Gundam MS: Episode 7

Christmas Spectacular

Slowly, somewhere in the Multiverse, a plan was coming to fruition. There was a chance it would fail. Not a large chance, but a chance. It was much more likely to succeed. Its creator knew this. She knew the risks, which were large, and the gains, which were not exactly extraordinary. In fact, most people would think she was crazy to even attempt it.

In truth, even she thought she might be crazy. But that didn’t matter. She was bored. Her Universe was falling into a pattern, and it was a pattern of nothing. It was running out of things to do. Nothing was interesting anymore. So why not spice it up a little?

Leaning back, Misato smiled. No matter what the outcome, it would be one hell of a show.

With that last thought, she set her plan in motion.

Saga 2:

There is a Hole in Your World

Elsewhere in this Universe, things were happening on a small, completely unimportant planet called Earth, which by some strange coincidence, was home to the most powerful fighters in said Universe. At the moment, all six of them were gathered together.

“It’s nice for all of us to be together!” said Goku. “I’m sure you all know why we’re here.”

“Of course we know that, idiot,” replied Vegetta. “We have to find a way to kill Brolly, and this time for good. I don’t want to have to go through this every damn month. I’ve freaking lost count of how many times we’ve had to fight him.”

Besides those two, there were five others, namely Gohan, Trunks, Goten, Pan, and Bulma (Bulma was, of course, the only one who wasn’t a godlike invincible fighter).

“Hey, can you hurry it up guys?” said Gohan. “I really don’t want Videl or Mom to find out that I’m fighting again, so can you just tell us your plan, Dad? And I hope that this one won’t involve letting me be beat to a pulp so that my hidden powers can emerge.”

“Hey, are you still mad about that Cell thing?” asked Goku. “It worked out in the end, didn’t it? Sort of, anyway. Look, the point is that we have to find some way to kill Brolly for good, and not have him come back every couple weeks for another movie. To do that, we’re going to have to find the next level of Super-Saiyan. We must reach Super Saiyan 5! But none of us can do that alone, so we have to fuse.”

“That’s impossible!” said Vegetta. “You’re a complete idiot. Not even two of us together have the power needed to gain another level of Super-Saiyan.”

“That’s right!” said Goku, with his trademark little half-grin. “That’s why I’ve had Bulma make a new fusion dance that will allow all six of us to merge together!”

“That’s impossible!” chorused the other five.

“Nah,” replied Bulma, “It was actually pretty easy. I just had to extrapolate new positions from the original dance by utilizing some theoretical calculus and algebra, and an entirely new branch of mathematics I needed to invent for the occasion.”

Gohan looked stunned. “You did all of that in just a week?”

“Nah, it only took me four days. It took another three to figure out what to wear for the occasion.”

“IT TOOK YOU THREE DAYS TO DECIDE TO WEAR THE SAME EXACT OUTFIT YOU ALWAYS WEAR?”

“Hey, it can take years of training to know when to do nothing!”

“Hey, guys, guys, calm down!” said Goku. “Right now, we need to get Bulma to teach us the new and improved fusion dance.”

“Not the fusion dance anymore! I call my version… the fusion line dance!”

“This has to be some sort of plot against me,” grumbled Vegetta. Having formed a single line ranging from tallest (Gohan) to shortest (Pan), with the other four in the middle (Goku, Vegetta, Trunks, Goten), they had proceeded to, well, line dance. Only it wasn’t working quite right. Bulma said that they hadn’t gotten the movements accurate enough, but Vegetta thought she was just wrong, and this whole thing was designed to embarrass him.

“Come on guys, just one more time!” pleaded Bulma. “You have to put your heart into it!”

“Fine, but this is the last time!” yelled Vegetta.

“F…us…i…on!”

A bright, glowing light shone over all of them, and when it subsided, there was only one figure.

He had bulbous hands attached to stick-thin arms, tiny feet and gigantic legs, an emancipated body and a titanic head.

Bulma sighed. This might take longer than she had thought.

After about five failed attempts, they finally managed to get it right. The resulting being’s power was surpassed by nothing.

“Haha! I am completely invincible! My power is greater than every other person in the Universe, combined!”

Well, except maybe his ego.

“My name is Go-go-go-unks-etto-an!”

And quite possibly his name.

“Watch, as I transform into a level 5 Super-Saiyan!”

First, he went Super Saiyan 4. That was easy. Then came the hard part. He grunted. He strained. He acted like he was constipated. For several minutes. Bulma got bored, and popped open a fashion magazine. And then it happened, all at once.

