I bet you are all visiting my website and wondering Hey, this kid is making a lot of insults about the Lazies; but how does he know them so well that he has justification to do so? Well, I’ll tell you. I grew up into early childhood in the slums of Somerville as a ragged little kid who loved his He-Man and Lego Blocks, and was one day excited to learn that I was moving to a strange new town called Wilmington. So at the ripe old age of six, my family packed up and headed out to the new land of mystery and eventually I had my first day of Kindergarten. The teacher told me to take a seat on the Big Red Carpet anywhere I’d like. I saw only two spaces available. The first one was right beside a girl who was beckoning me to sit with her; the other was a fat boy beckoning me to sit with him instead. Well I did the obvious thing a little boy would do, I chose to sit with the fat kid because girls had cooties. As it turned out, this chubby little lad went by the name of Kevin Finnerty. For one reason or another, we instantly became the best of friends, and stuck by each other’s side day in and day out. I would go to his house or he’d come to mine and play swords/guns but I would always end up getting beat up, because he was bigger, fatter, and tougher. But I didn’t mind it.

After a couple years we were still best buddies, and after watching the all-new blockbuster Terminator 2, we were inspired to take on careers as actors and directors. We began writing scripts of sequels to movies that we didn’t want to end. Our first movie was Terminator 3, in which Kevin starred as the Good Terminator and I starred as the Bad Terminator. Our action scenes consisted of shooting Nerf guns at each other and falling off devastating 2-foot cliffs. Next we wrote Young Wayne’s World, which was actually a prequel to the box-office hit; a story of the duo’s youth. Kevin and his Hawaiian shirt starred as Garth and I as Wayne. Immediately after writing it, we spat out one last movie called Robin Hood 2, a sequel to Kevin Costner’s hit. I was the ever-elusive Robin, and naturally Kevin was Little John. We had plans to bring in several classmates as the Merry Men, but never did. Then, a terrible thing happened before we were able to produce the movies on film: the Sixth Grade. We were both sent to different schools, and our friendship was torn apart and sent to the Dark Ages (6th grade through 8th). Our movie scripts were left unsheltered to the hands of time and disappeared into history, never to make the box office as we had planned.

I don’t really know what happened to Kevin during this time, as he became dead to me. I saw the necessity to make new friends with such great people as Paul Tabron, Peter Kusa, and Ken Ward, even though nothing but trouble was produced from those friendships. Things were so very dark during this three-year period. I was lost without Kevin, and my soul could not endure it. I moved up into high school a lost soul; and my eyes were wary to the sites of my old friends who I was know back in school with. Kevin was back, but he was different, and I was scared to remake friends. But then one day during my freshman year in English class, Kevin suddenly beckoned me to come sit with him. Visions of the first day of Kindergarten raced in my head. Could this be the birth of a new beginning? We sat, we talked, we laughed, we cried, we reminisced, and we kissed. Um, scratch that kiss part. Hehehe. Anyway, we renewed our friendship and embarked on a new era of light. We had great times again, and thanked God for the Spanish class that taught us the word Hormiga (Spanish for "ant"). We would play fun games, such as Make A Jerk-Off Noise With Your Cheeks For 5 Minutes Straight, and the prize would be a jug of wine. It was then that we decided to embark on new musical careers under a band called Nuclear Winter. We debuted our one and only song Hormigas in front of a raging audience of our Spanish class who loved us and begged for more. Eventually a police escort was brought in to safely bring us away from our screaming fans who wanted to touch us and tear off our clothes. But the band was short lived as it was discovered that I had no instrumental talents whatsoever. But it was fun.

Anyway, Kev and me were having the best of times, and just when I though things couldn’t get any better, I was invited to a bonfire birthday where I met the acquaintance of a one Mr. Giancarlo Romagnoli. Someone somewhere quoted The Simpsons, and we both laughed together. We began talking about how great the show was and became buddies right away. I had another best friend! Things got more fun as we all got jobs at Campbell’s and had fun doing nothing at all while working there. Being subject to the smart-ass mouth of our boss JonBon only made our friendship stronger, as we talked lots about how much of a jerk he was. We hung out for years, got our licenses, and got our first crappy cars. We drove to dumb places like Newbury Comics everyday, and ate lots and lots of pizza and such. Before we even knew it, Graduation was upon us. We grabbed our diplomas and headed out to the new world, which coincidentally happened to be our houses that we’d already been living in most of our lives. Gian spent his days educating himself for a career in Graphic Design, while Kevin and I coincidentally went to the same college and studied Liberal Arts and Criminal Justice, respectively. Kevin then moved to a Hick town up North, but his visits to good ol’ Wilmington kept him active in our lives.

Today, we still hang out and do nothing, and have seemed to have way too much free time on our hands. But it was until just recently that Gian and Kevin fell to demonic spirits and became evil sorcerers and decided to make a new band called The Lazies. Kevin even saw it fit to change his name to KeviL for an “evil” effect. Seeing no need for a pathetic keyboardist, they instantly tossed me aside and went on practicing music and worshiping Satan. Innocent musicians would go up to them offering their services to benefit the well-being of the Lazies, but KeviL and Gian would beat them up and leave them bleeding on the side of the highway. They believed that their beloved Satan had possessed them with the powers to create superior music, and so they could never get a drummer good enough to play with them because everyone who tried out believed in Jesus Christ. At one point Evil Gian constructed a website to bring his demonic fiasco worldwide, calling it the “Lazies Website (of Satanic Nazi Commie Fascist Devil Music)”. But I couldn’t lie around while these horrible possessed boys were wreaking their havoc, so I decided to construct a website of my own, calling it the “Anti-Lazie Website of Holy Gracious Wonderful Happy Pure Clean Non-Lazieness”. I wanted to try to pull the world from the icy cold grasp of all that is Lazie before it was too late. And so that is my mission, and I ask that you be a good human being and do the right thing by joining me, along with God and your Country, to take a stand against the Lazies and everything that they stand for. UNITE, AND FIGHT THE EVIL!!! DOWN WITH THE LAZIES!! VIVE LA ANTHONY!!