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ICQ History Log For:
Started on Sat May 01 04:54:18 1999
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Message Eric - the 1999-04- 22:57 Have you talked to Stelf?
Message esperanza 1999-04- 22:58 yeah, he seems like a pretty sad boy....
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 22:59 What did he say?
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:00 well, he seems empty inside. He is very
poetric
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:01 I know. What did you ask him?
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:03 nothing....he just seems to bee a bit like
me
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:04 Like you??? Why?
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:05 Empty inside
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:06 Why are you empty inside?
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:06 I have had a bit of problems the past year
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:08 Really? Me too! I had to change school
after Easter!! Tell me about it! I'll
probably understand you!!
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:09 well, I had anorexia last term, and I'm not
completly recovered yet.
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:10 So bad. So you throwed up every day??
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:10 no, I stopped eat
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:11 How was it?
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:12 horrible. It was like I couldn't understand
how thin I was
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:13 I see. I guess you have seen pics of you
from that time now & can't understand why
you don't reacted? How did your friends
reacted?
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:14 they didn't notice very much. because it
was in the winter and then I hade a lot of
clothes on
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:16 :o) I'm glad it didn't last for a long
time!
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:17 yeah...I still have some problems with
eating fat, but I'm getting better
everyday. Now my wight is like 62 kilos
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:19 ok
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:19 Well, i'm glad to be alive, i think
everyone should be.
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:23 Yes, cause it's so much about the life you
don't know, & if you can't get through
tough times, you wount be able to
experrience the life's opportunities! I
have thinking a lot about how great
dissition it is to take your own life, it's
the last think I would do. Actually I get
strengh of the fact that I can end my life
whenever I want. It's a lot that make the
life wounderful...
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:23 you are right. but sometimes it tough
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:27 Yes it IS tough, & as more you think of
ending your life, as more you get strong &
make dissitions you woun't regret! Somebody
says you get strenght of difficulties, &
for me it means this. I studied at a
terrible school, & hadn't I get troubles, I
would probably studied their in three
years, something I that would have been
wrong for me. I accept to much, & that can
be a problem!
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:28 i have a big problem in saying no...
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:28 Do you have any clue what I'm talking
about? :o) Now I'm very happy. My new
school & class is perfect! :o)
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:29 did you get like teased or something?
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:29 No to what? You mean to not accept
something you woun't do?
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:29 yeah
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:33 One in my class teased me constantly in
half a year. The rest of the class were ok,
some even very good. He that teased me,
said he would prefer I would have been
dead!! It's scary! Then, when I was at the
bottom, my girlfriend broke up & sad ugly
things about me to others... It was really
hard. My grades fall many steps. I had 5 in
Math, now I have 2!! It's so sad...I still
don't now if this school year again! I have
been away from school in so many days &
hours. The worst was the mornings! I didn't
felr like a human being, but like a
machine!
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:35 I'm so sorry for you and I hope you have it
better now. It's awful that he wanted you
dead. He must have been a very sad human
being. I feel sorry for him!
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:35 :o) Thanks! It's so good to tell it to
soemone who listens to you!
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:37 yeah, and it's easy over the net. Lot's of
my friends still does'nt know that I have
been ill
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:38 I know. IT's the same for me. :o) It took
more than half a year before even my mom
understood it! Kinda scary I think!
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:38 yes it is. Its hard. I don't want to bother
people with my small problems
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:40 It was what I thought to!!! Exactly the
same thought. I thought; "Nobody will
listen to me, that live in a country where
you have everything & so on", but often it
can be harder to have it bad phsycological
than physical! :o)
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:41 yeah, I really agree with you.
I have to go to sleep now...I'm exhausted.
love,
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:42 ok! You're so kind! What is exhausted?
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:43 very,very tired!
sweet dreams!
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:44 Same to you! I'm glad I have a friend like
you! Goodnight! :o)
Message esperanza 1999-04- 23:45 night!
Message Eric - the 1999-04- 23:46 See you tomorrow!