LEXX

The episode opens on the bridge with Stanley moaning about the Type 13 hellhole they're at and grasping for ideas on where they should go (that's IF they could go anywhere - Lexx still doesn't have enough steam up to go anywhere). 790 naturally has a suggestion where Stanley could go, and Kai as you'd expect doesn't care where they go. They're interrupted by First Lady Bunny calling to let Stanley know that she did the wrong man in Newfoundland, and she's still hot to get it on with the real Stanley Tweedle. She keeps looking off to her left and you can tell she's being coached, probably by ole SlimyGit™ Prince. Bunny invites Stan down to the White House so they can get on with "sweet love".

Well, that's enough for Stanley and from wanting to get the heck away from this place, he's all hot to get down to the Oval Office "Pronto!" Xev shows up on the bridge and announces that she wants to come as well. When Kai inquires why she wants to come, she gives a slight clusterlizard growl and says she just wants to. They land the Moth on the White House lawn. Stan the Man is all hot to trot. Xev is acting really weird. She sounds drunk or stoned with slurred speech and a slight stagger, she says "I want to take a walk." Stanley, all excited about his upcoming tryst doesn't really notice, but Kai is aware that Xev isn't well and says he will go after her. Stan isn't very happy about this but Kai assures him he'll return and tells him to "enjoy your sexual encounter with the President's wife."

Ever helpful President Priest puts a Do Not Disturb sign on the Oval Office door. Inside we see Bunny doing a striptease for Stanley's benefit. Stan is more than happy about this, while Bunny has an incredibly pained expression on her face.

She makes it clear that she's only doing this because it's what the President wants, and since she's crazy about him (maybe make that just crazy), she's willing to do whatever he asks. She pushes a switch and reveals a sumptuous bed which extends from behind the fireplace. Now, some men's egos might be just a tad shattered that a woman is only having sex with them because their pimp.. er, I mean husband asks them to, but not Stanley. He's entranced by Bunny's pink bikini underwear.

As Bunny prepares to go down, we jump to another scene where some portly guy wearing dark glasses is screaming into a cellphone ordering some guy to be screwed over a coffee table. Could have been a local businessman I guess, but my bet is he's in government office. Xev is crouched nearby, against a wall. She doesn't look at all well here, and is shaking and growling under her breath.

Back in the Oval Office, Bunny is having a hard time (so is Stan, but not quite in the same way... ). She is totally un-turned-on by Stanley and decides she must play a porn movie to get herself in the mood. Stanley, mind in total focus, isn't offended by even this ego insult that his intended partner needs some outside visual stimulation in order to excite herself sufficiently to be able to get it on with him.

Stanley's attention is arrested away from his pink target however, when he catches sight of the actress on the screen who's getting it on with the pizza-delivery guy (Jeff Hirschfield). "That's Lyekka!!" as he points wildly at the TV. Awww, he remembers the mutual admiration and special feelings they had for each other. Bunny tells him she gets the videos from Prince and the sleeve says they are made in Kennebunkport, Maine.... uhh hunh, and I suppose the director is a former President, right? Stan is in heroic-lover-rescue-mode now and nothing is going to deter him from going there to save his beloved Lyekka from the clutches of that "guy who's all wrong for her."

Back in the alley, Mr. Portly Screw'em-across-the-coffee-table is making another phone call, when Xev goes lizard and rolls up to him. He screams and we see spattering blood, also witnessed by some down-and-out zombie who's sleeping in the nearby dumpster.

Stanley arrives at Huffertainment Studios where they are filming "Deep Space 69". He manages to talk his way past the Security Guard by claiming that he's come there to be "the new Fluffer".

Back out on the streets of Washington, Prince has found Xev sleeping under a pile of trash bags. He's oh-so-solicitous, remarking that she doesn't look very well. Xev says she doesn't feel very well either. She wants to find Kai and Stanley and leave the Earth, but Prince, oozing with slimy charm cajoles her with promises to show her fun things to do, after which he thinks they all (including himself) should leave.

He tells her he can show her where to find the man she'd be most interested in meeting - the living Kai! They stop in front of a scummy theatre and argue. Xev thinks Prince is spewing a crock of lies. Behind them we can see a posted playbill labeled Kai, and promoting a play, Henry V, including a photograph of a familiar face sporting a topknot. Prince pretends to graciously acquiesce to her demand that he leave her alone. The poster and photograph catch her eye and after looking closely at them, she enters the theatre.