The wave of power reached all the way across the Universe. Energy exploded out from his body. And his hair… grew. It grew longer and longer, up and up, until it blotted out the sun. It almost reached the sun, in fact, before it’s own mass caught up with it.

All objects want to become a sphere. That’s why planets and stars are round. Most things don’t have enough mass to do so, however. Hair is one of those things.

Usually, anyway.

This hair happened to have a mass far greater than the earth itself. The outcome was inevitable.

It collapsed into a small, yellow sphere about one foot above Gogogounksettoan’s head. It took an gigantic fraction of his power to keep it from crushing him, the entire earth, and quite possibly the solar system.

And it kept growing.

But because of it’s own gravity, it also kept shrinking.

And, in just a couple of seconds, it managed to break virtually every rule this Universe had.

Reality and Actuality fought. Reality was firmly stepped on, but retaliated by trying to send the offensive matter as far away as possible. But Actuality wouldn’t let it, because that tiny little black hole was most definitely there.

So Reality and Actuality compromised.

They sent it as far away as possible, without actually sending it anywhere.

What remained was a large sphere about 8 feet in diameter, hovering just above the ground. A casual observer wouldn’t see anything, but a closer look would reveal that this sphere was made up of something that looked a lot like heat waves, so that anything you see through it would ripple.

It was a small space where Reality hadn’t quite made up its mind about whether it was here or there. Basically, it was an unstable portal.

The only question is where it leads.

Neither Gogogounksettoan (which includes any of his component people) or Bulma were still there. Misato would have smiled, but she wasn’t there either.

In fact, she wasn’t anywhere.

At least, not in this Universe.

WOODEN TOY THROW ATTACK!

A hail of toys flew out of the little elf’s coat.

**CRASH** **BANG** **SMASH**

“Note to self,” said the Christmas-theme monster. “Wooden toys are not effective against enemies made of metal. Especially when they use the opportunity to hide behind a stone fountain.”

“Arg, this guy is starting to piss me off!” yelled Relena. “OK, guys, here’s the plan,” she whispered. “Aye-, I mean, Sandrock and Shen-long, break left with me, run firing your head vulcans. When he turns to follow us, Ry-, damn, I mean Deathscythe and Heavyarms break right and hit him when you get an opening. Alright, lets go!”

Relena, Ayeka, and Celena dashed out from behind their cover, firing as they went.

SUPER WIMPY GUNDAM ZERO SHOULDER CANNONS!

CRAPPY SANDROCK VULCANS!

CRAPPY SHEN-LONG VULCANS!

“Hey, quit shooting at me! Spiked Metal Toys Att-“

SCYTHE SLASH WAVE!

GATTLING GUNFIRE!

Both blasts caught the elf in the back, knocking him to his knees.

“Now!” yelled Relena, “Grab him while he’s off balance!”

“Don’t need to tell me twice,” replied Celena.

SHEN-LONG GRAB!

Both of Celena’s arms extended and grabbed onto the elf’s shoulders, ramming him into the nearby building.

DUAL SICKLE PIN!

As Celena’s arms retracted, both of Ayeka’s sickles hit around the elf to form an X, pinning it there.

“Hey,” said Relena, “I have a joke for you. Elves like jokes, right?”

“Ah hell, do I have to listen to this?”

“I feel the same way,” said Ryoko.

“Oh, shut up. Knock knock.”

“Fine, whatever,” said the elf petulantly. “Who’s there?”

“Ian.”

“Ian who?”

“Ian about to blow your head off! Super Pretty Gundam Zero-”

DUAL SICKLE RETURN!

“-Beam Attack!”

Ka-Boom!

Ayeka’s sickles flew back to her just a quarter of a second before the beam hit them. All five watched in satisfaction as the smoke cleared and they were showered with a fine spray of elf-bits.

“We,” said Relena confidently, “are getting good at this.”

The next day started out calm. It should have been a quiet day, since another monster usually wouldn’t attack for about another week, more or less.

At school, it was also calm.

When they got home, it was calm.

It was calm when they went to sleep.

In fact, it was calm the whole day.

As was the next day, and the day after that.

The fourth and fifth days were calm.

But on the sixth day, everything went straight to hell.

