LEXX

OK, so they're in the Lexx, flying through space, heading for the centre of the Universe, yes? Anyway, suddenly this "building" appears in front of them, and Lexx wants to eat it, so Stanley says "OK" 'coz Lexx is hungry and you know what that means... So, Lexx is about to gobble it all up, but suddenly, wafting over the airwaves, comes the battle song of the Brunnen-G, you know the one..."Yo waaaayo" and all that business. Xev of course is a little peturbed by this, so she tells Stan to stop the Lexx eating it, and they all go off to explore.

The moth lands (are you getting this so far?) in what looks like an old dusty theatre, which is in fact, according to Kai, what it is. They're all standing there looking at the stage, when all of a sudden the lights go on, and all these really brightly coloured, really alive-looking Brunnen-G appear on stage and start singing! Yeah, I said singing. Kai is understandably confused by this, being as he thought he was the last and all that, but give him his due, I think seeing all those Brunnen-G alive and kicking, well dancing anyway, almost brought a tear to his eye. (Although that could have been dust on my TV screen). The song is all about how when they arrived on Brunnis 2 (Kai's home planet, not the one they blew up in Supernova), they decided to get rid of the ol' weapons and everything and enclose their world in a big defensive bubble so they wouldn't have to deal with all the nasty things that lived outside. Then they concentrate on the important things, like finding the secret to eternal life.

Unfortunately, buy the time Kai was a young man, this eternal life business was getting a bit boring - no-one would do anything for fear of getting hurt (they weren't immune to being damaged, just didn't grow old). And after 10,000 years, that's a lot of birthday parties to think of themes for. So Brunnis 2 was decadent and boring and old, apart from the other newborns like Kai (who, although they wouldn't age either, were still their natural ages, if you get my drift). After the lovely song, a little fat bloke appears and asks Kai to join in, after all this is his life story. Stan is not too keen on this, seeing as they're trying to find the centre of the universe and everything, especially when the fat bloke tells him that his little acting troupe live outside time and space and aren't really real. Kai is a natural show off however, and is easily persuaded to get up for a bit of Karaoke. As he steps onto the stage, his clothes become brightly coloured, and his little cheeks go all rosy red. He is alive again! (Of course you realise this is just a play, and not real, so he's not really alive again. Sorry). So Kai sings ar little song about how he wanted to leave Brunnis and explore through the defensive shield (which was old and knackered by this point anyway). Everyone told him to shut up and be a good boy, but he decided to go anyway. When Kai's song is over, and he's standing on a balcony looking all gorgeous, Xev asks him if this really happened. He says "Yes", and actually smiles! The little fat bloke invites Xev up on stage to play Kai's girlfriend at the time. It doesn't take a lot of persuasion, and as she steps on the stage, she is transformed into a Brunnen-G woman, complete with hair (which I must say, looks a lot better than her usual stuff). Kai sings her a song about how he must leave and explore, and she tells him that if he goes he might as well not come back. (Sounds like a typical friday night conversation in my house!)

Are you getting all this so far? Anyway, Kai goes off through the shields in an old spaceship to see the time prophet who lives on a small moon nearby. He asks about the future of his planet and she tells him all about the prophecy and Brunnis 2 being destroyed and him being the last and everything. Being a concerned citizen, he rushes back to tell everyone to prepare to fight His Shadow, but they all blame him for breaching the shield and bringing Brunnis to the attention of His Shadow in the first place. Kai is sentenced to death by ageing...

About this point, Stan gets really fed up with the whole thing and threatens to leave. Xev says she would rather die with Kai here, doing something she enjoys, than run away from Mantrid and probably die anyway. Stan gets in a huff and leaves, even though Kai jumps off stage (and back into his black get-up) and insists he wait for Xev.

Anyway, Act 2 opens with Xev (as his girlfriend) coming to rescue him from jail, and promising to fight with him after the singing of a lovely love duet (infinitely superior to the fantasy scene in Supernova). By this time, the rest of Brunnis 2 have realised that Kai was right, but instead of wanting to fight, they're only too pleased to die. After all, they have been alive an awfully long time, and they're glad to have the decision taken away from them. Kai manages to do a bit of rabble rousing, however, and the rest of the newborns side with him. They reconstruct ships from drawings left over from the insect wars, and off they go into space, yowaaaayo'ing all the way. Everyone dies, including Kai's girlfriend, and then Ol' Shadowy bumps off Kai in the pre-destined fashion.

OK, scene jump (stay with me here...). During Act 2, Stanley has been heading back to the Lexx in the moth, but those little actory devils have continued to play the music over the airwaves, and Stan gets all emotional about the whole story, especially the bit where Kai does the rabble rousing and tells them all it's better to fight and die than to die waiting. Stan the man decides to head back to the theatre for the curtain call, and arrives back in time to see Kai, back in black, being delivered to Shadowy as an assassin. The little fat man, noticing Stan's applause, invites him to join them for the finale, after all, it's the bit where they destroy the Divine Order (I bet this would have been a real showstopper - the type your mum would sing while peeling the potatos.) Stan refuses, and begs Xev to come with him. Xev refuses, wanting to stay here as the fat man has offered them a permanent role in his little sub-space show. Anyway, she'd rather die here than running away from Mantrid. Aaaaah, but that's where your wrong, says Stan. We're not running away, we're going to fight him! He's been all inspired by Kai's song, and has decided they'll be better off dieing in the fight than taking the cowards way out. Kai thinks this is awfully heroic (although he doesn't say as much, but I can tell) and the Brunnen-G all start singing again, with Kai, Xev and Stan all joining in. As the song finishes, they all disappear, leaving the three of them back in the disused theatre, in their old clothes, a little confused.

Back on the Lexx, they watch the theatre dissolve in a cloud of unreality. Stan turns the Lexx around. "OK Lexx, let's go get Mantrid!"

It could have used Liza Minelli, but you can't have everything...