Gundam MS: Episode 3

The Demons

Good. Then you will need these.

Death reached into his pocket and rummaged around in it. Relena suppressed the suspicion that the pocket hadn’t existed a moment before Death began reaching for it. As he brought his hand up, he opened it, and space seemed to shift in a strange way. Held neatly in the center of his palm were three rods and a small rabbit, yet these objects were also clearly too large to fit in the space they occupied. Relena wisely chose to ignore it.

the pink rod is yours. ryo ohki shall instruct you. goodbye.

Death vanished. There weren’t any flares or flashes of light; those were for people who needed them. He simply wasn’t there anymore. The rods clattered to the ground, and the rabbit landed nicely on its feet.

“Alright, Rio Okay, or whatever your name is. I know you’re a talking rabbit.”

The little creature bristled and hissed. “I… am… not… a… RABBIT!”

“Fine, whatever. You want some carrots? I’m sure I have some back home.”

“Sure! I love carrots!”

“And you’re not a rabbit?”

“Shut up.”

At this point, there should be a slight digression.

Most people believe that the more dangerous a person looks, the more dangerous they are. These people are very wrong.

Others believe that the most dangerous kind of person is the one who doesn’t try to look dangerous, because they don’t need to. These people are more right, but still wrong.

Only a few know the truth. The most dangerous kind of person is the one who you never look at twice, because they seem to be about as dangerous as a kitten.

Because, you see, if a kitten takes a swipe at you, you never even think to swipe back.

And if that kitten turns into a raging, man-eating demon in mid-swipe, then you’re pretty much toast.

Or at least the monster equivalent thereof.

As Relena walked to school, she thought. Partly, she thought about when this demon was going to attack. Mostly, however, she thought about Ryo Ohki (who, by the way, had been quite clear on the proper pronunciation of her name). Relena could already see that the little thing was going to be a problem. Not only was she sickeningly cute, she was also a constant nagger. Telling her this and that about her powers, and how she had to train, blah blah blah. Plus she tended to go into homicidal rages whenever someone called her a rabbit, which was rather often. For someone who went to such lengths about how she wasn’t a rabbit, she certainly looked the part well enough. Relena had solved the problem for today by locking the damn thing in the coat closet, but had the distressing feeling that Ryo Ohki would manage to figure out a way to open a doorknob pretty soon.

As Relena neared the school, she saw that there was a commotion near the entrance. This was not right. After all, she wasn’t even involved in whatever it was. A fundamental law of Relena’s universe is that everything revolves around her. The other fundamental law is that if it doesn’t, it had better start doing so if it knows what’s good for it. Everything else was just building up from there.

The current commotion had to do with what was apparently a new student. At the moment, he was casually chatting up Hitomi with the strained over-casualness of a guy testing the water. As smart as Hitomi normally was (to Relena, anyone who can beat a 2.0 GPA was “smart”), she was a little slow with most guys, and hadn’t noticed that this particular one was hitting on her. A rather miffed Van was standing nearby.

Now, as much as Relena liked to make fun of Hitomi, she was also one of Relena’s best friends (not to mention a handy person to copy off of during tests). So, she figured she had better head over and bail Hitomi out before she got into even more trouble (while neither of them realized it yet, Relena was one of the main reasons why Hitomi and Van were still together). It turned out, however, that it wasn’t necessary, as the new guy took one glance at her, and quickly broke off his conversation with Hitomi in order to head over to her. Something odd glittered in his eyes as he spoke to her.

“Hey, my name’s Duo. How ya doin’?” He reached out his hand for a handshake. And then it happened.

As Relena looked at his eyes, just for a moment, they turned into bottomless pits of the deepest black, without even a pupil. And then they were normal, but she Knew. She had only seen it for a moment, but that was enough.

He was the demon she was supposed to kill. The Great Destroyer, The God of Death. He smiled at her, a mischievous smile like he saw something funny in everything. She did the only thing reasonable.

She fainted.

When she woke up, she was looking into the face of Death. This is not a good thing to do on the best of occasions, and just having seen a world-destroying demon wasn’t exactly a good occasion.

“Ah hell. Am I dead?”

Relena sat up and saw little Ryo Ohki sitting on her stomach.

“Yep, this has got to be hell.”

YOU ARE NOT DEAD.

“Well, that’s a relief.”

HE IS HAVING TOO MUCH FUN PLAYING WITH YOU TO KILL YOU NOW.

“That is not a relief.”

