LEXX

The episode opens with Prince approaching the Lexx toilet. Okay, now this in itself is suspicious! From the way Prince talks about himself, he's not the kind of guy who uses toilets, at least not for their usual function. You notice also, he didn't eat when Xev offered him a bite of her picnic fare. I don't remember seeing him eat in this series come to think of it - he only drinks water. I suppose it's possible that his intimate examination last week is causing him some internal disturbance. Aha! He's hiding a revolver in the toilet. He'd better hope the toilet doesn't swallow it. Lexx himself isn't all that bright, what're the chances that the can is considerably dumber?

Benedict 790 rolls up and urgently requests a conference. He wants Kai all to himself and cares nothing for Xev, Stan, the Lexx, Earth etc. He wants to make a deal with Prince in order to achieve his aims. Prince agrees. He wants the Key to the Lexx. He tells 790 that his ATF agents have scoured the Earth and can't find Lulu. 790 then reasons that Lulu must have remained on the Lexx, and been dispatched by Vlad. The only place for the Key to have gone at that point would be into a Moth Breeder.

Stanley breaks up their private meeting. He's suspicious alright of them hatching some nefarious plot together. Stan is finally at the breaking point and precipitates a tense confrontation with Prince. He suggests it's time Kai killed Prince, and Xev thinks the idea certainly has merit. Prince, smooth, smarmy fellow that he is protests that he's only trying to establish improved communications between them and himself. They don't believe him. What a hypocrite. Now he's using the argument that they shouldn't kill him in cold blood because it's an act of evil, not merciful, and not fitting for them. Yeah, Prince is so concerned that good be done. Kai is quite willing to carry out the death sentence on Prince.

The Pres and Bunny sit quietly on their picnic blanket nibbling their lunch, and with that look on their faces that guests get when their hosts are engaged in open, ugly squabbling. Stanley wants to be cruel but can't quite be and he lets Prince have a few last words. Prince expresses his regret at making the Lexx crew suffer in the past and wishes them the very best of luck. What a crock. In the end Stanley can't even utter the execution order - he's too good a guy really. Xev tells Prince to take Priest and Bunny and just get off the Lexx.

Kai is unfortunately having one of his brown-study moments - yep, he's down several quarts and topples when Prince gently shoves him. Prince kisses Xev goodby, and he and Priest do get in a Moth and leave. They take 790, but leave poor Bunny behind!!

Xev and Stan take Kai for a service station break to fill him up with protoblood. Kai immediately points out that Prince must have taken 790 otherwise the robot head would undoubtedly be in attendance on Kai at his revival.

We see the Moth landing in some part of the Lexx. Prince has a specific agenda - to locate which Moth Breeder possesses the Key to the Lexx. 790 of course knows all about the Breeders since his job as a 790 robot was to vacuum out the unused portions of their brains when they were being made into Moth Breeders after conviction for their crimes (he mentions using the wrong fork, cutting the nose off the cheese, man I forgot how strict that Divine Shadow guy was! I'm sure this isn't good for someone like Prince to hear, might give him more nasty ideas than he's got already.)

He does have a simple notion to locate the right Breeder. Since they can't be brought to the edge of sexual ecstasy, the option is to bring them to the brink of death. Priest acts as strangler for his Prince. Finally, after slaughtering a pile of Breeders, they locate the one with the Key - Priest stops short of strangling this one to death. Prince, Priest, and 790 depart for Earth in the Moth, taking the special Breeder with them.

On the journey 790 holds forth on his own philosophy about life and inquires if Prince knows the secret to "really great sex." Prince, prepared to tolerate any degree of ennui until his plans come to fruition, responds, "No, do tell me."
790: "A really big stiff!"
Prince closes his eyes (and I'm sure he was biting his tongue too).
Priest adds in corroboration: "First Lady Bunny says that too."

On the Lexx, they put Kai back to bed in order to preserve his protoblood.

Down on the Earth, some bizarre surgery is taking place. 790's head is grafted onto the Moth Breeder. He's delighted; his goal is coming within his reach. He explains that on the Cluster a 790 robot that kept the original head of it's body was called a 769 model and asks to be addressed as this henceforward. Okay, now, I could see this name if the robot head was attached in a different position.. um , nevermind. He's very anxious to get on to part two of his transformation and off they go.

On the Lexx, Stan has a threesome on his mind, but Bunny suggests a game she used to play in high school. She explains the rules of Truth of Dare. Bunny goes first and asks Xev, "Truth or Dare?" Xev elects to take the Truth option and Bunny asks if she was ever tempted to go all the way with Stan. Okay this is an easy big NO.

In the Oval Office, the President is practicing gastronomic diplomacy. He's entertaining a French delegation with his accordion playing. Love the outfit including a neat French beret and a baguette stuck in his pocket. He gets their cooperation in dumping some nuclear waste and promptly ushers them out, wine unfinished. Next!

