'm sorry that you have to face these
all by yourself." Heero said in a gentle tone, trying to soothe his sobbing lover.
"I'm sorry too, Heero. I have been such an idiot."
Heero tilted Duo's chin up and looked into his eyes,
"From now on, there will be no more 'sorry' between us. I will be here with you
always. We will face whatever problems or difficulties together. You will never be alone
again, I promise."
"Heero..." Heero lowered his lips to Duo's and kissed him tenderly, their first
kiss in five years.
"Papa..."
They pulled away and turned to see Darrell had woken up.
"Yes Darrell, Papa is here." Duo said, going over to his side.
Darrell looked at Heero for a while and smiled in recognition.
"Hello sir." the boy greeted.
"Hello Darrell."
Duo pushed Heero towards the bed and said, "Darrell, this is your Daddy..."
Hilde closed the door softly, smiling at their happy reunion.
"You have finally found your happiness, Duo. Cherish it always, don't ever let it go
again."
* * *
Heero and Duo smiled as Darrell waved to them excitedly from the
merry-go-round.
"He is such an active boy." Heero observed.
Duo laughed. "He is just like me, can never sit still."
Heero smiled at that remark.
"Duo?"
"Hmm?" Duo was sipping at his drink.
"You know, I think I like kids very much. Now that we have Darrell, do you think you
want to try for a girl?"
Duo nearly choked on his drink.
* * *