Ryo Ohki jumped up and floated several feet from Death’s face. “She locked me in a closet and went out without her rod! Not like it would have done her much good anyway. She didn’t even let me tell her how to use it! You could have picked someone a lot better to be your angel!”

“Well, if you wouldn’t nag so much and- hey, wait a minute! Angel?”

“Yeah, that’s your job. Anyway, Death, you really should pick someone else. That girl you’re getting fitted downstairs, for instance. I know she has some drawbacks, but-”

“I’m an angel?”

“What are you so worked up about? I never could understand you humans anyway. I mean, any reasonable person would-”

UM, RYO OHKI, I THINK SHE’S HAVING AN IDENTITY CRISIS.

“Why would that be?”

“I’m an angel? Not that I’m complaining or anything, but somehow I don’t think I fit the profile exactly.”

I’M NOT ENTIRELY SURE. I DON’T THINK SHE TOTALLY UNDERSTANDS.

“I mean, wouldn’t I have to go around wearing those little bikini things all the time?”

Ryo Ohki scratched her head in puzzlement. “What in the universe is she talking about?”

YOU DID GIVE HER THE JOB BRIEF, RIGHT?

“I didn’t even have time to tell her about her damn rod! You think I had time for that huge thing? Most of us don’t even use it anymore. Thirty three hours is a little long, don’t you think?”

IT NEVER HURTS TO BE PREPARED.

“Hey, is anyone even listening to me anymore?”

“Look, if you’re so smart, then why don’t you get her talking straight?”

ALRIGHT, IF IT MAKES YOU HAPPY. NOW, RELENA, LISTEN CAREFULLY.

“I’m not really that good at listening. Could I just have the cliff notes to look over later?”

NO. NOW, SINCE I HAVE BEEN INFORMED THAT YOU PROBABLY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO LISTEN THROUGH THE ENTIRE 33 HOUR BRIEF, I’LL CUT TO WHAT SEEMS TO BE YOUR PROBLEM.

“How long are we talking about exactly?”

DEPENDS. HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE IT?

“Alright, I can take a hint. Carry on, learned instructor.”

THANK YOU. NOW, AS OF THE MOMENT YOU AGREED TO PERFORM THIS TASK, YOU BECAME ANGEL 528 OF UNIVERSE 40836, MULTIVERSE BLOCK MS. GOT ALL THAT?

“Uh, no, I’m still working on the angel part.”

LOOK, IT’S NOT THAT COMPLICATED. 528. YOU ARE ANGEL 528.

“How did I become an angel again?”

Ryo Ohki suddenly brightened up. “Hey, I’ve got it! NOW I understand what her problem is!”

WHAT IS IT?

“Watch this. Now, Relena, an angel isn’t necessarily someone with feathery wings. An angel is any being employed by Death to perform a task using super-natural powers. Not to be confused with super-universal powers, but you don’t need to understand about that. I, for instance, am angel 53. Got all that?”

NOW, I’M SURE THAT ISN’T WHAT IS BOTHERING HER. I MEAN, THAT’S THE MOST BASIC DEFINITION-

“Alright, I get it now.”

“You were saying, o lord and master?”

WELL, IF YOU’RE SO SMART, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL HER EARLIER?

“At least I figured it out before you did! And besides, now that we’ve got miss confusion back on her feet, don’t you think there’s something more important to be talking about?”

I SUPPOSE SO. RELENA, I THINK YOU HAD BETTER GET BACK TO EARTH.

“Why is that?”

WELL, DUO HAS UNLEASHED HIS FIRST MONSTER.

“By monster, you mean an evil ugly city destroying thing?”

WELL, EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE UGLY PART.

“Oh? What does it look like?”

WELL, I KNOW IT’S THE MIDDLE OF NOVEMBER, BUT THIS IS PROBABLY IN BAD TASTE, NO PUN INTENDED.

“Spit it out already!”

IT’S A BIG TURKEY.

“And it’s not ugly?”

NO. IN FACT, IT ACTUALLY LOOKS QUITE DELICIOUS. BY HUMAN STANDARDS, OF COURSE.

And so the adventure begins! Tune in next time when even more questions are answered? Such as whether or not this will get interesting! Or whether or not I’ll actually have a battle! Or whether or not you’ll manage to survive the justice and love speeches I’ll use when I finally do have a battle! It’ll be real exciting! Or not. Either way, I’m covered, because I don’t get paid for this, so no matter how much it sucks I can’t lose anything! Mwahahahahaha!