His next presidential act involves double six shooters and a ten gallon hat, plus chewin' tabaccy, which he offers to his subsequent guests, a delegation of three gentleman who appear to represent one of the First Nations. Unfortunately Priest is on the wrong script, and he insults the men with slurs about 'redskins' as he's mistaken them to be from the Western Cattlemen's Association. As Priest is trying to do a quick hat change, Prince accompanied by the grotesque 769 arrives at the office. The First Nations reps are shooed away after a promise of peace pipe and wampum (they've heard this story before).

769 is frantic to get on with his surgical transformation (I wonder if he'd qualify as a transsexual terrorist?). A selection of the finest the military branches has to offer, quick marches into the room (to the accompaniment of Marty Simon's Cock Rock March or as I think of it 'Penii on Parade'). Prince gives them the national security pep talk and lets them know that after a special "short arm inspection" (and various other tongue-in-cheek, not saying who's cheek, ribald jokes), one of them will have the honour of sacrifice for 'the good of the nation'.

769 eyes them, or rather their equipage, covetously. He can't be quiet in the background, punctuating Prince's remarks with his own comments, "I want a long one!", "I want the black one.!", "You've all got massive torpedoes in your pants!" "And thickest, don't forget the thickest!"

Commander-in-Chief Priest orders the men to drop their drawers, and 769 makes a careful selection, sounding a bit disappointed that he can only have one of them (aww heck, he's already got two heads, would a couple or three more hurt really?) He's enthralled by the equipment sported by one young marine. (all I can say is what a waste)

Back on the Lexx, Stanley keeps trying to get the upper hand in Truth or Dare. He dares Xev to ".. right now, plant a real live, wife-bank trained, love-slave-quality, big fat wet kiss on a real live red-blooded, human specimen, meaning one who's not dead and one who's not half cluster lizard!"
Xev stares at him intently and takes the dare... and plants a deep sensuous kiss on Bunny! which leads to a typical playground squabble.

On Earth, 769 is within millimeters of his goal! while the poor Marine gets a Purple Heart in place of his generous attribute. The 'surgeons' seem to be ratcheting the thing into place - no telling how it'll function.

On the Lexx, Bunny excuses herself to go to the washroom. Of course, she's only going there to retrieve the revolver Prince hid there. What are we going to bet that Bunny does a Michael Corleone and shoots them between the eyes?

As soon as 769's strap-on is secured, he beats up his guards and takes off in the Moth to get back to his appointment with Black Beauty.

Bunny returns to where Stan and Xev are arguing. She points the revolver at them. She's carrying out Prince's plan at the behest of her precious President. Stan and Xev urge Bunny to think about what she's doing. She's very upset because she's in an impossible situation. She adores Priest, but she's not a killer and doesn't want to do this. Especially as she mentions to Xev, "You were a really good kisser."

At the Oval Office, Priest and Prince make contact with Bunny, speaking to her via the Lexx's main viewscreen. She tells them she did the deed, killed both Stan and Xev, shooting them between the eyes (which Prince tsktsks saying a quick death would have been better! That man is sooo supercilious!). Bunny desperately wants to come home to her Priesty. Prince says she should come back now, and bring the bodies of Stan and Xev for proper burial (but really because he doesn't trust her of course.)

Stan and Xev are very much alive, and come in as soon as P and P get off the blower. Stan is incensed and once again thinks it's time to let the loose the dogs of Divine Assassins and just kill Prince and get it over with. Before they even have time to leave the bridge, a Moth arrives, bearing 769, proudly sporting his new 'weapons array'.

He exchanges a few words with them, but his agenda is in the cryochamber (his Moth breeder head is somewhat mixed up by the surgery and keeps going on and on about 'Must build bigger Moths', 'Must build harder Moths' and so forth on that vein.) 769 is keen on another vein and proceeds to the cryochamber to waken Kai. He's rubbing his new strap-on and promising that it's "Missile launching time!"

He starts feeling Kai up immediately, all the while rubbing himself to get his new torpedo up and ready. He doesn't care if the others watch as long as they stay out of the way and keep quiet. 769 gushes that he wants to please Kai so badly. Kai of course is Kai and says, "The dead cannot be pleased."

769 won't let a little thing like that discourage him and replies, "That's okay! Love-crazed robot heads, psychotically obsessed with their stiffs are easy to please, now, bend over."

Kai is passive throughout this mauling, not giving either resistance or encouragement. Stanley thinks 790 has completely lost it and is disgusted with the whole scene. Xev tries to get at things logically though and points out that 790's brain cube is that of a woman, so what's the deal with the same sex come-on? 790/769 is too far gone in his/her passion to reason though. Kai doesn't feel the disgust Stan does, since the dead don't feel disgust. And Bunny is cool cause she likes different 'things'.

790/769 begs Kai for some responsivity, promising that they can "have a hot and cold future together!". (Sounds like a neurotic couple)

Stan tells Xev that they've got to do something about 790, he's gone completely out of control. Xev is taking a more sympathetic view, knowing what it's like to long for someone. She says let him have his fun and they leave the deranged robot to whatever he can get from the dead, uninterested object of his adoration.