Back at Huffertainment Studios, Huff (Lex Gigeroff) is giving direction to his leading lady on how he wants her to act a bit standoffish at the start since, "ankles'll be up round yore ears in a minute, so let's try and build some anticipation in the audience" (this is meant to be a short film I think). Stanley bursts in and announces he's here, earning incredulous stares from both Huff and Lulu when he proudly announces he's their new Fluffer. He waves coquettishly to the vain, vapid and petulant Lulu, whom he thinks is his sweetheart plant Lyekka of course. She looks at him the way she would a disgusting bug.

Huff is somewhat taken aback, wondering how Stan has managed to earn a living fluffing when it's always been an exclusively female domain. But after Stanley's reassurances that Stan is the best because he understands such things, and he thinks about women most of the time, Huff's happy to welcome Stanley aboard, and christens him "FluffDaddy". Huff lets us know that he's found his true calling in the film industry, after a failed stint in politics.

Huff now introduces Stanley formally to the male star, Dick Dongler (J. Hirschfield) who's just so professional in his work and coolly accepts having a male Fluffer. Stanley's expression suggests that he's getting a faint apprehension of what he's let himself in for.

We jump to the tacky little theatre next, where Xev has joined a select audience (including Pat, Heather and Terri!! yayyy!). Xev learns how to applaud, while a somewhat familiar figure (but the hair is all wrong really and he has a big red cross painted on his chest), lowers himself tortuously via a red banner while reciting some tidbits about accursed gentleman in bed in England ..

(Noh, noh, noh.. he's delivering the great St. Crispin's Day speech from Henry V!). Actually it's the one and only (thank God and you'll see why for yourselves) living Kai, performing his one man version of Shakespeare's Henry V, sponsored of course, by the ATF.

Back at Huffertainment, the action is rolling as Dick Donglar arrives at Lulu's door with his Mars meat loaded pizza. The scene is going along under Huff's and Stan's appreciative eyes, when Stanley nearly swallows his tongue. Lulu/Lyekka isn't smooth round the bend!! She's all there (and all hanging out there). Meanwhile, Lulu is throwing a bit of a tantrum over Dick's breath and body aroma.

Dick, having been slapped out of the mood, is attending to his dick in the back and Huff decides it's time for FluffDaddy to work his fluffy magic. He tells Stanley "FluffDaddy, duty calls."

Stanley diffidently tells Dick that he was bluffing about being a Fluffer and isn't really sure what he's supposed to do in his new job. Dick, consummate professional forever, tells Stan his Fluffer job is to get the dick.. I mean Dick, camera-ready, adding matter-of-factly that he's partial to wrist action.

Stanley is horrified! These sicko perverts! Wanting him to .. to.. well! He berates Huff and states he's taking Lyekka out of this place. Huff has the Security Guard throw Stanley into the street. Stanley casts about wondering what to do when his attention is caught by a man in a phone booth

(and no it's not Superman, or well, maybe it is, it looks like Mr. Paul Donovan in fact. I was wondering when I saw both Lex Gigeroff and Jeff Hirschfield in this, if the nefarious Mr. D wasn't skulking around in the episode somewhere.) Stanley approaches the booth.
(update: Nope. Brian Downey says it's just some guy they met on the street - I can see it now..'Excuse me sir. Would you like to be in a movie about a space crew that gets involved with the ATF and a porn studio? Sir..wait, don't run away sir! Sir! )

At the dumpster, Kai is examining the scene, when he happens across Gordon the zombie snoozing in the garbage. When Gordon pulls a knife on him and demands money, Kai gets severe and puts his brace to the guy's throat, demanding, "did you happen to see a woman dressed in the skin of a lizard, possibly traveling quickly while rolled up like a wheel."

Well, what's a zombie going to say?! Of course he did, he just can't remember which direction she left in. He points unhelpfully in three different directions, and Kai, despite his never failingly polite thankyou, has got that 'Oh the living are really too stupid to live' look on his face again.

Stanley tries the handset, but of course gets that annoying operator reply "Please hang up and try your call again." Just as he's walking away, the phone rings. It's Prince. Stanley explains his Lyekka/Huff dilemma and ends up making a deal, agreeing not to kill Prince and to take him with them when they depart Earth, in exchange for Prince's assistance.

