Duo had been in the midst of one of his nightmares again. Quatre had carefully slipped out of his room and silently down the hall to Duo's. It took all of his terrorist-trained stealth not to wake the boy across the room. Being that they were all at one of Quatre's country estates everyone had their own room for a change. Duo's nightmares were becoming more frequent and more violent as well. As usual Quatre, being the kind and considerate one, was left to be the one to settle the terroized Shinigami. Upon entering his room Quatre had found that Duo was screaming and crying uncontrollably in his bed. Slowly Quatre moved forward and held the tormented boy in his arms while cooing soft endearments and entreaties of "it will be all right" and "it's ok" to him. It had started to hurt every time he had to comfort Duo, because even though he would never wake the he always whispered a small message to Quatre as he returned to a more peaceful part of the land of Nod. It was his repeated phrase that tormented Quatre; not only the words, but the way he always said them lovingly, reverently and utterly heartfelt "Ai'shiteru, Heero".
It just ate at him terribly knowing that Duo's mind kept thinking that the one who came to comfort him, the one he loved, was always there to help him. Heero didn't give a damn. Leaving the room, Quatre could already see Trowa opening the door to his room for him. He had started going to his best friend after the "incident" had happened; it just hurt too much regardless of his space heart. Trowa would just open the door, throw back the covers, let Quatre crawl into bed with him and let his friend cry.
When Quatre had first heard Duo say those words he had run, excited, to Heero and told him the news, sure that in his heart the Wing pilot would share those feelings. That was not to be however. Heero had been exceedingly mean and cruel to his former best friend for the duration of an entire week. Quatre had told the others as well when they began to puzzle at Heero's behavior toward his partner. Wufei had finally put and end to the "incident" by telling Heero that being such an ass to his partner could cause hostilities that could endanger the mission. Of course for the sake of the mission Heero would do anything. He went back to what was for him considered normal, but he was never as friendly or even as indulgent as he had been in the past. Duo's reaction to that had been painful too. He kept doing random acts of kindness toward Heero and pleading with him to say what he had done wrong. He kept apologizing and everyone except Heero had heard him crying alone in his room after Heero had done something over the top on the cruel list. Yet he still held faith in the Japanese pilot, it never wavered. He never once got mad at Heero through the whole ordeal and he still confessed to the boy whom he thought comforted him about his love.
But that was then and now they were looking at letters hastily written on a wall. Large and black they towered forebodingly over the pilots who read them. They were streaked with tears and held the final message to a question they didn't know.
Duo had bounced down the stairs with just a little extra kick to it; his smile was just a little wider. However it was still noticed by the rest of the assembled group of teenage terrorists at the breakfast table. They saw no real reason that they knew of to cause this extraneous burst of happiness in the boy. Especially since it was seven in the morning, everyone despaired of being up at that hour during their off time but to see Duo at all, let alone this energetic was downright weird. Wufei had muttered a 'what the fuck are you so happy about?' as he practically fell forward into his coffee. Duo's eyes had lit up at the question and they knew Wufei had just hit the jackpot for what Duo had wanted to hear that morning. 'It's my Birthday!' he practically sang out to them. At that the mood had brightened a little and everyone, save Heero had wished him a genuine 'Happy Birthday'. Duo ate little and looked a little jittery during the meal, but being that this was probably one of the only birthday's he'd been able to celebrate in any form it was understandable. When he had asked Heero to go for a walk to 'burn off some energy' the expected answer never came. Heero had calmly walked over to the door and retrieved his coat, there was no loud resounding no, or anything of the kind he just got up. Of course Duo started to glow at this little turn of events, he practically raced to the door to join Heero. That was the last they knew.
* * *
Man this morning is great, I've decided that I'm finally going to tell him. God it made such perfect sense, if I couldn't have him now I probably never would and what better day to direct your future than your birthday. Well, it's not really mine just the day at the Church where a communal party was given because most of us don't know the real date. God I was so nervous this morning too, the whole plan would go to Hell in a hand basket if he didn't agree to go out with me on the walk. We've been walking for a little while; I haven't even been talking. Then again I've been too wrapped up in what I was thinking to really notice, I hope he isn't worried. Well not worried per say, it's just that I usually never go this long without saying something of some sort, to him especially. I think this is far enough, here goes everything. "Heero?"
"Hn."
"Heero I want to tell you something, well I…I want to say that I love you." Shit, he hit me! He fucking broke my nose! Why? He's my friend to say the least and I know he would never deliberately hurt me even over something like this. I knew he would have some type of reaction, but did he have to break my nose? Oh no now he's going to tell me…why do I think that I really don't want to know the answer?
"You! I don't love you, I don't like you, I'm not your friend and I only put up with you for the sake of the mission and that it's my orders not to get rid of you! If I had it my way you would have been dead months ago! You disgust me! I hate you!"
Then he took off running, of course that was twenty minutes ago and I haven't even moved from the spot on the ground that he knocked me to when he broke my nose. I think I'm in shock, then again I really don't feel much of anything at this point. I'm not doing this again, I'm not going to fucking do this again! There is no getting over the ones you love dying on you, and the Heero I knew and loved just died in that moment of realization. And I won't go through this again. Third time is the fucking charm.
I ran back to the house, I don't even care at this point that I'm crying. Not like it really matters in this world whether boys cry or not. This is my room, the great big obstacle course that I live in, know like the back of my hand and I can't even find a stupid marker when I need one. Damn that really does suck, at least I found one in the desk and it's black. Black is good. Deathscythe, you were the only one. The only one who never left, 'happy goddamn birthday'.
* * *
We came running when we heard the shot, guns drawn and ready. We weren't ready for it though, never ready. It was Duo, he was a corpse. The gun was still in his hand, it was still warm, and the blood still gushed out of the single shot to his temple. It ran down his arm, dripped over the hatch of Deathscythe, it was puddling on the floor. We left then, Heero hadn't come back yet and he was probably the only one who knew all of what was really going on here. We went to his room, where we are now. We want to find just a small tidbit to tell us something. One just doesn't bounce down to breakfast radiating joy and happiness and forty minutes later commit suicide. Wufei and Trowa start over toward the desk and the bedside table, I just went to shut the door went I see them. Letters hastily written on a wall, large and black they towered. They were streaked with tears and held the final message:
"I'm sorry Sister Helen
Forever and Always ~ I Love You Heero
* * *