The Moth Breeder is rubbing himself so hard that 790/769 reaches the peak of sexual ecstasy and the Key leaps out of his hand, and into Bunny, who's interested in weird sex and standing right there to observe.

790 makes the mistake of calling Bunny 'Bubblehead', well she won't take that insult and kicks the metal head right off his new body. Oh disaster!! But with Kai's attention free now, Stan and Xev decide it's definitely time for Kai to get on with making Prince an offer he can't refuse.

He takes a Moth and leaves for Earth. Naturally, Prince and Priest show up right after that and Prince is looking like he means business with a gun in his hand. His whole plan was to get the Key, get Kai off the Lexx, and then get rid of Stan and Xev. He's accomplished the first two and now he's planning to finish off Stan and Xev. He gives the gun to Priest, and we've seen how obedient he is..

Stanley notices the gun Bunny left on the Captain's stand. Prince silkily asks if he thinks he can get to it before Priest kills him. Xev tells Stan to do it and she'll take care of Prince. She tells Prince he knows quite well she is stronger than he and could kill him. Prince apparently does know this, or suspects and tells Priest to point the gun at Xev instead. Stanley does go for the gun, with great reluctance, but it doesn't matter as Prince is very aware that it's got a child safety lock on and won't fire. He didn't see fit to mention it to Bunny, since he didn't believe she'd ever use it to kill Stan and Xev anyway.

In the Moth, Kai speaks with 790, who tells him that everything is absolutely excellent. Now that Kai has checked in, Prince decides it's time for Stan and Xev to check out. Stan warns Bunny that if she doesn't stop Priest and Prince, Kai will hunt down every one of them, including Bunny. Bunny runs from the room, not wanting to watch the murder her husband is about to commit (No Lady MacBeth our Bunnykins).

They are interrupted once more, this time by Kai on the main viewer. He adds his reluctance to see Xev and Stan killed and tells Prince that if they die, Kai will kill Prince and since he's on his way back to the Lexx, that won't be too long from now.

Prince's plan is coming apart at the seams and he's like a cornered rat. He threatens to kill Stan and Xev if Kai doesn't quickly promise not to kill him. Kai instead tells Prince that he'd like to play another game of chess with him. Prince agrees he would go for that. Kai agrees to play the game if Prince does not kill Stan and Xev. Prince, obviously only partially familiar with Delphic oracles then asks if Kai will kill Prince at the end of the game, but Kai says he won't kill him at the end of the game, no matter the outcome.

Prince seems rather dithery. First he tells Priest they will get off the Lexx now and never mind Bunny. He thinks she'll be quite at home with the rest of the Lexx crew. Then he immediately changes his plans and sends Priest to fetch Bunny. After Priest takes off he stands over the bound Stanley and Xev and ominously chambers a round.

At the toilet, we see Bunny sobbing. She calls Priest a murderer but he explains that they haven't killed Stan and Xev. She's so relieved, she decides to have sex with hubby on the toilet. They're just getting into it, but Bunny clearly gets to the point quickly and the Key departs her hand and takes off down the corridor, when Mr. Coitus Interruptus Prince arrives and tells them they have to get going. The Key dives into another Moth Breeder (couldn't see if it was the one with the torpedo or not)

Kai arrives on the bridge and frees Stan and Xev. Priest and Bunny are allowed to get to the shuttle and leave. Kai now confronts Prince with utter coldness and lack of emotion and asks Prince if he has any last words.( Hope he makes them better than what he dished out to Stan and Xev the first time, Kai is much harder and colder than Stanley, and he doesn't look like he's going to be deflected.) The dead do not feel disgust, and probably they don't feel guilt or mercy or anything else either.

Prince, sensing he's misplayed something by presuming on Kai's integrity of word says, "You said we'd play a game of chess. Can I do that if I'm dead?"
Kai, "Yes you can. On Brunnis 2, the truly committed learned to play after death. That is how you and I will play."
Prince with resignation "Cheerie bye" and Kai guts him.

And I'd say that's mate, Kai. Good playing!

Priest and Bunny in the shuttle rejoice at Prince's death, and their freedom.. for about 2 minutes. Then Priest questions what he'll do with no one to tell him what to do. It also occurs to him that he and Bunny can't have any nookie anymore for fear of Bunny losing the Lexx key.

Stan tries to have a reasonable talk with 790. Hopeless task there. Xev decides to go for a walk and find the Moth Breeder (the one with the Marine equipment!) and help it "build bigger, harder Moths.." (I know what you're thinking; without a functional brain attached, the thing won't ever work again. Wrongo, these things work just fine with no brain power whatever.)

They leave Prince's corpse on the bridge. We see waves of golden light and his body disappears. Reminds me of Vlad's disappearance. I still think she was too easy to get rid of and I'll not believe they've axed Nigel Bennett from the series already. No, no, we'll be seeing the big SlimyGit again I'm betting.