For Her

Krelian watched as the tiny pinprick of light disappeared into the starry void. At least they would be safe. They would be able to rebuild their world. That, at least, was certain. And, at the moment, Krelian could do with a lot of certainty.

One good deed in a lifetime of horrors... I must be truly mad to think it might offset my crimes.

Where had it all gone wrong? He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t even sure what he had been trying to do.

It was all so clear in the beginning. When did it become so muddled? I would create the God we had believed in... Her God. It was always for Her. So how did it end up like this?

He understood now. He understood why he had been passed over for Lacan. He understood what She had seen in Lacan, and not in himself. It wasn’t much comfort.

My heart was always too full of rage. I could never be calm, or even contented. It seems like I’ve gone through my entire life being angry. Even when She was still alive, I was like this. Always caught up in my passions... What was it all for, in the end? This mad crusade? Was there ever a goal? Or does it just seem that way now that it’s all about to end...

Perhaps he would be able to see Her again. It was a slim chance, but it was better than nothing.

I would burn the world and use my soul for tinder to see Her again. But I guess I already tried that, didn’t I?

The thought brought a humorless smile to his face. He couldn’t help but wonder what She would think of what he had done.

Any sane person would think that She hates me more than anything. After all, what I’ve done has gone against everything She’s ever stood for. Yet, knowing Her, She probably forgives me. I think that, in a way, it only makes it worse.

A dozen lifetimes of bloodshed, all leading to this day. Buy why? He wasn’t sure. Just a week ago he had been so sure of himself, and of what he was doing. But now he didn’t even know what he had been trying to do.

It’s not like I can pretend Deus controlled me. I knew what I was doing. I knew why I was doing it. But now? I can’t remember for the life of me. Or rather, I can remember, I just can’t understand.

Elyham had forgiven him. Or at least had been ready to. In a way, Elyham was the same as Her. But they were also different. Did that mean that there was hope? Perhaps. He wasn’t sure about that. But any hope, even a hope of hope, was better than nothing. But still, he couldn’t stop thinking.

What HAD he been trying to do all this time?

To create a God, so that She could rest in peace. So that no one else would have to die like She had. It had always been for Her. But somewhere along the line, I lost sight of that goal. When was that? When did it all go wrong? When did it turn into this?

It didn’t really matter. He would see through what he had started, and pay with his life for the mistakes he had made. He only hoped he would be able to see Her again. But still, he couldn’t stop thinking...

When did it stop being for Her, and start being for me?

* * * * * * * * * *

And that’s part one of my Xenofics. Next will be Id, Grahf, or Ramsus/Elements, depending on which one I feel like at the time. And no, none of them will attempt to make any sense out of the storyline. It’s beautiful the way it is, why bother trying to make it sensible? Not much to say about this one really. It just sort of popped into my head as I went along. I guess I should thank my muse, huh? There were really a startlingly small number of changes that this fic went through. And if you need to know who “She” is, you obviously weren’t paying attention when playing the game.