Prince may be smarm incarnate, but he knows how to get a job done. The ATF descend on Huffertainment, and treat ole Huff to a huffing puffing strip search complete with body cavity exploration (I guess they thought he kept his supply of illegal Cuban cigars there?), and sign over Huffertainment ownership to Stanley Tweedle!

Stanley is so sweet to Lulu, who's not exactly stupid (even if she's a lying twat) and he explains that he's there to help her remember who she is and what they mean to each other. With her HuffDaddy in danger of being taken away to the dubious joys of prison life, she plays up to Stan and persuades him to keep Huff around.

At the theatre, Xev has hung around to talk to the live acting Kai. He's pretty engrossed in his art though, and is busy shooting staples into his feet with a staplegun. Obviously he's one of that rare breed that really believes an actor must 'suffer for his art' (and that we should be made to do likewise!). She explains in pretty direct terms that she's been trying to make him want her for thousands of years, and is frustrated and wants to get it on right now.

He replies rather superciliously that he's "not above indulging in the pleasures of the flesh", but has committed himself to celibacy for the run of the show to ensure that all his passion is poured into the performance. Xev isn't deterred at his estimate that the show will run two months (I mean, she's waited what, 4000 years? what's a couple of months?) or, if his grant is extended, six months (hahahahaha! good shot at the Canuck film industry here, so can we order this little Henry V number from the National Film Board d'you think?) So, is this live Kai the archetype? Does this explain dead Kai's real lack of interest in Xev and his stubborness of character? Inquiring minds wanna know.

He agrees disinterestedly that she can sleep there if she wishes, and flips off some more Shakespeare, this time from Hamlet. When she points out that the bed of gravel doesn't look very comfortable, he replies disdainfully, "The actor does not need comfort", then reaches out to pet his pampered toy poodle! (I understand this little dog, Goose, bit Michael McManus during filming of these scenes. Xev rolls her eyes and growls here, in obvious sympathy with the poodle!)

Stanley is taking Lulu for a joyride in the Moth, while she pumps him.. for information and naturally he gives everything away about the Lexx, the living Key, and how it's passed from one person to another. Now that she thinks she knows enough, Lulu lays her trap. She tells Stan she wants nothing more than to fly away in the Lexx with him, but first, she wants to realize a dream. Her ambition is to make one last film, melding hard core sex and hard core politics, and call it "The Oval Orifice", (awww, it's been done Lulu!) and naturally she wants Stanley to star with her. Stanley agrees wholeheartedly (gee guys are stupid!).

At the theater, Kai is now enacting the battle scene. Dressed in a ragged loincloth, he roars his lines ("... Or void the field, for they do offend our sight!" oh yeah) and flings tomatoes at a fan which spatter the juicy fruits back at him, covering him in red pulp, to symbolize battle gore (kinda funky hey?). Xev looks decidedly sick and sits down abruptly on one of the stools.

I'm not sure if it was from live Kai's performance, the representative gore, or something else. You have to give him credit, Mr. McManus didn't actually laugh through all this, although I did wonder how many takes it took.

At the Oval Office, courtesy of Prince, the Heff team prepare for another shallow performance. Priest forces his way to a front row venue. He is keen to have a bit part (to get his bits in there actually), but Stanley tells him to butt out and take it up with Prince. However, the real action scene is planned for later, in Stan's "super secret space Moth", and Lulu actually brushes him off in favor of another clinch with bad-breath Dick Donglar.

In the Moth, Huff works his directing magic. He explains that Stan and Lulu have now been chased out of the White House by "transsexual terrorists", and this is enough to get them both hot enough for lift off. Dick Donglar is aboard also on camera duty.

Lulu cozies up to Stan, tells him a few lies, puts his hand in the right place and one kiss is all it takes. Stan hits the heights and the Key jumps from Stan to Lulu's hand. Having got what she was after, Lulu reveals her true colors and gives Stan the boot out of the Moth. Fortunately they are still sitting on the White House lawn. The same can't be said for dumb Dick Donglar. After they are aloft he inquires if they are still shooting, earning him an earthside ticket, from a few miles up.

Stanley contacts Prince and tells him that Lulu has the Key and she and Huff have stolen the Moth and are headed for the Lexx. Stanley gets mauled by ATF agents again.