It started off normal. Relena was woken up by the half-dozen alarms scattered across the room, and then she promptly went and kicked Ryoko out of bed with more force than was strictly necessary. This arrangement was reached by the simple fact that, while both Ryoko and Relena wanted nothing better than to sleep, Relena was much easier to wake up, and once awake, she wasn’t about to let anyone else get any sleep when she couldn’t. After kicking Ryoko down the stairs, Relena started making breakfast. Once she finished with that, she gave some to Ryoko and took the rest. At this point, Ryo Ohki joined them for some carrots, which, for some reason, seemed to be the only things she ate, never mind the fact that she would violently beat anyone who called her a rabbit.

All this was SOP (Standard Operating Procedure). It was then, however, that the shit hit the proverbial fan.

Both Ryoko and Ryo Ohki paused, and, just for a second, looked at something beyond the wall. Then they both screamed in pain and clutched their heads, as if someone had just brought a hammer down on them.

“If you guys are going for an excuse to stay home from school, this isn’t going to work. Try clutching your stomachs.”

“Shut up!” yelled Ryoko. This wasn’t how she normally talked. Normally, if she said to shut up, you got the feeling that she didn’t really mean it, like she was really only joking, and didn’t really mind. There was feeling behind this, the kind that meant that if you didn’t obey, she wasn’t going to waste another warning. “What the hell was that?”

“It was someone punching a hole in our Universe,” replied Ryo Ohki. Far from her normal flippant tone, she sounded very serious, angry, and worried. “You should know that.”

“I do know that! I want to know who in the Multiverse it was and what they want!”

“So do I! Relena, get over here, I’m gonna break a couple rules. We’ll just swing by and pick up the others, and we’ll be at the rip in seconds.”

“Hey, you’re not gonna teleport a mortal, are you?”

“Yes, I am. It might cause a little harm to our reality fabric, but this time it’s worth the damage to save some time. Now, here we go. Let’s just hope the others are prepared.”

“Alright,” said Ryo Ohki in her mission-briefing voice (which sounded a lot like some of the stranger generals you sometimes see on TV if you made them talk soprano). “We don’t know who just punched that hole, but in all probability, there are some people there who have come through. It’s been approximately two minutes since they got here, so they might still be there. Our mission is to find out what they want, and who they are. Usually, Death would be there instead of us, but he’s a little busy.”

Currently, all five girls and Ryo Ohki were in Celena’s bedroom, currently morphed and ready for action. As a setting for a mission briefing, it was undoubtedly odd. Hell, it was odd for a bedroom. Littered around the room were things ranging from cute pink furbies to wooden swords and small models of military equipment designed for efficient death and destruction. As to how all of it got there, she said ‘It just accumulated. I don’t even remember buying most of it.’

“What do you mean he’s a ‘little busy?’” asked Ayeka. “What could he be doing?”

“Well, Ryo Cody says that when those people came through the gateway, they didn’t come alone.”

“Who’s Ryo Cody? And when did you get a chance to talk with him?” asked Relena.

“Don’t display your ignorance, mortal,” replied Ryoko. “The Ryo- prefix indicates that he’s an angel, which means he has telepathic abilities. Why do you think that only we have been able to hear Ryo Ohki?”

“Hmm, I never really thought about that.”

“Look, cut the chatter and get ready. Teleporting in three, two, one, gone.”

Blink.

“Look,” said Vegeta, “We have to go out there sometime. We might as well go now. We need to explore and find out where the hell we are.”

The reply to that would never come.

“Hey, guys!” yelled Gohan, “We have company! And I can’t sense their power levels!”

“Androids?” asked Goku.

“Probably. Look, they’re right over there!”

Standing about twenty meters off were five metal robots, and what seemed like a small rabbit. All five were heading towards them at a slow walk.

“They seem pretty confident,” said Goku. “Lets go Super Saiyan and see what they do.” He looked funny. He bent down and strained. He grunted like he was constipated. He jumped around. He got up and scratched his head. “Hmmm, funny thing. I can’t seem to go Super Saiyan. Or fly. Or do anything a normal human couldn’t do.”

“That’s ridiculous, you idiot! Let me do it!” Vegetta yelled. He looked funny. He bent down and strained. He grunted like he was constipated. He jumped around. “A real Saiyan warrior doesn’t need cheap tricks like becoming a Super Saiyan!”

“Uh huh,” said Goku suspiciously. “Then try flying.”

“A real Saiyan warrior doesn’t need to fly!”

“What about throwing a ki blast?”

“A real Saiyan warrior doesn’t need to throw a ki blast!” replied an increasingly desperate Vegetta.

He was saved from further embarrassment by Relena. “Hey, what the hell are you guys talking about? You sound like complete idiots.”