Huff and Lulu arrive on the Lexx to be greeted by 790. He's delighted at the idea that she's killed Stanley, but doesn't stop to think through the potential consequences for his DeadStud. Lulu hops on the control pad and promptly shows what a vapid little twat she is, by blowing up a couple of planets (for some reason she didn't think to blow up the Earth, just Mars and Venus I think). I guess that's pretty much the extent of her talent .. blowing things, but hey! she looks great doing it!.

Down on Earth, Stanley has managed to elude his ATF keepers somehow. He's appealing to passersby for help, but in the most realism the episode displays, they avoid him like a plague carrier. Seeing a copy of one of Lulu's videos in a shop window, he goes in and lifts it, and is promptly apprehended by the store security guard.

Somehow he ends up in a mental asylum. He sits in his cell, adorned in his hockey-Hannibal Lector mask and straightjacket and patiently tries to explain to the doctors that he's not crazy, and he could have blown up the Earth at any time, and he should get points for not doing so, and the important thing now is to stop Lyekka. Stan's problem is, he thinks everyone is as reasonable as himself.

The docs schedule Stanley for lobotomy and surgical castration!

Back at the theatre, things have also gone from bad to worse (yes, I know the acting was atrocious, but believe me it gets much worse than that!). Dead Kai arrives while Live Kai is carrying on (he's lapsed into German now) his performance. It appears that his audience has dwindled, and in fact only Xev holding a Kai mannikin doll is left. Xev is so pleased to see the real Kai again but explains that strange things have been happening to her.

Kai tells her that he's been watching. In accord with the female cluster lizard's 7 year oestrus cycle, Xev has been reverting to lizard every little while and aggressively devouring the rest of the audience. Kai further tells her that the end of the cycle is for the cluster lizard to devour it's mate.

Poor Xev. She's been dreaming and pining of making things work with 'Kai' for so long, that she has talked herself into believing that she can make a go of it with live Kai (who's still posturing and bellowing on his lonely gravel bed stage). Kai politely disagrees and says he'll return with Stanley, after she's eaten the guy!

In surprise Xev asks him, "Don't you care at all about what happens to him?"
Kai, wholly in character I'd say, replies, "No".
She's still curious though and asks, "What do you think of his.. you're.. acting?"
I have to say here, Mr. McManus really is good! With a brief dismissive look and an unemotional, "The dead.. do not think about acting" , he manages to convey a whole galaxy of supreme disinterest!

In his cell, Stanley gets a visit from an enormous asylum guard who's bent on some pre-surgery abuse. Sticking to his Daddy role doesn't help poor Stan either as the guard invites him to "have a look at what Mommy brought for lunch", and drops his pants. You know, there's just something so elegantly balanced about this episode, that shows Stan's eager face framed between Bunny's thighs in the first half of the show, and his terrified one between the big, hairy muscular thighs of this gorilla guard in the second half! And Brian Downey really has the most incredibly expressive face!

At the theater, Xev awakens on the floor. The first thing in her line of sight is the bloodied Kai doll. She hesitates then gets to her knees and on the top of the table sees the bloody remaining clothing of live Kai. There's nothing but a few swatches of his hair left. Xev nearly empties her stomach and clutching the strands of hair she cries.

Kai looks on from a short distance away, with an unfathomable expression. (Just to note, Marty Simon's 'drastically sad music' gets played for this scene - think Zev-Terminal-dying music). I think this whole episode is an exercise in lunacy to some degree, and this scene is supposed to be sad, but it ends up being ironic in a way. Here he is, looks like Kai, sounds like Kai, is a complete self-absorbed dope and she.. murdered him! Well, lots of relationships end that way. My more sensitive side is somewhat reminded of the look on Kai's face as he watched Zev sacrificing herself, in order to preserve his existence.

On the Lexx Lulu and Huff are still up to mischief and they stumble across the cryochamber. They waken Vlad, and Huff, knowing prime slut material when he sees it starts to chat her up. He and Lulu think she should be in the trade. Vlad isn't much for conversation today. She merely replies abruptly, "I kill you in the name of His Divine Shadow" (old habits die hard I guess, she must have forgot he's toast.) and launches her detachable brace blade through both of them.

The Key departs from Lulu's hand and flies off down the corridor. We see it flitting past 790, and landing in a passing Moth Breeder, who wanders off to build more Moths. (and good job I say at the rate they seem to be going through them this season).