“I think they’re from a drastically different Universe. They’re dealing with the fact that their abilities are dramatically different,” said Ryo Ohki. “There aren’t many places with flying and ki blasts though, but I can’t seem to place them. What about you, Ryoko?”

“Um, maybe. Hey, you, skinny guy with huge black hair, your name’s Vegtable-o, right? And that guy with the mop-head is, like, carrot-something?”

“How dare you show such disrespect to me. I am the prince of all Saiyans, Vegetta! And this is Kakarot!”

“Oh, yeah, that’s it. Sorry. Yeah, I’ve heard of these guys. They’re from a world called Dragonball. Pretty important, especially since it takes its root direct from the Centerverse. It’s a bit of a silly place though. People flying, shooting energy beams from their hands powerful enough obliterate planets, giant dragons being summoned to revive people by a bunch of orange crystal balls, hence the name dragonball by the way, stuff like that. It has a certain fame as being the only world where dying is a good thing, but is still feared and loathed. I’d say that in this group, we’ve got a grand total about 15 deaths.”

“Sounds like a pretty screwed up place,” said Celena.

“That’s putting it mildly,” replied Relena. “Still, the prospect of having a get-out-of-death-free card is pretty appealing.”

“I think we’re being insulted,” said Goku to his friends.

“What brought that sudden flash of genius?” asked Vegetta acidly.

“That was genius?” asked Ayeka.

“Well, for him,” replied Gohan. “Hell, he’s my dad, but sometimes it gets embarrassing that his idea of stimulating conversation is yelling out an attack name. His great plan to defeat a horrible monster was to let it beat me up until I got mad.”

Meanwhile, most of the world moved on. But in one case, it stopped.

Because Santa had come to town.

And he was packing heat.

Santa was angry. Things weren’t working out as they were supposed to. Here he was, destroying things, almost hurting people before they ran away, and generally making a big nuisance of himself, and yet none of the Gundam Girls had come to fight him. He was, basically, a peeved monster. If they didn’t show up soon, he would actually have to kill someone.

“HO HO HO,” he said angrily.

This idea suddenly got a lot better. After all, he thought, I’m a monster, right? I can kill things, can’t I? It’s my job, isn’t it? Hey, wouldn’t that granny over there make a perfect target? The one that’s slowly crossing the street?

He looked, and he did, indeed, see an old lady crossing the street, being supported by a gnarled old walking staff.

“HO HO HO!” he yelled happily as he started running.

“Eek, oh no, a big scary monster has seen me! I wish I wasn’t so slow and unable to defend myself! I must look like a really easy target. I hope it doesn’t come over here and try to kill me! After all, I’m sure it’s really annoyed and must want to vent some rage, right?”

The Santa monster ran halfway to the old lady before rusty, completely unused segments of his brain began to start working and slowed down the rest of him. Hadn’t he thought about the lady before actually seeing her? That wasn’t normal, was it?

“HO HO HO?” he said, slightly confused.

“Oh no, could the big, scary, dangerous monster be afraid of a little old lady like me? I’m just so weak and defenseless, he would have to be a coward to pass up such a wonderful opportunity like this. Damnit, get over here and kill a defenseless old lady already!”

This last stopped the monster dead in his tracks. In his, admittedly limited, experience, people didn’t ask to be killed, they ran away screaming. Even his incredibly basic brain eventually managed to grasp the fact that there was something very, very wrong about this whole scene.

“HO HO… HO?” he said, even more confused.

“Oh, to hell with it,” said the old lady. And then she changed.

Any observer would have had a hard time saying how she changed. They couldn’t have named even one single line of her body that altered in any way, but somehow the way they came together was completely different.

Long gray hair became long purple hair that had been in a bad light. Clothes became very different indeed when seen through a better viewpoint. A wrinkled face became a young face that had been badly obscured. And a gnarled old walking staff became, in a way not at all describable, a long, straight quarterstaff.

“Let’s rock, dough-boy,” said the young woman.

With a sound like the click of a switchblade, a long blade flicked out of the top of the staff, changing it from a good quarterstaff into an excellent scythe.

Misato smiled. “Ho. Ho. Ho.”

Truly frightening! But what will happen next time? What is Misato’s plan? Who exactly is Misato? And what is Death doing? Will Pan, Goten, or Trunks get speaking roles? What new secrets and plans will be revealed next time? Tune in to find out on the next exciting episode of Gundam MS, "The episode where I try to write myself out of a hole"!